Chapter 1 - Before The Event
Violet is a 17 year old unicorn from Whinnyapolis. Her best friend is Lulu who she hangs out with every single day, she has other friends too (some who are boys that her mother doesn't know about), but no friend is closer to her than Lulu. Violet thought she had a good life, she knew her mother was very strict and had a hatred towards all males, but she got used to it over time, despite the fact that she disagreed with her. In front of her mother, Violet pretended that she hated men, but she didn't in reality, as some of her closest friends were males.
"Have you got all your things?" Violet's mother Cherry asked.
"Yes mom, I've got all my things. Lulu is meeting me at the bus stop in 10 minutes so I better get going." Violet replied.
Violet's mother gave her a warm smile, "One more thing before you leave dear. I know you already know this, but I have to remind you in the rare case that you don't. Under absolutely NO circumstances, are you allowed a boyfriend. Not even boys who are just friends, do you hear me young lady?"
Violet smiled and rolled her eyes, "Yes mom, no boyfriends and no boys who are friends, I hear you loud and clear. Bye!" Violet slammed the door and ran to the bus stop.
"Vi!!" Lulu shouted when she saw Violet running over.
"Lulu!!" Violet replied.
Violet then gave Lulu a hug whilst she was out of breath.
"Kisses!" they exclaimed in unison as they both gave each other 2 kisses on each cheek.
"The bus will arrive in two minutes, you're usually here before me, what took you so long this morning?" Lulu asked.
"Sorry Lu, I kinda overslept a little. Don't know why though." Violet said nervously smiling.
"Yes, that is out of the norm for you." Lulu said, then giving her friend a boop on the nose.
"Oh! The bus is here! Let's get going!" said Violet.
The girls arrived at school, put their stuff in their locker, and then sat down in their classroom. Their teacher, Miss Sweetie Plum, entered the room. She was a very kind teacher who cared deeply about her students, and she had some big news to tell them.
"Okay class, settle down." Miss Sweetie Plum announced. "We have a new student joining us today, so please all be kind and give a warm welcome to Race, who has moved here all the way from Cloudsdale in Southern Equestria".
Race lightly flew into the room. "H-hey everyone. My name is Race, it's nice to get to meet all of you for the first time. I hope we'll all get along and become great friends".
Most of the students lightly clapped as Race sat down, but the class bully, Bulge Popper, didn't like him one bit. Then again, Bulge didn't like anyone except himself.
"What do you think of the new kid?" Lulu quietly asked Violet.
"He seems like a nice guy, I'll probably be his friend. Mom would kill me if she found out I have some guy friends though." she chuckled quietly.
It was lunch time, and Whinnyapolis High's cafeteria was extremely crowded, as per usual. Of course, Violet and Lulu sat together next to each other on their own table in the corner of the cafeteria. Whilst talking to each other about rumours such as Discord having a crush on Fluttershy (the elements of harmony are extremely popular in all parts of Equestria, due to the leader of the Elements Of Harmony being the very well known Princess Of Friendship) and Hinny Of The Hills finally making a return to Whinnyapolis next month, Violet realised something.
"Oh shoot! Sorry Lulu, but I have to get back to class. I left my bag underneath my desk. If Bulge finds it, he'll probably take it and put it in the guys room again." Violet explained.
"Ugh, I can't stand that jerk. Be quick though, I have a lot more elements of harmony crush rumours to discuss." Lulu replied as she showed Violet her book of EOH gossip.
Violet rushed back to her classroom and saw her bag underneath her desk, she gave a sigh of relief and walked into the classroom to get it. After collecting her bag, she placed it in her locker, then at the end of the corridor, heard a mean spirited conversation going on.
"Look, I'm sorry alright, it was j-just an accident! I swear it won't happen again!" Race told Bulge as Bulge had him pinned in a corner.
"You're lucky I got another free meal afterwards you little dumbass. I'm not gonna kill ya, but I'll beat ya senseless. After school today, 3pm, buckball court, be there." Bulge harshly announced.
Bulge shoved Race into a locker and locked him inside, then walking away whistling a tune. He then noticed Violet angrily staring at him.
"Well looky here, if it isn't Little Miss Guy's Bathroom." announced Bulge.
"Sweet Celestia, that's got to be the worst insult I've ever heard in my entire life. Anyway, leave Race alone and get him out of that locker right now, or Miss Sweetie Plum will know about this, and she will NOT be happy." Violet looked like an angry bull, about to charge at the red flag.
"Why don't you make me, bitch? I'm sure your mom wouldn't be happy knowing that you spoke to a guy and actually helped another." Bulge replied with an evil smug.
"H-how do you know about my mom hating men?" Violet replied nervously.
"Everyone knows about that you dumbass, now get out of my way before you end up in the locker with him!" Bulge exclaimed.
"Bulge!!" Miss Sweetie Plum shouted from behind. "I've heard and seen quite enough of that thank you! Shoving a student into a locker and locking him inside could possibly lead to your exclusion! Have you not learn anything from the princess of friendship!".
