March 19th - March 23rd, the Year MCCCXLVI
March 19th, the Year MCCCXLVI
Today has been long. It is not the sort of day I wish to endure again. I have spent it staring at faces of dead men and those of traitors who brought about the deaths of those that trusted them.
Eight of my soldiers are dead, giving their lives to protect me. Seven others were killed in the ensuing battle, having taken the lives of their comrades. Hearth Fire and I have decided that their bodies will be buried at sea, so no man can claim them as martyrs. The families will be informed and thoroughly investigated upon our return. I doubt many knew of the conspiracy, but any additional information they may possess will be vital. Particularly if we are to find this Man of Black that Faell so deeply admired.
The name disturbs me. Something about it rings in my ear as though I have heard it once before, but no memory is stirred within the depths of my mind. It chills me so, as though it were the first winds of winter. Our lack of leads will make finding him difficult. Luna will be one of the first I speak with when we make our return home next week.
Peregrine’s inspired idea for a joint procession has been postponed, and he has sent word across the kingdom of what has occurred, giving particular details as to the first battle where Griffon and Equestrian fought side by side. His shrewd dealing with his own people will help spread sympathy for my soldiers, as well as ease tensions between the two kingdoms. The man showcases his wound as though it were a badge of honor. Pompous and egotistical to the end, but he is a good leader for his people.
As of now, I sit in the infirmary, watching over my wounded soldiers. Some have been grievously injured, and no amount of healing skills or magical prowess will ever reverse it. Some, like Sergeant Coal who lost much of his hand, will have to be medically retired. He fears the idea of leaving the Royal Guard, but I will ensure his family is never in want. Those that fought bravely will be tended to for the rest of their days.
Hearth Fire fears what has become of our numbers. Nearly a third of the Royal Guard have been taken away from us due to the battle, whether it be the traitorous ones or my dead and injured defenders. The experience we have lost is great, and filling our ranks will be difficult. The other battalions will have to offer up their best, and in doing so they will fall short.
If the Man in Black intended to deprive Equestria of fighting men, he has certainly done so. Both Peregrine and I realize some of our best soldiers faced their last battle. It was not the war he desired to incite, but a wound was dealt. Equestria will be vulnerable, and Peregrine will be busy rooting out any further resistance for the time being, depriving us of a valuable ally.
Ford, thankfully, has survived, though it will be some time before he is fully well again. The dagger, thank heaven, did not puncture his lungs- the wound itself was gruesome enough. My heart was not ready to part with him just yet.
Death has become pervasive this past year. We have seen too much of it, and now it strikes close. I remember now just how much I have to lose. My people, my sister, Twilight, and now Ford… I spent many years in isolation when Luna was banished. Now suddenly I have these many attachments, and I fear to lose them. Death now follows my footsteps as well as theirs, taunting me with its inevitability. It will consume so much of what I hold dear.
The Man of Black is the enemy of the moment, but Death is the foe I may not be able to vanquish.
Ford turns in his sleep as I write. These soldiers of mine I hold dear, they so willing to shed blood on my behalf. I could not ask for greater loyalty, nor those of nobler heart.
I feel exhaustion creeping upon me. Perhaps I should rest.
March 20th, the Year MCCCXLVI
Ford was awake today. Only for a short period of time, but he retains his senses and is aware of his surroundings. It is the first sign of improvement we have seen in him yet. I am not sure whether it was a foulness on the dagger or the damage my spellcasting brought that has slowed his progress.
His wound is healed, albeit for the tissue scarring he endured, both from the wound and my handiwork. He will carry it for the rest of his life, and it may weaken him in ways he does not yet understand. Ancient spells are strange things, more alive and vibrant than modern work, and often act as though they possess their own signature in each individual use. The pain he endured may resurface on its own from time to time. His temperament may even be altered- I pray not. Ford is a serious, contemplative man. I would hate to see pain turn him to bitterness.
I did not allow Ford to worry for my sake today, though I suspect he does anyway. I gave him orders to rest and heal, giving him my thanks. I wish I could grant him more, but my privacy is diminished as of late. He deserves more than what I have given him, though he states that he only did his duty, and no other soldier would feel different. It is a true statement, the behavior of my loyal Guardsmen no different than it was before. All seem to bear shame that their brethren betrayed them. Despite my assurances that they did well, none feel pleased that they had to fight amongst themselves to bring an end to the conflict.
Hearth Fire, most of all, seems to bear the burden as though it were a sagging weight. He is subdued, worn down from overexertion. He performs his duties as though it were a punishment. To my dismay, he even came to me privately and offered his resignation, which I vehemently denied of him.
