Hello, My Name is Air Marshal

by CrackedInkWell

Chapter 1: The Holy Sneeze

Okay, let’s get this out of the way for all of you because I know exactly what you’re thinking. So let’s just get this out there, alright? I am not, nor ever have been, a Prince. I never was related to the Royal Sisters. I’m not their long-lost cousin, a science experiment gone wrong, was born from a virgin mother, nor earned this alicornhood by becoming enlightened in controlling air traffic or whatever those rumors may say about me.

I’m trying to write this in hopes that (while doubtful) maybe I could clear things up. Because it’s already stressful that guests keep constantly bowing to me as soon as they land on something solid. It doesn’t help me any if tourists are now flocking all over Equestria just to take a look at me like I’m a glorified freak show. And it doesn’t help squat when there’s a crazy cult that worships on the front lawn. So, I’m writing this to give you all the truth that comes directly from me.

For I’m going to lay out the truth of why I’m an alicorn.

It might come as a surprise to some of you that I wasn’t born into any royal family. Heck, my own folks weren’t even rich or anywhere near as influential. My parents were hardworking blue-collar ponies. Both of them pegasi, Dad got his hooves constantly dirty in construction while Mom was a plumber. We never lived in a castle or anything, just an apartment in Las Pegasus. Sure, it wasn’t at all fancy or nothing, but hey, it’s home. Even after I grew up and moved out to someplace modest but comfortable, the only thing open for me was directing balloons for tourists to come and go without crashing into anything.

“Air! Get off your flank! We’ve got royalty coming in!” This was the very line that started it all. The day before a horn popped from my forehead, our boss, Traffic Control, was trying to get us to move. Now don’t get the wrong impression, the boss isn’t the kind that’s constantly a pain in the flank. Before the incident, I could have said that his shouting was his own way of communicating. “Anytime this century, Air! They’re not gonna land themselves!” It’s just when the unexpected happens that he comes Tirek incarnate.

The job itself sounds easy on paper, doesn’t it? Just wave at the balloons with orange sticks until they get to the landing area. A comatose kitten could do my job if it were that easy. But no! Instead of giving each of these things a pilot to at least get these tourists to get them where they need to go, because that would be the common-sense thing to do – they instead let the wind drive them around. Logic at its best indeed!

Of course, that would mostly leave us pegasi to move them, regardless of the weather. Even if it’s hurricane season, where lightning, snow, hail and swimming pools worth of rain was being blown at our faces that could rip them right off, we have to do our job. My job, in particular, wasn’t to push the balloons, but rather to direct them to get them to the landing dock without getting them to crash on one of the hotels nearby. And to top it all, at that time of year, some members of the Royal family tend to come to Las Pegasus for a vacation in which it’s expected that absolutely nothing goes wrong, especially when it’s my responsibility to make sure that their mode of transport lands safely as quickly as possible.

So yeah, no pressure there.

But I’m getting off track.

On the landing platform, I could immediately see the great airship of the Royal Sisters coming in. It was rather hard not to miss it as the blimp that carried the gilded ship was the size of one of the hotels. But taking each stick into each wing, I signaled for the landing crew to make the right adjustments before the behemoth of an aircraft could land. Luckily for me, the weather was decent enough for the thing to dock without crashing into anything.

Oh, and I’ve forgotten to mention the crowd that was gathering behind me as I was guiding the ship. Every year, the locals (and by that I mean tourists) would hog all the space that wasn’t being kept behind a chain of Royal Guards would gather to see the royal sisters make their entrance. By the time the airship lowered the planks, red carpet, and rose petals, a good chunk of the population had crammed tightly into that one space.

Seeing my job was done, I stepped aside so the staff on board could carry out to make the final preparations for the grand royal entrance. Complete with guards with trumpets, adorable foals tossing a trail of flowers, cannons of golden confetti and glitter aimed upwards, and a choir ready to sing their hearts out. If you ask me, I’d say that all of this is a little over the top – but hey, I’m not the one that could raise the sun and moon every day.

One trumpeting fanfare that surely would make that nearby deaf later, the ye old Herald screams out: “HEAR YE! HEAR YE! PRESENTING THE NOBLE ROYAL SISTERS OF EQUESTRIA! PRINCESSES CELESTIA AND PRINCESS LUNA, GUARDIANS OF THE CELESTIAL BODIES, GUARDIANS OF PONYKIND, LADIES OF DEBATABLE EXUBERANCE, PROTECTORS OF…” Bla, bla, bla-bla, bla. Bla. So, after twenty-some-odd minutes of yelling, the star tourists finally walked out of the ship.

