• Published 14th Aug 2018
  • 2,561 Views, 52 Comments

How the Spiders and Magic Series Should Have Ended - Maximus_Reborn

Based on the Super Cafe series. A short series of what-if scenarios had everyone in the series practice hindsight, foresight, and common sense to prevent some of the story's biggest plot-holes.

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How It Should Have Ended: Spiders and Magic Series

“How the Spiders and Magic Series Should Have Ended”

Twilight’s eyes scrolled through the pages of her book as the very foundation of her home shook violently. Shifting her glance between it and the dragon stomping about outside, Twilight finally managed to find the page in which she sought. Spike stumbled to a halt, leaning against the unicorn in an effort to recollect his balance.

“The greatest hero in history? Okay. I’m desperate enough to try something like this,” Twilight huffed as magical energies from the atmosphere channeled into her horn. A door materialized into existence that creaked open. Suddenly, a bipedal being floated through and hovered over the pony. He was clad in a pair of crimson and blue tights. Twilight stared at the being with her mouth agape, pausing to glance back at her book. “Spider-Man? Will you save my village?”

The being folded his arms and arched a brow before chuckling. “Spider-Man? No, no. You’re mistaken. I’m Superman.” Shrugging, he glanced to the side and narrowed his gaze, managing to see the dragon through the wall. “Eh, while I’m here, I can take care of that for you.”

Before Twilight could even utter a response, Superman vanished in a blur, as a large gust of wind followed, sending any loose piece of paper within the vicinity aflutter. The tremors coursing through the village came to an abrupt end. Blinking, Twilight and Spike walked to the window, and they both inhaled sharply, yelping at the sight of Superman casually lifting and flying off with the dragon helplessly in tow over his shoulders.

“Huh,” Twilight chuckled with a stunned expression. “That was easy.”

Elsewhere in the safety of the astral plane, Discord tossed his drink to the side before throwing his arms into the air. “Dang it!”

Tears poured down Peter’s face as he once again recollected the death of his uncle and girlfriend. He bawled uncontrollably, wiping his face with a hoof, and everypony around him followed suit, crying while blowing into their respective tissues. However, Discord spiraled into existence just behind them before releasing a harsh scoff. The draconequus snatched away every box of tissue and tossed them into a pile. Discord soon struck a match before throwing it on top, setting the tissues ablaze.

“Stop crying so much!” Discord snapped, exasperation evident in his voice. He paced in place in midair, folding his arms behind his back. “The first two times were fine! Drama is a great way to change the pace, but it gets exhausting and tedious when it happens every ten minutes! You’re Spider-Man! Not Batman! Show me joy! Laughter! Anything! Just stop with the tears!” Exhaling, Discord stomped away before fading from existence. “God!”

An awkward silence filled the air as everypony cleared their throat, unsure of what to make of Discord’s outburst. However, Pinkie Pie raised a hoof and nodded. “I personally like Deadpool! He’s really wacky!”

Peter blinked, flabbergasted. “Wait. What?”

“I know you’re Spider-Mane!” Apple Bloom declared, pointing a hoof at Peter.

Inhaling sharply, the stallion stared wildly at the foal. “H-How?! How did you figure that out?”

Apple Bloom shrugged. “I mean, it ain’t rocket science. Your costume shows your mane and tail.” She frowned, edging closer to Peter. “That’s a serious design flaw! If you want to keep it a secret, hide your mane and tail! Or change their colors? Can you do that?”

“No…” Peter trailed off, scratching the back of his head with a hoof.

Taken aback, Apple Bloom shook her head. “You have got to be kidding me! You clearly have been at this for a while. Did you always leave your mane and tail exposed? It’s downright silly! If Rainbow Dash did the same thing, everypony would figure her out in a heartbeat!” The foal let out a relieved sigh soon afterward. “You’re just lucky you’re new to the neighborhood. Give it enough time, and most ponies will know your secret.”

As if the realization struck his mind, Peter glanced off to the side with an exasperated glare. “Well, it sounds pretty stupid when you say it out loud.” Peter nodded, pursing his lips. “Okay. You got me. You’re a smart kid. Any ideas to fix this?”

The stallion released a high-pitched yelp as Apple Bloom nodded feverishly while edging ever closer to him. “I do! We need to ditch the old costume. I think it’s cool and all, but you need something much less revealing.” Pausing, Apple Bloom waved a hoof dismissively. “Plus, you need a new name. Spider-Mane is just plain silly. It’s not like your mane is made out of spiders.”

