• Published 30th Jul 2018
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Off The Mark - Goldfur



Mark Wells only bought an old mirror, so why did he now have hooves, wings and green fur? And where was he? Maybe this great and powerful princess could tell him?

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Chapter 65 - Got the Blues

I confess that I take a certain amount of guilty pleasure in the disruptions to my routine, even world-threatening incidents such as the Pony of Shadows. Then I get it out of my system and get back to work, happy to have some quiet routine. Of course, it wasn’t quite back to normal as yet. After we had settled the Stygian affair, several of us took Twilight aside for a long talk about how her princess responsibilities needed to be balanced with those of being a parent. We brought out the big guns – Cadance and Shining Armor. The daggerscale portals were being utilized a lot lately! Anyway, as much as Twilight would have respected her friends’ opinions, her brother and sister-in-law’s experience with a foal spoke much louder. Trixie and I also paid attention to what they had to say because we would be in their situation in several months.

Anyway, among other decisions and compromises, we gave Twilight two days off from royal duties to allow her to spend some quality time with Nyx. My wife and I treated it like one of those times when our co-regent had to dash off on some Friendship Problem quest. Fortunately, that didn’t happen too often as others were normally chosen for the task, but we had gotten used to reorganizing the schedule at a moment’s notice. Today’s itinerary was fairly light as we were hearing citizens’ petitions rather than dealing with the nobles, government ministers, or visiting dignitaries. Starlight and I were going to take the morning’s session of Day Court while Trixie would do the afternoon with Raven. That freed us for several hours to do our respective paperwork, the main reason why I enjoyed the breaks in our routine.

We were still setting up for opening Day Court when a side door to the Throne Room burst open. That led to one of the parts of the castle that wasn’t open to the public, therefore it was a surprise when a strange unicorn barged into the room with a couple of protesting Royal Guards asking him to stop. Puzzled as to why they simply didn’t arrest the stallion on the spot, I examined him closely while he approached, even as Penny moved protectively between us. He was strongly built for a unicorn, white of coat and golden of mane and tail, and possessing a compass rose cutie mark. He wore a smart vest with a bow tie, making for a handsome specimen. A very drunk specimen, judging by the way he staggered across the intervening space.

“Day Court is not yet in session,” I said sternly. “Why is this pony here?” I asked Corporal Trotter.

“My apologies, Your Highness, but he insisted—”

“Who are you and where’s Princess Trixie?” interrupted the stranger with a slight slurring of his speech.

I cocked my head and raised an eyebrow. “You are in the throne room of the Equestrian Triarchy and you don’t know who I am?”

“You’re not Princess Trixie or even Princess Twilight Sparkle, that’s for sure. What are you doing on the throne? I demand you remove yourself forthwith!”

I should have had him dragged away but my curiosity was aroused. “I am Prince Mark Wells – who are you?”

He drew himself up proudly. “I am Prince Blueblood, Duke of Canterlot, and nephew of Princess Celestia.” He then spoiled the regal impression with a loud belch.

Blueblood – that name rang a bell. I looked at Starlight but she only shrugged. “Corporal Trotter – do you know this pony?”

“Yes, sire. He is exactly who he claims to be – a noble of the Court. Her Highness, Princess Trixie, sent him on a tour of the Prench vineyards a couple of years back.”

The light dawned. So that’s why the Guards had not immediately stopped him forcibly. “Oh, yeah. Now I remember.” I also recalled why he was sent on that extended vacation. “Why are you here, Blueblood?”

He seemed offended by the lack of formal title before his name. “I don’t answer to any pegasus commoner trying on the throne while the princesses aren’t around to put him in his place. Begone, upstart!” He advanced on the dais, his horn lighting up.

Normally, I would have wondered how he could not know of me despite being a prince for only a few months, but considering that he had likely been on a bender for well over two years, he probably had forgotten or it had never penetrated his alcohol-soaked brain. I briefly felt his magic grab me before Trotter and another Guard crash-tackled him. A suppressor ring was slipped on his horn and the tug on me disappeared. He was dragged away, protesting his treatment vehemently.

