Chapter 92 - Anyone For Tea?
“I am somewhat disappointed in the lack of enthusiasm at our long-awaited reunion,” Star Swirl commented. I couldn’t quite tell that he was pouting because of his thick beard, but he sure sounded like it.
“Forgive us,” Celestia said as she moved to embrace the old mage. “However, for my sister and me, this is the second occasion that we have met you for the first time in centuries.”
“You speak in riddles, my dear. What are you talking about?”
Starlight Glimmer didn’t wait for the alicorn to answer. She glared at me and said, “It means that somepony screwed up and let himself be duped. I told you this was a bad idea!”
I groaned, shut my eyes, and shook my head. “I admit it – I let you all down. I knew something felt wrong and yet I rationalized my gut feelings away. I fooled myself into thinking it was just how much Star Swirl irritates me.” I started bashing my head against the coffee table repeatedly. “Idiot! Idiot! Idiot!”
Luna came over and stopped me. “Fret not, Mark Wells. We all doth make simpletons of ourselves upon occasion. Being a ruler does not make you infallible.”
Celestia gave me her most reassuring smile. “Trust me, Prince Wells – my sister and I made our share of blunders in the early days of our rule. You have had but a few years of experience and have done extraordinarily well, but mistakes are inevitable. Even after a millennium, we still make them. Learn from your missteps and move on.”
“I can’t afford to make these kinds of mistakes though. Look what’s happened to you because of them! I’m the one who was pushing hardest for security, but I got totally suckered by Chrysalis.”
Celestia said, “We were no less guilty in being too ready to believe that he was our former mentor, even after chatting with him for several minutes. The imposter’s performance was flawless.”
I threw up my forehooves. “I know! He was the same exasperating, nerve-grating, condescending, opinionated—”
“HARRUMPH!” The object of my characterization frowned at me. “Would you care to tell me just what is going on? When we talked yesterday, there was no news about the missing princesses having returned and yet—”
“What?!” I interrupted him. “We didn’t talk yesterday.”
Star Swirl gave me a flat look. “Of course we did. In truth, I could hardly get you to leave and let me get on with my efforts to find Celestia and Luna.”
Trixie said, “Perhaps if you had looked under your nose, you might have found them.”
Twilight shook her head. “No, it sounds as if Star Swirl’s tracking spell was being blocked. It explains how Chrysalis’ impersonation was so good though. She met Star Swirl disguised as Mark, with whom she is extremely familiar, and interacted with Star Swirl who responded exactly as he would normally with Mark. She got the mannerisms and form down pat so she could pull off this ploy.”
“And Cozy Glow undoubtedly coached her with relevant details,” Thorax said. When everyone looked at him, he added, “Queen Chrysalis always used to say that you could never have too much information when impersonating a pony.”
Cadance frowned. “That reminds me – Princess Diadem, why couldn’t you detect that he was a fraud?”
Diadem lowered her clipboard and replied, “Changeling queens can project false emotions and, while we all can do it, Chrysalis is admittedly a master of the technique.” She grimaced ruefully. “I was as deceived as any other being present.”
My wife nodded thoughtfully. “The Great and Talented Trixie is most impressed. Queen Chrysalis is quite the performer. She should have chosen the stage as a career.”
“Indeed,” Celestia concurred. “And she knows both me and Luna from the days while she deceived everyone when she impersonated Cadance. Only Twilight managed to see through her act then because Chrysalis was unfamiliar with her.”
The purple alicorn blushed. “It didn’t stop me from being blinded by my hero-worshipping this time.”
Starlight grimaced. “I suppose I’m not blameless either. I should have refused Mark’s request. I had reasonable grounds.”
Star Swirl frowned. “I gather that there was an imposter of me here. What was his objective?”
“It was Queen Chrysalis,” I replied. “She stole Grogar’s Bewitching Bell and used it to take Celestia and Luna’s alicorn power. She might have gotten more if you hadn’t turned up and made it obvious she was a fake.”
Star Swirl turned to look at the Royal Sisters. “I had not noticed but now that you have mentioned it, I cannot sense their magic. And your mane has not been its original pink in years, my dear.”
