Drunken Plans are the Best Plans
Octavia and Vinyl turned and started walking down the small dirt road that lead to the main road of Ponyville. Celestia had started lowing the sun which filled the sky in a nice orange tint, however Octavia had her mind elsewhere. She couldn't help but remember the earlier conversation with Vinyl about the dishwasher. No longer being able to wait, Octavia looked at Vinyl, who was still wearing that foalish grin of hers, and asked “Vinyl, you mentioned something about the dishwasher when you got home. What did you do to our dishwasher?”
“The dishwasher?” Vinyl asked, trying her best to appear innocent.
Octavia saw right through the DJ's attempt to brush off the subject, so she walked in front of Vinyl, stopped and asked again. "Yes, the dishwasher. What did you do?"
Vinyl smiled sheepishly and replied “Don’t worry Octy. Nothing is wrong with our dishwasher."
Octavia groaned in frustration and facehoofed. “Now I am more worried about the dishwasher. Vinyl you better not have done anything to it. We are still making payments on it.” She put her hoof back on the ground.
Vinyl let out a small chuckle before continuing to walk towards the bar. Thanks to the DJ's shades, Octavia was unable to see Vinyl darting her eyes around nervously trying to avoid the gray mare. The chuckle itself was a dead giveaway but Octavia just sighed and decided to drop the subject, there were more important things to worry about. An awkward silence fell between the two for a short while before they had arrived at the Golden Horseshoe.
Octavia stopped outside the bar and looked around. “I thought you said that Lyra and Bon Bon were going to be here. You did ask them to come right?” Octavia questioned as she stood near the door. The pop music playing from the bar was deafening to the cellist’s ears however, she was certain that enough drinks would fix that.
It was then that a familiar voice came out from behind them. “You mean told us to come with no explanation as to why, other than a girl’s night out.” said a slightly annoyed Lyra, shooting Vinyl a glance that read, this had better be good. “You had better be buying the drinks tonight after forcing us to come here on a whim.” Lyra huffed with a cocky grin plastered on her face.
Bon Bon, who had been quietly standing near Lyra, began shaking her head and bumped her flank against Lyra’s. “Calm down Lyra, we are not here for free drinks. Haven't you not noticed that Octavia is troubled?” Bon Bon asked pointing a hoof to Octavia. “I assume something happened to you recently that has you all worried.” She said walking to Octavia and giving her a hug. It was quick but effective as the cellist started cheering up.
“Wait a sec? Octavia is troubled?” Lyra asked looking at Octavia who didn’t look to be stressed out at all. As far as she could tell, Octavia looked the same as she always does, but Bon Bon has a gift for telling when something was bugging somepony.
“Y-yes something has happened recently, however I would rather not talk about it out here. If we can we go inside, that horrible music will make it a bit more private than out here.” Octavia said walking into the bar, intent on finding a table for them.
The other three stood outside for a moment with surprised look on their faces. Octavia wasn’t normally one to go into a bar first, in fact, it was practically unheard of for her to do. The three looked at each other until Vinyl just smiled and followed in after Octavia. Lyra looked back to Bon Bon who just shrugged and trotted into the bar, playfully beckoned Lyra with her tail.
The bar was dimly light but looked stunning. The bar top and was made of fine red wood and looked like a large horseshoe. The right half of the bar had booths and tables for ponies to sit at, and the left side had the jukebox sitting near several pool tables which some stallions were playing on. Several ponies could be seen tending to the bar, but one stood out above all the others. This familiar looking plum pony seemed to be managing not only the other bartenders but tending to patrons as well. Sure enough it was Berry Punch, who was doing all of this while drinking out of a wooden tankard that she would refill after every few orders.
“Drinking on the job, Berry really is something else. Really, any profit she stands to gain will be lost with how much she’s drinking.” Octavia commented after watching Berry pour herself another tankard of beer. Octavia drew her eyes away and spotted an open booth.