I turned to the Sergeant-at-Arms. “Please have someone notify Princess Trixie of Blueblood’s arrival. I want to be informed when he’s sober enough to answer some questions. He is not to be released until then in spite of his station.”

“Sire, he tried to assault you. Shouldn’t he be put up on charges?”

“Gotta play politics, Sergeant. Besides, when have I ever been conventional?”

“Point taken, Your Highness. It shall be done.” He moved off to delegate responsibility to other Guards.

I looked at Starlight and Penny and said, “Well, ladies, that’s an interesting beginning to the day. Let’s hope the rest of the morning is a little saner.”

“Why do you always attract the weirdoes, sir?” the bat-pony asked.

“Just lucky, I guess. Some of them even work for me.” Before either mare could riposte, I turned and announced loudly, “Alright! Fun’s over. Let’s get Day Court underway!”


“Trixie honestly didn’t expect Blueblood to return so soon.”

I finished chewing on my daisy and tomato sandwich before replying. “Considering how inebriated he was, I can see why you would think that. Something must have prompted him to come back to Equestria.”

“He was always a wine-lover which is why Trixie thought to send him on the tour of Prench vineyards, but he didn’t use to be a lush.”

“I suppose we’ll have to wait until he sobers up before we can get any straight answers.”

My wife thoughtfully considered the glass of wine that was accompanying her lunchtime meal. “Trixie thinks that questioning him while he has a hangover would be an appropriate punishment for assaulting you.”

I grinned. “Works for me. Let’s do that straight after you finish Day Court.”


Trixie, Penny, and I made our way to the top level of the dungeon. Blueblood had been placed in the cell nearest to the entrance so I didn’t get to see how much longer Chrysalis’ endless scarf had gotten. I saw the stallion sprawled indecorously on the pallet, snoring fitfully. He had been dressed in prison orange and I raised a curious eyebrow.

“The outfit is a bit much for a pony sleeping off a drunk, don’t you think?” I asked the Guard.

He replied, “But not for one who attempted to assault a triarch, sire.” Before I could mention that I wasn’t pursuing that charge, he continued. “This is S.O.P. for these situations.”

I reminded myself to not tell the jailor how to do his job although I briefly wondered if they had tried to put a prison uniform on Chrysalis when she first arrived. It might have been amusing to see the result. I told the Guard to wake him and bring him up to the conference room, then we left.

After waiting for a minute or so, a very disheveled Blueblood tottered into the room, the Guard prodding him to keep going. I turned my attention to Blueblood. “Good evening. I trust your accommodations were to your satisfaction?”

The stallion looked at me, held a hoof to his head and groaned.

“I had hoped you were a product of my imagination. Come to join me in my cell now that Princess Trixie has caught you, peasant?”

My wife looked affronted. “Trixie won’t be throwing her husband in jail, Blueblood.”

That caused the stallion to raise an eyebrow. “Really? You should tell your husband to mind his place. He was trying on your throne in your absence.”

“Dark Jells is a Prince of Equestria and rules by my side.”

Blueblood glared at me with his bloodshot eyes. “What arrogance to believe he has the right to rule. Only princesses may claim the throne!”

I knew that was not true. In trying to find a way to get out of the ruling gig before I married Trixie, I had looked up the laws governing accession. They were pretty straightforward and dashed any hope of me avoiding the responsibility. I was a legitimate ruler of Equestria whether I wanted to be or not. Still, I couldn’t help having a dig at him.

“So – according to you, only a princess may rule? Got that covered.” I switched to pegacorn form and gave him a snarky grin.

“CHANGELING!” he yelled and lunged at me, his inert horn lowered to stab me.

Penny and the Royal Guard crash-tackled him before he was halfway to me. I was beginning to think he enjoyed it. For my part, I think I could watch him getting subdued all day long and not get bored.