“Your Majesty, I put trust in my soldiers. Their actions against you speak to my judgement. Their swords were mine, and they struck out against you,” he claimed.
“I will have none of your nonsense,” I told him. “Hearth Fire, you were as unaware as I was. If anything, I should be the one giving you an apology. My ambassador tried to kill us all, and I was always the final word when it came to selecting my guard. You have no reason to bear guilt for any of this.”
Hearth Fire, of course, tried to protest this. His honor will not allow him to deal with this rationally; he sees no alternative result other than the failure of these traitorous men being his own failure. Still I denied him. To lose my trusted Commander would be devastating, especially now. Besides, I see no reason to bring judgement or reprimand against him. Hearth Fire has been nothing but my steadfast ally for many years.
I have been busy much of the day, and only in the late evening have I been able to spend any time preparing our group for the voyage home. I still need a means of bringing back our dead, as well as what will be done with Faell and the other traitors that still live. Equestria has no death penalty, and I intend to keep it as such. Exile leaves them as a danger, so I will likely have them sentenced to life in prison. As to whether that will keep them there, I do not know. The Man of Black is untested, beyond our judgement of his ruthlessness.
March 21st, the Year MCCCXLVI
Oh, heaven help me. Peregrine, trying to be the capable diplomat, has now put me in a position I had no desire to be in whatsoever.
This morning, I was with Hearth Fire discussing the initial steps of our journey back to Equestria when I was informed that Peregrine had requested my presence in the throne room. I was rather surprised, as both of us had been busy dealing with our own people since the battle. I had seen little of him, if at all, these past few days.
When I arrived, I found him sitting upon his throne, his bandages now gone, though his wounds still appeared gruesome to the eye. No doubt it was a means of projecting his strength, a reminder that even if his enemies may wound him, he is stronger. His scars will be a statement to all who dare to stand against him. His lords and nobles that remained loyal to him were also present, some apparently fearful of the man they called king. If the tactic was to intimidate loyalty into his populace, it was likely working.
“Princess Celestia, I apologize for our lack of communication these past few days,” he began, his voice husky as though he had slept little. “The affairs of my crown have kept me as much as yours have kept you, I think.”
“Where do you keep my soldiers and my former ambassador?” I asked him.
“They remain secure in my dungeons, for the time being,” he said. “By your request, I wish to keep your ambassador here for some time. Whatever information he still possesses may be useful in rooting out whatever insurrections may be lying in wait here in my kingdom. My crown is not quite as stable as yours yet. As for your soldiers, they are yours to deal with as you see fit. I have nothing to gain from them.”
“Faell may stay here for now,” I replied. “However, whatever justice may be done upon him will be by my hand, not yours. I will not see him become a martyr for a fool’s cause. The same for my soldiers. When I depart for Equestria, I request that they be brought with me to be tried in their homeland.”
“I will see it done,” Peregrine answered. “Dear Princess, I must apologize for what has transpired here in my throne room. Your soldiers have spilled their blood in defense of you, on the soil I claim to control. They have fallen because of my own failures.”
“You have nothing to apologize for,” I told him, though thankful for his respect of my guards. “My own ambassador was the conspirator behind this. I promise you, when he is extradited to Equestria, he will see justice done.”
“Of that I have no doubt,” Peregrine said with a grim satisfaction. “Princess Celestia, I still have grievance that I am trying to resolve. My people see themselves as hostile against yours, and for little reason. The tribalism that once divided the Griffons will not die so easily, nor their distrust of their neighbors across the waves. I would request your aid in bringing it to an end.”
At first I didn’t dare think he intended what he meant. But there before us all, leaving the entire room in complete shock, he rose from his throne and knelt before me- not as one submitting to another, but in request of me. I could only stare in stunned silence as he looked up at me.
“It would be a formality only, dear Princess,” he said, “but to have your hand… I would be more than grateful to call you Queen.”
A marriage proposal. It was so stunning, so utterly out of nowhere, that I had no words to truly describe my astonishment. I am embarrassed to admit it, but I believe my silence left the poor man ruffled. He had ego and pride, but this may have hurt him more personally.
“I am… flattered, truly,” I finally managed to mutter, no doubt my complexion a deeper red than I could have mustered by effort. “Though, quite admittedly, somewhat of a shock. I do not know what to say.”
“It would be a strange union, of that I have no doubt,” he admitted. “I would ask nothing of you but your name and aid. To better our two kingdoms, and bring them closer together. To make our two people believe they are one.”