“Octavia’s right, this place might not be in business for long if Berry keeps drinking the profit like that.” Lyra said looking away to see which booth they were going to be sitting at. Octavia sat at the booth furthest from the jukebox and the others followed. Lyra trotted over just in time to watch Octavia plant her face to the table with flattened ears.
Lyra and Bon Bon sat across from Octavia and Vinyl and watched as the DJ began patting the back of the face down Cellist with her hoof. Vinyl was about to cheer her up when something caught her attention. “What the?” asked the DJ causing all the mares at the table to look in the same direction as Vinyl.
Everypony’s attention was now fixed on the drunken plum mare stumbling over to their table. Any pony would be amazed watching Berry splash her tankard around without spilling a single drop. “How she does that I’ll never know” stated Bon Bon who, like everypony at the table, was impressed by Berry’s performance.
“Hello ladies.” greeted Berry astonishing the four with the sobriety in her voice, hiccup aside. “What will you be having tonight?” She asked before drinking from her tankard.
It was then they noticed the black book on the table with the bar’s name embroidered in gold lettering. They looked over the menu and the many choices for food and drinks. Lyra and Bon Bon eyed the same item and smiled they pointed a hoof to a picture of a fish bowl shaped drink.
“We want to share the blue raspberry fish bowl please.” They said in unison causing Bon Bon to giggle and look at Lyra. Vinyl looked over the menu and she ran a hoof over the different drinks and food.
“I will an Applejack Daniels for a start.” She paused looking at the food selection being a little hungry. “And a large order of hay fries.” She smirked as she wanted to share them with Octavia in hopes that it might give Octavia the hint.
Octavia looked at Berry questioningly. “Shouldn’t you be writing the orders down Berry? I mean with the state you are in…” Octavia started before being cut off.
“You don’t need to worry about that. If there is one thing that I never forget, it’s anything to deal with alcohol.” She stated as if it was a known fact. Berry tilted her head back downing the rest of her tankard. After it was empty she slammed it down on the table and gave a satisfied sigh. “Now what will you be having?”
Octavia was stunned but accepted it as she didn’t want to argue right now. She looked over the menu once more not seeing anything strong enough listed. “What is the strongest thing you have?” She asked looking to Berry whose eyes lit up.
“I have two drinks that may satisfy what you’re looking for. Wonderbolt Whiskey or Alicorn Ale. Wonderbolt Whiskey will make you feel like you are soaring through the clouds. Alicorn Ale is new with all the power of an Alicorn in a bottle. It is also brewed and bottled, right here in Ponyville inside Princess Twilight’s castle, by me.” Berry proclaimed excitedly.
“Is Princess Twilight okay with you using her castle for brewing beer?” Lyra asked raising an eye brow. The rest of the girls were interested in knowing the answer as well.
“Ummm….I sure she is.” Berry said with an unconvincing smile. “Ok, she might not know about it but what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her. Beside she’s neither here or there so what will it be hun?” Berry asked and smiled brightly.
“Right, well I will have the Alicorn Ale and I will try a shot of Wonderbolt Whiskey as well.” Octavia ordered reaching in her saddle bag and hoofed over the bit pouch. “Oh and keep the drinks coming until you run out or have to close.” Octavia instructed.
Berry nodded taking the pouch and placing it in a special place behind the bar. The food was ordered and Berry began filling everypony’s order… and her empty tankard.
With a heavy sigh Octavia started her story. “The reason we are here tonight is because of my parents. They had controlled every moment of my life until I left Canterlot which made me think I was free from that. Apparently I was wrong and now they have arranged for me to wed some stallion in the coming weeks. I don’t want to get marry to somepony I don’t love, let alone a stallion.” Octavia looked down and continued. “They refuse to accept me for who I am, please help me, I need a way out of this.” She pleaded with her friends.