“Centuries, actually, not counting a certain doppelganger,” she replied while giving me a small smile. “But that is the least of our concerns. Grogar has again inflicted a great loss upon us and we have yet to make any progress in return.”
Luna scowled. “The balance of power keeps shifting in his favor. No doubt, our magic will be used by Grogar’s minions against us. We are in the strange position of fighting ourselves, in a manner of speaking. But that doth also means we know our own powers best and how to counter them while the thieves are unfamiliar with their nuances.”
Trixie groaned theatrically. “Even if we know every weakness, we can’t plan on taking advantage of them without the near inevitability of said plan being overheard!” She waved a hoof in the direction of the melted stone wall. “All our precautions were operating in force, but they were ludicrously inadequate.”
Silence descended upon us as the truth of her words sunk in. Every effort on our part so far to keep secrets from Grogar had proven fruitless. How could you fight an enemy who knew every one of your battle plans?
Councilor Anticline pushed his way past me and flared his nostrils next to Star Swirl. “You! Old pony! I take it you are the knowledgeable one here? You studied that bell you are all so worked up about?”
The mage stared down his nose at the diamond dog. “I am. And yes, I led a team of the finest minds in Equestria to divine—”
Anticline waved a paw dismissively. “Enough. I want to discuss the pattern of cracks in the metal, obviously put there to allow for expansion. The artifact increased in size a bit more than three percent after absorbing the magic of two alicorns.”
Star Swirl’s eyebrows shot upwards.
The diamond dog squinted. “You didn’t notice? Now or when your ‘finest minds’ examined it?”
The stallion’s hat drooped a bit. “Ahhh…. No.”
“Well, regardless of your past and present failings, do you believe the bell will simply stop consuming energy when it runs out of space to expand, or would it explode?”
I winced at the mental image of indestructible metal shards propelled by enough magic to power multiple alicorns.
Star Swirl shuffled his hooves. “I… umm… I don’t know.”
Trixie whispered loud enough for everyone to hear. “Are we sure this is the real Star Swirl? I don’t recall him admitting ignorance about anything, ancient or modern, even when the facts stared him in the face.”
The old wizard glared at the two of us. Behind him, Luna lifted a hoof to cover her smirk.
I heard the sound of a hinge in desperate need of oil, and it came from the ceiling. We all looked up to see a trapdoor that definitely had not been there earlier. It slowly opened in jerks as the rusty hinges reluctantly performed their function. Abruptly, they gave way and the twin trapdoor panels flew to the sides, allowing sundry objects to fall into the middle of the room. First, a throw rug followed by a coffee table fell to the floor. Next came a two-seater couch, hat rack, umbrella stand, goldfish bowl, pet shark, vase with poison ivy, a tea set, then finally, one draconequus.
Discord extricated himself from the pile, muttering, “Note to self: Next time I clean up before receiving guests, don’t throw everything in the broom closet.” Right on cue, a dustpan and a couple of brooms fell out of the space overhead and bounced off his horns.
The event distracted me from my growing funk. “Nice of you to pay a visit, Discord. We would have appreciated it if you’d been here earlier though.”
The Lord of Chaos snapped his talons and all his furniture flew back up through the trapdoor which snapped shut with a clang. “I know! I had forgotten all about this party. But I’m here now. Where are the refreshments? I could swear that Fluttershy made oodles of those delightful cucumber sandwiches just this morning!”
“Um, not quite what I meant,” I said.
“Oh, right,” Discord said, looking contrite. “You keep inviting me to all these parties and I never return the favor. It’s been ages since any of you have been over for tea!”
I wondered what the heck he was going on about, but it was nice that he was making the effort. Still, this wasn’t the time for such things. “It’s alright, Discord.”
Suddenly, he was right in my face, staring intently at me. “At my own private house in my own cozy pocket universe. I’m sure you’ll love it!”
Beat me over the head often enough and, eventually, the message gets through. I didn’t have to make it obvious to potential eavesdroppers though. “You know – you’re right. Invitation accepted, my friend. Diadem – mark it on my calendar. How about… three weeks from next Saturday?”
