A LiTTle MadneSs NOW aND THeN
It felt strange to walk on human legs. Not the good kind of strange, like maple syrup rain or a well-done subversion. No, this was an unpleasant and unfamiliar irritation. Like that pink alicorn with the baby. Or conjunctivitis.
Earth held no appeal for Discord. There was doubtless fun to be had, a mere finger-snap away, but such would advertise his presence and that would not do. Besides, he had grown bored of mere panic ages ago, and panic would be inevitable from the magic-blind humans.
Business, not pleasure. What a strange thought. He crossed the black street to yet another gray sidewalk, consoling himself with the promise that he would definitely eat Luna’s mane tonight. She made such delightful noises when he did, whereas old stick-in-the-mud Sunbutt merely smiled and held court bald. Spoilsport.
He came to the address in the school’s directory, though truth be told he picked it out from a block away. Orange and purple polka dots splattered the house from its foundations to the high-peaked roof. Bizarre eccentricity to most, lame overcompensation to Discord. But at least his suit was lovely, with its mismatched legs and checkered jacket. It got a few stares on the sidewalk, and he embraced the tiny chaos with a snaggle-tooth smirk.
Three hopping steps carried him up to the porch. Unwilling to give the inhabitant the satisfaction of ringing the doubtless-rigged doorbell, he gave three solid knocks upon the wood. He was rewarded – or punished – by the turning of a lock on the other side, followed by the door opening.
They gauged each other, with the screen still between them. The next moments might not be pleasant, but at least they would be spent in handsome company. Gray face, gold and red eyes, and dashing checkered suit. Discord quietly noted their outfits to have reversed colors, with green where there was orange, and so forth. A nice touch, even though both gave their appraisal with a guarded frown.
The cold war ended with a grumble from the other side. “Alright, which Discord are you? And please tell me you’re not one of the stupid ones.”
“From Equestria, brother of mine.” Discord tipped his hat, though his smile thinned as the other gave an obvious groan.
“Oh God, a reformed one. Shoot me now.”
“Wouldn’t do much good, I’m afraid,” Discord said cheekily. If they couldn’t be cordial, at least he could be annoying. “Unless this world’s mundane tendencies are so terrible as to rob you of all magic.”
“Not entirely.” The Discord of Earth shrugged and pushed open the screen door. “I’ve enough strength to live, and to watch the chaos of the world decay into bland mediocrity and cat pictures. Come in, come in. I’ve not nearly enough aggravation in my life.”
Discord–
Earth’s Discord slapped up a hand. “Actually, wait. Why don’t we call you ‘Discord’ for the duration of the conversation, and me, ‘Mister D?’”
“Why that?”
A sharp grin spread across Mister D’s face. “Nothing of import, just a little game. Like football, you know? Set up two teams and have them go at it.”
A story was there, of course, but Discord didn’t bite. He followed as they made their way to the living room, bringing the chat to its previous concern. “If it helps, unchecked power isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I spent a thousand years as mad god of my world. Twenty of them were fun. The rest was alternating busywork and skull-crushing boredom. I didn’t mean for it to happen, but getting turned to stone was the highlight of my millennium.”
“I have no need of your sympathy.” Mister D expertly tossed his hat onto a clothing peg and flopped down on a chair. An end-table walked towards him on its wooden legs, presenting a brandy bottle which he irately snatched up. “In fact, you have mine. An emasculated manservant, made bitch by those you once ruled and willfully chained by soft and idiotic sympathies.”
He drank from the bottle, then gagged and belched soap bubbles. Discord tittered lightly, relishing the glare as he sipped from an identical one. “You are small-minded, as I used to be. Is it not more chaotic to mix integrity with maliciousness, or stability with madness? Even unrelenting chaos grows dull for its paradoxical consistency without a touch of kindness mingled in. The inability to control everything adds delightful uncertainty to my life, and I relish it.”
Mister D rolled his eyes. “There’s nothing more pathetic than a redeemed ex-villain trying to act cool. Like Sunset Shimmer, ‘Ooh, look at me, I wear black leather and kill monsters, I’m so edgy.’”
Discord smirked. “Said the jaded prick.”
“Said the tea-party goer.”
“Fun as this is, I did come for a reason besides enjoying your wonderful company.” Discord offered the bottle, and it was grabbed from his hands. He settled onto a chair, smiling winningly to his host. “Reformed, unreformed… even neither in the case of the illustrious Captain Goodguy, we alternate Discords have a great deal more in common than opposed. One of these is the implications of our very appearance. With the Realm of Chaos at our beck and call, there is simply no reason for us to enter the considerably duller material worlds unless we have a purpose in mind. It can be as large a purpose as conquering all life, or as small a one as hearing that two Celestias are in one place and wondering if such a horror could be.”
Discord sipped from the prank bottle, then slowly poked out a large bubble with his tongue and let it drift to the air. “So when I heard you were up and about, I asked myself, ‘Self, what’s old Mister D up to?’ What indeed.”
Mister D gave Discord a half-lidded stare. “I’m curious when it was ever the business of one Discord to meddle with another.”
“That’s the joy of being a redeemed ex-villain trying to act cool,” Discord snickered. “It doesn’t have to be my business. I’m sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong, and I don’t care.”
“You said it yourself earlier,” Mister D said. “Busywork. I’m creating chaos, and you can’t rightly blame me for that.”
“I can if your chaos has you recreating my mistake, or else brings about an apocalypse such that you’ll be left alone in the sandbox. So… what do you want?”
