• Member Since 11th Nov, 2014
  • offline last seen Yesterday


Just a guy who only recently got into MLP: FIM. Saw the first few episodes with my niece and nephew and wanted to see more.



This story is a sequel to The Magical Quest Starring Mickey Mouse: The Equestrian Adventure

It was a fine day in Canterburgh for Quick Quill. After the incident with Theronicus Rex, she believes her life has finally returned to normal. Unfortunately for herself, she has ended up in a rather unusual predicament. Somehow, someway, she has become a character in a very poorly written story.
Whatever magic has led to her life becoming a mess of plotless nonsense, she will have to use her skills as a novelist to set things right.
Not necessarily a sequel to Quick Quill's adventure with Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash and Goofy. More of a spin-off featuring Quill as a character.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 19 )

I know exactly how that feels.

Like you're actually writing a story for some illiterate, inarticulate, incompetent buffoon, instead of editing for them?

I used to be Evictus' editor. Now that IS writing for 'some illiterate, inarticulate, incompetent buffoon, instead of editing for them'.

Try LonelyFanboy48 sometime. That garbage was a nightmare even after I edited it. Can you recommend some of Evictus's work?

This is the worst of his work I had to edit.

[Adult story embed hidden]

Fuck me...I think I caught cancer in the eye from reading that. Got a 'before' draft? Like, an unedited version?

Here you go:

Twilight and Rarity were sitting at a cafe as they had just got done eating, Twilight had wanted to go out that day and since she didn't want to be alone she had contacted Rarity and the both of them agreed to get together for that day.

Twilight never liked going to loud places they always gave her panic attacks but she went to this one anyway as she was treating Rarity to something, Twilight left her crown at home due to not wanting to flaunt her crown for no reason. Twilight however also had a plan for Rarity later on as well and she hasn't told Rarity yet.

As they ate Twilight filled Rarity in on how she has been handling her job and Rarity responded by telling Twilight that she has been taking a break from making dresses for a short time due to having to fill six orders last month, she said that she had deserved a break.

"That's perfectly fine Rarity, I take breaks whenever I can to, it should be allowed for anybody to take breaks, even students have rights to take breaks." Twilight pointed out.

"That's true, I've heard about that before, I'm glad that I'm not slacking off then." Rarity explained. Twilight touched her hand.

"Your not slacking off if your just taking one break but to be honest you need more breaks, you can't keep overworking yourself, I have the same problem sometimes but I always deal with it when I notice that I'm doing it." Twilight said, Rarity nodded and finished up her meal while Twilight finished hers up, once they were done Twilight stood up.

"Do you want to hang out at the castle where I live? We can talk about anything there." Twilight asked as she was planning something mischievous. Rarity shrugged as she thought that it was a good idea, when she did that they went to the castle, when the got inside they examined the huge walls for a bit before stopping.

"Would you like to sleep here tonight as well...I mean I don't have anything to serve for tomorrow so you won't be getting breakfast but at least the rest of the night will be fun." Twilight said but Rarity shook her head.

"No I don't want to spend the night here I have my own place to sleep...so what do you want to do? I mean there must be some reason that you wanted to take me here, besides hanging out as you so put it darling, I was wondering what you have been up to." Rarity said.

"Oh you will see..." Twilight teased, for some reason that made Rarity suspicious, Rarity had no idea what Twilight meant by that, she also wondered why Twilight didn't tell her what she wanted to do.

"Hey Rarity do you want to see my bedroom...." Twilight suggested in an innocent voice, Rarity seeing no malice in the suggestion agreed as she trusted Twilight, so Twilight led her to the bedroom, when they got their Twilight opened it while Rarity looked at her with a suspicious look. She wondered by Twilight was doing things in a slow manner, it was like she was luring Rarity into a trap.

When she opened the door Rarity saw what was inside and almost bolted but Twilight restrained her. Inside was a pair of ankle stocks, Rarity tied this all together as she had a memory dating back to two weeks where Twilight and her were having a sleepover, Rarity and Twilight had been playing and joking around and Rarity told Twilight that if she had the nerve she would have played around with Twilight in a very fetishistic and sexual manner and then proceeded to tickle and kiss Twilight jokingly. Twilight told her to be careful or she would reverse the tables on Rarity and do something to her.

