• Member Since 30th Jan, 2014
  • offline last seen 8 hours ago

scifipony


Published Science Fiction Author and MLP G4 fanfiction writer. Like my work? Buy me a cuppa joe or visit my patreon!

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Source

Spike meets a Saddle Arabian filly who was separated from her parents when she was 3 years old. An uncaring government deported them and lost their whereabouts, and now she is searching the world to find them. Spike empathizes with her sense of abandonment because, like her, he realizes he doesn't know the whereabouts of his parents either—but he does know he's going to help her.

Another refugee lends a hoof.


Thanks to DoContra for pre-reading. The other refugee first appeared in Knight of Equestria: Certainty. If you like her part, read that next.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 9 )

No genre tags on this fella?

9152777
A minor oopsie. :derpytongue2: It’s been so long since I last posted a story... anyway.... Drama + Slice of Life is pretty much most MLP episodes, so it could go without saying. It did fix it, though. :twilightblush:

R5h

When this filly is talking about the hardships she went through as a child, it's hard not to feel like this isn't how a three year old would talk about it.

"I haven't seen my real parents since I was nearly three. I remember being worried if we'd celebrate my birthday just before we finally had to leave. The borage harvest had turned to black slime in the fields everywhere and probably ponies without bits ate bark to keep from starving. I remember the captain of the boat promising us, and the rest of the fleeing herd, a land were everypony who could work would eat. That's not what happened."

How well do you remember things from when you were three? Not this well, I think, and I don't think you'd phrase it like this.

Also, Rohan's accent is inconsistent, which can be annoying.

9152887
I respect your opinion, but I would like to point out that Rohan implies in the story that she is 14 years old and states she has thought about her past a lot. MLP fiction sets a precedent for having every line AJ speaks accented. Here, I chose to tune the reader's ear and let them fill in the music for themselves. Didn't work for you and I'm sorry about that. Since you've started the critique, feel free to talk about the plot, and resolution, too, with proper spoiler tags.

Nice story. Season 9 is going to finally fill so real holes. Hopefully.:moustache:

scifipony is back?! :derpyderp1: scifipony is back! :scootangel:

And with Saddle Arabia, a filly who was separated from her parents and an uncaring government..... I see what you did there and I look forward to reading it! :heart:

9154095
Thank you. You gave me a smile. There will be more stories in the coming weeks, too.

Heart-rending stuff, especially Spike's minor existential crisis. The ending does feel a bit rushed—Leed feels a bit too willing to divulge every detail, even if it's in a distant land and to a respected hero—but this was still some great stuff. And I always like seeing Flopsy. I'm glad I finally read it.

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