Mister D gave an abrupt chortle, his grumpiness falling to amused glee. He grabbed two smaller objects from the end-table – Power Pillar action figures, that he promptly began smashing into each other. The words came in a distracted babble. “You know what I really want? I want to see a real, honest-to-goodness Kaiju monster battle. Like in the movies… all the real, lovely chaos these poor humans have is their movies. Skyscraper creatures going at it in a mountain-sized throw-down. Just once before this world ends. But where would they come from, why would they fight? This poor, gray, boring world… why can’t it have a little fun?”
“You’re acting for the world’s sake?” Discord raised an eyebrow, drawing a dismissive snort.
“No, of course not. Many would die, but I’d love it.”
“Mister D...”
“I’m bringing chaos, Discord. Good or evil, it’s what we do. Will you stop me?”
Discord did not respond right away. He took another slow drink and swished it around in his mouth. Then he held one nostril shut and blew, sending a bubble floating out from the other.
“That’s another thing about Discords,” he said slowly, sucking the bubble back in. “Folks see us and mistake eccentricity for stupidity. We’re smarter than we appear. So let me answer your question with a question: is it too late?”
Mister D looked surprised for just one instant before a broad smile grew across his face. “Smarter, indeed. Reformation has not dulled your senses, even if it turned them to obnoxious ends.”
He leaned back in his chair, changing his Power Pillars battle to one of faces pressed to each other. Flash Magnus-slash-Rockhoof shippers would be thrilled. “We spread chaos, and in this magic-starved world, I spread it with words and whispers already spoken. Everything is in the hands of others, now. Nothing more for me to do but get my popcorn and watch the movie.”
“What’s your goal, then?”
“Oh, what do you think?” Mister D righted himself, and abruptly tossed the toys over his shoulder. “Did you have a goal, back before you were gimped? Do you have one now, or can you think of any of us who do? Entertainment is the goal. Perhaps if I pondered hard I could find some villainous justification, but I don’t need an excuse any more than you do.”
“Share the details?” Discord wheedled, but earned only a snort.
“Nobody likes spoilers. But if it makes you happy, I have no ambitions to rule the world, and none to destroy it. Truth be told...”
And with that, Mister D quivered and giggled. “I don’t know what will happen. Perhaps everything will fizzle, or that sphinx Miss Shimmer is about to find will end her prematurely. Anticipation! You know that feeling. You said it yourself, uncertainty makes it all more fun.”
“Quite so.” Discord stood, and righted the hat on his head. “In fact, I think I’ll find a role for myself in your little movie.”
Mister D sneered. “Want to tip things for the heroes?”
A sidelong look accompanied Discord's response. “Want to balance you out. Or do you really expect me to believe you'll sit out if things don't prove as chaotic as you hoped?”
“Well played!” Mister D raised a hand in salute, smirking unrepentantly to the side. “A plot twist, all part of the fun. But get you gone, for now. I have papers to grade, and you well know what happens when beings of chaos such as we spend too much time together.”
He mimed an explosion with his arms, not that he needed to. The pair shook hands, smiling with equal parts challenge and feigned politeness. Discord snapped his fingers and vanished… and after a moment’s thought, Mister D did the same.
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A very interesting encounter - although, how could it not be, with Discord(s)?
I did not see this coming. Would be lame, if it was not done with mere words. Now it only became more entertaining.
That is, if one of the Kaijus end up being a giant Sunset Pone. Then it'll be GLORIOUS!!
Makes sense. The logic checks out. An inevitable encounter between good-ish and cartoonish evil. I cannot wait for more.
Huh. So the human world's Discord is also a Spirit of Chaos? Discord vs. Discord? Alright, I can dig this.
I knew Mister D was too dickish to be a reformed Discord, although I'm surprised all the Discords know so much about each other. I wonder how much help Eq-Discord is going to give Sunset. It sounds like she's going to need at least a little.
I knew human Discord had something to hide.
It's the best he can get.
You'd be amazed the chaos you can find online.
You'd be surprised.
Never. Which is why he did it.
Discord is far from an idiot, I agree.
Oh. That, is scary.
As humorous as this was in places, I'll admit that I was expecting Discord's/Mister D's reveal to be alittle more...chaotic and unexpected. Like, in the middle of a big battle or something where he wasn't even mentioned until he just appeared or something. Still, a good chapter overall, and it leads to possibilities. But now we can't really guess whether or not Mister D is really on the up-and-up about what he knows, because now we know that he knows what he knows and also what his counterpart knows and knows that he knows what he knows, even if the other characters don't know that he knows what he knows what they don't know about him knowing.
I don't know, given the state of the world, I think we're doing pretty well in that department...
In any case, a very nice meeting of chessmasters, with the game already in progress. Definitely looking forward to seeing how they flick rubber bands at the bishops.
I'm always happy when someone notices the littler jokes.
I hope you enjoy this one.
It's definitely more random comedy and less awkward family-making than the last, but I'm enjoying writing and I hope to keep your attention.
I always wondered what a meeting between two different versions of Discord would be like, and by and large this did NOT dissapoint. The back and forth between the two spirits was reminiscent of the conversations Magneto and Professor Xavier shared in between action scenes in the X-Men movies. Namely a mixture of opposing viewpoints mixed with a deep, albeit in this case VERY grudging respect.
Of course the fact that it was also funny as hell didn't hurt. And yes I am right there with Mr. D, we need at least one Kaiju battle before the end of this tale
"To make it easier on the readers."
9523984
NO
Yes.
9526222
This reasoning would actually be in line with Discord's character.
9526222
It's OK to be meta when writing draonequi and party ponies.
Can anyone who wants to create a kaiju battle really be fully evil? I think not.
Love this twist and eager to see where it goes.
Good ol' Discords. A true collection of goobers.