"So you said that you wanted to play around with me huh and possibly score with me...Well guess what now it's my turn...and trust me when I say that I'm certainly going to have fun....tickling you...and do more than that." Twilight threatened, Rarity was truly fucked now, she knew that Twilight knew how to get under her skin, Twilight was possibly going to have sex with Rarity or tickle her.

"Twilight...listen....if you lay your hands on my body I swear I'll..." Rarity said, Twilight interrupted her.

"You'll do what, scream for help? Come on Rarity just put your ankles in the stocks so we can get this over with, the faster we can deliver out your punishment the sooner we can relax or go to a park or someplace.

"And what if I don't willingly do that...are you going to use force against me? For what not wanting to go through with your sick dream of touching me?" Rarity asked. Twilight thought about that for a few moments.

"If not then then you'll be put to them screaming and begging...whether you like it or not....and don't bother trying to hide in your home to prevent that as have a spare key to your house. After that I can just carry you to my place which you will then cause a scene or bring the stocks over your place and tickle you there..." So what's your decision Rarity?" Twilight said with a slight smirk.

Rarity felt enraged at Twilight, she couldn't believe how perverted Twilight was being she wanted to run and hide for all it was worth but knew that wasn't a possibility as Twilight was stronger and smarter than Rarity. She looked over at the bed and looked back at Twilight.

"Fine...how many minutes do you want me here for so you can have your way with me?" Rarity asked.

"I'm only asking for an hour. After that I'll let you go....just don't let this cause a rift between our friendship..." Twilight said.

Fuck you Twilight, this is assault you bet that this is going to cause a rift in our friendship, your not putting me into the stocks!" Rarity shouted, Twilight smirked.

"I don't have to if you get into them yourself, I'll give you three minutes and if your not on the bed in that time frame I'll lock you in them myself." Twilight threatened, Rarity sighed. She did not want to do this. She looked over at the stocks and curled her toes in dread. Twilight waited for her. Rarity sighed and removed her shoes and coat signaling that she was going along with Twilight's demands.

Twilight opened the stocks and turned to Rarity she looked down at Rarity's feet.

"Socks off as well, your lucky you will get to keep them after you leave or stay for tea." Twilight suggested, that enraged Rarity, she wondered how Twilight could suggest she stay after she tortures her. She glared.

"Fuck you Twilight." Rarity snarled, Twilight shrugged.

"Oh well...this is all on you. If you hadn't done what you did to me you wouldn't be in this predicament right about now. Stop complaining and remove them now." Twilight ordered, that tone made Rarity shut up, she didn't want to make Twilight more angry than she was as she had no idea what lengths Twilight would go to to possibly humiliate and torture her. Rarity removed her socks and tried to look at the room for an escape path but found out that Twilight had already locked the door. There was no way she was getting out.

Rarity reluctantly laid down on the bed and placed her ankles into the stocks and Twilight undressed Rarity and put Rarity into a latex bodysuit for her own sick viewing pleasure and then closed and locked the stocks. Rarity blushed, she was not looking forward to this. Twilight tied Rarity's arms to the bed post and tied Rarity's toes back so she couldn't move her feet at all.

Rarity knew that she wasn't going to be able to do anything about Twilight torturing her. She was hopelessly stuck and unable to move anywhere. Twilight took out some baby oil and opened the bottle.

Twilight you can't just do this to me and not get away with it! Get that fucking brush away from my FEHEHEHEHEHEET YOU BITCH HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Rarity screamed, Twilight smirked as the tickling had finally stopped Rarity's protests. Twilight made sure to cover Rarity's feet in baby oil in a slow torturous manner.

Rarity bounced and struggled on the bed as Twilight gently painted the oil onto her bare soles, her feet were now getting slickened torturously by Twilight, Twilight paid extra attention at getting the heel and toes covered while the soles were easily covered in a quick manner.

Rarity was suffering in laughter, this was the worst thing she had ever felt. Twilight giggled as she covered Rarity's exposed foot bottoms to a torment beyond her comprehension, Rarity struggled as she did all that she could to try and fight against she binds but it did no good.

Twilight smiled playfully as she painted the baby oil into Rarity's ticklish foot bottoms, every crevice and toe of Rarity's was drenched in the sensitivity enhancing oil and there was nothing that she could do about it.

