Pinkie Pie screws up Rock-A-Doodle!

by Sense of Humor

Boppity

---

“And then I was like, Oatmeal?! Are you crazy?”

Snipes sighed and rested his chin in his hand. “Yeah, you said that.”

Pinkie’s tail whirred and kicked through the water like a motorboat engine, propelling the raft forward like an easy breeze. She had been talking over the noise of the rain and her own tail for the past half hour, much to the chagrin of the bird. Pinkie didn't seem to notice. “It was the funniest day of my life, hooves down!”

“You said that too.”

“I had no idea that there was an entire planet full of talking ponies...with horns and wings!” Peepers murmured thoughtfully.

“Hate to interrupt your story, Pinks,” Patou pointed up at the sky behind them. “But I think we got company!”

Pinkie lept into the raft and turned to squint at the dark grey skies. She grinned widely when she saw a pack of owls swooping down towards them, led by a tiny owl that seemed bent on humming ‘Flight of The Valkyries’. “Oh, yay!” She squealed excitedly. “They’re here for the party!”

“Are you crazy?!” Snipes scooted towards the front of the raft in fear. “They’ve been sent by The Duke of Owls to kill us!”

“That’s silly! They’re obviously here for the Talking-Animal-Raft Party!” She whipped out an undeniably large cannon and tugged on the trigger string connected to it. “OVER HERE, GUYS! DOWN HERE!”

The giant confetti ball exploded right in the middle of the owl army, tossing them into an unconscious tangle of bodies that soon hit the water. Pinkie pouted in disappointment with herself. “Aw man! I knocked them out of the sky!”

“You know somethin’?” Patou asked Snipes and Peepers with a smile. “I have a feeling we’re gonna bring the sun back in no time!”

---

Twilight wasn’t quite sure that she expected any of this. Pinkie had told her in, great detail, what to expect when she came over to protect the animals she mentioned. She found the notion of talking farm animals and a giant owl to be farfetched…

Until now, that is.

“You're the light she was talking about?!” A hen asked skeptically.

“Yep...or at least, Twilight Sparkle--Princess of Friendship, at your service!” The mare walked to the foot of Pinkie's bed, levitating Gummy onto the wooden part. “I understand that youre having trouble with some owls? One in particular?”

“Yeah!” A pig spoke up. “The Grand Duke and his gang are gonna come back to eat us!”

The skeptical hen poked Twilight. “And you don't look like you're packing any flashlights, honey!”

Twilight patted the hen's head with a good natured smile. “oh nonsense! You don't need flashlights when you have the power of friendship on your side!”

“What did you just say?”

“The power of friendship! I'm going to use the magic of love, sportsmanship and fluffy hugs to keep you guys from getting harmed!”

“She's crazier than the other pony.” A goat whispered.

“We are so dead.” The pig sighed.

“That is correct!” A voice agreed.

All eyes turned to the massive hole in the wall, and the squad of owls that slowly stalked their way inside the room. The Grand Duke chuckled as he scanned the room full of delicious animals to devour--and not one sign of that horrible pink nuisance in the room. Yes, this would be a great feast to remember! He turned to his cohorts and gave a sweeping gesture to the animals. “Take your pick, gentlemen--Take your pick! But do leave the pigs to me;I just love a good pork supper, don't you?”

“Woah! I thought Pinkie was just being rude,” A feminine voice stopped them all in their tracks. “You really are a fat owl!”

“WHAT?!” The Duke shot his piercing gaze down at the purple unicorn with wings, who waved at him politely. “And just who are you?”

The pony grinned wider. “I am Twilight Sparkle, The Princess of Friendship! I must say that I've never met a Duke before.”

The old owl blinked once, then thrice. “I'm sorry--do speak up. What was your, ahem, title?”

“The Princess of Friendship!”

Some of the owls chuckled to themselves at such a ridiculous moniker, while the rest gagged loudly at the sweetness of her tone. The Duke rolled his eyes at Twilight, crossing his arms. “My Dear...there is simply...no such thing as a Princess of Friendship!”

“Not until a couple of seasons ago!” Twilight sat down and began to explain. “You see, in our society, being a Princess is determined by having all three traits of other ponies; I have an earth pony body, a unicorn’s horn and the wings of a pegasus. So, that makes me a princess!”

