Doesn't Matter How Smart I Get
Doesn't Matter How Smart I Get
If I look back a month, I see an idiot
"Yes, yes, yes, YES!" Squealed Rainbow, slamming her front door shut and holding a package tightly to her chest.
She swooped into the living room, and after closely inspecting the package to make sure it was what she thought it was, she began fervently tearing away at the brown paper packaging. Shreds and scraps fell to the floor, revealing a brand new advance copy of Darin- A.K. Yearling's newest book, Daring Do & The Moss Icon Of Macintosh Hills.
Rainbow was even more excited than usual about the arrival of the book, as this was the first entry in the series since she and Pinkie had managed to convince Daring not to retire.
It was a sweet feeling of victory.
Rainbow poured over the thing, practically gluing her face to the book, scanning the front and back enthusiastically. The cover was a vibrant illustration of Daring entering a cave in the hills, being tailed by a dark shadow. Spooky! The back presented a bit of a challenge though. Rainbow squinted to try and read the summary, but try as she might, she couldn't read the small letters, not even if she held it right in front of her face!
"Oh, right." She said, rolling her eyes and listing lazily up the stairs and into her bedroom. Sat on a bedside table was a small, black case. Sighing, she picked up the case, opened it, and pulled out a pair of round, black reading glasses.
Rainbow grumbled as she put them on. She couldn't believe this, her, Rainbow Dash, THE Rainbow Dash, Wonderbolt, Element of Harmony, Equestrian hero, needed glasses like some kind of four-eyed nerd! Sometimes there was just no justice in this world.
She poked the bridge up her snout until the frames rested comfortably. Well, as comfortably as they could, she still wasn't used to wearing them. She'd only had them about a week. She'd not even noticed anything was up with her eyes until she started having trouble reading work papers a couple of months ago. She'd powered through it as best as she could, but when Spitfire pointed out that she was filling things out wrong, she relented and had an eye test.
Her eyes were good, but the doctor said she'd started to develop hyperep- hyperon- farsightedness, somehow. She could see things far away crystal clear, heck, she could see most things just fine! But when she needed to see something really up close, like to read, she was going to need glasses.
She was sure that there had to be another way, some kind of eye spell for super sight or something, but the dumb doctor said that there wasn't anything like that, that Rainbow was just going to have to accept she needed glasses, and that he didn't appreciate being called dumb.
And so, Rainbow Dash, paragon of cool, mare of action, had to put on a pair of glasses to read the blurb of a book.
So lame!
Doing her best to swallow her pride, and now that she could actually make out the words, she started reading the back cover.
Undiscovered treasure, secret passages, underground societies, and ghosts. This was awesome! She'd not even opened the first page yet, but if the summary was that good, then the actual story had to be amazing! Opening it up, the inside of the front cover even had a little map picture so you could follow where Daring goes! How cool is that?!
This was going to be great, a whole new Daring Do adventure to look forward to, Rainbow would be giddy for a week! She pomfed herself down on the bed, ready and eager to break into the first chapter, but she stopped just short of the start.
Something was off. But what? She had the book, she was comfy on the bed, Tank had been fed. She was forgetting something. There was something she was supposed to do when the book arrived. Somepony had asked her about the book. She'd promised something to somepony...
Twilight!
Twilight was excited for the new book, too. Well, who wasn't? But Twilight was also a big fan, and she'd love to see this. Of course she was going to have to wait for her own copy, but she'd want to see this. She was gonna be so jealous!
Rainbow closed the book and wedged it into the crook of her leg. Happy it was secure, she bolted out of the window at high speed, vortex condensation trailing off her wingtips. She pulled up into a lazy aileron roll ('slow roll' for all you budding Wonderbolts out there!) and for a moment allowed herself to drift in an updraft, taking the view in.
It was a fine day for flying. Cloud was sparse, it was warm, and there wasn't too much of a breeze. The residents of Ponyville went about their day, and off in the distance stood the Castle of Friendship, crystalline walls gleaming in the midday sun.
Destination in sight, she started to pick up speed again. She pulled her wings in about halfway and let gravity do the job of accelerating her, until she'd dropped down to low level. With one powerful stroke, she leveled off and pushed herself even faster, becoming a chromatic blur at just above treetop height.
She was rapidly approaching the castle, but rather than slow down right away, she was feeling like having a little fun. There was a new stunt she'd been itching to try out, and this would be a perfect opportunity.