"I..uh..I.." Bulge was at a loss for words. Miss Sweetie Plum was Bulge's cousin, so if she told Bulge's mom, Bulge would be a dead pony.
"I'm sorry cuz, it won't happen again." Bulge replied.
"Bulge Popper, when you are at this school, you will not address me as your cousin, you will address me as your teacher, do you understand?" Miss Sweetie Plum sternly announced.
"Yes Miss Sweetie Plum." Bulge replied in a slow and uncaring tone.
"Now, as soon as I've gotten Race out of the locker, I will be calling your mother and telling her about this behaviour of yours, and she will be deciding your punishment." said Miss Sweetie Plum.
Bulge was scared, so he ran quickly down the hall as fast as he could. After Bulge ran away, Miss Sweetie Plum got Race out of the locker using the key on her lanyard.
"I'm so sorry Race, are you doing okay? What happened?" Miss Sweetie Plum asked, giving him a warm hug.
Race spoke. "I'm better now thanks, and I accidentally fell onto Bulge after slightly tripping in the school cafeteria, so his food got everywhere. His face went red with anger at first and it looked like he was going to beat the living daylight out of me right then and there, but he was given another school meal for free because the dinner lady saw the accident, so Bulge let go of me, but after he finished his meal and I was halfway finished with mine, he grabbed me with his magic and pulled me into the school corridor and said-"
"That's ok, you don't need to tell me everything, I heard the whole conversation in the hallway. It's fine now, I'll make sure he won't pick on you anymore." Miss Sweetie Plum explained.
"Okay, thank you very much Miss Sweetie Plum, and thank you too...sorry, what's your name?" asked Race.
"Oh, Violet. My name is Violet. Also, anytime, no problem! Bulge has bullied me a couple times before. He's done it to most people in this school, and he doesn't have any friends." Violet said in a sad tone.
"That's pretty sad, everyone needs at least one friend." Race replied. "Well, can I be your friend?" Race asked.
"Sure! Of course! The more friends the merrier!" Violet replied with a big smile.
"Yay! A new friendship has been made!" Miss Sweetie Plum happily announced. "Oh, I can't wait to tell your mother all about this Violet, she will be so proud of you for sticking up for another pony and making a new friend!".
"No! Please Miss Sweetie Plum! You CANNOT tell my mother that I helped out a guy!" Violet exclaimed in fear.
"Why ever not? I'm sure she would be really proud of you for standing up to a bully and making a new friend." Miss Sweetie Plum questioned in confusion.
"I-it's personal. Just please, don't tell her that I helped out a guy. My mom would not be happy about it." Violet said quietly, backing up slowly with her head looking down.
"If you say so Violet, you are one of my star pupils after all, and you've done a lot for me. I'll just report Bulge's actions to his mother and say that I stopped him, but only because you're asking me not to." said Miss Sweetie Plum.
"Thank you for understanding ma'am." Violet said whilst walking away. Race then walked up to her.
"So, does this mean, we can't be friends?..." Race asked with a very sad look on his face.
"Oh, don't worry, we can still be friends. But no matter what, my mom CANNOT know about our friendship." Violet explained to Race in a worried tone.
"But what's wrong with being friends with someone?" Race asked, confused to all of this.
"There's absolutely nothing wrong with friendship, and my mother totally supports friendship, but only if it's between 2 girls. My mom doesn't believe in a friendship between a guy and a girl, and she CERTAINLY doesn't believe in romance between a guy and a girl." Violet told Chase.
"But why is she against it?" Race asked.
"Because my mother hates men." Violet informed Race. "After my mom had shortly given birth to me, my dad beat me senselessly whenever I cried since it annoyed him to death. My mom caught him and then beated HIM senselessly. He was sentenced to life in prison for filly abuse and he was never allowed to contact our family again. Ever since that day, my mom has been very protective over me. When I first started school, she was begging the teachers to let her come to school with me so she could keep a close eye on me and make sure that I never came into contact with any stallions. The school of course said no, but she made me make a vow, that I would never speak to or even deliberately look at any stallions. To make her happy, I just said yes, but of course I've long since broken that vow, and I've made plenty of guy friends since".
"Wow, that's rough. I'm surprised you told me some very personal information about yourself despite the fact that we barely know each other." said Race.
"Yeah, I might as well tell you since Bulge said that everyone in the school knows." Violet said as she sunk her head to the ground.
"He might have just been saying that to scare you and it may not be true. Bullies do that sometimes. Trust me, Cloudsdale has its fair share of bullying. It's sad but true." Race told Violet.
Violet gave him a smile and then lifted her head back up. "Well, we're gonna be buds now, so I don't see the harm in telling you personal stuff. We'll definitely be friends, but remember, my mom CAN'T know about you, and I'm afraid you can't visit my house, my mom would kill you if she seen you, and then me if she found out that I broke the vow."
"Okay Violet, I promise." Race said as he then pretended to seal his lips.
Violet giggled and the two of them then gave each other a hug.
It had been four months since that day. Since then, Bulge had been expelled from Whinnyapolis high for beating up another student. Also since then, Race and Violet became closer with each other, and Race even joined Violet and Lulu's friendship group. Violet's mother had still no idea about her friendship, and the plan was for her never to know.