While the guards were trumpeting, the cannons of sparkly confetti and glitter exploded, and the choir sang praises to the two, we’ve finally got a good look at what the two alicorn sisters were wearing this year. Now, if any sane pony was to look at the two without all the flamboyant, loud, are-our-tax-bits-really-going-into-all-of-this entrance, the two of them wouldn’t seem that out of place of any tourist that I’ve seen. Both of them had one of those wide brim hats that matched their coat colors, had sunglasses, and had tasteful Horseolaian, flowery shirts that – in my honest opinion, look amazing on them. (Although to be fair, they are the prettiest mares in existence, they could go walking around wearing garbage bags and they still would look amazing.)

So they walk out onto the landing platform, both of them smile and wave politely to the cheering crowds as they do every year. For a moment, everything seemed to be going just fine. Nothing out of the ordinary, right? Well on that day, I thought so too.

That was until some of that golden glitter got up into Celestia’s nostrils. And as one would suspect, she sneezed hard. So much so, that her horn unexpectedly flared up, and upon instinct, tried to direct her nose (and horn) away from the crowd. Before I could react, a lightning bolt shot out from her and hit me. The last thing I remembered was that everything felt tingly and that my mouth tasted like gumdrops right before I passed out.

By the time I woke up, I was in a hospital bed. That alone would be off-putting for anypony, right? Just waking up to a room full of “Get Well Soon” cards, a few candy baskets and a large teddy bear in the corner would obviously raise many questions. But to have the Royal Sisters themselves in the said room raised more red flags than a hoofball game.

“Look! He’s waking up.” Princess Luna said as she and her older sister turned to look at me.

I, looking around the hospital room asked one simple question. “Uh… Did I miss anything? I think I’ve missed something.”

“Well…” Princess Celestia started but hesitated for a moment. “Air Marshal, correct?” I nodded. “Before you say or do anything, I want you to know that I am genuinely sorry.”

(Here’s a little tip: whenever you are in a hospital with someone you know that is there, please, never start a sentence like that. Because immediately when I heard that, I honestly thought she used her magic to turn me into a mare, turn my lower half on backward, or made me into a fish. Whenever you say that your mind will come up with some creative scenarios of what they’re talking about.)

My eyes must have shrunken to pinpricks when I heard that. “What did you do to me?” was the first thing I asked.

Both of the sisters looked at one another. “You made this mess,” Luna said sternly, “and it is your job to clean it up.”

With a sigh from Celestia, she returned her gaze towards me and said. “Mr. Marshal… I came to apologize for the… accident I’ve caused. Before you say anything, you’re not hurt in any way. You see, whenever I sneeze very hard, my magic tends to hiccup now and then. Most of the time, such things can be easily reversed. But… every so often, there would be a case in which I can’t exactly undo it without causing further damage. And I’m very sorry to say… Yours happens to be one of them.”

In a panic, I pulled off the blanket and sheet off of me. Only… Nothing seemed out of place. I was still a male, my coat color was fine, my tail was still there, and even my wings haven’t fallen off. “Why?” I asked. “What did you do? I don’t see anything wrong with me.”

Princess Luna lit up her horn and removed some water from a jug than held it up, creating a makeshift mirror. “Perhaps this would make things clearer,” she told me as she held the improvised mirror up to my face.

When I saw my reflection, I blinked. And blinked again. Then rubbed my eyes. And blinked again. “Is… Is that...?” I lifted a hoof to my forehead to see if I would feel it. I did. “That’s a horn… Why do I have a horn sticking out of my head?”

“Again, I am so sorry for this,” Celestia said. “I swear that this wasn’t intentional.”

But at that moment, I had only two thoughts that went through my head: I have a horn sticking out of my forehead; and, will my insurance cover for additional body parts? However, a third thought came to mind. “What do you mean you can’t reverse it?” I asked. “You’re Celestia. You have more magic than anyone in existence.”

“I may be the Princess of the Sun,” she replied, “but I’m not the Princess of Enchanted Surgery. It’s one thing to add new body parts onto a pony – it’s another when you have to remove it without causing any negative consequences. I may be powerful, but even if I could reverse what I’ve done, it would still be risky. Especially to remove a horn without causing any brain or nerve damage or leaving a stump on your head is beyond me. I’m sorry to say this, but there’s no way to reverse the fact that you’re an alicorn now.”

Out of all the things that I expected to happen to me… that wasn’t one of them.

“So…” Luna began. “After talking to my sister, we’ve thought that the least we could do is to give you some compensation for this whole accident. So, we think that the best way to apologize for all of this is to give you a royal position as a Prince of Equestria. With all the benefits that come with it.”

Now… I know that countless other ponies out there would probably take up this in a heartbeat. That they would sign their names away on any sort of contract if it guarantees to be on the same status as these two are. Having a palace packed full of servants. Being tax-free. Getting into the most exclusive clubs and restaurants in the land. Having so much money that you don’t know what to do with it. Getting laid every five seconds. Being unbelievably popular. All of that stuff.

