Scootaloo's Big Mistake

Scootaloo made it a goal of hers, a goal to become the fastest scooter driver of all time. She still wanted to be an awesome flyer like Rainbow Dash, but that was a some day she was perfectly content to wait for. Once she learned how to fly her scooter would be useless, best to leave a lasting impact on it while she still could.

Of course doing such a thing was pretty hard for one pony, but the filly had friends to help cheer her on and help her with these goals. And so it was that the filly started going beyond the kind of plain old stunts she normally did, pushing the boundary more and more toward awesome (but also quite dangerous) stunts.

It was because of this that Scootaloo sat alone in the detention room all by herself. Today she tried doing a dangerous trick on her scooter that could have hurt her really badly.

Miss Cheerilee had warned Scootaloo “I don’t want to see you doing any kind of dangerous stunts on your scooter, especially on school grounds. You or somepony else could get seriously hurt if you’re not careful.”

“Okay, Miss. Cheerilee.” Scootaloo had nodded in agreement but the pegasus decided to do something anyway, after school. It was a trick that involved rolling her scooter down the slide and zipping off the edge of it, it would be not unlike simulated flight (for a few seconds).

But Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon had ratted Scootaloo out to Cheerilee, who confiscated Scootaloo’s scooter and put the filly in detention.

“Stupid Diamond Tiara and Silver spoon, bunch of goody two shoes,” The filly grumbled. “I knew what I was doing. I’m not an idiot. Why do they think I always wear my helmet?” She then began to look back to how this had started:

“How could you just rat me out like that?! I thought we were friends!” Scootaloo had accusingly shouted at Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon! “Friends don't tell on other ponies like that!” Annoyed beyond all belief that the ponies she thought she could trust would go behind her back and tell Miss. Cheerilee. All she’d wanted to do was one little trick what was so wrong with that? It wasn’t even that risky.

“We’re sorry, Scootaloo,” Diamond apologized as she tried her hardest not to look frightened. “But you know safety matters. I didn’t want to see my newest friend crash her scooter and split her head open.”

“B-besides,” Silver stuttered. “That trick is too dangerous for young ponies like us. Y-you should at least have an adult watch you, you could get seriously hurt.”

“You will go into detention right now young lady,” Cheerilee had sternly scolded. “I can’t believe you would disobey me like this! Rest assured, your parents will know about this!” And she’d proceeded to march the filly back into the school house while everypony else went home.

Scootaloo had now spent the last two hours in detention with Cheerilee, the pegasus’ eyes twitched as the clock kept ticking, the big hand moving past the number twelve and starting a new hour. A sigh of frustration escaped her lips. All Miss. Cheerilee had told her to do was sit down and either read a book or find something quiet to do in the classroom while the teacher contacted her parents (or even her aunts if possible, which would be the more likely scenario).

“This is so frustrating,” Cheerilee let out a sigh. “I specifically sent word to both of her legal guardians. It appears they’ve left Scootaloo with Rainbow Dash, what a bad time too. Rainbow Dash could be teaching at Twilight’s school for all I know. But I can’t keep Scootaloo here all day, I have to plan for tomorrow’s lessons.” She wrote some details down in her book but was also sure to keep an eye on Scootaloo.

Just then Sweetie Belle came walking back into the classroom. “Miss. Cheerilee?” She’d greeted with uncertainty. “Apple Bloom and I were just wondering, how long until Scootaloo can leave? I’m sure she’s learned her lesson.”

Cheerilee just sighed. “I’m afraid Scootaloo is going to stay here until somepony can pick her up. At this point I may have no choice but to walk her to Sweet Apple Acres and have her stay with the Apples for the night.”

“Aw heck no! There's no way I’m staying that long! After all the pony taking care of me has Wonderbolt practice tonight! And there’s no way I’m staying with the Apples, they’ll make me do all of Apple Bloom’s chores!” Scootaloo groaned and quickly grabbed her saddle bag! She opened one of the school windows and leaped out even as she heard her teacher call her name.

“SCOOTALOO?! SCOOTALOO! SCOOTALOO, get back here! I did not give you permission to leave!” Cheerilee shouted! But Scootaloo was gone before the teacher could reach her. All she was saw Scootaloo grab her scooter and take off in a blur of speed.