The filly’s criticism cut Peter deep, evident by his constant wincing. Shaking his head, the stallion exhaled. “Okay. Fine! Even if I go along with this, it’s not like we have a different costume lying around.”

Apple Bloom reached out and grabbed Peter’s hoof with her own before leading him out of the room. “Leave that to me! You just come up with a new name!”

Several hours later in the center of Ponyville, a stallion ran out of an alleyway after having just mugged somepony. However, a being swung through the sky on a thread of webbing, flipping before landing on their hind legs mere hoof-lengths away from the stallion. Their cape flapped gracefully as a gust of wind blew through the vicinity, and their dark attire blended with the late hours. Sticking out their chest, the pony stared intently at the mugger.

“Mare-Do-Well?!” the stallion blurted out, lowering into a defensive stance.

The costumed pony shook their head. “No way. I’m the new dude in town. I am the terror that trots in the night! I am the soda machine that keeps your spare change!” Brushing his cape to the side, Peter exclaimed, “I am Dark-Maned Stallion!”

The mugger stood motionless for what seemed like eons, staring at the flamboyant pony with a blank expression. “Are you that Spider-Mane I keep hearing? Why the costume change?” He paused as Dark-Maned Stallion’s masked eyes furrowed, mirroring what appeared to be exasperation. “So, um, what’s the ‘M’ stand for on your chest?”

Peter simply shrugged before releasing a growl, all while rearing his hoof back. “It stands for my hoof to your face!” With a loud crack, Peter punched the mugger unconscious, and he stood over his limp frame, pausing to furrow his eyes at the ‘M’ shaped emblem. “Hmm. I guess Midnight Stallion rolls off the tongue better? Marauding Stallion? Moon Horse? Main Mane?”

OH, COME ON!” Apple Bloom cried out, her voice echoing from a distance.

“I know who you are, Spider-Mane!” Trixie smugly declared, sharply pointing a hoof at Peter and Twilight. “Now, I want you both to do exactly as I say!”

Peter raised his hooves defensively. “Sure thing, but I have just one thing to say: pixie dust!”

Faster than Trixie could hope to react, Peter reached underneath his web-cartridge sleeve and flung sparkling dust onto her face. Twilight blinked as Trixie coughed and sneezed, cringing as she readied to curse out the stallion. However, Trixie’s eyes widened while her expression grew blank. A long silence filled the room as she looked around aimlessly with a furrowed brow, tilting her head to the side.

“Where am I?” Trixie finally questioned, settling her gaze on Peter. Blinking, she pursed her lips. “And who are you?”

Peter coughed, clearing his throat. “You sort of just walked into our house, lady. I think you were sleepwalking. Ponyville sound familiar?”

Trixie exhaled, nearly slamming a hoof over her face. “Again? Oh, this is embarrassing. I’ll just show myself out.”

Once Trixie brushed herself and walked outside, Twilight’s mouth fell agape. “What did you do to her, Peter?”

Chuckling, Peter managed a coy smile. “Remember how Zecora made that truth serum and made me tell you everything about my life, thus heavily invading my privacy? Well, I asked her to make me something to give somebody should they learn something they shouldn’t. Amnesia dust.”

“Huh. I see,” Twilight whispered, glancing off to the side. “It’s a good thing you did. Can you imagine if she blackmailed you? There’s absolutely no way that could have turned out to be good.” Pausing, Twilight’s eyes widened at a realization. “So, how powerful is her amnesia?”

Peter simply shrugged before throwing himself onto the nearest couch. “I don’t know, like a few days? Or weeks?”

Meanwhile, Trixie trotted into the nearest carriage and laughed hautedly. “Just a minor inconvenience! The Great and Powerful Trixie shall... ” she removed her pointy hat, replacing it with a square academic cap, “return to college and earn her degree!”

Twilight blocked the door, stepping in front of Peter as he readied to run outside. “You can’t go out there, Peter! Glacius is out there! He’s a powerful yeti that only comes out during the winter, and he feeds on ponies!”

Slow to respond, Peter dumbly blinked. “Wait. You mean you have a living, breathing winter boogeyman? I’ve fought a hydra and dragons, and now, you’re telling me there’s a flesh-eating yeti out and about?! How long has this thing been around?”

“It’s been living just longer than Princess Celestia,” Twilight muttered offhandedly, furrowing her brow.

Slack-jawed, Peter stared intently at the mare. “Are you serious?! This thing is widely known, and I’m the last one to find this out?! We’ve known each other for over a year now, and you’re just telling me now about this?! Your power of hindsight sucks! Anything else I should know?!”