“Fools! Are you blind or are you changelings too?” Blueblood said as he struggled with his captors.

I switched back to pegasus form as my wife sighed. “Trixie thinks she should have sent a minder with you to keep you up to date with happenings in Equestria. Trixie’s husband is not a changeling. While he can transform into what he calls Marklestia, it’s his only alternate form. Everypony in the nation knows this by now.”

I added, “Besides, Queen Chrysalis was conquered and her hive is now allied with Equestria under the rule of King Thorax.”

Blueblood stopped struggling and gave us a look of disbelief. “Allying with changelings? Has the world gone mad?”

“You’ve missed out on nearly three years of significant changes,” I replied. “It’s about time to bring you up to date, I reckon. What brought you back to Equestria anyway?”

“I am a noble of the Court – I do not need an excuse to be here.”

Trixie said, “That did not stop you from indulging in your wine tour for over two and a half years.”

“No, but my wife deserved to take her place among her peers.”

“Your what?!” Trixie and I chorused.

Blueblood frowned. “Have neither of you been introduced yet?”

“I think you were too busy trying to assault me,” I replied drolly. “Where is your wife right now?”

“I left her in my quarters while I sought out Princess Trixie. I intended to arrange a formal presentation to the Court.”

Trixie rolled her eyes. “You turned up drunk, as Trixie has been informed.”

Blueblood’s ears lowered and I think he blushed a little. “We were celebrating my return. Our airship arrived too late last night to seek an audience or even see my fellow nobles, but I did want to give my wife an appropriate welcome to her new home. We had brought some of her father’s finest vintage with us and I felt it was an appropriate moment to sample it.”

“A pity you didn’t stop at sampling,” I said. “You probably haven’t had any sense of moderation in ages.”

Blueblood frowned. “My wife has helped turn that around but I relapse occasionally. I apologize to the Crown for my boorish behavior.” He bowed to Trixie but not to me. I found the snub only slightly irritating. The opinions of fools didn’t bother me. However, the political scene would be changing with Blueblood’s return with a wife, so it was best to get this sorted out immediately.

“Guard – escort this stallion to his quarters. Blueblood, you have an hour to make yourself presentable and bring your wife to the Throne Room where you will formally introduce us. There, you will behave yourself or be returned to your cell for an extended stay. Am I understood?”

He gave me a disdainful glance. “Of course, Prince.” Trust him to make the title sound like an insult.

I looked at Trixie and inclined my head toward the door. She nodded and we headed out.

When we were alone, my wife said, “What are you thinking, Dowser?”

“I’m thinking that he’s potentially as much trouble as when you sent him off to Prance. We need to get on top of him immediately and make sure he knows his place. From what you told me about Blueblood, he was influential even among the other nobles.”

“Trixie thinks his long absence may have diminished that influence, but his pedigree will still serve him well.”

“Yeah, there’s that Prince title of his to consider, but I think that’s due for a change. It’s only a hereditary title, after all. Comes from being the great, great, multi-great nephew on Celestia’s mother’s side, correct?”

“Trixie believes that is the case.”

“Well, Celestia isn’t here nor in charge anymore. It’s time to put an end to that indulgence. What’s his actual rank again?”

“Duke – just one level below Prince.”

“He’ll have to be satisfied with that.”

“Agreed. Trixie wishes she had thought of that.”

“You probably wouldn’t have been able to make it stick. Your hold on power was a bit thin then.”

“True. Trixie has much to thank you for. Still, Trixie thinks it would be wise to have Princess Twilight Sparkle in attendance to present a united front.”

“That’s an excellent suggestion. I’ll send a note to her requesting her to come immediately. Thorax also, if he’s available.”

Trixie smirked and said, “Have her bring Nyx. She’s officially a Princess too and outranks him. I’m sure he’ll appreciate that.”

I chuckled and agreed. “And I think there are a few others we’ll want there to add emphasis to how much things have changed in Equestria.”