“Oh, but I insist that you come over right now. I even redecorated! Hardly anything will drive you insane now.”
My wife smirked, “Trixie knows you mean well, but this is not a good time.”
“Oh, Pshaw!” Discord said with a dismissive wave of his lion paw. “It’s no trouble at all. In fact, let me get us started right now.” He snapped his dragon talons and the trapdoor opened once more. This time, a whirlwind emerged and started sucking people into it.
The room quickly emptied and, as it headed for me, I summoned up my outrage and yelled, “DISCORD!”
Then I was vacuumed up into the unknown.
A moment later, all of us were standing in the middle of a bizarrely decorated home, wavering dizzily on our hooves, claws, paws, or whatever. The two brooms from earlier put on a show, parrying and riposting their way across the ceiling. Underneath us, the constellations of outer space slowly rotated past. The planet Equus, barely the size of a marble, descended from a wall of multi-colored ivy. Glancing up a bit, I saw Pinkie Pie munching on one of the leaves, a critical look on her face.
Wait. Pinkie Pie? When did she get here?
Glancing behind her, I saw Rarity, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash in a tangled heap. Behind them were the five changeling queens, similarly trying to unhook themselves. Diadem rushed over to help her sister extract her horn from one of the voids in Sanguine Dreams’ legs.
“Yes, Mark?” the draconequus asked innocently.
I gave him a wink. “Nice one, buddy. Think that fooled them?”
The chimera shrugged. “Even if it didn’t, you can still make your plans in secret and I get to fulfill an obligation. Cucumber sandwiches anyone? I’m fairly sure I got the recipe right this time.”
Fluttershy walked slowly out of a side door, two plates of the snacks balanced on her back, and another on each outstretched wing. “Discord has been experimenting! One of these has sandwiches also made with iridescent bumble flies.” She frowned, craning her head around. “I honestly can’t remember which one, though.”
“Really?” asked Sanguine Dreams as she levitated one of the plates off of Fluttershy’s back. “I love bumble flies.”
My stomach tried to do a somersault. I was definitely not hungry any longer.
Apicula ignored the offer of food and asked, “Are you able to spy on Grogar as he has been doing on us?”
Discord frowned. “As much as it pains me to admit it, I am not omnipotent. I haven’t been able to counter his icons.”
“What icons?” Twilight asked.
“His enchanted equipment,” Discord replied. “He’s what I call a mechanic. By himself, Grogar is only an above-average magic-user. A skilled unicorn could beat him every time, or possibly even Mark. However, that isn’t the source of his greatest power; that resides in his equipment. The enchantments on the jewels in his collar can efficiently and powerfully enact many enchantments, one of which blocks scrying spells. The Bewitching Bell was Grogar’s greatest creation and is even more powerful, but some of the materials required to make it were exceedingly rare, so only one was ever made. Those are but some of his devices.”
Queen Trochanter said, “So why don’t you just snap your claws and turn all these powerful whatnots into toothpaste or something?” She opened another sandwich, apparently looking for one with the beetles inside. Knowing how Discord worked, I didn’t like her chances.
I said, “Discord is by his nature a being of Chaos. Any action he takes to directly counter Grogar would drastically swing the balance of this dimension towards Order.”
Discord’s eyes grew huge and he made a choking sound. “Too far out of whack and I can’t control the consequences. Chaos itself could restore the balance by, say, replacing all the water in your world with acid. Let’s all agree just not to go there.”
His smile returned. “Anyway, back to Grogar. His talent for making powerful icons is only exceeded by his ambition to conquer every world. However, even he can’t see into other dimensions like this, so your privacy is assured.”
I pricked up my ears. “So, Grogar would not be able to spy on us if we were in, say, the anthro world?”
“Not unless he has some agent there with more conventional means of doing so. His most powerful spells are in his collar and bell, so they remain with him at all times.”
I nodded and smiled grimly. “Then getting help from our interdimensional friends must be on top of our to-do list, even if it’s just a place to set up a think tank.”