"Fuhuhuhuhuhuhuck! You'll pay for this you bihihihihich!" Rarity threatened through her laughter but Twilight didn't buy it one bit, sure I will!" Twilight laughed in disbelief. Rarity's screaming got even louder as Twilight painted Rarity's bare feet without mercy.

The sight of Rarity's feet being covered with the oil along with Rarity's laughter was causing Twilight smile in a sadistic manner as she was finally getting some well deserved payback against Rarity for what she did.

Rarity was now laughing so hard that tears were going down her face like a water fall, she lost track of how many amounts of baby oil Twilight had painted onto her bare soles and toes. This felt like an awful nightmare, Rarity was so pissed off while she laughed hysterically.

Stahahahahap with the fuhuhHahahahaha with the fucking brush!!" Rarity laughed. Twilight smirked as she was going to continue no matter how Rarity begged, Rarity's head started to bounce against the pillow as tormented laughter left Rarity's mouth.

Soon Rarity's feet were done being drenched but Twilight made sure to get the spots that she missed as she didn't want to leave any uncovered. Rarity wiggled desperately on the bed screaming and laughing for Twilight to have mercy on her.

Soon Twilight stopped and put little spinning fuzzy electronic pads between Rarity's toes, this was the fun part, the part she had been waiting for the most, Rarity knew what Twilight was doing to her feet and struggled desperately to get out.

"God dammit Twilight! Fucking stop this right now! I have authority!" Rarity threatened, Twilight laughed and soon turned on the spinning pads which now began to tickle Rarity.

Rarity's eyes shot open as she let out the loudest shriek all into the house as she struggled and pled for Twilight to turn whatever was tickling her toes off but Twilight didn't care as she stood back and watched.

Rarity pleaded desperately for Twilight to have mercy on her but Twilight wasn't going to hear her begging any longer she proceeded to lock her own feet in the stocks by Rarity's and then dug her fingers into Rarity's ribs as the the spinning wheels continued to tickle Rarity's toes.

Twilight stared at Rarity with a neutral expression as she dug into her ribs with her fingers as she tickled all along Rarity's ribs and under arms torturing her to a degree that was going to drive Rarity crazy.

Rarity's screams of laughter only increased as did her torment, Twilight was relentless which her friend as she punished Rarity to the most extremes by tickling her in order to drive her to the limit.

Both Twilight and Rarity were both aroused the only difference was was that Twilight didn't mind being aroused while Rarity did, Rarity was hating this and possibly loving this, each crevice of her toes was getting a deep and thorough tickling while her under arms were worked over by Twilight.

"Lehehehehehehehet mehehehehehehehehe gohohohohohhohohohoho!" Rarity screamed which only caused Twilight to tickle her under arms even faster, Twilight pressed a button on a controller causing the spinning wheels to tickle Rarity's toe crevices even faster.

"Hahahahahahahahaha Nohohohohohohohoho! Get me ouhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhut!" Rarity shrieked right into Twilight's ear which caused Twilight to wince and scribble her nails along Rarity's ribs just for that. Rarity was screaming and laughing as her tears and sweat had now drenched her entire face.

Rarity's face was now completely red, she was going to pass out at this rate and she wouldn't be surprised if Twilight would cause that to happen, Twilight realized that Rarity was having enough so she decided to tickle her for a one more second.

Rarity pleaded to whoever was listening to her inside her head to stop Twilight from torturing her to death, she couldn't stand the stimulation any longer than she already had, every nerve of hers was in ticklish hell especially the crevices between her toes.

Rarity was getting closer to pissing her pants, she tried to hold back as she didn't want to urinate herself but it proved impossible as Twilight's fingers scribbling at her underarms and those fuzzy micro rollers were driving her to the brink of when her floodgates would break open.

Rarity then screamed loudly as she pissed herself. Twilight could smell what happened and decided that Rarity had been punished enough, she stopped and let Rarity go. Rarity ripped the suit off herself and glared at Twilight.

"Your going to wish you never did that!" Rarity yelled causing Twilight to snicker slightly, Rarity then walked to the bathroom with her clothes and Twilight held her stomach in laughter.