I remained flummoxed for some time, finally conceding that I needed time to think over the matter in private. Thankfully, Peregrine’s ego did not bruise over the suggestion, and he allowed me all the time I needed to think it over.
But a marriage proposal! How would he even expect it to work? For the two of us to rule over both kingdoms together? To be separate and rule each individually? Equestria is more advanced in its nature and thinking, but the Griffon populace has only seen the crown be fully dominant for a brief period. It would take an heir apparent to calm their spirits- a child to rule after him, I suppose…
Oh, if only my own hands would support. The shudders I feel at the thought are an unkind thing. Peregrine is not a foul man, nor an unpleasant one. We have been friends before, in more peaceful days. But to say that I hold any affection for him beyond mere friendship would be insane. Should I consider his gamble a power grab, maybe? A chance to seize power over the two mightiest kingdoms on earth? I do not think he would do such a thing. If I interpreted him correctly, it would be a marriage in writing, and little else. Meaning we would be free to act as we wished on our home soil. It is there that the differences between cultures would cause issues, though Peregrine may not realize it. The tribalistic views of the Griffons have allowed polygamy for some time, but monogamy is the only marital norm in Equestria. If he married another, while –oh, calm yourself Celestia- married to me, it would create a scandal. The marriage would likely cause more divides than it would heal.
I have no reason to accept, beyond the societal pressure of the thing. Peregrine likely knew this, hence why his royal court was there to witness the event. He wants it desperately to happen so he can regain control of his kingdom before it splinters into the various factions again. However, I have no desire to accept it. Meaning I must find a way to refuse without causing Peregrine further problems- or injuring his pride.
March 22nd, the Year MCCCXLVI
I have spent much of the day in conversation with Hearth Fire, plying him with questions. Yesterday’s proposal has become the primary obstacle we now face: how do I deny Peregrine’s request without subjecting him to humiliation before his own nobles?
Hearth Fire initially laughed at the predicament, though apparently my anger at his reaction was enough to sober him up quite quickly. That, and perhaps he too realized the damage that could be done if we were to outright refuse Peregrine’s proposal. The Griffon Kingdom is vast, and more densely populated than Equestria. To let it destabilize would bring untold political fallout, not to mention the potential death and destruction that would occur within the kingdom’s own borders. I had no desire to cause Peregrine further problems when he had faced such difficulty keeping his kingdom in check.
“I assume you intend to say no,” Hearth Fire remarked, a grin still evident upon his face.
“Absolutely,” I replied, perhaps more forcefully than necessary. “It is not- a horrifying thing to ponder; that is not my intent. But I do believe it would bring more harm than good in the long term. And there is no affection for him. It would not be wise to accept.”
“Then you mean to find a way to refuse him without bringing harm to his rule,” Hearth Fire said. “That is difficult. How do you intend to deny him?”
“I do not know. I am hoping your brain can offer something mine cannot conjure.”
Hearth Fire puzzled himself with the thought for a time, before lifting a hand and saying, “His family… what does his family consist of?”
“His mother still lives, that I know. His brother is charged with the military, and his brother possesses two children. Peregrine is a widower, his wife killed in battle when they subdued the Arctic Tribes twenty years ago.”
“Does Peregrine himself have children?”
“Several. Three sons, two daughters.”
“Are the daughters married?” he asked.
At that point I became unsure of his next steps. “I do not believe I follow you,” I told him.
“Have you considered giving Peregrine a counter-proposal? Say… Prince Blueblood’s hand for one of his unwed daughters?” Hearth Fire suggested. “Bluebood remains –pardon me, Your Majesty- somewhat of an ass, but he has mellowed since he took friendship with Shining Armor in the Crystal Empire. The idea of being married to a wild Griffon Princess may tickle his fancy. That way you remain free to marry the man you love, Peregrine’s wishes for strengthened ties between the two kingdoms is realized, and his status as ruler is not too deftly damaged.”
It was such a marvelous suggestion that I was surprised I didn’t think of it first. Nevertheless I was grateful, having found a solution that would bring more positives than it would negatives. My only hope was that Blueblood’s more subdued demeanor would not falter in the face of the needs of diplomacy.
I dismissed Hearth Fire and began to work in private on how I would present my counter-proposal to Peregrine. I only had been writing for a few minutes when I received a knock on my door, Hearth Fire presenting himself once more.
“Surely I am not requested so soon!” I said.
“Not by Peregrine, Your Majesty,” he replied, laughter so evident on his face that I am surprised he did not falter. “However, I am getting some troubling reports out of the infirmary. It seems one of our soldiers has heard rumors of ill tidings concerning you, and no matter what the staff say or do, he will not be settled.”