Discord said, “Let’s do this right!” He snapped his fingers and the room changed. Everyone now stood in a dark chamber with large maps of Equestria placed high on one wall. The slanted ceiling started at the floor behind us and rose fifty feet in the air where it met the map wall. The remaining two walls were made of the same dark gray concrete as the ceiling. The middle of the chamber housed an enormous circular table with a suspended halo of fluorescent lights providing illumination. A polished black Formica floor and wheeled office chairs completed the space. The room looked familiar, but I couldn’t put a hoof on where I’d seen the like of it before.
The draconequus said, “There! This should set the mood nicely. Now, who wants to get the ball rolling?”
Twilight said, “I suppose we should start with updating the newcomers.” She sat on the floor and recounted the events of the last hour to the latest arrivals. All eyes settled on me and I shuffled uncomfortably under their gaze.
Rarity said, “Well… at least you scared Cozy Glow a bit. That counts for something, doesn’t it?”
I frowned. “I’m afraid that’s another mark in the fail category.”
Pinkie piped up. “No pun intended!”
“Umm… yes. Grogar and his crew had not seen my power shot before. Now they know it takes a full second to get through their shield. By the time we see them again, they will have made it stronger or countered it in some other way.”
Rainbow Dash said around a mouthful of sandwich, “So why did ya shoot at Cozy? You had your choice of who to take out.”
I considered. “The Storm King and Grogar had their own shields. There was no way I could get through both the shield surrounding the portal and theirs.”
Applejack asked, “So why didn't you aim at Chrysalis?”
“Well... Cozy goaded me and the fake Star Swirl had already gone through the portal with the bell. Plus, I didn't think it was ethical to shoot Chrysalis in the rear.”
Applejack and Cadance shared a knowing look.
The pink alicorn said, “Perhaps you should have been spending less time staring at Chrysalis' rear.”
Trixie snorted down a laugh. Pretty much every female in the room now shared the same amused smile.
I protested, “Don't be ridiculous. She was in Star Swirl's form.”
“And how, exactly, is that better?” asked my wife. For his part, the old mage raised an eyebrow.
I heard muted laughter all around me. I said, “That didn't come out quite as I intended.”
I had to try to get the meeting back on topic. I sat down in one of the chairs and rolled up to the table. I think every mare in the room gasped and raced to claim chairs of their own. Ponies, changelings, hippogriff, and griffon slid around everywhere. Spins, impromptu races, and more than a few crashes ensued. I groaned and pinched the bridge of my nose with a hoof. I hadn’t considered that rolling office chairs would be a new thing to Equestrians.
The only ones not participating were the males who crowded around me alongside the table. Maybe they hoped it was a safe zone from the endorphin-fueled mayhem that careened across the floor.
A tiny Discord appeared on my shoulder. “Should we tell them these are leather chairs?” he asked in a chipmunk voice.
I shrugged. “I’m sure Rarity already knows. For the others… let’s not spoil their fun for now, OK?”
“Save it for an inopportune moment later, got it.”
Twilight spun past us, giggling. Her upstretched hooves gripped the base of Gilda’s chair. The griffoness used her wings to rotate around even faster while holding the legs of a third chair. Above her, Rainbow Dash used their starting speed to whirl around in a blur.
“That’s new,” said Shining.
The diamond dog grunted in agreement – I think.
“Yep,” added Thorax.
“I must concur,” said Star Swirl. “I may be a lifelong bachelor, but even I know when not to interrupt mares having their fun.”
Ten minutes later, I called out, “Can we please get started now?”
The squealing and laughter stopped, followed by the mares all taking suspiciously long and circuitous routes to the table. After further unnecessary switching of places that I swear took another ten minutes, I called the meeting to order.
“The Security Council is now in session. Diadem, what is the first item on the agenda?”
I looked over at my advisor when she did not answer right away. Diadem was listening to her sister whisper something in her ear. The changeling princess smiled and said, “The first order of business is for a vote of commendation to Fluttershy for making those delightful sandwiches.”
Lots of head nods and murmuring from around the table. Fluttershy let out a little ‘Meep!’ before hiding behind her mane.
Before I could speak, Apicula said, “All those in favor?” Over half of those seated raised a hoof. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Penny raising hers.
