• Member Since 17th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen January 20th




After moving from Las Pegasus to Ponyville, you quickly became friends with Fluttershy. She's caring and generous, just like you are. She always helps her friends when they're in need, no matter what.

Recently, however, you've noticed the timid pegasus seems to have changed, being even more reserved than usual. What happened to your friend, and can you do anything about it?

Yes, this is yet another second-person story and my first attempt at sensual writing. I do hope you enjoy it.
SFG rating: [Romantic] to [Cheeky]

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 25 )

That was a good story. I dident see any mistakes

I think my heart just exploded AND melted att the same time.

1010373 Thanks a lot! :twilightsheepish:

However, I do think some parts of the story sound a little...awkward, for lack of a better word. That's always the case when I write in English.

Oh well. :moustache:

1010406 That's what I was aiming for. :pinkiehappy:

That was a pretty dam good story Megtron likes

Pia #5 · Aug 1st, 2012 · · ·

Beautiful. :fluttercry:
I LOVED IT! :yay:

As is my obligation, I read any and all 2nd-Person stories involving Fluttershy, and I must say, that was quite cute! You dove into emotions and details quite well!

If you don't mind, I'd like to point out a few little quips here and there:

So y'all wanna buy some Sweet Appe Acres' finest, ah reckon?", Applejack asked.
Missing an 'L' it seems

Ponies were busy shopping and chatting, their happy voices eching through the morning air.

"I, uh, noticed you walk off the market, and you seemed to be upset about something, so I just...wanted to ask what was wrong?"
This phrase should be something along the lines of 'I noticed you leaving the market,' or 'I noticed you walking out of the market.'

Something was obiously bothering her; you knew her long enough to tell that.
I believe that's 'obviously?'

Gulping down your axiety, you gently massaged her left wing,
Missed an 'N.'

Hadn't you run into Rainbow Dash during your shopping and hadn't she started a heated discussion about whether cumulus or cirrus clouds were the best clouds to relax on (you've had that argument once before, and it had almost ended in a brawl), you would've reached the hay stand in time.
This sentence is structured a tad awkwardly. Try this:
If you hadn't run into Rainbow during your shopping, and if she hadn't started a heated discussion about whether cumulus or cirrus clouds were the best clouds to relax on (an argument you've had before, which almost ended up in a brawl), you would have reached the hay stand in time.

EDIT: Something I forgot to mention. It says something about moving to Ponyville from Las Pegasus, but it's never really explored. It doesn't draw away from the story, but it would have been nice if it were mentioned a bit more, such as why the main character moved away.

Hope this helped, and I'd like to see more from you, mate! :yay:

You should put a warning on this story, because my hearth just melted in cuteness :fluttercry:

Thank you all! :yay:

1011517: Both ratings 'teen' and 'romantic' aren't enough? :derpytongue2:

1010827: Thanks a lot! Fixed the typos and switched the sentences.
Regarding the main character's past, I intended to leave it as open as possible so the reader could fill it with his own ideas.
Could've explained at least a bit of the background, though.

Oh well, I'll do better next time! :pinkiehappy:

No, the warning should be.
This story can cause hearth attack and overwhelming urge to hug computer screens.

That was amazing, you have earned yourself a follower.

Dude, stop making me love Fluttershy even more. Shit... haha :rainbowwild:

D'aww! This is a cute, lighthearted and short story that really goes back to SFG's roots. A simple tale of love, some intimate contact without being overtly sexual, and apparently knowing half the Mane 6 for no apparent reason (seriously, Twilight's gonna care about the state of his apartment why?) Well done, sir, I hope to see more of your work soon!

Also, obligatory

1015830 Well, Ponyville's not THAT big, right? So it's likely possible that you get to know everypony quite fast.
And since Twilight is obsessed with organization, she'd most probably freak out if your apartment was a mess. Especially when you have books lying all over the floor. :unsuresweetie:

This is a really nice read, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Great work!

You did a pretty good job, especially since you're not a native English speaker. A sweet story, which is always good to see. :pinkiehappy:

1015946 Someone did the maths once, going by the SSSS6000 episode, with screenshots from avrious other places and counting pixels. End of the day, he worked out that there are roughyl three and a half to four thousand ponies in Ponyville. Which, in human terms, puts it as a large village to small town, and ponies are usually characterised as more social than humans, so while you're unlikely to know everypony... well, Pinkie Pie knows everypony, so you're only two steps removed from anypony you meet. Also Twilight being the local librarian you'd likely know her if you read at all and now I'm rambling so I'll just shut up.

So cute! I love it!

This was just the story I was looking for, and I have to say that it was awesome! :raritystarry:

You seriously need to write a squeal to this and soon... :derpyderp1: It was a fantastic read. :twilightsmile:

1048695 There won't be a sequel to this, sorry. :twilightsheepish:
But no need to worry, I'm already working on another romantic story. This one will involve...nah, I'm not gonna tell. It's a surprise. :pinkiehappy:

Ton's of d'aaaaw. Sensuality. Wingboner. Involves Fluttershy. You my good man have my thumb.
I give this story two mustaches: :moustache::moustache:
Three Flutteryays: :yay::yay::yay:
And a happy Chris Martin from Coldplay:[img]tumblr_m8cdsgxSA51qbh95h[/img]

*heart implodes*

In the name of tartarus That awesome :rainbowkiss:

Interesting story. :twilightsmile:

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