The New Member Of Equestria

TKahmey's Nemesis
MLP: FiM
Comedy
Thriller
A long time rival of Kahmey's manages to find him and his intentions are not good, not good at all.
Violence
Celestia
Main 6
TheDevilDogLeader1987 · 1.5k words · 217 views

A creature that has never been seen before comes to Equestria from an island over seas and makes port after dark. Nopony has ever seen a creature like this until three fillies find him in an abandoned mansion.
Nothing is known about this creature, there is nothing about him in any of Princess Twilight's books for information on it. So there is no other choice, they have to get the information from the creature.

Chapters (6)

The New Member Of Equestria · 24th Aug 2018 · 1,597 words
1,597
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The New Member Of Equestria Chapter 2 · 24th Aug 2018 · 1,205 words
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The New Member Of Equestria Chapter 3 · 24th Aug 2018 · 1,055 words
1,055
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The New Member Of Equestria Chapter 4 · 26th Aug 2018 · 1,247 words
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The New Member Of Equestria Chapter 5 · 27th Aug 2018 · 1,203 words
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The New Member Of Equestria Chapter 6 · 28th Aug 2018 · 367 words
367
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Comments ( 3 )

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Wir sind verloren

Wir sind verloren #1 · Sep 30th, 2018 · · · The New Member Of Equestria Chapter 3 ·

I like the story.

Nadus

Nadus #2 · Aug 23rd, 2020 · · · The New Member Of Equestria ·

I like the premise of the story. Kahmey running from the windigoes and getting found by the CMC is a pretty good way to start the story. Your writing style however needs work:

... I got on the largest ship I could find, the Silent Mary had the most supplies so I got on board and sailed for a land that was green and not frozen by wendigo magic. I looked at the map and Equestria was the closest land I could plot the course to. I made port after dark so that I would not be seen by pony folk, I traveled for miles without resting. When I reached the forest just at the edge of your town, I found a shack that I could rest in. When the next night fell I decided to see if there was a better place I could rest in, like a barn with hay or something, so after twenty minutes of sneaking around I came across this place. ...

The paragrapgh this is from is a little large and may benefit from a bit more detail in more paragraphs. For example: Is he the only one left? Was the ship part of the village, and if so, it may be a bad idea to sail the largest ship alone.
Especially for online reading it is best to keep praragraphs small!
More important however: You begin with 'I' four sentences in a row and then begin with 'When' twice. Combined with your repetetive senternce structure (I did this, then this/ I did this, so this happened) the entire story reads more like a list. I recommend playing a bit with different sentences:

Equestria was closest, so i sailed there

This for example gets rid of the 'I' in the beginning and for a change doesn't have Kahmey as the acting part in both sentences.

In the forest i found a shack to rest in just at the edge of your town

This is another example How you could shake up your writing style. Notice how instead of main- and subclause it instead is one sentence with additional information?
Now i don't claim these examples are perfect or the way to go for your story, but your writing would really benefit from a bit of variation.
Hope i didn't come off too harsh, if so I'm sorry.