Ford! I’d been so occupied with Peregrine that I hadn’t thought that the word might reach his ears. Poor Ford was likely beside himself with fear, worrying that my position might actually force me to accept. In his injured state, he might even believe he would be shunted aside.
“Please let him know that all rumors concerning my affairs are unjustified, and that he pay them no mind,” I said, hoping Ford would understand my intent to decline. “Please settle this for me, Commander. I will see to it in due time.”
“Yes, Your Majesty,” the grin still not having fallen from his face. I would have to keep eyes on Hearth Fire, in case he knew more than he was letting on.
And, if possible, I will likely need to find time to visit Ford.
March 23rd, the Year MCCCXLVI
I believe we have, for the time being, been able to clear through the difficulties surrounding Peregrine’s proposal without causing too much difficulty. As much as I tried otherwise, there was no way to completely avoid embarrassing the man. If he had been more private in his dealing with it, he would not have been forced to try and save face.
I had only just awoken when my presence was requested in Peregrine’s study. When I arrived I could see he had been waiting for me, poring over a series of maps and lists of his northern territories. It was the most occupied I had ever seen him with a task before.
“Preparing to move north?” I asked him.
“Two of my regional lords in the region have dropped contact and sealed their walls. News of the battle here in the palace has likely reached their ears,” he said. “It seems your ambassador’s botched insurrection has outed some of my more uneasy conspirators.”
“Will you still require his presence? I would prefer to see his trial commence sooner rather than later.”
“For a time longer, I think. Rest assured, Celestia, I won’t kill the man. But I wish to squeeze out every drop of information he has,” Peregrine answered. “However, his failure is already solving some of my problems. So that is at least part of one resolved. The other, it would seem, can only be solved by you.”
I knew what he meant by that and I found my discomfort immediately begin to grow. I had no desire to wound his pride, but it would seem I had no alternative. It was only how I would go about doing so that seemed uncertain.
“Well? Any thoughts on the matter, Princess? I know it would be an odd thing, but to have your hand with mine would be a great service,” he said, his voice somewhat taught. Was he anxious about this? I wondered if he was being less of a diplomat than I first considered.
“Peregrine,” I said, trying to keep my own tone of voice pleasant, “I am truly flattered by the offer. But you know as well as I do that there would be far more harm than good to arise out of such a marriage. It would be a disservice to both our people.”
“Am I considered unworthy of it?” he asked. Perhaps it was my imagination, but did I see disappointment etched upon his face?
“That is not what I say at all,” I told him. “Peregrine, I am immortal. I would outlast you. Would your people accept to be ruled by another from across the sea? Would I be able to govern it well? Consider the cultural differences as well- polygamy is considered normal in your country. In mine, absolutely unheard of. Would you wish to create the scandal that would erupt from it? To satisfy my people, you would have to insult your own. It would not be acceptable for either people.”
He sighed, realizing I was indeed correct. I hoped I hadn’t hurt his feelings, despite it all. “Well, I now wish I had been more discreet on the matter,” he said. “Very well, then. I shall have to inform my loyal nobles of your rejection.”
“Perhaps, if I may, can I offer you a solution?” I told him, watching as Peregrine’s interest was piqued. “You say two of your regional lords have defected. Perhaps, if you would like it, an Equestrian noble may be of service to you?”
“Oh? And of whom do you speak?” he asked. “Somehow I doubt that rebel sister of yours would take up the offer.”
“She is happily unattached, but no. My nephew, Blueblood,” I explained. “He is somewhat vain, but he possesses intelligence, and his looks endear him to others. Perhaps your eldest daughter, Saker, would see fit to him as a husband.”
He smiled. A weak one, but a smile nonetheless. “Hellfire and plague, it’s an idea. Saker has been in the south for the past few months, but she has no fear of the north. Does your Blueblood possess the grit to endure it? He will need it to survive the Griffon’s expectations for him.”
“He would adapt. Much of his past few years have been spent in the mountains in the Crystal Empire,” I said. “And it would be of great service to me, having him finally married. Too many young girls spend their time preening after him.”
Peregrine laughed, a bellowing sound that could likely be heard down the halls. “Well, all hell has been frozen over! My crown shall survive, and I shall have a new nephew to drive mad! Hells below be damned after all.”
“If you feel it has been resolved sufficiently, Peregrine, I do wish to begin our journey home,” I said, sensing the time had finally come to sally forth. “Now that my soldiers have healed sufficiently to make the voyage home, I do not want to wait any longer. Also the funerals will need to be conducted, and my own country to care for.”