Coming around the right side of the castle, she began to pitch up, and she stopped flapping as she did so, soaring upwards and losing speed rapidly. She continued to float upwards, pace getting slower and slower until she'd reached the point of stalling. Before she began to fall, she sharply rolled over on the spot, before aiming back down and picking up speed again, coming back around the other side of the castle.
She was pretty sure that was how it went, she'd have to practise again later just to be sure. It was a new move that had been presented to the Wonderbolts by some crazy Germane pegasus, the Herdst maneuver or something like that. It allowed a pegasus to change the direction they were flying on a dime, which was pretty neat.
She slowed herself down again as she came down for a landing, condensation forming off the surface of her wings. To her surprise, the castle doors were already opening, so rather than touch down she settled on gliding her way down, passing through the door frame and coming to a halt inside. A quick look around revealed that Spike had opened the door.
"Thanks, Spike!" She said, turning to face the diligent drake. "How did you know I was coming?"
"You flew around the whole castle, you were hardly difficult to miss." He said, rolling his eyes. "We could see you coming from a mile- snnkh!"
He snorted, covering his mouth. That was strange.
"What's up?"
"N-nothing, Rainbow." He replied, trying and failing to hid a grin. She narrowed her eyes, something was definitely up. "I gotta go s-see... AJ. About the thing. Yeah, the thing. Bye!"
He quickly jumped out the door, slamming it closed behind him, but she could hear him laughing as he walked off.
"Huh, that was weird." She said to nopony. Probably a dragon thing. With a shrug, she tucked the book under a wing and made her way up the stairs, heading for the library, assuming (and most likely being correct) that Twilight would be in there. Her hoofalls echoed off the walls, reverberating all around the crystal chamber.
As she got closer to the library, the sound of humming got louder and louder. Twilight was in there for sure. She approached the elegant, finely decorated door, and kicked it open, letting it crash against the wall. Always make an entrance, Rarity had taught her that. Of course, this caused Twilight to yell out in surprise and scowl at her. Honestly, some ponies just don't appreciate high culture.
"Rainbow, I've told you time and time again, stop slamming my doors!" Twilight shouted.
"That's what she said." Rainbow retorted, Twilight just sighed and brought a hoof to her head. "Anyway, look, new Daring Do!"
"Oooh, really?" Twilight asked rising to her hooves and trotting over, annoyance seemingly forgotten. Rainbow sat on her haunches and held the book out for Twilight to inspect.
"Oh wow, this looks like a spooky one!" The alicorn said, looking at the cover. "Have you started reading- Oh! Rainbow, I didn't know you wore glasses!"
Uh oh.
'I forgot to take them off, I FORGOT TO TAKE THEM OFF!'
She'd just flown through town wearing her glasses. Everypony must have seen her! This was the least cool thing possible, and now Twilight was staring at her! What could she do? Everypony was gonna think she was some kind of geek, that she'd lost her cool! This could be a huge blow to her public image, she had to do something, fast!
Damage limitation! That's what needed to happen! Rainbow coughed and in one smooth move, pulled the glasses off her face, hiding them under a wing.
"No idea what you're talking about, Twi." Rainbow said, giving the alicorn a sideways look.
"I'm not a foal, Rainbow." Twilight said, shooting the pegasus a flat stare."Don't try and hide it, I already saw."
"Nuh-uh." Rainbow retorted. "I don't need glasses, I can read just fine."
"Oh, so you need them to read?" Twilight inferred, looking at the pegasus with a smug smile. Darn this mare!
"Uh, no, I don't need them to read because my eyes are fine and I don't wear glasses." Rainbow replied, shuffling uncomfortably under Twilight's gaze.
"Oh, really? I guess my eyes were just playing tricks on me." Twilight said. 'Wait, did that just work? I'm a better liar than I thought!' "Well then Rainbow, since your eyes are fine, how about you read me the first chapter?"
'Abort, abort!' She saw right through me!'
"Uh, why don't you read it? Your eyes are fine too."
"Oh, I would love to Rainbow, but you see I've been reading all day and my eyes are ever so tired." Twilight countered, sitting down on a cushion with a wry look on her face. "Won't you help a friend out?"
'She's baiting you, don't fall for it!'
"Uh-"
"Unless you don't think you can do it." Twilight challenged.
'Oh, it is so on, show her what you're made of!'
Resolutely, Rainbow sat herself down on her haunches and opened the book, straight to the first chapter. She looked at Twilight, then the book, then to Twilight, then the book.
"Chapter One: Mirror." Rainbow read with little difficulty, although that might have had something to do with the fact that the title was in bold print. The hard part came next, Rainbow squinted, focusing as hard as she could. She could do this!"'W-weeeeee.... we c-could... be... farm? From! We could be from, uh. We could be from the s-same... m-mother. 'We could be from the same mother.' Sssssssaid the mare.... looking in the... mirror.' Hey, stop laughing!"
