• Member Since 7th Sep, 2017
  • offline last seen Sunday

Celestias_Disciple


First and second story in Revision mode. Status:Sick

E

Among the ruins of Egypt, Sunset and Sci-Twi venture on a journey, but it is not the distance they need to cross.

The bound lovers find a treasure they do not comprehend, and in doing so begin a journey for another.

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 6 )

This is very evocative. The patterning of repeated "Whoever of the Whatever" is a useful little conceit, I think, letting the part of the past that is being invoked in that moment get called up without info-dumping.

I could poke at it technically, there's a smattering of grammatical hiccups here and there, (and I may be missing something because I honestly don't read Equestria Girls stuff and haven't watched all the shows either) but I think it works as a story very well. :twilightsmile:

9101181

Thankyou!!! This story has been a lifesaver for me :).

I felt like I was missing a lot of context here at first, but in its way that pushes the story forward to the denouement which, in addition to a nice moment of realization, delivered a solid emotional punch.

Editing aside, this is nice work. Thanks for sharing it with us; have an upvote!

9106086
Thank you! When I finish recovering from hospital I'll add an extra chapter with the whole thing fully edited and proofed etc.

I'm happy to hear you enjoyed it :)

I really was digging the soul stuff going on at the end. I'm a romantic at heart, and a strong believer of souls being united in love, so that was a really moving part that stood out to me.

Good stuff! <3

9109224
Glad you enjoyed it, I wonder if you've heard of a trope called: "Strangled by the red string" ?

Are there any parts that you would like to see fleshed out more?

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