Glancing to the side, Twilight chuckled sheepishly. “Well, Trixie just went outside.”

Just before anypony could respond, Trixie’s screams and what sounded like loud crunches echoed throughout the village. Peter merely rolled his eyes and stomped outside. “Ah, crumbs…”

Chrysalis sat in her throne room while Trixie stood several hoof-lengths with an empty gaze. Suddenly, Peter lept in from the ceiling and managed to land perfectly at the center of the room. Dozens of changelings swarmed the room, surrounding the stallion with their fangs drawn. Peter simply stood on his hind legs while Chrysalis laughed hysterically at the sight before raising a hoof, holding back the swarm from progressing.

“Oh, several of my scouts did say that they spotted you in Ponyville. I knew you were brave, but I didn’t take it that you were suicidal!” Chrysalis cackled, shaking her head.

Peter chuckled. “Just thought I’d come to see if you would surrender.”

A long silence filled the room before Chrysalis snorted, waving a hoof dismissively. “Surrender? Surrender?! Look around you, Spider-Mane!”

Peter looked at the surrounding changelings, their green eyes glowing intent. He simply shrugged. “You planted grass?”

Chrysalis snorted. “Make your jokes! I’ve won! I rule this world!” She paused, inhaling deeply before catching her breath with a deep sigh. “Why in the world would I surrender to somepony who just waltzes into my throne room without a care?”

“Simple. Because I’m back,” Peter declared, raising a hoof. “You took over simply because I, the main hero, was gone.You seriously think you can take me? This is my third story! Spiders and Magic Tres, amiga! There’s no Spiders and Magic without the Spider!” Sighing, Peter shrugged. “Seriously. Name one novel where the main character bites the dust?”

“Moby Dick!” Chrysalis quickly called out, frowning once her mind drew a blank. She glanced off to the side and murmured inwardly before her eyes widened at a realization. “Hamlet! Um… Julius Caesar?” Chrysalis drew another blank, evident by her pursed lip, furrowed brow, and pondering expression. A nearby changeling edged closer, whispering into her ear. She nodded feverishly, pointing a hoof at Spider-Mane. “Romeo and Juliet! Of course!”

Peter smirked confidently. “Yep. I didn’t think so.” The stallion nonchalantly adjusted his web-cartridges, all while Chrysalis and the changeling swarm looked at each other with shared befuddlement. Once finished, Peter pointed a hoof at the queen. “Just give up. I’m the Batman of the Marvel Universe. You give me prep time, and I’ll know how to beat you. Right now, you don’t stand a chance. So, just walk away before you get hurt.”

Scoffing, Chrysalis frowned at the stallion. “Or maybe I’ll just kill you and hang your body as a trophy, because I’m awesome, and it’s my time to shine!”

Exhaling, Peter held out his hooves. “I’m telling you! Things have already been set into motion! You still have a chance to walk away here!”

“Stop acting like you’re in control!” Chrysalis snapped, her horn glowing in magic. She steadily began to walk towards Peter, prompting the swarm to do the same. “First, we’ll kill you, and then we’ll resume our reign of world domina--!”

Undeterred, Peter merely raised a hoof and brought it down amidst Chrysalis’s speech. “And… now.”

Faster than anypony could react, a massive paw tore through the roof of the castle and sped towards Chrysalis. She could only watch as it readied to smash her. Strangely, her expression matched not that of horror but apathy.

“Oh, dang it. He was actually telling the truth,” Chrysalis muttered before succumbing to the weight of the massive paw instantaneously as it destroyed that entire section of the castle.

Rays of magic erupted from underneath the astral bear’s paw, racing into the sky before scattering into numerous rays of light. Every changeling in the vicinity hissed out in pain as bright aura ripped itself from their hides, soaring into the atmosphere. Peter watched in mild fascination as neon lights burst throughout the land, rising from the dank depths of the earth.

The land itself brightened somewhat, with the sun’s rays peeking through the diminishing dark clouds. The pods in the hatcheries and surrounding camps cracked before bursting, allowing some of the captives to slither free and collapse onto the floor. Ursa lifted her paw, revealing the cracked husk that was Chrysalis. The exoskeleton disintegrated into dust before the wind carried the particles away in a breeze.

Peter raised both hooves gleefully as every changeling in the vicinity ran away. “We win!”

