• Member Since 3rd Jun, 2018
  • offline last seen Yesterday


I honestly don't know at this point~

Comments ( 56 )


Cool, you just need to use the period more. I don't know where a sentence ends or where it begins and you sometimes use 'words' instead of "words" when someone is speaking.

Good job

Comment posted by Seascape deleted Aug 15th, 2018

Thanks I thought it was alot worse.

Don't you mean syndrome?

I just now realized that :L

Hmm. You should really look at the written guide of this site, It is very helpful. Especially the paragraph and dialogue sections but here is a key rule said in there

This way is way easier to follow along with the story and make the paragraph smaller. You should really avoid long paragraphs as much as you can.

'words' means thinking and ''words'' means that I am making said character talk.

And about this. People here, and every author ever really, use Italics without quotations to indicate the thoughts of the person. I guess you can do whatever you want, it isn't like a rule or anything as far as I know. But even if, you should really add words like "He thought" or "He said in his mind" on the paragraph where he said that.

Quick example:

How long has this dream been going on? An hour? two? he thought. Any time now. Suddenly, I'm standing on the front porch of my house waving the last goodbye to... My family he said to himself before the scene changes to some police officers standing at my front door. hello officers they look sad, Is there anything wrong?

And this will be just one paragraph, you should have continued with the rest with a new one since the officers responded to the question. At least this is what I get from that paragraph.

Sorry, I guess this went too long. Sorry if I overhelp, I have difficulties sleeping and typing really helps me out :P

Its not over helping; I appreciate all the help I can get and also I knew I had messed up the sentence but I had something to do the next morning. Thanks

God damn that’s cold.

More words for the book god!

I have to ask what kind of universe you used there, it nearly sounds as if he would not be the only human who is going to appear in equestria.

What do you mean?

Well I'm not sure if this is a universe where everyone on earth slowly get'S turned into mlp characters and appears in Equestria or stuff like that, I think I wanted to know if that is the type of story since I'm not always a fan of it.
I would like it if he is one of the only once and if there has to be a Villain then maybe it's not a human.
I'm just saying this in chase something like that was planned.

TBH I'm re reading the new chapter I am making and I keep getting better ideas and change it a lot so don't be surprised if that happens.

when is the next chapter coming out?

Not sure though probably next week

Well. Technically more than a week.

If you could tell me the mistakes in this chapter and how it doesn't go along with the rest of the story that would be nice.

Chapter 4.

Thats what I thought was going to happen

this is not very easy to read

Let’s try to fix that ratio!

Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that’s how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie. I’m a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I’m also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I’m in the seventh year (I’m seventeen). I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

Isn’t this the story with the completely pink dude on the cover?

So, started another rewrite? Got an editor?

Time seemed to slow down as the honking of the semi and my own breathing merged into one, if I could see through the tinted window I bet I would be able to see the face of the driver, sighing as I thought to myself 'I guess this is where it ends..' I blink and felt as a massive force collided into me, everything went dark.

This is also why you don't do situps in the middle of the road without a spotter. If you aren't careful, you get... Tired.

if he is grey he can dress as starswirl for nightmare night

Interesting premise, the guy had killed his parents, I wonder why? I am guessing that he has some mental issues that wasn't properly treated or that he got off his meds and was suffering withdrawal at the time. I wonder why he suddenly reincarnated into a pony, and why the Sparkles, could he be thinking that he is under the influence of some drug maybe. Or could it be that he had lashed out against abusing parents of his; from the sounds of his comments I doubt it seeing that he didn't sound alarmed in anyway.

From the synopsis looks like he will the third foal of the Sparkle family I wonder what will be his name and if his mental issues will follow him there? What sort of influence will he have over Twilight's and Shining developement?

I wonder what relevance his old human life will it have in the course of his new pony one?

Also if you are looking for a cover art I am open for commissions, I have done a number of cover art here on fimfiction, you can PM me if you want to know more. Here is the link to me DA gallery if you want to take a look.

Good luck on your story you are on a good start.

At first it was, though I decided to change it due to the fact that I wasnt thinking at the creation of the story.

At the moment? No, I don't have one.

Mmm, nice to see this story get work done on it

It's been itching the back of my mind for the longest time, so I thought, why not? the chapters beforehand were sloppily made.

Good luck to you then!

I had no idea this had updated until I checked why you added ot to the Animals folder of the Humans Turned ??? group.

Also, this doesn't count as human turned animal.

Did I add that to animals? My mistake.

Very cute so far, your writing is already remarkably better in this chapter, keep up the good work. I hope we will see Nightlight and shining too.

Doing a lot better!


you might want to use a text to speech program to help with with the words you occupationally misspell here and there, like Balabolka, but the chapter was overall good, now we just need to know when in the show this is happening. It sounds like he is in the show era with how Cadance seems to be part of the family and not the babysitter at this point, so maybe Flurry is might just be there too. nice job keep it up

I like this "fic" I hope many more chapters

It would be a "HOLY SHIT!" moment, given how he's not even supposed to be developed enough to have motor skills enough to walk independently, much less the fine muscle control required for speech.

Shit sorry man for the PC, fun chapter, I wonder what will be his relation with Spike be like? So he looks like a R63 or Velvet I take it?

Login or register to comment