Twilight was able to come promptly although Thorax was apparently at his hive at this time. Nevertheless, the alicorn was accompanied by an evolved changeling who was the guardian her husband had assigned to her. Nyx was there and wearing her little tiara that rarely saw use. She was chatting with Penny, showing off some craftwork that she apparently had made along with her mother. The ever-diligent Raven had delayed her evening’s activities to attend the impromptu Night Court session and I had made arrangements with the Captain of the Guard to have certain members present as an honor guard. A squad of griffons lined one wall and bat-ponies the other. After all, it was evening and the thestrals were the normal Royal Guards for Night Court, even for a session that was called on short notice just for one purpose.

The griffons were a new twist though. Relationships between Griffonstone and Equestria had grown considerably lately. Their elected leader Gilda’s efforts to turn around her home country’s fortunes starting with baked goods, of all things, were bearing fruit. The recent opening of a bank branch in their city was an indication of growth in the economy, but they still needed a huge injection of funds and aid to rebound from the economic depression that had once gripped the nation. To facilitate this, Gilda had proposed that Griffonstone become an independent commonwealth of Equestria, just like the Crystal Empire. She had been educated in our country and understood the benefits of it, but that didn’t stop a furor among the citizens. Some strongly supported her while others were as vehemently opposed to the idea. I believe her side won simply because they were progressive and prepared to put effort into the new system whereas the ones who wanted to retain the status quo weren’t nearly as motivated. However, Gilda almost lost her marbles when her supporters wanted to make her Queen of Griffonstone in order to revive the royal line. She told them to stick their beaks where the sun didn’t shine, but they still had the last laugh. She griped that she had nevertheless been made a princess instead because the griffons felt that the Equestrians had to deal with the Griffonstonians on an equal basis.

Negotiations with grumpy Princess Gilda were still proceeding, but one of the agreements made was an exchange of services. A squad of young griffons with more open minds than their elders were sent to be trained as Royal Guards while professional tradesponies were sent to Griffonstone to aid in the rebuilding of the decaying city. Through the other guards, I heard that the dozen new soldiers were ecstatic to have three square meals a day and a career with a bright future. Every one of those griffons except the squad leader was a rookie, although they didn’t look it in their shiny Equestrian armor and fierce gazes. The leader, however, was a veteran Equestrian griffon who had been put in charge of the recruits. I think I recognized him from the challenge at the Tasty Treat.

All this had been done to emphasize to Blueblood that many things had changed since he had last been in Canterlot. That started with myself and Trixie seated at the two thrones and Twilight Sparkle standing to our left. It wasn’t long before we got to see his reaction.

The Sergeant-at-Arms called out, “Announcing Duke Blueblood and wife!”

I had instructed that Blueblood be introduced by his rank, not his hereditary title. I noticed the stallion give the Sergeant-at-Arms a glare which was blithely ignored. The hoofful of nobles who had made it to the unscheduled Night Court session started muttering among themselves. They certainly didn’t miss the drop in status.

Blueblood was now properly groomed and wore a tasteful shirt with a bow tie. He was accompanied by a yellow-coated unicorn mare with a pale green mane with a slim branching streak of bright green. She had a build similar to that of Fleur de Lis but didn’t have the same dainty gait. The stallion was levitating a crate and what looked like a large scroll. Both smiled and nodded to the gallery of nobles as they approached the dais. Blueblood gave Twilight’s personal bodyguard, a crystal changeling mare named Vespa, an uncertain look before they both stopped and bowed.

Trixie, as senior Princess, took the lead. “We welcome you back to Canterlot, Duke Blueblood. Please introduce your companion to the Court and assembled dignitaries.”

“Your Highnesses, may I present my beloved wife, Duchess Vigne Dorée.”

“A pleasure to meet you, Your Highnesses,” she said with a soft Prench accent. “Please feel free to call me Golden Grapevine, if you prefer.” She gave Nyx a kind smile as the filly sat quietly next to her mother.