“Why not just ignore the request? It isn’t like they can drag you back home and force you to marry somepony you’ve never met.” Bon Bon suggested. As she finished speaking the drinks and hay fries were walked over by the stumbling Berry. She balanced a large tray with the order on her other free hoof making her walk very unstable on two rear legs. She tripped falling forward causing her to roll a few times until she stopped and was standing before them. The group watched in awe as she managed to not spill a single thing as this happed. Berry placed the items before each pony and smiled before turning to leave the group to drink.
“Wait!” Vinyl shouted. “How did you do that?”
“Do what?” Berry asked, not knowing what the DJ was asking about.
“You know, tumble that bad but not to spill anything.” Specified Vinyl
“Oh that.” Berry said with a giggle and a hiccup. “Years of practice.” Replied the plum mare staggering back to the bar.
Octavia drank the Wonderbolt Whiskey first to start the night off. She looked to Bon Bon and after the burn of the Whiskey was gone she spoke. “I don’t want to ignore them. My mother may be an insufferable bitch, and my father may have his head so far up his own flank he can’t see the light of day, regardless they are still my parents and I love them. I don’t want to lose them or not speak to them again. I just want them to respect and accept me for who I am, and let me make my own choices, good or bad.” She then drank from the Alicorn Ale. She was already feeling something from the strength of the Whiskey and the Ale was only helping.
Lyra nodded in agreement as it wasn’t a good idea to just ignore it. She took a sip from the fishbowl and thought. “Well I mean you could go to your parents and tell them that you will not marry somepony you just met, and never a stallion.” Lyra suggested and Octavia just shook her head knowing that wouldn’t work.
“I got it!” Vinyl exclaimed levitating her glass and taking a decent sized drink form it. “We find and tame a Bugbear, have it attack the wedding and bust Octavia out of there before the, I do’s.” The DJ beamed with triumph. Bon Bon’s face changed from contemplation to worry as she looked around to see if the Bugbear was there.
“NO!” cried Lyra and she put hoof around Bon Bon. “And don’t talk about that thing in front of Bon Bon. It has caused her enough trouble.” Lyra said and rubbed Bon Bon’s back softly to comfort her. After she was calmed down the two kissed and continued drinking the fishbowl. The DJ thought for a second when a different idea hit her.
“I got it! Knights, new plan.” Vinyl said trying to rally the girls into a new crazy scheme.
“But we’re not_” Bon Bon started to say but was stopped by Octavia holding up her hoof.
“It’s best to ignore her when she is like this, she will just say whatever stupid or crazy idea pops into her head. It’s easier to just role with it for now.” Octavia said, and the other two mares nodded in response. Meanwhile, Vinyl had started on with her new plan.
“We need to find a legendary pool of water with magical properties. Which we can then make a clone of Octy and have her clone get married and live the boring life, while the real Octy lives here and never speaks to her family again.” The DJ smiled.
Octavia shook her head again. “That plan is worse than the first one, and besides, I still want to see my family after this. I still love them remember.” She rubbed her forehead with a hoof. “I need a real idea on what to do Vinyl.” She groaned putting extra emphasis on the word real.
The table was silent while everypony was thinking of a way for Octavia to get out of this arranged marriage. Every time that they were about to finish their drinks, Berry came back and quickly refilled them. Sure, Octavia instructed her to keep them coming but it was like the plum mare had a pinky sense when it came to drinks. Octavia was sharing the hay fries with Vinyl and didn’t seem notice anything strange about Vinyl feeding them to her with magic. Lyra and Bon Bon took notice of this however and tried to keep from giggling.
The night was going by and every pony at the table had more than their fair share of drinks. They all had pitched a few ideas to Octavia, but she was sure that none of them would work. Lyra suggested getting Octavia thrown into jail to get her out of the marriage. All be it bad, it was a better plan then faking her own death... Octavia hoped Vinyl was just joking with that one. The “best idea” that she heard so far came from Bon Bon who suggested a fake kidnapping. The “Worst plan”, which should receive an award of its own, was masterminded by the DJ. A plan that involved C4, a bass drop, and a rubber chicken that didn’t sit well with anypony.
