It's a busy day at the local Bookstore that Felix Floetry the Fox works when his old friend Toxic the cyborg pony arrives to tell him good news. Suddenly Chancellor Neighsay arrives with An army of deportation ponies in an effort to kick Felix out of Equestria!
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This was flat. And you should feel flat.
9114162
Not very constructive
9116142
It`s hard to say something specifically constructive when the general critique is "you shouldn`t have written that".
Here`s some of the worst problems.
1) Undeveloped "edgy" OCes as protagonists. (Seriously? Cyborg pony? Fox? With cardboard characterizations? Bleh. And that`s not even going into "blatant self-insert" area.)
2) Severe OOC on the canon character (Neighsay is an obstructive bureaucrat, not a raging nutcase.)
3) Asinine plot. (What were you even trying to say anyways?)
So, yeah. It was bad. Unfortunately, it is not quite on the level of "so bad it`s good", so no win here either.
You do seem to be trying for HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH type of fiction, so you might want to read that first.
Or go with "My Immortal" if 30H is too brutal for you. (Well, if you can stomach Potter fiction in either case.)
Sadly, your vocabulory does NOT allow you to pursue the malaprop route. If you want to see how the real masters do THAT one, check out "Eye of Argon".
9116489
This was clearly a Joke Story dude. And let's not forget that Fanfiction Stories can literally be about anything. This one was intentionally not meant to be taken seriously dude
9243987
Do you comprehend the difference between "it`s a joke" and "it`s shoddy"? Because, let me remind you, first does NOT in any way excuse the second.
There`s no point in taking this seriously. There`s also no point in not taking this seriously. Know why?
Because the question of if your opus is "serious" or "satire" does not even get posed in the face of "give me back the time I spent on reading this drivel" sentiment.
It`s not right. It`s not even wrong. If you need an explanation on THIS, go check the net on some basics of creative writing.
9244459
Taking a disrespectful condescending tone to make yourself sound like an expert just makes me laugh. I only hope the things that you actually write, if you actually write, is absolute perfection because otherwise the only thing you are actually doing is just leaving a horrible impression with people you talk to. I never once tried to say anything insulting to you which is why I find it funny that you resort to belittling slick ass comments in order to make your point across which at the end of the day has long since become irrelevant moment you started talking as if you were some kind of writing God. This will be my last reply to you and I sincerely hope you enjoy the rest of your day. Feel free to read other works that are more to your Standards and learn how to give proper constructive criticism.
9245105
...You do know it`s a question of several clicks to actually verify if I`ve published anything here, right? Like, click the name to open the profile, click the stories, and voila. The definite answers right before your eyes.
I`ve given you some basic points of constructive criticism in the first review. Your response - "OMG it`s a joke". Well, goodness gracious, if it`s a joke, it ain`t funny. That`s also a constructive criticism by the way. First learn what is a joke, then try to claim you made one.
Know when people take "moral high" road? When they`ve got no other excuse. "I`m not going to discuss how badly I`ve written this, I`m above negativity." - this is essentially your response. If the rest of your works are written and discussed with the same level of sparkling wit... My condolences.