"Oh I'm so evil! That's what you get Rarity! Maybe next time don't flirt with me in the way you did!" Twilight called out. Rarity ignored her and put her clothes back on and left Twilight's castle as she was very enraged. Twilight went back to doing her work and any work Celestia gave her.

Soon Rarity forgave Twilight for what she did, she didn't sue her either as she realized that what Twilight did was perfectly fair since Rarity had started it in the first place.

She learned her lesson that day as she would never tease Twilight that way again, she did however plot revenge for the princess as Twilight was not going to get away with tickling her without being tickled by her herself.

I'll do you one better. This is just the first chapter of some of the worst garbage I edited. Enjoy:

Poor Boy’s Greatest Saviors

Short Description: The Rainbooms wanted to help an eight year old who has been bullied to the point he almost committed suicide.

Long Description: Oliver, an eight year old boy was a vitamin of bullycide. In the school he was in, bullies have been picking on him and calling mean things to him badly, his friends and family can’t help him even if the bullies have been expelled. Her mother knows he likes going to the beach so she takes him there but he’s still feels too depressed. When the Rainbooms notice what’s going on with the poor boy, they decide to help Oliver to make his day the best day ever while also getting him over his bullycide problem.

Chapter 1

The Rainbooms are enjoying themselves on the beach with the ocean shining, food stands by the parking lot and even tons of activities they can do. Pinkie Pie is making sand castles with Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash and Applejack are surfing by the waves and Sunset, Twilight, Spike and Rarity are laying on their chairs while enjoying the hot sun.
“Is today great or what?” Sunset taking off her glasses.
“I know, I made a list of activities for all of us to do on the beach.” Twilight said as she takes out her list.
“The fact that we made so much money off of everything is just mervious.” Rarity commented.
“And I can’t wait for you girls to use that money for dog toys.” Spike jumped.
“So what do you wanna do after we’re done with sand castles Fluttershy?’ Pinkie lean in to her.
“Maybe we can go swimming?” She said quietly.
“Or how about we go to the kids playhouse together.” She pointed at the beach playhouse that’s in the middle of the beach for the kids to play in.
“Do you think we’re do old for that?”
“Ahh come on, it’s like that big trampoline we jumped on back in athletics class.” Fluttershy doesn’t agree with her because she still feels off at the fact she’s in a playhouse with some kids.
Meanwhile, Applejack and Rainbow Dash landed on the sand after they’re fun with the waves. They take their surfboards and meet Sunset and the others.
“So how was your surfing?” Spike asked.
“Awesome! The waves jumped us in the air and we landed perfectly!” Rainbow boasted.
“Tell me about it. Surfing is the best way to spend our summer!” Applejack said. “So what are we going to do next?”
“Well Pinkie told me to put down the kid’s playhouse.” Applejack put his hand onto his face after hearing that.
“Pinkie really?”
“Come on, it’s not like we’re weird.” Pinkie giggled.
“Yeah, kind of.” Rainbow commented. Sunset Shimmer gets off her chair to talk to Pinkie Pie about the playhouse.
“No offence Pinkie but why don’t you find a kid so he or she would join you. We’re too old to go in the playhouse and we want to do stuff that’s consider big.” Pinkie Pie crossed her arms after hearing Sunset.
“I just wanted to be a kid for five minutes!” She stand up.
Another car parked in the parking lot with a mother and boy inside. They get out of the car while the boy is too depressed to even walk.
“Oliver, come on.” Her mother said.
“I can’t do this…”
“But you wanted to go on the beach. This maybe your first time but it’s the only way to make you feel better.” She took his hand to get something from the stands.
Sunset saw a little boy crying in sadness while her mother is taking him. “Hey, that little kid over there is sad.” She pointed which causes everyone’s attention on Oliver.
“Yeah, why would someone be so sad at the beach?” Applejack said.
“I don’t know, maybe you should talk to his mother.” Spike suggested.
“Good idea.” Twilight replied as the Rainbooms made their way. Oliver is still getting pulled from her mother with his legs scraping the sand. Once the Rainbooms made it to Oliver, he immediately gets behind her mother to get away from her.
“Hey, are you the Rainbooms who performed at his school?” His mom asked.
“You got it.” Rainbow answered confidentially.
“So is this little boy your son?” Applejack asked.
“Yes, his name is Oliver.” The other girls wave at him but Oliver didn’t wave back.
“What’s wrong with him?” Fluttershy said.
