Comments ( 68 )

Very well written. For a second I thought that he was going to fuck her.

Seems like an interesting story judging by the first chapter, and being ~500k words long, yes please :pinkiehappy:

most humans would rather help an innocent pony rather than hurt them


I’ll probably start reading this after it has a few chapters but I still bookmarket it

Well that is a refreshing expirience. Im looking for more.:twilightsmile:

It's shit. (Sorry, but you know this comment was mandatory.)

This is very interesting. I wonder what's happened to her friends and how they are being treated.

I'm curious how the humans are counteracting magic. I mean, Twilight freely teleported in the previous chapter so its obviously not a major concern to them.

What in the devil’s name did y’all just say about me, you little sinner? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in Bible School, been involved in numerous Billy Graham crusades, and have over 300 confirmed soul-savings. I am trained in New Testament apologetics and am the top converter in the entire Southern Baptist Convention. Y’all ain’t nothin’ to me but another sinnin’ atheist. I will bring you to Jesus with a passion the likes of which ain’t never before been seen on this Earth, y’all mark what I’m sayin’. You think you can get away with that there sinful talk over the Internet? Think again, pagan. As we speak I’m contactin’ my secret network of deacons across the USA and your local church address is being traced right now so you better prepare for the sermon, devil’s child. The sermon that wipes the blackness right out of your soul. Your sinful days are over, kiddo. I can radio evangelize anywhere, anytime, and I can bring you to Jesus in over 700 different ways, and that’s just with bare Bible verses. Not only am I extensively trained in hermeneutics, but I have access to the entire hymnal collection of the Protestant Church and I will use it to its full extent to see that you know who the Lord Jesus is. If only you could have known what kind of fire and brimstone preachin’ your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your blasphemous tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re payin’ the tithe, you unredeemed heathen. You’re goin’ to Hell.

Anyone know who drew the cover art?

This is my favorite story on the Citadel.

Holy shit. Your comment broke my ribs and some more inside me. Gave me a good laugh. Thanks

Alright, well I normally never use this account to actually say anything because, y'know, alt-account password reset laziness. Anyway, it's definitely one that I was hesitant going into but figured “It's a short story, I'm a loser who likes anon-fics who --unsurprisingly-- has time to burn, even if the story ain't my fetish/genre”. Call me wary: I learned my lesson from Trouble's Tale all those years ago, so I guess I went into it expecting either that or Uncle Tom's Cabin. And, like, yeah I guess it was morbid curiosity that got me to wonder which pole this was gonna crash into. It's one of those still-awkward topics for some people*, so I wondered if someone would deal with the topic seriously, I guess?

It took a few chapters for me to click through and they were short enough that I didn't feel like I was eating time. It definitely took some adjustment to 'get into' the setting but it got there. The introduction of 'Dusty' this early on is probably one of those things that has to be done quick and nearly just kinda got me to dismiss it, as it was so uncomfortable for me personally. “Alright, this is a creepy thing that's going on, so where is this whole thing going?” But Purple's not my waifu or imoto-chan** so I stuck around. I was curious by the end of 1:5 what direction this was taking; after all, the story isn't poorly written and has its own narrative character, it's got an interesting enough premise that can really go in a lot of directions, and there's enough little social curiosities to pique my interest.

I didn't see that 500K rider in the description, so damn did I get sucker punched when I went Pastebin thinking 'too late to stop now'. Hey, no spoilers, but after a day of binging I just can't help but both want more, and wonder if there's gonna be some John Brown II, Harriet “A.J.” Tubman, or Douglass instead of magical rock-based problem solving. What can I say, I'm a history and lit nerd, and seeing if anything changes structurally between 1:5 and act 6 is interesting. So I appreciate the effort to put it up here; I'll definitely be following, and keep it up, eh? Thanks and peace out, mates.

*mostly from south of the 49th parallel.
**Or whatever that little sister complex is called.

Looks like the rest of the mane 6 will be making an appearance at some point down the line :pinkiehappy:

Also, new cover art. I prefer the old one, but maybe be I just need to let this one grow on me for a while.

Rarity and Twilight will be the most involved of the mane 6, but everyone will show up eventually. As for the cover art there might be something else in the works, but for now I didn't want bondage Twi sorta sending the wrong message. Even though it's not totally wrong and I absolutely love that pic

Readers being used to the setting is probably something I took for granted since this was originally written for a /mlp/ general where everyone knew what they were getting into. It may help to read the prequel 'Chase' first to get a slightly better understanding of how we got here, but it's far from required. As for magical rocks based problem solving they might not be suited for changing a whole society, but in the interest of avoiding spoilers we'll just have to wait and see.