“W-Wait?.. Won’t you p-parents plan on you trying to stop the wed-ding?” Bon Bon asked, using Lyra for support, as to not fall out of the booth.
“Of courzse… That’s why we’re planning around the planzs…. That they’re planning around our planzs” The DJ quipped, a drunken smile spread across her face as she leaned on Octavia.
“Vinyl…*hic*… you’re a genius...*hic*” Said Octavia. This was the most drunk that any of the mares had seen her, and they had to admit that her hiccups were too cute. Octavia leaning in on the DJ placing her foreleg around her neck. “Vinyl can you *hic* scoot over… I need to use the *hic* fillies room.” She whispered in the DJ’s ear causing her to start blushing. She stood up to let Octavia out. As Octavia slowly walked to the bathroom Vinyl couldn’t keep her eyes off Octavia’s flank.
Lyra and Bon Bon giggled at this and cuddled into each other. Lyra had her foreleg around Bon Bon and was whispering to her before looking to the DJ. “Vinyl, Vinyl, listen…I got to ask you. How long have you liked Octy?” Lyra asked giggling again as Bon Bon was nuzzling her neck.
“Something like…. umm” She thought for a moment and with a sigh sat back down at the table and slowly placed her head down and putting her legs over her head. “Two… No, Three yearzs… I really, really, lovezs her but shezs my best friend…Wha should I do?” She asked and looked at the Lyra.
“Listen, listen to me Vinyl. You need to tell her how you feel…If you don’t, nothing, nothing will change between you two lovebirds.” Said Lyra, Bon Bon nodding in agreement reaching a hoof over the table to pat the DJ’s head.
The DJ downed her drink and polished what was left of Octavia’s drink as well. With a sigh she thought about telling her causing a blush and a smile to appear on the white mare’s face. Vinyl stood up to go get her and Octy more drinks when she noticed that the glasses where full again. Surprised by this, she looked around and saw Berry walking away while giving her a wink and Octavia returning to the table. Vinyl let Octavia back into the booth and saw something that sparked a new idea in the mare’s head. “Octy! I hazs it, a new plan.” She said taking another drink from her glass.
“Ohhh?..*hic* What is it this time? Going to shrink me down to the size of a bug…*hic*? Raise enough bits with your music to…*hic* buy me from my parents? Oh, or maybe you plan to have discord turn me into a stallion…*hic*” Octavia blurted out, everypony at the table just looked at her weirdly.
“Uhhh no, I wazs going to azsk Trixie if she would help with her disappearing magiczs!” Vinyl said joyfully turning around to pounce on Trixie with a hug and pulling her to their booth. She held Trixie close with her hoof to the point where their cheeks were touching, far too friendly for the magician’s liking.
“The Great and Powerful Trrrixie has heard you fools talking for the past few hours. Trixie isn’t touching this problem with a ten-hoof pole.” Trixie said pushing the DJ away.
“Awww” replied the DJ watching Trixie quickly pay her tab and leave before Vinyl could hug her again.
“G-guess not.” Bon Bon said with a giggle. She looked at Vinyl and Octavia a grin spread across her face. She pointed to Octavia and laughed playfully. “Oh Octy, i-if only you were with so-mepony else.” Bon Bon hinted to the DJ.
“*hic*…I would like nothing more than to be *hic*… betrothed to somepony else Bon Bon.” Octavia said with a sigh.
Vinyl stood in place a confused and pondering looked making its way over her face. She seemed to be deep in thought. “Be what?” Vinyl asked having trouble with the word.
“You know, betrothed…*hic*” Octavia said focused on clarifying the word for Vinyl, only to receive a blank stare in return. “Intended?” Octavia said in hopes Vinyl would understand but still getting the same look as before. “Affianced?” Octavia said beginning to get a little frustrated with Vinyl now.