The Duke exchanged skeptical glances with his possey. “...of Friendship? That sounds preposterous. It'd make more sense to be called--Twilight Sparkle, The Princess of Arendelle or something.”

Twilight shook her head. “First of all, Arendelle already has a princess. Two, the name would be kinda long. How would you like to be called The Grand Duke Of Owls Who Lives In A Random Tree With A Bunch Of Other Owls Next to Some Farm In The Middle Of Nowhere With No Humans Occupying It, singing Random Songs while Playing an Organ?”

The skeptical hen wrinkled her beak. “Is she actually having this conversation right now?”

“Maybe,” The Pig shrugged. “Anyone up for a game of checkers?”

The Duke opened his beak to retort Twilight, but then shut it. He shook his head and growled. “Oh! Enough of his foolishness! Prepare to be devoured alongside them, Princess of Friendship.”

Twilight flew up to his height, putting on a fairly intimidating smirk. “You know, I could have you jailed for threatening Royalty. But I'm actually feeling playful today,” She gestured to the farm animals. “So go ahead, get them.”

The animals stopped in the middle of their game and stared at Twilight. “WHAT?!”

The Owls blinked at her. “What?”

The Duke sneered. “What?”

“Well? Come on! Grab them!” Twilight impatiently crossed her arms. “I know you don't have all night!”

The Duke of Owls coughed awkwardly and gestured to the animals. The whimpering creatures whimpered louder as the birds of prey surrounded them on Pinkie's bed, and lunged with opn talons. The owls blinked in confusion and then tried again...and then again..and then again. But their claws passed right through their bodies harmlessly. The farm animals seemed all the more worried.

“We're ghosts!” They chanted nervously.

“Not quite!” Twilight flapped her wings proudly. “I cast an Intangibility spell on you guys the moment I arrived! Unless they can kill me, you guys are literally untouchable!”

The Duke shoved his owls and pointed at her. “Well?! What are you waiting for--a Grammy Award?! Get her! Wring her little neck!”

The Squad of Owls charged forward to attack Twilight, then were blasted out of the room by a strong beam of purple magic. The Princess winced when she saw the giant hole it made. “Yikes. I hope Pinkie won't be mad about the wall.”

The Duke puffed out his chest in defiance. “Ah, so you think you are the Master of the Ancient Magics?!”

Twilight tilted her head. “I...never said that. Like, ever.”

“Well, I must warn you that I was well trained in the Mystic Art of Cosmic Breath! Prepare for your doom!”

The Owl inhaled a large amount of air, and then exhaled a great fog of magic at the pony. The mare conjured a vacuum cleaner and suked up all of the fog before it could ever reach her. The Duke gaped in horror as she grinned and shot it all back at him in a single beam of energy. Needless to say, there was another large hole in the room.

“Ha! Guess he didn't know I was well trained in the Mystic Arts of The Cosmic Vaccum Cleaner!” With a pleased sigh, she turned to the farm animals. “ I can't believe you guys had a hard time with him! He seems fairly...Wait, are you playing checkers?”

“Yep.” The Hen shrugged. “Wanna play against the winner?”

“Definitely!” Twilight grinned.

---

“Alright, now we gotta find Chant--”

“Found him!”

“Of course you did.”

Pinkie was pointing towards a large theater-like building, one that sported the image of a large rooster--pompadour and all. The pony then pointed at the words beneath it, outlined by flashing neon. “Looks like he goes by ‘The King’ now,” She scratched her head. “Wonder how he managed to avoid lawsuits.”

“I’m not the only one who doesn't understand her, right?” Snipes asked tiredly.

Patou marched forward, leading his group to the doors of the building. “Come on, gang! He's just beyond those doors!” Suddenly a very large, intimidating toad stepped in front of the doors with crossed arms. “Uh, what gives?”

“Oh! The Giving Tree gives,” Pinkie exclaimed helpfully.

“Can't you mooks read the fine print?”

The toad pointed a finger at the signs posted below the rooster, written black on white. They said things like ‘No Magpies, Mice, Dogs or Ponies allowed’ and ‘Only Penguins Enter’ and even a ‘YOU SHALL NOT PASS’. The toad crossed his arms again, glaring as Pinkie rubbed her chin. “Hmm. That's oddly specific,”

Peepers kicked a pebble. “Guess we'll have to spend a half hour making penguin disguises.”