The mother didn’t wanted to explain because it’s really personal between Oliver and his school. She also brought her video camera so she can record everything on what her son is doing at the beach.
“I know this is hard to believe but,” She walked up to the girls so they can listen closely. “My son has been bullied at school.”
Sunset Shimmer caught on what she means since she became a bully herself years ago. “Oh is that the reason why he won’t talk to us?”
“That’s not all because there’s a reason why he did show up to your performance at his school. He was at home very depressed because of the bullying. Weeks after, the bullying got worse.”
“How did it got worse with him?”
“He missed school in weeks because the bullies have been threatened him a lot and trust me when I say this, he almost committed suicide until my husband saved him.”
After hearing that, the Rainbooms went complete shock with Rainbow and Applejack dropping their surfboards.
“Seriously?! Went has this been going on?” Twilight shouted a little.
“Since November when the bullies decide to pick on him. They even called him a snitch if he ever tell the teachers on them which is not acceptable.”
Rarity tries to look at Oliver’s mom to see the real reason why he didn’t do it. “What has he’ve been doing during that time Sweetie?”
“At home because worst of all, the bullies use their cameras to record him.”
“How can bullies from his school know how to use cameras?”
“Probably because their parents can trust them at that time. They wanted to bully him harder to the point he will always be defenceless while also uploading them on the internet. But luckily, his friend Tony step up for him, after Oliver almost killed himself he told the teacher about everything and even should them the videos the bullies have been recorded. The bullies have been expelled from school but Oliver still refuses to be part of his school. His friends and our family tried to help but it’s not enough. The only thing I can do is take him to the beach since he wanted to go there. However he’s still unprepared.”
She slowly looked at him still disappointed in him. When the girls still look at Oliver again, he looks horrible with the dirty marks on his face. He’s always stays in his room with no one around him due to his fears getting the best of him. But this gives Sunset an idea.
“Hey, how about we take care of him for the whole day?”
“I’m not sure.”
“No trust me on this, if he gets some quality with people who are sweet and helpful like us he’ll probably be back to the way her was.” The other girls step in for Sunset’s genius idea.
“He’ll have all the greatest moments in his life with us if you accept it.” Pinkie Pie said.
“We’re show him natural animals and love.” Fluttershy added.
“I’ll make a beautiful costume for the darling.” Rarity added.
“And I’ll give this dude the best swimming experience of his life.” Rainbow wrapped her arm around Oliver despite Oliver still unhappy.
“I made a list of activities and I’ll be delighted if he joins us.” Twilight taking out her list.
“And at the end of the day, Oliver will be back to his loveable self again for the rest of his life.” Applejack tipped her hat.
The mother smiled after the Rainbooms are willing to help her son. She hands Twilight her camera and slowing pushes Oliver towards the girls.
“I have faith in all of you, I’ll be back at the end of the day to pick him up and make sure to record everything. This is really important.”
While Sunset is hugging Oliver to make him feel better, she shakes the mother’s hand.
“Oliver will be back to being happy when you come back.” She winked her and so to Oliver. Once Oliver’s mother left the beach, the Rainbooms take Oliver on an amazing day at the beach.

Is the lack of indentation from the original draft?

It is. I had to sift through each scattered, half brained thought. Just to figure out where each paragraph began and ended.

Here's the story after I edited it.

TPoor Boy’s Greatest Saviors
The Rainbooms offers to help an eight year old who has been bullied to the point he almost committed suicide.
Lonely Fanboy48 · 9.2k words  ·  26  15 · 1.7k views

God, we've had to edit some real crap, haven't we?

Oh yeah. I'm much more selective about my clientele these days. As of now, I'm working with a kid who is a first time writer, and another guy who just needs help with paragraph structure and comma placement. Both of them are much easier than that garbage I showed you here.

Yeah. I recently wrote a trollfic satirising most of the rubbish I have to edit.

That, I have to read. What's it called?

Oh, such sympathy have I for Quick Quill right now.

I know what you mean. I've had to rewrite other people's stories from the beginning too. These days, I have a stricter screening process for my editing clients.

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