“I hazs no idea what you just said, but I’mzs inspired.” The DJ said earning a groan and facehoof from Octavia. Vinyl took her seat next to Octavia again and Lyra tapped Vinyl’s foreleg.
“Vinyl, she means engaged, hitched, together forever. You know, like how you want to be with O_” began Lyra, who was swiftly cut off by a now blushing DJ reaching her hoofs over the table to muffle the mint green mare.
“Ok, Ok, I got it!” exclaimed Vinyl returning back to her seat, face still red. Octavia looked at the two puzzled but decided not to probe for more information. However, this scene caused Bon Bon to smile with delight.
“S-say…Vinyl. Why don’t you be-troth Octy so she c-can’t go off with that stallion?” said Bon Bon, trying to innocently play cupid for the two mares in front of her.
“I’d love to but I don’t see howzs that will help.” Replied the DJ not realizing what she just implied.
Octavia lifted her head and smiled and almost tackled Vinyl with how fast she hugged her. It was a perfect plan. Trick her parents with Vinyl would be easier than anything suggested that night. However, with how drunk Octavia was now, even the plan involving the C4 seemed like a good idea.
“Oh Vinyl *hic*… it’s the perfect plan… Let’s get engaged right away…*hic*” Octavia said and nuzzled the DJ’s neck playfully and having corrected herself in word choice. She looked into Vinyl’s red eyes and she couldn’t help but wink at her.
Vinyl’s heartrate increased as Octavia hugged and nuzzled her. She could feel her cheeks turn to a deep shape of red and felt like there were multiple butterflies in her stomach. The DJ hugged her back tightly before pulling away slowly to look into Octavia’s eyes.
Lyra and Bon Bon giggled to themselves about the scene and decided to leave the couple on the other side of the table alone. They left the bar quietly and Octavia noticed only moments later pulling away from Vinyl and blushed. “Umm...*hic* Where did Lyra and Bon Bon go?” she asked not seeing the two mares anywhere.
The DJ shrugged not knowing letting out a small giggled followed by a hiccup. She finished her drink and wave to Berry that they were done. Getting up, Octavia also finished her drink and followed the DJ’s lead. Berry rushed over to the pair and smiled holding Octavia’s bit pouch in her mouth and put it in her saddlebag for her. “Come again, and watch out Octavia, the cold outside air will kick in the Ale’s secret effect. You might just black out when you step outside.” She said before going back behind the bar to start closing up for the night.
“What a *hic*…. nice bar owner.” Octavia said softly as she leaned on Vinyl for support after that and they walked to the door. Once outside, Octavia found that Berry’s warning came true as the cool air made her feel drunker than before.
Octavia and Vinyl slowly started their walk home this alone was hard on the DJ as Octavia wasn’t just leaning on her for support. She had started nibbling at the DJ’s neck playfully and nuzzling her behind her ears her hot breath was making her tempted. This isn’t Octy doing this. It is the alcohol. She thought to herself over and over trying to maintain their friendship, but the Alicorn Ale was making her feel frisky as well. The two arrived at their front door with great self-control on Vinyl’s part. Octavia put her head into the saddlebag looking for the keys but was having difficulties finding them. Vinyl ended up using her magic to locate the keys and unlock the door… which took a few tries.
Octavia started to stumble her way up the stairs to get to her room however was finding it increasingly difficult with the state that she was in. After climbing three steps she fell backwards on top of Vinyl and started laughing hysterically. “Hahaha *hic*I fell Vinyl. Can you help me up dear…*hic*.” teased Octy not realizing that her soft cushion was the DJ. Vinyl rolled her eyes and with a blue glow picked Octavia up with her magic and began taking her to the bedroom. “Look Vinyl…*hic* I’m swimming on blue air.” Octavia giggled swinging her legs around.
Vinyl smiled putting the cellist down on her bed turned and started to leave. That was until Octavia wrapped her forelegs around her and pulled her onto the bed with a forceful tug. The DJ was too drunk to care anymore as she looked at Octavia who processed to kiss the white mare on the lips. There was no turning back now, it was time to throw caution to the wind and spend the night in bliss.