“The motion passes!”
Fluttershy beamed shyly and smiled at the muted hoof stomping. That’s when I noticed all the mares in the room looking at me and chuckling.
I quickly wiped the scowl off of my face. “There are only five of them and hundreds of allies opposing him. Grogar and his goons can’t observe every one of us all the time. The more work we can have done by those under our commands, the less likely he will get wind of it. We can write out notes of instruction and have Lieutenant Penumbra deliver them to the Equestrian Postal Service.”
Discord said. “Pffft! Don’t bother. The mail service delivers mail out here in my dimension. I’m sure that cross-eyed mare would pick up mail as well. Don’t know how she gets here. Didn’t care to ask.”
Sanguine Dreams growled. “That same gray mare drops off packages at my hive as well. She has for years. That pegasus is so bloody cheerful that my warrior drones are loath to put her in a pod as is… was standard procedure for trespassers.”
Polistae smiled. “At least you get a muffin with every delivery, don’t you?”
“You too? Yes, I suppose that is her saving grace.”
Celestia and Luna stared at me intently and I remembered their words about the Ponyville mailmare from the dimension where they were trapped. Some mysterious things about Derpy might make a little more sense now. Regardless, we had to get back on topic.
Starlight said, “So while others are doing the real preparations, those in this room and especially the triarchs can be feeding bogus clues to our adversaries.”
“What do ya mean?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“We’ll make Grogar focus on overcoming strategies that we have no intention of using. An elite changeling squad consisting of one warrior drone from each hive. Researching brand new spells that would take even Twilight years to perfect. Tiny improvements in our existing strategies, like slap-tasers that hold ten percent more charge.”
Pinkie waved a hoof as she bounced in her seat. “Oh! Oh! Oh! I get it! We’ll be sending red herrings to all the Triarchs! A whole school of them!”
I blinked. “I… never would have thought to put it that way, but yes, that’s exactly right, Pinkie.”
The party mare squeed in delight then elbowed Skystar. “I’ll be needing your help on this one, sweetie!”
Maybe Pinkie didn’t quite get it.
Trochanter said, “Grogar has enlisted the aid of Chrysalis. Who else would be motivated to aid him to end the Triarchy?”
Trixie raised an eyebrow. “You mean besides a quarter of the nobles in Canterlot?”
Rarity said, “You know, darling… that makes sense. The disgruntled among the social elite always feel slighted to a degree—some more than others.”
A name sprang to mind. “Archmage Spell Nexus. I can ask Lieutenant Colonel Dusky Wings to put him back in protective isolation when I see him again.”
Every eye across the table stared at something just above the height of my head. I sighed. “He’s right behind me, isn’t he?”
“You didn’t know?” asked Thorax.
Trixie patted me on the withers with an outstretched wing. “You must forgive my husband. He… focuses on other things.”
I turned around to see a mouthful of fangs. “I am duty-bound to say you need to work on your situational awareness, Your Highness.”
“Never mind that,” I snapped. “I want you to relocate Spell Nexus to a secure facility.”
The batpony shrugged. “My squad razed the sunroom on the Hebrides Archipelago to the ground after he was declared free of dark magic. That is no longer available.”
“I don’t care if you throw him into a broom closet! Find another location and keep it secret!”
The officer’s lips pulled back further until I saw every inch of every fang in his mouth. “Your orders will be carried out to the letter, sir.”
“Good.”
I turned back around, took a deep breath, and let it out slowly.
Now feeling a bit calmer, I said, “Who would like to speak next?”
A couple of hours later, every one of us found ourselves standing on the ceiling of the throne room. I checked and discovered I was not using any flight magic to do so. After those with wings shuttled all the non-flyers down to the floor, the familiar double trapdoor opened in mid-air.
Discord snaked his head out of the opening and grinned. "Thanks to you all for joining Fluttershy and me for tea and sandwiches. I do hope the lucky ones enjoy my parting gifts. Ta ta!" The doors swung closed with a horrendous squeal then fell to the floor.