“Sir, I'm afraid it is absolutely imperative that we get inside this building,” Pinkie Pie said simply and nodded. “So you will let us pass,”

The Toad chuckled dryly. “No, I ain't.”

“Yes, you are.”

“No, I ain't.”

“Yes, you are.”

“No, I ain't.”

“Yes, you are.”

“No, I ain't.”

“Yes, you are.”

“No, I ain't.”

“No, you aren't!”

“Yes, I...Oh no, you don't!” The Toad laughed again. “This toad’s seen too many Bugs Bunny toons to fall for that one!”

Pinkie stamped her hoof in frustration, and then lowered her head in a pout. “Oh, fine. Let's go, guys.” She blinked in shock as she noticed something. “Just make sure you tie your shoes. Last thing a bouncer needs is to trip over himself.”

“Eh? Well, whaddya know?” The Toad leaned down when he noticed that his shoes were, in fact, untied. He made quick work of tying them up again, and soon he was back upright. “Thanks for that, eh...Where'd you go?”

---

“Dear Chanticleer...we're sorry. Come home-- your friends.”

Pinkie stared at her farm animal companions with a deadpan look. “Guys, I know brevity is the soul of wit...but this is ridiculous.”

“Told you it should have been longer, Snipes.” Peepers glared at him with crossed arms.

Snipes glared right back. “What am I?! A poet?! Why don't you write it, ya critic?!”

“I'll write it!” Pinkie declared, picking up the pencil with her hair and erasing the apology note. Then she got to scribbling at the top of the paper. “We’ll start with something better. ‘To our dearest friend Chanticleer,’ sounds more heartfelt, doesn't it?”

Snipes snorted. “Whatever.”

A Rhinocerous waiter suddenly stopped behind them, glaring down in shock. “Hey! How'd you four get past the bouncer?! You're not supposed to be in here!”

Pinkie looked at him calmly and handed him a hefty stack of bills. “Are we really here?”

Whistling merrily, the Rhino took the cash and walked off as if he had never even seen them. Pinkie went back to her extensive writing assignment. “Hmmm...and maybe ‘We are undoubtedly apologetic for our shallow mistreatment of you in regards to that sun incident. We see now that the matter was clearly not your fault and you were merely the victim of a giant plot hole. Please come home to us, where we can all frolic and play in the grand light of day.’ Hee Hee! That rhymes!”

The pony finished it off with ‘from your esteemed friends’ and gestured to the space beside that. “Alright everypony--I mean everybody! Sign right here!”

Peepers was the last to sign, and that was just about the time that the object of their writing finally revealed himself on stage. In the middle of a very well put together sea-themed environment, ripped right out of The Little Mermaid. He was dressed in something undeniably flashy and shiny, with a giant pompador to top it all off. He began singing something as part of the show, but it would require a less lazy writer to describe it. Peepers finished and shrugged. “Now, how do you suggest we get it to him?”

“There they are!” A squad of bouncer toads raced towards them with menacing flares. “Let's ge--”

After blasting them through the roof with her party cannon, Pinkie grinned wider. “I got it! Fold it into a paper airplane and throw it onstage, snipes.”

“Aye, Aye Cap'n!”

He instantly got busy with folding it this way and that,up and down until he achieved the desired shape. The Magpie raised it in aiming preparation, then shot his arm forward quick as a flash. The paper airplane sailed through the air above spectators, making several loops as it finally began to descend onto the stage. As if lady luck herself was smiling on the whole stupid situation, the airplane hit Chanticleer in his side. The rooster stopped and leaned down to pick up the airplane.

“Mission Accomplished, team!” Pinkie hoof bumped the lot of them and they cheered for a moment. At least, before she spotted someone. “Wait, what? Spotted who?!”

An anthropomorphic chicken lady, to be precise. She appeared to be flung from off stage to on stage, and then twirled to a halt in front of Chanticleer. The perplexed rooster had no time to react before he was suddenly kissed very forcefully by the chicken lady, and thusly lost all concentration on what he was doing onstage. The chicken lady seemed pleased with the dopey grin on his beak--probably glad her own mission was accomplished.

Pinkie growled, her teeth sounding like iron against iron. “No, no, no, no, no, no, NO!!! JUST NO! Just a big ol’ pile of no! No! Absolutely not!” The fuming pony climbed into her party cannon in an angry huff. “I did not let my room get invaded by barn animals and come all this way, just to let some random chick (no pun intended) with no personality come along and screw it up! Guys, meet me up on stage.”