“You are most welcome too, Duchess. We were quite surprised to hear of your marriage though.”

The mare had a beautiful laugh – unforced and genuine. “Believe me, Your Highness, I quite understand.”

Trixie said, “Blueblood gave everypony the impression that he intended to remain a bachelor. His disdain of the institution of marriage was legendary.”

Blueblood spoke up. “To be fair, Your Highness, much of my reputation was a fabrication.”

“Trixie was a witness to some of these ‘fabrications’, my dear Duke.”

“Were you also witness to all the social climbers and money-grubbers who sought to use me for their own benefit? I had grown tired of all the shallow and ambitious mares who constantly approached me with no true feelings behind their actions. While I respect the necessity of political alliances, I was not interested in that, nor their favors in exchange for influence. Therefore I began the practice of acting as the most boorish of nobles – selfish and self-absorbed to the extreme. It served me well.”

I said, “I can see how that would work, but you also hurt some mares whose only fault was a little naivety. You were a handsome bachelor and a logical target for any single mare regardless of your position. My friend, Lady Rarity Belle was one such pony. I believe that you owe her an apology.”

Blueblood looked reluctant to cooperate but his wife gave him a nudge and said, “The Prince says the truth, mon cher.”

He regarded her for a moment and then nodded. “I will offer my apology at the soonest opportunity.”

“Thank you, Blueblood. Now, can you explain how Duchess Vigne Dorée accomplished what no other mare could?”

The mare laughed. “I did nothing. He came wooing me.”

Blueblood blushed. “It is a little embarrassing to admit, but I finally realized what mares saw in the opposite gender when I met Viney. She was attractive and smart – a credit to her parents and to their winery. I believe it was her very disinterest in me that spurred me on to court her. I even cut down on my drinking to better my chances.”

Vraiment, he was a changed pony when sober, and quite charming when he tried. Also very talented and knowledgeable.”

“What is your talent anyway, Blueblood?” I asked.

“I am a cartographer, Your Highness.” The last words almost stuck in his throat, but he was at least giving lip service to my position now. He continued, “I have been doing more than visiting winery after winery. During my tour, I created maps of the countryside surrounding each estate. I have brought along a copy of the Doreé Estate map to show you, as well as a crate of their finest vintage… minus two bottles.”

Well, now I knew what he had gotten drunk on. I looked forward to sampling the wine myself.

Blueblood floated the rolled-up map to Trixie and Twilight and I moved over to look at it too. My wife used her magic to open it up and we all examined the result of the stallion's efforts.

Twilight looked up and said, “This is excellent work. Blueblood. And you say you have more of these?”

“I have copies of all the maps that I made if you wish to have them.”

“Please,” Twilight replied. “I want to add them to the cartography section of the Canterlot Library.”

I said, “Equestria has changed a lot since you left on your vacation. New territories have opened up and alliances made.” I inclined my head toward the griffon Guards. “We could use your talent to map these areas and update others.”

“And take me away from Court at the same time?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.

He might have been biased, but he wasn’t an idiot. He had immediately seen through my motives.

Blueblood smirked. “I am tempted to reject your offer, but I believe my wife would probably scold me if I did. Nevertheless, it would be good to be exercising my talent for a change instead of my wine-drinking. Besides, it will take me a while to catch up with all the court intrigues and reestablish my position in the hierarchy.”

Well, at least that last bit sounded a lot more like what I expected from him. Still, I counted on his wife being a moderating influence. I looked forward to having a long conversation with her and hearing things from her perspective.

Trixie said, “I trust you will also stop trying to assault my husband and acknowledge his rank as Prince of Equestria?”

Vigne Dorée frowned at her husband. “You did what?

Blueblood gave her a nervous smile. “Just a little misunderstanding, darling.”

Oh yeah, I already liked her.

“The Great and Powerful Princess Trixie invites Golden Grapevine to join Princess Twilight Sparkle and Princess Mark Wells at our next all-mares spa session so that we may get to know the latest addition to the Canterlot elite in an informal environment.”

