- Member Since 24th Jul, 2014
- offline last seen Last Friday
anna1795
Just a reader of fine fiction. I do write other stories, just not for MLP...yet. EDIT: I do now!
anna1795
Joined 24th Jul, 2014 ·
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Yo, this is a really promising start! I like the way you handle scenes, stuff feels very fleshed out and natural. The characters are nice, and Fine Silk is hitting the needed balance of hot and ominous. It's a bit too much of a prologue and set up for me to say that for sure this is great, but I am at leasted hooked enough to want to know if you can write the good stuff as well as you did this. Hope to see more soon!
So far so good. I'll track this for now and keep an eye on it
9130006
Thank you so much for your feedback! It's very much appreciated. I do admit that the prologue felt quite clunky and too long, even for me. I just felt like if I'd started off with the introductory letter and then immediately transitioned to the interview, it might not have been organic.
I'm absolutely ecstatic that you consider Fine Silk to be balanced in those aspects right off the bat!
And let's hope that I can do the good stuff well enough to feel engaging. 
I hope that the later chapters do not disappoint.
9130099
Thank you for being willing to stick with it. I hope that the story continues to meet your expectations. :) Also, your username is a terrible pun and I absolutely love it.
9130515
I'm surprised that no one thought of it before me
Most likely the food has been drugged
9131510
I can only say that you're partially right. >.>
Great subtle mind control story. Well, subtle for the character, anyway. The source of the hypnotic trigger was a bit vague, and it's not write clear what the plan was beyond acquiring ponies for... Something (changeling?). I also missed if the telepathic link actually got used, or was just in the contract. The characterization was good and I liked the slower pacing.
9141627
I’m glad that you enjoyed the slightly more subtle elements of the story, especially regarding the mind control.
I’m always happy to hear when somebody enjoys my work, and I appreciate the comments about some parts being a little vague. My hope is that the epilogue will answer a few of those questions and may provide a few more to be answered in later stories down the line. Thanks again for your feedback!
I'd certainly love to see a sequel!
What’s is going to happen in the sequel?
9142821
Ah, some of the fun in that is trying to figure that out myself ^-^' I'm getting an idea, though, so I'll put up a blog post when it's getting to the editing stage
9142759
I'll post something when it's in the editing stages. Might take a couple of weeks, but I have it planned out and have started writing
Fantastique!
9142911
So where’d the blog post?
9142933
Patience! XD I meant a future blog post when I have more details sorted. Thank you for being so eager.
9142759
me too this was a beautiful story
I really like the way you've done this story :D Part of me wonders if Razzle Dazzle/Raspberry Delight would have survived if Fine Silk or all the ladies at Gossamer hadn't stepped in at just the right time, but I suspect that has something to do with Fine Silk's possible future seeing ability. However, unlike a lot of MC stories, Fine Silk doesn't strike me as a baddie. She genuinely cares for her herd and is very much a mother towards them, which I rather like in this kind of story. Please do a sequel :D
9180992
You did pick up that Fine Silk has a little bit of that ability, even if it's subtle. I tried to do something a little more ambiguous, leaning towards benevolent with her, even if the MC is there (or is it? <.< >.> You decide!). It'll definitely keep up as I publish some more, though even good will can be tested.
Thank you so much for the wonderful compliment!
Once again, many thanks for your comment, and I hope to have the next entry soon!
I just binge read through this story and I would just like to say that I loved it. Every part just hit the right notes for me and it was almost perfect. My only gripe would be the length of the sexy bits they were just too short for me, a couple hundred words more and those would also be essentially perfect. Not that you need to rewrite anything as the rest around that fits the events perfectly.
There are far too few stories like these that explore the good things that can be done using mind control like our dear Fine Silk does. Not that she doesn't gain anything from it but those she controls are objectively and subjectively better off than they would be without her. The only thing her thralls loose is a tiny bit of free will and even that isn't 100% certain as it at least feels like the newly dubbed Raspberry Delight chose this. Maybe she had a bit of guidance through some magic and drugs but she could have walked away.
(also I know many have already asked for this but, sequel plz.
)
9191177
Thanks for the wonderfully detailed comment, and I'm so glad that you enjoyed it! The prequel to this story is well underway, and I have a few others outlined as well to better flesh out Fine Silk and her herd. Involving a few OCs here, maybe a few main characters there... ;) I like many mind control stories, and while the baddies winning through mental domination can be a treat, you're right in that there are so few stories where mind control can be used for good. It could've easily gone one way or the other with Fine Silk, and I'm glad that I chose this route. I like to think that her use of mind control is for symbiotic rather than parasitic purposes, though with what I have planned out for her future (and past), that may become increasingly subjective.
I hope to hear from you again when the prequel goes up, hopefully soon
9191460
well I will certainly be looking forward to it
What would happen if miss silk hired a stallion?
Would he turn into a mare?
9228556
That's a very good question! I'll message you about it to avoid spoilers.
How horrifying.
I approve. 👍
Loved this story. In fact it's one of the best of its kind that I've read in a long time. The progression is gradual and subtle, the early hints keep deliciously sneaking in, and the characters' behavior around the unsuspecting mare give each scene a lovely, warm atmosphere with a very sinister undertone. I love it!
And contrary to those before me (looking at you 9279951
), I actually felt that this could have been a tad darker. Perhaps it's related to the fact that I felt the story leaves one wanting more after such a glorious "appetizer", but at the same time, I do think it's always best to stop while one is ahead, and this fic makes sure not to draw itself out for too long, even if it means leaving out some potentially exciting content.
For one, I felt the framing was a bit too "convenient", with our protagonist landing in the "web" too easily. Her background and her current situation make it seem like this place is the best thing that could have happened to her, and during the process, she never once seems to become aware of the manipulation, let alone attempt to resist it. It made sense, given where she came from (ostracized from her family, which made it super easy to accept a new one), but that's the problem: it was too convenient for her. Not that I wished for a different outcome, rather that I find it more fun if there is more of a "struggle", and that the innocent-looking place is more sinister under the surface. There were even a few subtle hints that some of the other employees at Gossamer's could easily have followed other, perhaps greater careers elsewhere, but somehow ended up trapped in Fine Silk's web, their bodies and minds changed according to her vision. This is not contradicted by the story, but it's also not explored any deeper, which felt like missed potential.
Of course, there is still plenty of insidiousness in a mare exploiting a vulnerable pony's situation to draw them into their "web", but that brings us back to the issue of a lack of conflict. Or, if we want to avoid conflict, another approach is to show that their new life, while filled with blissful pleasure, is also forever chained to Fine Silk's will, so any ambitions she might have had that would go against the mistress' plans would have to be erased, even if they were otherwise harmless. This is, again, not contradicted by the story, but only hinted at.
Then again, since you mentioned that you have further stories to tell about this place, I won't hold the above against you, as they may already be elements of the stories to come. So, in short: you have my attention.
This story is so unique and creative, I really hope we see more from Fine Silk. I'm curious what her abode is like
Always question stories with anthro tag busses must of the tinr it just an excuse for rhd author to mention boobs. Eye roll
That was a good story.