Patou quickly put two and two together. “Uh, maybe you shouldn't--and there she goes.”

Pinkie launched herself. Suffice to say, both stage occupants were extremely surprised to be tackled by a blur of pink and even more surprised to launched right out of the back wall. Yes, their surprise was great when they saw the bricks falling all around them, but their greatest shock came from seeing that the cause of the damage came from a pony who's angry expression was absolutely adorable.

“You sssstay out of thisssss,” Pinkie hissed at the chicken lady, then reached out with her tail and snatched up the airplane so she could shove it in the rooster’s face. “You. Read. NOW.”

With shaky hands, Chanticleer read the fine print and blinked in astonishment. “They're really sorry? They want me to come back?”

Pinkie gestured behind her as three figures appeared. “Ask them yourself!”

Chanticleer gaped all the more. “Patou? Snipes? Peepers?”

“Yeah, it's us.” Patou nodded solemnly and helped the rooster to his feet. “And we are awful sorry for what we did.”

“Yeah.” Snipes agreed.

“Positively!” Peepers added. “Hope you aren't mad or anything?”

Chanticleer rubbed the back of his neck and smiled. “Aw, geez guys. I never held any ill will against ya. I thought it was the opposite.”

Pinkie beamed brightly, giggling to herself. “This calls for a farm animal reunion party!”

“Mind if we crash it?”

The pony shook her head eagerly. “No problemo, Mr.Fat Fox guy!”

Everyone gasped when they noticed they were suddenly surrounded by a large army of bouncer toads, all wearing the most unhappy frowns. The tycoon business fox waved his cane at the pony. “Hey! I ain't fat! I'm big boned!”

“Hee Hee! That's what he said!” Pinkie snickered into her hoof. “Oh man, that joke is never gonna get old.”

“What do we with ‘em, boss?” One of the toads asked.

“What do you think, ya idiot?! Lock ‘em all up, and swallow the key for good measure! Except for our two big moneymakers! Theys got shows to do!”

Peepers poked Pinkie's hoof. “Now would be a swell time to do that thing with your party cannon.”

“Shush! Wait for it!” She stared intently at a watch on her wrist, not moving for several seconds. Suddenly, it buzzed loudly and she hopped into the air like a firework. “Happy New Years!”

The fox blinked in confusion. “Wha?”

She instantly grabbed a toad’s hands and began dancing with him, then another. “Should ooold acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to miiind?” She grinned. “Everybody now!”

“Should ooold acquaintance be forgot,” All the toads suddenly hopped around in a frenzy, cheering about the spontaneous New Year's Day. It a frivolous and joyous occasion. “and ooold laaaang syyyne?”

“YOU IDIOTS!!!” The fox shrieked at the top of his lungs. “STOP SINGING!!! IT’S THE 21ST OF SEPTEMBER!”

“BA DE YAAAA! SAY DO YOU REMEMBER?!” The Toads changed their tune. “BA DE YAAA, DANCING IN SEPTEMBER! BA DE YAAA, NEVER WAS A CLOUDY DAAAAAAY!”

Pinkie giggled as she guided her animal friends away from the chaos of bad singers and angry foxes. Doon they were around the corner of street where they all stopped for a moment. “Ha Ha! That trick works every time!”

“Nice work, kid,” Chanticleer offered. “But how do we get out of the city in time?”

“Like this!” Pinkie clapped her hooves. “Next chapter, Narrator!”

Comments

[Blank Paper]

"Hmmm...and maybe ‘We are undoubtedly apologetic for our shallow mistreatment of you in regards to that sun incident. We see now that the matter was clearly not your fault and you were merely the victim of a giant plot hole. Please come home to us, where we can all frolic and play in the grand light of day.’ Hee Hee! That rhymes!”

That is a better apology.

"YOU IDIOTS!!!” The fox shrieked at the top of his lungs. “STOP SINGING!!! IT’S THE 21ST OF SEPTEMBER!”

“BA DE YAAAA! SAY DO YOU REMEMBER?!” The Toads changed their tune. “BA DE YAAA, DANCING IN SEPTEMBER! BA DE YAAA, NEVER WAS A CLOUDY DAAAAAAY!”