So humans are afraid of magic? Probably realize that if ponies finally get sick of their shit a slave rebellion could go badly for humans.

And Rarity has apparently come out on top of things, being freed and back to being a famous designer.

This is super funny for some reason

Really, because I see an abusive relationship, and there's nothing funny about that.

Comment posted by crank1116 deleted Oct 21st, 2018

So let me get this straight this story the ponies have been abducted and turned into indentured servants, slaves, Beast of Burden, or pets. Those who have special privilege from their owners are allowed to go around town as long as they're wearing special collars and in unicorn cases certain types of inhibitor rings. Humans are still scared of unicorns because of the magical abilities that certain ones have. In this case Twilight. Finally any infraction or show of rebellious attitude towards the humans results in one unicorn basically getting the word Master beaten out of her. Even to the point to where it looks like in time she's going to develop a very bad limp. So I believe the moral of your story is obey the humans, forget all past friendships, or suffer the consequences. This story kind of reminds me of a Fall of Equestria yet with a more Stockholm syndrome twist and no brutal sexuality.

Like I said, I promise Anon isn't always such a bully. He definitely overreacts here but ultimately the story's about him and Twilight overcoming differences to understand one another.

So I take it there's no chance. That Twilight will be reunited with her friends at least one visit. At least find out where they are and what they're doing.

We'll see more of rarity sooner than you might think.

Comment posted by Dont Forget Me deleted Oct 31st, 2018

For a second i thought it might have been a changeling or something, but then that last line...:raritycry:

Maybe Rarity didn't actually descend to such levels willingly, but instead had her mind broken by some human. (That didn't sound as terrible in my head). Is that even better than the alternative of her doing it with free will?:raritydespair:

Well I already broke my silence once, ain't hurting any sort of reputation or what not by talking some more.

Kinda like Hanif Shakiba, when I first read it my thoughts were 'nah, too easy dude, you're not fooling anyone. Total changeling material: bug eyed, bug butt, bug brained, bootleg- Rarity.' Then I got to the end thinking '...huh, that's a lot more interesting, so what gives?' Ah Rares, how great thou art... evil conniving horrendous pony. What can I say, it got me curious about the 'lets make a deal' corporate Rarity.

And thus begins there question, “Actually, what is Queen holier-than-thou and her creepy cockroach cohorts up to?”

I can go ahead and tell you guys changelings are one of the few characters not anywhere in the story to date. As to what would drive a pony like Rarity to do stuff like this, we'll spend the next act finding out.

Well this is depressing. On the surface, it would appear Rarity has gone native, even enslaving other ponies, even ones she knew personally.

However, there's a hope spot in that we don't know the particulars of how truly 'free' free ponies are legally. It's possible that, being a pony herself, Rarity can't legally free others, even ones she owns, so the best she can do is to buy up those she can, and the things like tracking collars are to keep them safe from humans who would still see them as nothing but slaves.

The downside is that the laws around pony slaves seems like something Twilight would have looked up long ago to try and get out of her own situation, though it's possible she's just bern broken enough that she's never thought about it...

Aye, dude. The cynic in me says that even in a world with a population of seven and a half billion humans, changelings would still just be scraping by on metaphorical Cheetos dust if they fed on Agape/Storge.

But on the note of the next act, is that short story "Just Business" still essentially canon until otherwise noted? Just curious (pretty good read, by the way).

'Just Business' Is canon and a mild spoiler at this point in the story. Maybe I should mark it as a side story.

Yeah, I probably would just to keep it obvious so no one stumbles onto that first in Pastebin. And again, good job, dude. It was a good read and did add a fair bit to some of the later dialogue in 'Staying out of Trouble's arc.

Cats pajamas is what this is.

350k+ words. What how did I catch up in just 3 days

I'm guessing it's because there's only 19K here... edited.
The story is in bulk, via the link.

So if this fic is starting to get real, then I'm going to predict Dash and AJ are dead or worse. Dash would not take being enslaved lying down, and would probably have been put down as untamable or would have to have been broken completely. Same with AJ given she was probably separated from her family. Heck while I'm predicting deaths, Granny Smith was probably killed for being too old to be useful.