One day, the cafeteria was yet again very busy, as it always was, and Violet, Lulu, and Race were reminiscing on their fantastic theatre experience seeing Hinny Of The Hills a few months back. Violet invited Race to come to the theatre with them, and it was the first time Race truly interacted with Lulu, and they both became very close friends.
"Hey guys, I just need to go to the restroom for a moment, I'll be back as soon as I can. You never know how long a line for the girls can be." Lulu announced as she then suddenly rushed off.
Violet and Race then went back to eating their food, but Race stopped in the middle of eating, and coughed to get Violet's attention. At first, she didn't hear him, but after a second, louder, cough, Violet heard and looked at Race.
"What's up dude?" she asked, looking at him with her adorable face.
"Violet... t-there's something I wanna ask you..." Race said, slowly and nervously.
"Uh-huh, what is it?" Violet asked.
"Ever since you stood up to Bulge for me a a few months ago, I've really looked up to you and truly appreciated our friendship. You're actually a huge inspiration to me and I think about you every day." Race told her calmly.
Violet gave her famous warm smile. "Awwww, thank you Race. I love you too bud." she replied, then and then giving him a friendly kiss on the cheek like she usually does.
Race blushed then quickly got rid of his blushes to continue asking the question. "So...uh...the question I wanna ask is...uh...will you...go out with me...on a date?...". Race buried his head on the table in fear of harsh rejection and destroying the friendship they had, but peeped with one eye after a moment of silence.
"Wow Race, I've gotta be honest, I didn't know you were gonna drop a huge bomb on me like that." she said slowly. "Well, the thing is, I like you a lot too...I'm in love with you, even..." She slowly said. "But there's one enormous obstacle that we're forgetting about here.......my mom....".
"Shoot....I forgot about that..." Race replied.
"I do wanna go out with you, badly, but maybe not right now. I plan on becoming a costume designer in Canterlot or Ponyville, hopefully working alongside Rarity, who is a huge inspiration to me. Maybe when I'm older and move to Canterlot or Ponyville, we could start dating without my mother knowing, and hopefully our relationship could grow from there. My mom might have gotten over her hatred for men by that time, however unlikely that seems, but who knows." Violet told Race.
Race liked the idea, but thought for a moment. "What if your mother didn't HAVE to know about us dating in the present?".
"Huh?" Violet asked, confused about what he assumed.
"Maybe we could start dating now, but your mom wouldn't have to know about it. We could do something like go to Las Pegasus this weekend, and you could just tell your mom that you're going with Lulu and her mother." Race suggested.
"It's a good plan, I'll give you that, but before I go on trips with Lulu, my mom ALWAYS checks with Lulu's mother to see if everything is set before we leave, and sometimes, my mother tags along if she's free. This weekend, however, she's going away to some city somewhere in Equestria for a business trip. The more I think about it, this plan actually MIGHT work. But Lulu and her mother would have to be in on it. Okay, it's a date, literally." Violet explained as she then hugged Race.
So, when Violet went back to Lulu's house with Race and told their plan to her mother, Lulu's mother agreed to go along with the plan, as she was against Cherry's ideology, even though she was her close friend. Lulu's mother thought that this experience would teach Cherry that not all stallions are heartless beings. Race agreed to meet Violet at the Las Pegasus fun zone at 5pm on Saturday, and have the best date ever with each other.
Little did either of them know, that the city where Cherry's business meeting would take place this weekend.....was Las Pegasus....
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I'm usually against these kind of stories that go against the friendly nature of the show, but this one has me truly intrigued as to what's going to happen next.
Though, I do have some criticisms as to how you can improve. For instance their are a couple of grammatical errors dotted across the chapter. Such as, when you write " Yeah, I might as well tell you since Bulge said that everyone in the school knows". There should be a comma in-between you and since. It's not a huge issue, and there's certainly worse grammar out there, but little errors like that do add up.
Moreover, I would have recommended having description about the characters and what their lives are like before showing them in dialogue. Also, the description that is there is very minimal, I would have liked to have known more about them. That being said, you often repeat information, or state information that the reader can easily infer for themselves. such as when you state that Violet as forgotten something both in the dialogue and the description, you only needed to state this once. Or, when you state the specific reason for why the bully was expelled. This is a common mistake that new writers, especially myself, make when they're just starting out. Just try to remember that your readers can think for themselves, thus you don't need to constantly state the obvious
However, overall, this is an excellent first story, and I can't wait to see what happens next, keep up the good work :).
9116339
Thanks very much for your thoughts. I re-written the first chapter and changed a few things up that you suggested, as I agreed to them.
I'm glad to hear you'll be sticking around for the rest of the story. As I said in the authors note, each chapter will be darker than the last.
Thank you ^^
There are some instances where “2” should be replaced by “two”. Unless the number being used is of great importance to the story or in a name (like R2-D2), the word is usually the correct way to say it.
9116697
Ok, will change it now. Thanks for letting me know.
Other than grammatical errors, what did you think of the actual story and characters?