“Yes, I do not doubt it,” Peregrine replied. “It has been a pleasure to have you here, Celestia. Hopefully I will not keep your rat bastard ambassador long. I have little joy in wasting my time on vermin.”
I departed and called for Hearth Fire to prepare the soldiers for departure, I eager to return home and see my country again. After some discussion, Hearth Fire informed me that we would be ready to depart come morning. We traveled together back to my quarters, where I found –to my disbelief- a beautiful bouquet of exquisite flowers now sat on the table beside my bed.
“You have an admirer, I see,” Hearth Fire said, a far too knowing smile upon his face. “Your Majesty, news of your beauty must travel.”
“Hearth Fire, you have always been the absolute professional,” I said icily, “It would cause me great unhappiness if I was forced to remind you of it.”
Ford, the fantastical, panicked fool, must have found a way for them to be delivered here. I still had yet to see him since Peregrine’s proposal, and my absence must have chewed on him like a wound. Tucked safely in between the stems of the flowers was a simple piece of paper and neatly written upon it were the words, I still love you.
“Your Majesty,” Hearth Fire said slowly, the lighthearted tone in his voice disappearing. “A question, if I may.”
“What is it, Commander?” I asked, trying to hide the blush from my face. Ford was exasperating in his worry, and I still wanted to kiss him senseless for it.
“If you were to marry, Your Majesty,” he said, “Would you be willing to love them for the rest of your days? Surely you would outlive him.”
It was such a loaded question that I did not know what to say at first. “I’m sorry, I do not believe I follow you, Commander,” I said.
Hearth Fire, perhaps, sensed how discomforting a question he had asked. “We are mortal beings, Your Majesty,” he said. “We do not last forever. Our bodies age and decay, before finally withering away into the dust. But you do not. You remain ageless, unaffected by time’s flow. If you married, you would outlive your husband. Would you be willing to live with that grief forever? There are few who can.”
It was a deeply intruding thought. Only one other in this world besides myself lived eternally, and that was dear Luna. If I ever married, I would watch them slowly fall away and return to the dust. Would I be able to live with such loss, ever on? Or like the immortals of ancient days, would the grief wither my bones until I became as empty and formless as the wind and vapors? “Commander, I could not answer such a thing. At least not easily,” I said.
“I understand. My apologies if I caused you any discomfort, Your Majesty,” Hearth Fire replied. “I merely do not wish to see you cause yourself pain.”
With a salute he was off, his questions now burning away in my mind like a fiery maul. I felt unsettled by the very thought of it, perhaps that being Hearth Fire’s intent all along. Love was not an easy thing to understand. Even gentle Cadance, master and lorekeeper of that ancient magic, could not interpret it fully. It was fiery, unpredictable, and beautiful when it burned brightly. But it could not burn forever, not when its keepers are finite beings.
But I am not. I endure on, and on, and ever on. A sole keeper of a flame that would burn forever, but with none to share its warmth. Perhaps the loss of a spouse would, like it did with so many others, drive me to death with grief. To emptiness and whispers until all the world had ended, and the long years of my life were utterly spent as the stars fell from the heavens.
I could not stay in that room for a moment longer. I fled from it as though the open door was the gaping maw of some savage beast, reaching out for me and dragging me into its agony. I do not know if I possessed any true intent for a destination when I left, but on and on I walked until I found myself in a near-empty infirmary, where Ford now rested alone with a book in his hands.
He caught sight of me and his face lit with delight and a mixture of shame within it. “Princess,” he whispered. “I only just heard the news. I am sorry, I panicked when I first heard he proposed to you. I couldn’t think of anything else to do-”
I kissed him until he fell silent for good, simply wishing to see him as he were, for what little time it remained. He was young, alive, and himself. I held him as we let the night fall, I not daring to fall asleep, fearing I would find him old and gray when I awoke.
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Heyo, I'm still reading this.
I'm still very much reading (and enjoying) this!
Thirded, still readin'.
Definitely still reading.
Fifth'd, still reading, enjoying very much!
Yo, also reading this!
Also reading, keep it up you're doing great!
Present! Love tLotR reference for inspiration...
While I have not read or seen the works of Tolkien, and what I have heard has lit my imagination, the state of immortality has always been an interesting topic to me. And it is my firm belief that being immortal is more of a curse than a blessing when done alone.
As for if people are still reading this...
Yes, we are still reading this; all nine of us.
And enjoying it too much for our own good.