Speaking of her friends what do you think happen to spike.

oh i hope twi gets her fuckin good rarity need the fear of purple unicorn put into her bad

also that comment from rarity about her being generous was a prime opportunity to jam the busted element of generosity in rarities face and say "Yeah real generous" before noping the fuck out back to anons

So yeah, given that it sounds like Twilight is here to test new methods of magic suppression...and from practicality every time Rarity opens her mouth, Rarity's gone full native and is actively participating in suppressing ponies...

Vega no, don't spay the pony.

So I let my curiosity get the better of me and read ahead in the pastebin and the story is... a bit too stockholmy for my tastes. And not just for the ponies, but the story actually slowly tries to stockholm the reader as well. Which is impressive, as that's not easy to do, but not my cup of tea. Maybe it's because I've read one too many badly written manga that try to justify a protagonist's slavery, but I can recognize the signs here too. Without going into spoiler territory too badly, the story seems to lack a narrative struggle against the slavery. Oh sure, some humans say they don't agree with it, but they're talking about it like someone talks about the problems happening on the other end of the world. "Oh yes, that tsunami in Indonesia is so tragic. Hey, what's on the sports channel?"

Now there is the plotline of Twilight finding her friends, and that would make the story less stockholmy if it was actually a plot that goes beyond just finding them and leashing them to a new master. I get that the purpose of the Slave Pony thread is, well, pony slaves, but it kind of lacks a true struggle to make true the promise of 'how, with a little understanding, most humans would rather help an innocent pony rather than hurt them.' Overall, the story seems less concerned with helping ponies and more about both Twilight and the reader coming to the conclusion that "slavery is alright, as long as the master is nicer than most."


Thanks for reading and I totally respect your opinion, It's certainly one I've never heard before! We've got pretty different interpretations in regards to what the story expresses about the morality of the situation, and that's fine. One thing we can agree on is Anon's a bit of a morally gray character. When I first started writing a lot of Slave Pony General's protagonists really exemplified the 'white knight' archetype crusading to end all injustice. There's nothing wrong with that, I just wanted to try something a little different: a character who has to question what he's doing and come to his own conclusions rather than feeling one way from the start. The idea of "slavery is alright, as long as the master is nicer than most." is also definitely a big point of contention in the story, and one Twilight + others will be forced to wrestle with. All that said the story's far from over, and the upcoming introduction of a few important new characters in act 7 might be just what you're hoping for. Either way thanks for reading.

Dammit, now I feel sympathy for her. I'm still knida flip flopping on why Rarity is like this, between free will, and the humans. But now I'm leaning back toward human.

Damn, this got dark pretty quickly...

I'll keep an eye out then. Still a bit twitchy about Anon and Twilight's relationship, as it still feels rather stockholmy and abusive, but then that's to be expected of a slave story.

Man, I definitely get ya, Keroko, it rightly sounds like you caught it before I ever did. It was probably act 4 or 5 before I kinda thought, “I'm along for the ride, but why?" I have no idea if the ride ever stops... I kept reading because I kinda had to know where this was going in the big picture. I have to see where this goes narratively, not just as a personal tale but as an institutional one.

Fundamentally, the pony-slavery thing is distasteful to me on a personal level, but the way it can be explored as a medium for story telling as an analogue to the chattel slavery practices, displacing at least the collective 'western experience'*, is fascinating. For that, Farenth Vega, gotta give ya some real props. Given the setting's location, I can't help but wonder if that particular era in U.S. history occurred in the same way, or not. Our protagonist has a sort of North and South Orry Maine vibe going on but we're lacking a George Hazard which makes the dynamic even more ambiguous. Because, Keroko, I think you're right about the manner in which the subject's been treated, and in a way... I don't think that's necessarily a failing. It definitely has a slow-build 'soap' element to the acts, at times feeling like it's just a personal story but other times making it seem like there's something moving beneath the surface.

In the end, the only thing I know at this point is that I know nothing, yet seek everything.

*Trying to be diplomatic.

Stick with Anon, Twilight. He may be naive, but at least he's nice (Most of the time). Rarity on the other hand, appears to be neither. Her element wouldn't shatter for no good reason.

Ok it does feel nice, but you aren't going to admit that to her or yourself. You're also fairly sure this counts as gentling. Like you need MORE psychological conditioning messing with your head right now!

Yep, that's exactly what this probably is. Stay away Twilight.

Login or register to comment