"Sorry, Rainbow." Twilight tittered, holding a hoof to her mouth. "Do carry on."
"'Sudden- Sullenly ssspeaking t-to her... own... refleectAARGH OKAY!" Rainbow exploded, slamming the book closed. "I need stupid glasses to read, so go ahead, laugh all you want."
"I'm sorry Rainbow, that was rude of me." Twilight said, standing up and walking over to the pegasus. "But lots of ponies wear glasses, it's nothing to be embarrassed about!"
"Lots of lame ponies, Twilight. But I'm cool! Nopony who's cool wears glasses." Rainbow lamented.
"Doesn't Spitfire wear glasses?"
"Sunglasses, Twi. Those are rad." Rainbow scoffed. "Normal glasses are for nerds. It's not fair! How come an egghead like you doesn't need glasses, but somepony as awesome as me does? No offence."
"None taken, I think?" Twilight intoned. "But honestly, Rainbow, I think this is a smaller problem than you're making it out to be, it's perfectly normal to need glasses, nopony will think you're lame or uncool."
Rainbow didn't reply, she was staring a hole into the floor.
"Come on, Rainbow. Why, I'd be willing to bet most ponies won't even notice that you wear glasses, especially if you only need them to read. It's not like you'll be wearing them all the time, right?" Twilight said, trying to lift Rainbow's mood. The pegasus didn't seem to react to it, not even looking up. Twilight was going to need to use a different tactic.
"You know, I bet you could make your glasses cool."
That got Rainbow's attention.
"Really?" She asked, looking up at the Princess.
"Oh, I think so. You're cool enough to cancel out any negative effects from the glasses, right? And I bet somepony as awesome as you wearing glasses could only make the glasses awesome too." Twilight reassured the prismatic mare.
"Hey, yeah, you're right!" Rainbow said, pulling out her glasses from under her wing and planting them on her face. "If anypony can make these things cool, it's me! Thanks Twi!"
"No problem, Rainbow. Now how about we make a start on this book!"
Ego stroked, Rainbow was back to her usual, energetic self. Both mares stood up, and Rainbow followed Twilight to a desk, where they opened the book back up to chapter one.
"So, how long have you been wearing glasses?" Twilight asked, curious.
"Eh, I got them about a week ago. I was getting paperwork wrong and they made me get an eye test. Doctor said I had hyper-something or other." Rainbow explained.
"Hyperopia." Twilight corrected.
"Yeah, that. Anyway, it kinda sucks, because the doctor said my eyes were perfect but I'd need glasses to see things up close." She finished. Twilight politely coughed.
"Say again, Rainbow?"
"The doctor said my eyes were perfect, but I'd need to wear glasses to see things up close." Rainbow repeated. The Princess frowned slightly, clearing her throat.
"Well, strictly speaking Rainbow, if you have Hyperopia then your eyes can't be perfect." The Princess said.
"Hmm? Oh, no, the doctor said they were fine, just I'd need glasses to read and stuff." Rainbow replied, distracted by the book.
"No, that's what I'm saying. If you need glasses to read, then your eyes can't be 'fine'. If they were you'd be able to read without them." Twilight elaborated.
"The doctor said, Twi. I can see just fine without these things, I just need them for things real close up." Rainbow said, gesturing to her glasses.
"Rainbow, the fact that you need glasses is proof enough that you can't see just fine. You may not need them all the time, but that you need them at all shows that while your eyes might be good, they're not perfect."
"Oh, so my eyes aren't good enough, huh?" Rainbow said, adopting a defensive stance. "So, what, I bet you have some kinda super magic alicorn princess vision?"
"What? No, that's not what I meant at all!" Twilight backpedaled, holding her hooves up disarmingly. "I'm sure your vision is great, and the eye test must've proved that there's no issues with your sight for the most part, except for your farsightedness. But even if it's only a small problem, it's still a problem, which means your vision can't be perfect, because if it was there'd be no problems at all."
"Look, Twilight, I can see great without glasses, my eyes are fine!" Rainbow grumbled.
"Rainbow, please just listen to me." Twilight pleaded. "Somepony with perfect vision wouldn't need glasses at all, right?"
"Yeah."
"So by that measure, somepony who wears glasses can't have perfect vision, correct?"
"Sure."
"So if somepony needs glasses to see, even if it's not all the time, then their eyesight can't be perfect, yes?"
"Uh huh."