However, unlike most ponies, I happen to have a brain. And said brain tells me that while it would be nice, I wasn’t raised to expect all of that. My parents taught me that you must become responsible for what you do and that the best things in life are earned.

So, I looked into the eyes of these two immortal sisters, and with a straight face, I told them: “No thanks.”

The room became quiet for about an hour or two.

“Uh…” Celestia said after blinking a few times. “What?”

“I said, no thanks,” I repeated. “I mean, just getting me to the hospital is more than enough as it is. And I can forgive that it was an accident, so there are no hard feelings there. But with that offer… I’m gonna have to refuse it.”

“But… why?” Luna questioned. “Mr. Marshal, I don’t know if you quite grasp what’s we’re giving you in compensation here. You’re given the once in a lifetime chance to become royalty. It’s something that doesn’t happen that often.”

“I’m aware of that.” I nodded. “But I’m also the guy that controls air traffic in and out of Las Pegasus. My education is as basic as it can be. I come from a humble background of hardworking ponies. Oh, and the fact that I don’t really pay attention to the news – I shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near power like that. Ever. I may be not be that smart, but I’m not dumb either to accept things that I have no knowledge or experience over.”

“But… We can teach you!” Celestia insisted.

“Even if I did accept it, what would I be a Prince of anyway? Directing traffic? I just want to live my life. Work at my job. And deal with my own problems. I don’t need the special treatment if I didn’t earn it.” With that, I flung the covers off me so that I can get on my four hooves.

“Uh… Mr. Marshal?” Luna inquired. “Where are you going?”

After looking at a clock on the wall, I answered: “Well since I’ve already missed my work entirely, I’m going home.”

“But do you want some guards with you?”

I craned my neck over and raised an eyebrow. “What for? I’ve flown home many times before, I don’t need the special treatment.” With that, I left the room.

By the time I’ve reached the ground floor and into the lobby, I told the mare at the front desk to, “Just mail me the bill and I’ll pay it.” However, even when I gave her the address, the lady behind the desk stared at me. When she didn’t respond, I walked out of the hospital and started to make my way home. After all, with all that’s happened, what could go wrong from me doing just that?

Celestia, I can be stupid sometimes.

Comments

[Venerable Ro]

Ey, just get the guy a "don't-notice-me" charm and we're golden!

[Pause]

Most of everything I want out of an "X becomes an alicorn" story.

[soulstamina]

Aaand sold.

[CrackedInkWell]

9082008
I've decided to see what happens when I turned all those tropes with Alicorns in the opposite direction (as a comedy, of course).

[Celwoolf]

You sir, have my attention.

[Titanicgaming360]

I'll edit it if something else goes south.
After reading this first chapter, A: Typos. Oh god.
B: I have a MORAL DUTY to fix typos. So I will. Let's do this thing.
Also, I love this shit.

[CrackedInkWell]

9083001
Thank you. At the moment, I'm preparing to go on vacation, so I'll be back by August 10th or 11th.

[Titanicgaming360]

9083013
Okay.

[CrackedInkWell]

9083022
If you wanted to do this. By all means, go ahead, I won't stop you. If anything, I'll take whatever volunteers I could get.

[Winter Quill]

Not bad so far, good concept and interesting set up. Looking forward to seeing where it goes.

Also there are a couple places you used composition when you wanted to use compensation.

[CrackedInkWell]

9083326
Fixed and thanks.

[CrackedInkWell]

9083328
And I hope that I can keep the volunteer that whoever it is doesn't fall off the face of the earth. Like I said, I'm taking whatever help I could get.

[CrackedInkWell]

9083427
Thanks.

[Titanicgaming360]

9083328
You're welcome.
I'm still here.

[Ereiam]

9083331
Either it failed to update properly, or you missed those two:

“So…” Luna began. “After talking to my sister, we’ve thought that the least we could do is to give you some composition for this whole accident. So, we think that the best way to apologize for all of this, is to give you a royal position as a Prince of Equestria. With all the benefits that come with it.”

“But… why?” Luna questioned. “Mr. Marshal, I don’t know if you quite grasp what’s we’re giving you in composition here. You’re given the once in a life-time chance to become royalty. It’s something that doesn’t happen that often.”

Also, you forgot the H of "Marshal" here:

“Uh… Mr. Marsal?” Luna inquired. “Where are you going?”

Typos aside, I believe we're off to a good start. I've always wondered what would happen if, after becoming an alicorn, somepony got offered royal status and just went "nope". Can't wait to see how it develops.

[CrackedInkWell]

9086647
Fixed and thanks.

[LordMentat]

Ha! More I say!

[FridayPie]

9087639
Your avatar is uniquely astute.