Cheerilee sighed, slinking into her chair. “Great, now I have to explain this to Rainbow Dash, or whoever is actually supposed to be watching Scootaloo.”

Sweetie Belle just shook her head. “Scootaloo’s going to be in BIG trouble for this,” She softly spoke, before adding. “Well I guess I’ll return to Apple Bloom and let her know. Maybe the two of us can catch Scootaloo.”

Scootaloo zoomed out of the school yard very quickly. Although she was happy about it now, she wasn’t exactly looking forward to the punishment she would likely get when she got back home. She tried to ignore the growing feeling of guilt in her stomach and rolled straight to the Ponyville Skatepark, which was empty. “Excellent!” She cheered. “That means I can focus on trying my new trick without some dumb adult getting in the way, lecturing me on safety,” She started to talk likes the adults, even imitating their words. “‘Be careful, Scootaloo you might hurt yourself.’ ‘That's dangerous, you shouldn't be doing stupid stunts like that.’ She let out a fake gag. “Ugh! I’m not some dumb foal, I can take care of myself.” But now was not the time to complain about the adults, now was the time to try her new move. The World Wind!

“It's said to be a very hard trick, but somepony like myself should be able to handle it,” Scootaloo told herself. “It can’t be that hard, I’ve seen Rainbow Dash and the Wonderbolts do stuff like this all the time.” She thought and put her purple helmet back on, but the filly realized she’d forgotten her knee pads. The filly shook her head, she was a pro at doing these amazing tricks, she wouldn’t need her knee pads. “Let's do this!” She declared, her wings flapping as she prepared to do the most amazing trick ever!

Scootaloo failed quite a few times, it took awhile for her to get the hang of it. At last she launched into the air and almost got it right. She almost had The World Wind complete, but she lost her balance and was sent flying into the hard cement! Lifting her head the filly realized her helmet had absorbed the impact and her wings seemed to be okay. But a wincing pain shot through her as she held onto her back leg.

And that’s when she saw It! “Blood? She asked, eyeing the noticeable red patch forming. She had a few bandages in her saddle bag, but she’d set those aside at the top of the ramp (her scooter looked like it had been slightly dented but she could worry about that later). She tried to walk back up the ramp, but immediately regretted it and winced in pain. “Ouch! That hurt more than I thought..” She mentally pondered before realizing exactly what her friends and all the grown-ups had been talking about! “They were right!.” The pegasus realized!

Poor Scootaloo couldn't really do much but sit down and wait for help. No matter what she did it hurt just to walk “Drats, I hate admitting defeat, and I hate when other ponies are right!” She groaned.

Rainbow Dash was beyond mad when she learned what Scootaloo did at school and the fact she’d skipped school. “I’m watching her while her family’s away! I get Dizzy was busy getting ready to leave and didn’t have time to tell her about Holiday and Lofty, but still. This Is the most irresponsible thing Scootaloo has ever done! How could she?! I know she was raised better than this!” She remarked as she came within view of the skate park. Though she could see no clear sign of the filly, she had a gut feeling her little sister would be here.

“Oh, when I find that filly she's going to be in so much trouble, and I’m going to tell her mother about this.” She said aloud, just as she happened to spot Scootaloo holding onto her back right leg. Her sisterly instincts instantly sprang into action, overriding any desire to scold Scootaloo for her behavior! Her little sister had a small cut on her back leg, nothing too serious but it still needed immediate attention. It looked like it had been bleeding for a few minutes!

Scootaloo’s ears flopped down upon hearing somepony land behind her. She gulped seeing Dash with an angry and worry driven expression on her face. “Uh, h-hi Rainbow Dash, “She said In a playful giggle. “W-what are you doing here?

Rainbow Dash sighed. “Well Cheerilee said you left detention, for starters. And not only that but you left to do an extremely dangerous trick, that you of all ponies should know not to do. Just because I do awesome and dangerous things all the time as a Wonderbolt, doesn’t mean you can do them!” Then she sighed. “But I can’t worry about that now. Let's get you back to my place and I can get you fixed up before that gets infected. You’re lucky you only have a cut and didn’t break anything. You could’ve even ended up in the hospital!” She grabbed Scootaloo without giving her time to talk and flew as fast as she could, not leaving her sister time to speak.