"So, your vision isn't perfect." Twilight finished.
"But I don't need them to see!" Rainbow protested. Twilight slammed her head on the desk.
"Rainbow. You do need them to see, I just heard you trying to read without them. Please, just understand that your vision can't be perfect if you need corrective lenses." The Princess spoke. "Corrective lenses, it's in the name!"
"I don't get what the big deal is! There's nothing wrong with my eyes, I just need these to read!"
"There's no big deal, it's just a matter of semantics!" Twilight cried in frustration. "You need them to read because you can't see properly at very short distances because you have Hyperopia, meaning light is being focused behind the retina, either because of weak ciliary muscles or misshapen cornea, both of which are flaws that mean it's impossible for your vision to be perfect!"
"Pfft, weak muscles, yeah right, I'm a world class athlete Twi, no weak muscles here." Rainbow retorted, flexing her wings.
"Oh, and I suppose that includes your eyes then?"
Rainbow didn't reply, she just sat and stared at Twilight, pupils dilating over and over again.
"Um, you can stop now please, Rainbow, that's kind of creepy."
"Hmm? Sorry Twi, just working out my perfect eyes." The pegasus replied, smugly.
"Rainbow." Twilight said in a warning tone. Rainbow continued her weird dilation exercise, and it was beginning to make the Princess feel a little bit uncomfortable. "Doesn't that hurt?"
"A little, yeah." Rainbow replied, scrunching her eyes closed and shaking her head. "Okay, I'll stop."
She pushed her glasses up her face, rubbing her eyes and blinking a few times, both mare just looking at eachother.
"I'm pretty sure you shouldn't be able to do that." Twilight said, concerned. "That's not really how irises are meant to work."
"Yeah, well, maybe I'm just that good." Rainbow boasted.
"Do you... do you do that a lot?" Twilight asked.
"Nah, not really. I used to do it a lot in flight school, it freaked all the other kids out." Rainbow said, snorting. "I used to tell them I was hypnotising them, they'd all run away scared, you shoulda seen their faces!"
"I'm sure." The alicorn spoke. "Can you do me a favour and never do that again? I wouldn't be surprised if that's the reason you need glasses in the first place."
"Oh, whatever, Twi." Rainbow replied, indignant. "Now can we PLEASE make a start on the book? I really wanna find out what happens."
"You're right Rainbow, let's read. Sorry, I didn't mean to start an argument." Twilight said sheepishly.
"Eh, no biggie, now less talk-y, more read-y."
Both mares sat and stared intently at the open page, drinking in the story. Twilight worked her way across the text at a blinding pace, however, her multichromatic friend seemed to be having some trouble. Rainbow seemed to be focusing way too hard, eyes squinted, tongue poked out. Twilight had already finished the first page and was waiting for Rainbow to finish before turning over, but at this rate it was going to take hours. It was unusual for Rainbow to do anything slowly, especially reading a Daring Do book.
"All alright, Rainbow?" Twilight asked.
"Yeah, just fine." The pegasus answered. "Just, I think I might have strained my eyes with that whole 'hypnotising' thing."
Rainbow rubbed her eyes again, Twilight smirked.
"Oh my, are you having a problem with your perfect vision, Rainbow?"
"Ugh, Twilight!" Rainbow groaned.
"Sorry, I couldn't resist!" Twilight chuckled as Rainbow readjusted her glasses. "Any better?"
"Not really." Rainbow answered, struggling to read the page, irritation growing, Twilight throwing a look that screamed 'I told you so' at the pegasus. "Oh, shut up!"
"I said nothing." The alicorn sing-songed. Rainbow continued to struggle for a minute or so, before sighing and resting her head on the open page.
"It's no good." Rainbow mumbled, voice muffled by the paper. "Trying just makes my eyes hurt."
"Hey, don't worry." Twilight said, wrapping a comforting wing over her friend's back. "I can read to you, if you want. And then maybe we can try again tomorrow?"
"I'd like that." Said Rainbow, lifting her head.
"I'll take this." Twilight said as she floated the book over to herself. "You just get comfy and rest your perfect eyes."
"Sure thin-HEY!"
Twilight giggled.
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I know your pain Dash, I really do.
9099794
The struggle is real.
9099807
Yeah, trust me, having the same condition as Dash, except needing more than just reading glasses, I can empathize here.
Wait, she can dilate her eyes at will? I agree with Twilight, that's kinda creepy.
I like this story about Rainbow wearing glasses, it gives her a lessen in humility in my opinion
Me like-y.
Pretty sweet read honestly.