“I would be honored, Your Highness.” Then she blinked and looked at me. “Umm… Princess?

I switched to Marklestia and smiled benignly. “As my wife said, all mares.”

She stared for a moment before turning to her husband. “You never mentioned this, Bluey.”

“I only learned an hour ago, Viney.” He gave me a keen look. “Or are you really my Auntie Celestia and you decided to be a stallion for your wife? You can tell me. I mean, it’s not as if you need my approval and it’s not any of my business really. I don’t mind if that’s what you want—”

I interrupted him there. “I’m not Celestia. My ability to shape-shift into this form is a long story involving poison joke, powerful magic, and Harmony. I’ll tell you the details at another time. The only changelings in this room are Twilight’s guardian from the Crystal Hive and two of the Royal Guards from the Red Hive. Which two, you can have the fun of trying to figure out.”

“You’re trusting changelings as Royal Guards?” Blueblood asked with wide eyes and not a little trepidation.

Twilight said, “As we have done implicitly for centuries.” She gave the stallion a friendly smile. “Much has changed since you’ve been gone. We not only work with changelings, I married one.”

Blueblood stared at Twilight in disbelief and I wondered if he was going to take it into his head that she was corrupted as well. Then he abruptly deflated.

“I see that I have missed too much. My congratulations, Princess Trixie – you played me well. I will resume my duties the day after tomorrow. My wife and I require a day to settle in.”

“Trixie finds that acceptable. You may take your leave. This session of Night Court is now closed.”

Blueblood and Vigne Dorée bowed and departed.

When they were out of earshot, I said to Trixie, “I don’t know about you and Twilight, but I think I’d like to try some of that wine.”

Twilight said, “No, thanks – I really should head back home. It’s nearly Nyx’s bedtime.” She looked over to where the filly was doing an inspection of the Royal Guards, her nose held high as she pretended to be formal. It amused me to see each Guard straighten up and stiffen to attention as she approached. They were quite fond of the young alicorn and often indulged her, even though she sometimes caused a bit of chaos in the castle. Maybe even because of it. It got boring just standing watch all the time.

My wife said, “Trixie promises to save some bottles for you.”

“You’d better!” Twilight replied with a grin.

Raven spoke up for the first time. “I don’t think you will need to worry about reserving as many bottles of wine as you want.”

“Why is that?” Trixie asked.

“I learned from the castle servants who were storing goods unloaded from Blueblood’s airship that he brought more cases of wine with him.”

“How many more?”

“I’m told he took a case of the best wines from every vineyard that he visited.”

I blinked in shock. “But… hasn’t he been visiting two wineries per day for over two and a half years?”

“Yes, I believe so.”

“That would mean there are hundreds of cases!”

“Closer to two thousand, I would say,” Twilight said drolly.

Raven shook her head. “I didn’t make myself clear. He bought a case of each of the finest vintages from each of the wineries he visited. Because he stored the cases in a container with a transcendental dimension spell applied, nopony is exactly sure how many cases he brought back with him yet. It’s on the order of several thousand.”

Trixie grumbled. “That would explain the exorbitant bills Trixie has been receiving.”

Raven added, “He left instructions to send the majority of them to the castle cellars. Apparently, they’re a gift to the Crown.”

Twilight giggled. “I’ll settle for half a dozen bottles.”

My wife looked equally amused. “Trixie thinks we won’t lack for gifts for visiting dignitaries for a long time.”

I reckoned that we were going to have a lot of very drunk ambassadors.

# # # # # # # # #

Author's Note:

Gilda’s new status inspired by the story – The 8th Rank by Winter Quill.

Art by Foxenawolf.

A thank-you goes out to the person who recently donated toward my art costs. I don't know if they want their name plastered up here, but I do want them to know that I am grateful.

If you would like to donate also, you can either Paypal me or leave a tip on Ko-fi!

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