It only took a few minutes for Rainbow to get home, when she did she immediately put Scootaloo in the guest room (Which was where Scootaloo stayed everytime she was sleeping over) and quickly got some antibiotic and a few bandages. She was quick to pour the antibiotic onto Scootaloo’s wound and then bandaged her up.

Then it was time for the lecture. “Scootaloo, I am very disappointed in you! Why in the name of Celestia would you even do any of this?! You know it's dangerous and you still did it! You’re a growing filly, Scoots and yet today you acted like a foal! You made everypony worry!” As she finished a few tears started to leak out of Scootaloo’s eyes. Rainbow quickly gave her little sister a hug.

“I’m sorry to make you worry, Rainbow Dash,” Scootaloo sobbed into her big sister’s chest. “I just… I just really wanted to do this trick. You have no idea how cool it was! I read It in this magazine and… I just thought... ‘Maybe if I accomplish it, then ponies will take me more seriously! They’ll stop commenting on my wings, and talk about my awesome scooter skills!’”

“If that's all you wanted you could’ve asked me for help. I wouldn't mind watching you do the trick and maybe with me there you wouldnt’ve had this happen.” Rainbow softly but firmly replied, giving Scootaloo a little pat on the head.

Scootaloo realized Dash was right. Even so she had to ask “Am I in trouble?”

Her big sister nodded in reply. “Oh yes, but here's the deal. If you apologize to your teacher and whoever else warned you about this trick, I’ll forgive you and your punishment will be a grounding for two weeks. And I might even help you with this trick next time. I’m actually kind of eager to see you do it.”

Scootaloo smiled. “Okay, I’ll apologize tomorrow. For now, I want to spend time with my big sis!”

“Okay then, squirt,” Rainbow smiled in reply as she sat on the guest bed. “How about some Daring Do?”

Author's Note:

Just a random Idea I thought of, a small hopefully sweet story.

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Samey90

Samey90 #1 · Aug 12th, 2018 · 7 · 4 ·

2014 called, they want their Scootaloo fic back.

Seriously, this reads like an old fic, mostly because Scootaloo feels like her pre-cutie mark self, ignoring, like, three seasons of development (it wasn't much, but still, the CMC don't do a lot of dangerous stuff these days. Iirc, Scootaloo last used her scooter a season and half ago, in Parental Glideance). Well, the mention of Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon also make me suspect that you don't hold Crusaders of the Lost Mark in a very high regard.

But that's not the main point of my criticism. Some better authors still write fics that take place in S2 or S3 and it works. I keep saying that to a lot of authors and it keeps happening, but what you wrote here is not a story. It's an outline. You just write an extremely condensed version of events without any substance. That's basically something you write as a first draft and then fill it with details, yet you already posted it. The first sentence alone:

Scootaloo made it a goal of hers, a goal to become the fastest scooter driver of all time.

could be a whole story on its own. Then we get this gem:

Today she tried doing a dangerous trick on her scooter that could have hurt her really badly.

Whoa. So gripping (not). We don't get any details beyond the narrator telling us that the trick was dangerous. Oh, and any tension immediately goes out the window since we already know she survived. Paint me a vivid description of this trick. I'd like to feel a thrill. I'd like to believe her life might be in danger (as the description promises). The description of World Wind at least shows some attempt, but it's still meh. Also, we get a sample of your idea of dialogue:

Poor Scootaloo couldn't really do much but sit down and wait for help. No matter what she did it hurt just to walk “Drats, I hate admitting defeat, and I hate when other ponies are right!” She groaned.

Do you sometimes listen to other people? I mean, beyond the internet? "I hate admitting defeat, and I hate when other ponies are right!” is most definitely not something someone who just had a close meeting with concrete would say. It's not something Scootaloo would say. Tip: read your dialogue aloud before posting a story and think whether an actual human being would ever say something like that.

Also, I mentioned attempt at some point in this comment. I'm afraid the ending required none. It's pretty much every single paint-by-numbers Scootalove fic ending ever^TM, complete with Rainbow Dash tending to Scootaloo's wounds (and giving her bacterial flora a chance of developing antibiotic resistance) and Daring Do. Some unique spin would be nice.

SuperPinkBrony12

SuperPinkBrony12 #2 · Aug 12th, 2018 · 1 · ·

Not bad, though I don't exactly see why this warranted a Teen rating when the worst that happened to Scootaloo was a cut and an injured leg. It wasn't really gruesome or graphic.