It's times like this I remember why Rainbow can get on my nerves.
Fun story
9099940
All of this and more with that raspy ass voice, just imagine...
9099895
Thanks boss
9099837
So, you aren't supposed to be able to dilate your eyes at will? Oh, well, my eyes are creepy then. Heh. XD
I want them to make an episode about this now.
"Call me Professor Egghead."
My brand!
MEMES
9100517
i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/485/496/359.gif
Lol awesome story. I especially love the Spongebob reference with Rainbow and Twilight's back and forth
I guess Friendship really is Witchcraft.
9100560
Uh....what?
9101258
9101262
........I have follow up questions.
9101289
Early Source Film Maker days w/ ME2 models and the audio track from an actual 1800-Contacts advertisement.
9101303
Thank you kindly for your assistance grinning-ace-flutter-pony-man.
9101320
You're welcome, Standard Bearer of the Coming Eldritch Horror Abomination.
This started out well, but faded in the middle when they had that completely pointless argument about the definition of 'perfect vision'. It wasn't interesting, it wasn't really in character for Twilight to tease Rainbow, and it just felt awkward.
9101374
Are you kidding, that's totally something Twilight would do.
Mostly because it's based in faulty semantics.
Good story, I really enjoyed it.
However, I did find a bit of an error that I figured you should know about.
"Well, strictly speaking Rainbow, if you have Hyperopia then you're eyes can't be perfect."
I'm sure this was just a case of something slipping by unnoticed. Perhaps you're the one that needs reading glasses?
Yeah, I can see Rainbow being like this about glasses.
Nicely done. Especially to see Twilight get some snark in at her.
Also, the circular conversation between Twi and Dash about "perfect vision" was, well, perfect.
I think Dash would look adorable with glasses.
9101487
I'll have to wait until they invent glasses for glasses, corrected, cheers.
9101669
Danke
9101912
I think the picture speaks for itself on that one, and it's pretty cute.
Simple, funny and very in-character – nicely done
Although, I hoped that at one point AJ is going to burst in, along Spike and tease RD about it
I really like this cause its a slice of life in its best form.
Lovely story, and some great talks between these two characters. Nice work
9102107
I can imagine it'd be executed kinda like this.
9102167
Cheers man
9102185
Thank you
I kept scrolling at the end because I was wondering where the rest was. I suppose that's good in it's own way though.
9101262
If no one else posted it, I was going to. Have an upvote then!
Without thrust vectoring, that's really gonna be more of a Friesianler than a Herdst maneuver.
9102525
Thrust vectoring could be possible, depending on what Rainbow's had to eat recently.
This was some good horse.
"Pfft, weak muscles, yeah right, I'm a world class athlete Twi, no weak muscles here." Rainbow retorted, flexing her wings.
"Oh, and I suppose that includes your eyes then?"
Rainbow didn't reply, she just sat and stared at Twilight, pupils dilating over and over again.
"Um, you can stop now please, Rainbow, that's kind of creepy."
While it may not work due to ponies eye size, there is a certain thing called contacts.
I also have this weird thing with my eyes where I can make them vibrate at will. Freaks people the fuck out.
to be perfectly honest, you can have perfect vision and need corrective lenses, it's the idea of 'overcompensation' now i know thats a big word so bear with me on this, what that means is.
your vision is so powerful one or more of your eye's puts a little too much power into your sight and thus causes your vision to fail despite there being legitimately nothing wrong with your eyesight, this is a real thing.
i say this because honestly the way twilight covers it with rainbow makes twilight sound bad, not rainbow.
Anyone else think Rainbow looks really adorable in those glasses?
That was cute, and totally something I could see them basing an episode around too.
Nice Job!
9102356
9101262
I made it better.
buffy.mlpforums.com/monthly_05_2016/post-26550-0-01323400-1462844560.gif
9104446
Gah! I totally forgot about that one! Nicely done!
9103203
9104441
Thank you, mans.
9104192
100%
9103961
That may be true, but Hyperopia is a flaw with the eye. I would also argue that eyes being too powerful is a flaw, especially id it effects the ability to see, unless it grants some kind of wacky superhero zooming ability. Or maybe X-ray vision.
Wait, she actually spoke that "dump doctor" part out loud?
Actually... I can see that happening.
Than stop teasing poor Rainbow!
Hmm. I’ll keep this in mind and try using it with an aircraft in War Thunder.
I dunno why, but I feel like trying it out.
9105915
As someone correctly pointed out below, it's only possible in aircraft with thrust vectoring, so your choice in planes is going to be pretty limited. Worth a shot, though.