This story started so unbearably fast, that I couldn't even figure out what was happening or where they were half the time. Hell, sometimes I had to struggle to figure out who was actually talking at some points. It felt like every paragraph was a chapter synopsis, and it was difficult figuring out the MCs personalities.

Gotta say, glad I stuck through it. Figured I'd give it a shot regardless, see if it improved and it definitely has. Still a touch faster than I'm used to, but I can at least follow what's happening. My biggest piece of advice is one that, by now, you seem to be getting the hang of: Show, don't tell. It's tempting, and hell, even appropriate sometimes, to just put "He was angry. He said,", but it's a lot more visual and invoking to say something akin to "A fire burned inside him, rage overtaking him. With a glare and a stomp, he spoke"

Hope this isn't something you've been told several times before, I know how annoying that can be. I'll definitely be watching this story, both for the story itself and to see ya grow as a writer!

9199472
Nah, it's cool. Krahtorra's writing style is more tell not show, where mine is the opposite. Since this was initially his brainchild, in the beginning a lot of the writing was done by him, though now it's more balanced out.

~NeoLegendDJ~

great chapter and i hope to see more soon

love this 10/10

Would read again

9204038

9209312
Hell's yea

Is it wrong of me to want for Hades and James to travel the multiverse and visit other Equestrias to slap certain bytches? (looking at you, Xenolestia)

This story has my attention, and i want more, but if the author would not mind, i had a brain storm of idea that he could include.

We need more of this!

9229467
FUCKING XENOLESTIA RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“What are you talking about? Come on, Twily, the fun awaits! Nyeh!”

me: PAPYRUS WHERE DID YOU COME FROM!!

So when are you going to get to the point where they kill the white ponies?

When will there be more. This may not be the first story to show the sins of the ponies, but stories like this is funny.

9290208
you don't read it, you snort it

9296183
what can i say, you need it, so to better yourself, and just have a moment of fuck it, i will be the most powerful person, and i will have no equal. And this two are on the way there. and what is that adventure with out some memes or 4th wall breaks, or even some silliness to it.

Update?

We demand MORE

9306039

9344718
Hey, Lord Krahtorra here.

I'm the other author of this writing duo, and I am currently in an iffy housing situation, so the fic is on hiatus until I get a better housing solution

I love this

This fic is so awful and cliche and generally a mess. It fits into the self insert community very well and doubles as a crackfic.
I wish I don't like it.

All in all, 10/10,
LOVE IT!

This is awesome pls make more

i love this keep up the good work

It's like you took out the lengthy parts one would normally use for pacing and development but kept the quality and cliches. I like it!

MOREE

Hymn .... truthfully ... twilight would serve equestria better as a researcher then a librarian or a services employee. It'd be like having someone with a degree in rocket science mopping floors seems extremely wasteful. Shes supposed to be their ages version of starswirl. Im hoping she ends with William / Hades. James to me seems like he doesn't have the same interests.... hes smart but not overly scholarly smart.... the moment she talks about advanced magical theory I'd expect him to yell ... neeeeeeerd ... then try to fluster her by calling her cute ... just to get her to go quiet.

Is this dead?

9495178
No, it's basically on hiatus right now because the other co-writer's family situation is iffy right now, so he hasn't had enough time to write.
~DJ

9496277
Trying to contact you...

cdn-img.fimfiction.net/story/rdyx-1533267237-416317-medium

That's dark souls motto

I mean, Rarity isn't that bad. She is eventually shown to care for even Spike. But I understand this is a crackfic and Rarity was a poorly portrayed character in the first couple seasons.

Is this dead?

9759355
Just a tad

Will this be making a come back soon.

9088504
I love your Thumbnail picture!

Peace

Just finished reading this and i have to say that I am really saddened it has been abandoned. I love it and would very much like to see it finished even though I can't do anything about it.