Suddenly, Pinkamena, Applejack, Sweetie Belle, and Rainbow Dash cheered loudly as they sat on Ursa’s head. “And nopony died!” Dinky whooped, emerging from behind Ursa’s ear.

Trixie shot up, smiling as all malevolent energies rushed from her being. “I’m free, too! And alive!”

Peter let out a relieved sigh. “Yeah! I’m glad I actually remembered where Ursa was right away. I can’t imagine if I didn’t. With all of those changelings, Chrysalis, and Trixie, some of us probably would have died, and I would have fallen even deeper into a spiral of misery and guilt.” The stallion brushed his shoulder free of dust and smile. “Hindsight is amazing.”

Within the confines of a small cafe, four ponies sat at a table, each garbed in heroic attire. Twilight smiled widely, clapping her hooves together happily. “This cafe is nice! We’ll have to come back here!”

“Not going to lie. I feel a bit weirded out,” Batman muttered, his gravelly voice filled with hesitation. Bruce stared at his hooves for what seemed like an eternity before he eased into his seat. “Why are we horses?”

“Fits the theme. I think it’s pretty cool,” Superman lightly responded, managing a smile as he shared a glance with his two guests. Peter and Twilight both chuckled, sitting between the heroes. Superman nodded. “So, what happened next?”

“You know, the usual,” Peter stated, raising a hoof. “Made it back home and raised my family. Fought some bad guys. Kicked their butts. I’m just glad everything went well in the future. If I caught PTSD or made huge mistakes, that could have held me back.”

“Not to mention that I didn’t hold a grudge, which would have made him feel even worse! Can you imagine if he would have cheated on me or something?” Twilight chuckled.

Batman’s masked eyes furrowed. “Sounds dark.” Clearing his throat, Bruce straightened his posture. “Okay, I have a serious question. It’s been bothering me for a while. Don’t you think it’s weird that you married a pony without even thinking twice about it?”

“What are you, a xenophobe?” Peter questioned, arching a brow.

Superman shook his head and exhaled. “Don’t mind him. He doesn’t trust aliens-- or anybody-- easily. I get it, though. It’s no different from Lois and me dating: two people from different worlds, literally, getting together.”

Smiling, Peter shared a nod with Clark. “Thanks, Supes! You totally get it! Besides, you see how adorable she is! How can I say no to that?!”

Batman rolled his eyes. “Well, it’s not the worst. At least you didn’t do a Saturday Night fever strut down a New York street and turn all emo.” He paused, glancing to the side. “And you haven’t snapped because you lost a girlfriend and held someone at gunpoint.”

“Say what?” Twilight questioned, tilting her head to the side.

Superman waved a hoof dismissively. “Don’t ask. Either way, things went pretty good for you. I’d say this crossover was a modest success. Little clumsy here and there, but with some modifications, I’d think it could be good. For such a silly premise, you guys made it work!”

Everypony at the table nodded, sharing Superman’s sentiment. However, Batman frowned before narrowing his glare on Peter. “So, did you really cry that much through the first story?”

Spider-Mane rubbed the back of his head with a hoof. “Yeah. When I first got to Ponyville, I hadn’t really recovered from my girlfriend’s death, since it had only been a month. I couldn’t help but cry. Twilight invading my privacy probably didn’t help that either.” Peter cleared his throat upon receiving a glare from Twilight. He waved a hoof dismissively afterward... “I’m not used to having that much emotional support.”

“It’s not a bad thing. Based off what I heard, you could use some emotional support,” Superman affirmed before the corner of his lips curled into a smirk. “Otherwise, you start brooding like that guy over there. Nobody likes a debbie downer.”

Batman huffed. “Is that why they made you all depressed in Man of Steel and Dawn of Justice?”

Superman winced, throwing a hand over his own face. “Ugh. Low blow, dude.”

Twilight tilted her head to the side. “Do you ever cry, Mister Batman?”

Shaking his head, Batman frowned. “No. Do you know why?”

“Why?” Twilight innocently questioned, oblivious to Superman and Spider-Mane burying their faces in their hooves respectively as to what was about to transpire.

BECAUSE I’M BATMAN!” he exclaimed eagerly, smiling devilishly while Twilight simply blinked. Reaching out, Batman took hold of his cup of coffee with a hoof and sipped some of the warm substance before clearing his throat. “Spider-Mane is a stupid name.”

The End

Author's Note:

This was fun. I don't mind poking fun at this series. It's littered with plotholes. If you guys would like another chapter, leave suggestions in the comments. Otherwise, this was just a small break for me as I work on the reboot. Take care!