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Meanwhile in Canterlot.
Two ponies sat in a large room filled with expensive musical instruments in display cases, red carpet with matching velvet drapes hung on each window. A fire was raging in a marble fireplace cascading an orange glow over the two. One an older mare unicorn, her coat was ruby in color and her mane a sapphire blue, her cutie mark being a string of musical note and her name was Harmony, Octavia’s mother. The other being an older stallion earth pony, his coat a silver color and mane onyx like his daughter’s, his cutie mark being that of a conductor’s stick tapping a stand, his name Alto Tempo. The stallion was reading over the Canterlot newspaper until his wife broke the silence of the room.
“Octavia should be happy that we found her a husband. Can you imagine how it would look if our daughter was found consorting with a country bumpkin? We would be a complete disgrace.” The mare said.
“It would be more disgraceful for us is she really was a fillyfooler. Good thing that Octavia was only going through a phase.” The stallion stated.
“Yes darling. That had to be what was going on.” She replied.
Both had made names for themselves in the music industry long ago. Harmony was a renowned singer and Alto Tempo was the best conductor of his time. The two stood and prepared to head off to bed.
“Darling, you made sure that everything will be perfect for the wedding did you not?” She asked as she could trust her husband with a lot of things, but the wedding was a big deal for them. Everything had to be perfect.
“Yes, my dear. Everything will be perfect for the wedding. Every, last little thing will go according to plan. Mark my words our daughter will wed that stallion and that will be the end of our worries.” He said putting his hoof down as if it was an order.
“You are right darling, everything will be perfect. Octavia will come home and do exactly as we say. What could possibly go wrong?”
Well that went well. Now let’s see how Octavia’s parents make complete fools of themselves.
Holy crap, Bon Bon read my comment!
Well played Buck It Bros, well played.
9134017
We got you bro. We got you. 👍
9133852
Thank you for that. More will come.
Love the Hellsing abridged reference.
when will anyone learn not to say those five words, they are just asking for it
9134138
Well it did fit well with the story. Thanks for noticing.
9134139
Well everything will go According to Plan, or will it?
Whelp GG everyone. Time to go home. Nothing to see here, but a complete and total disaster that's about to explode!
9144225
Nonsense everything will be fine. Maybe. I am sure there isn't a single thing any pony will regret.
Tavi, you may love them but considering what they are doing cutting them out of your life would be a good thing.
9175840
That is a bit harsh don't you think? Cutting them out of her life would also make her feel worse seeing as she does love them still, she just wants their love and respect in return.
*Ring Ring*
"Yes this is Murphy."
*a pause*
"Ah I see so the mother thinks nothing can go wrong huh? Guess I will have to remind folks its not a good idea to tempt me, thanks for the heads up discord!" Murphy said before hanging up his phone and making his own plans.
9351721
I laughed reading your comment. That line indeed was a set up for fun.
So are Lyra and Bon Bon dating
9355068
We have Lyra and Bon Bon married at that point. Time line wise, Coco and I were thinking their ceremony took place the same year as our Hearth's Warming Eve story around hearts and hoofs day... so its close to a 1 year anniversary for the fun couple.
Is zat you Major come now we must plan ze attack on ze Hellsing corporation
WHAT!?
WHAT!? XD
WHERE AM I!?!? XD
9503194
It's a whole trope.
9929633
That and it's more fun to imagine what could happen.
-Coco the Bearded
HALT!
Ze Grammar Nazi Group has spotted a mistake!
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HAIL GRAMMAR!
10312347
Thanks for spotting those. I fixed them in the chapter. I do hope that you are enjoying the story still even with the mistakes. I do my best and wrote this for fun.
-Coco the Bearded
10312347
I joined.
I am enjoying this!
10770193
Thank you for reading the story. It was fun to write.
-Coco the Bearded