Looking around, I saw Queens Sanguine Dreams and Apicula flaunted enough bright colors to make Pinkie’s confetti canon jealous. They hadn’t looked like that a moment ago.
Trixie said, “You are both evolved changelings now, aren’t you?”
I said, “Don’t be concerned. Discord’s tricks always come with a time limit. By this time tomorrow—”
Apicula galloped up and kicked one of the trap doors which obligingly skipped across the marble floor. “Discord! You moth-eaten sack of discontent! Get back here and take back this curse!”
Discord’s head and neck appeared from under the other trapdoor as he lifted it with his paw. “It would be my august pleasure. You do realize that you would then owe me a favor in return?”
Apicula's neck pulled back and the anger drained from her face. “Ahh… I suppose... I can withstand this abomination of my form... for a short while.” The draconequus winked and fell back into a dark space where the floor should be, pulling the door closed after him. I remembered that I owed Discord a favor and shuddered.
Sanguine Dreams looked over her withers, inspecting her body. “While disagreeable, I find this form acceptable for the time being. The sensation of generating love is most unusual. This warrants further study.” The queen turned to face my herdmate. “Lady Rarity! Would you be willing to practice the art of sharing love with me?”
The alabaster mare made some noises half-way between scandalized and pleased. Meanwhile, she fussed with her mane and tail until she got her composure back.
She stood tall and proud. “And why, pray tell, did you choose me of all ponies, darling?”
Sanguine Dreams cocked her head for a moment then brought it back up straight. “Because you are the least ugly of the ponies here.”
The temperature of the room dropped a few degrees. Even Twilight took a couple of steps away from the changeling queen.
Rarity enunciated every word with an edge that could cut steel. “In that case, no.”
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There is a right way, and a wrong way to practice the virtue of Honesty. That, was the wrong way.
Nice
Oof
I remember reading a story that had a similar situation rise up like in the previous chapter. I'm glad it didn't take the (admittedly subjective) bad route that it could have gone.
Still kinda upset about him missing the most obvious changeling ever. Wtf, man? You were so careful...
I am these two in this scene
Exactly
So that's where Discord was. Never even considered the choas realm was out of Grogar's sight.
Seemed more like a filler chapter here Goldy.
Will anyone remember to ask Derpy how her mail deliver to Grogars lair is going?
Ahh, The War Room. Pity about only having sandwhiches, after all given Twilight and Marks like of fast food, Im sure Discord wouldnt mind having a WOPPR.
Wonder if Grogar has seen these yet? Maskelyne and theres always teh backroom boys. Dont tell him.
If Mark wants to keep things hidden, how long before a favourite of Discords turns up? Q who?
There's certainly a couple of choice quotes I'd try in that room, one of them I'm not sure I should utter here.
So when will Mark get to say "You can't fight in here, this is the war room!"?
That room was not perfect. Its missing a wheelchair bound scientist with a psycho hand
This is going to end in malicious compliance, isn't it?
Wait, why did they destroy a perfectly usable sun room? 🤔
You know, the whole "can't easily spy across dimensions" thing would have been wonderful to know earlier! Kinda surprised they haven't tried think-tanking the ally dimension already.
Speaking of think-tanks, wonder if they could ever find Crusader's dimension, that bolo would certainly give Grogar a run for his trinkets...
Keep going! l)
10347922
Most definitely! Possibly with the aid of a changeling cocoon.
The illustration is a homage to "Dr. Strangelove".
Thought so.
What was the shtick with Derpy from the other world, again?
10348408
Chapter 88
The Derpy from that dimension turned out to be an archdemon In disguise.
DR STRANGE LOVE!
She doesn't travel as fast as bad news, but whatever.
Burn victim combo!
Need some aloe, Rarity?
There was a Imposter among em...
To defeat a multiverse threat you need a multiverse team
10539631
The Equestrians need the Guardians of the Galaxy!
"You can't fight in here, this is the War Room!"
the instant I saw the pic, I immediately thought 'Gentleman, you can't fight here! This is the war room!"
Woooooooooooow
11241762
Somebody really should taught her about tact and when to use the little white lie.
Someling missed a fabliouse roll in the bed with Rarity