One night, the Mane 7 are star gazing up at the night sky, when suddenly a green, shooting star comes falling down and crashes into the Everfree Forest, out of curiosity the girls run to it to see what it is. They find out the shooting star was actually a pony, or at least a creature resembling a pony, but it was all black, it had no mouth or nose visible, and its eyes were bright green. Knowing that it came from space, the girls assume this creature is not from Equestria nor from anywhere on the planet. They decide to hang out with the creature and try to show it around Ponyville and Equestria, hoping to make friends with it. Why has this creature come to Equestria though? Was it sent here by its race? Does it have any super natural powers? Is it really a friend, or is it a foe?
NOTE: The story is a work in progress and so far, only one chapter is available, more will come soon.
Awesome!
For a first story, I'd say this is a pretty good start so far. Two things, though.
1) At the beginning, you suddenly seem to shift into present-tense writing (
). It's usually more advisable to use a past-tense writing style.
2)
The bold print and underlining are unnecessary.
But other than that, good start. I'm gonna add this to tracking. I kinda want to see where this goes. :)
9110972
Thanks for letting me know, I'll try to correct it later when I have the chance. And thanks for your support.
9111303
Happy to help. :)
Interesting read, I find here,
AWESOME!
lol.
Yeah that would pretty much be my reaction if someone told me they had a portal to another dimension inside them. Loving this story so far and can't wait for the next chapter. Keep up the great work 
While unexpected a romance between Zeon and Luna does seem interesting as both feel like out place at times, Luna from her past and Zeon due to the fact that he's an alien. I'm looking forward to see how you will develop (just try not to rush it to much as right now the chemistry between them seemed kind of quick but still inside the realm of possibility when you consider that Zeon is an alien and would be much more direct with her as he isn't to intimidated about her royal status) and hope to see chapter four soon
I have in all seriousness dreamt of a dimensional waste extraction portal for at least the past 30 years.
9251200
Really?
9251195
Don't worry, I plan to make this story as long as possible, at least as if it was a half hour special on TV or something.
Hahaha, "must be an alien, let's invite it into our homes!" if only...
Interesting. But a lot of logistical problems. Like, why is it here? If they reproduce, do their anal portals split somehow? Is it really secretly an amoeba? How does it know equestrian cuisine? Actually, how does it know planetary rotation speed in comparison to its own? And language! 😱
Anyways, moving on in the story...
Ah, so an ancient. Hrm...
Interesting I wonder if you will ever finish this story
9898358
Hi there, I’m sorry for the long wait. I know this story was just getting interesting, but unfortunately I’m not sure if I’ll ever finish it. I’ve just entered college and I’ve recently became an indie game developer.
I still love this story though, it would’ve been interesting if there was an alien that the Mane 6 made friends with.