• Published 6th Aug 2018
  • 5,530 Views, 121 Comments

Does Faust Play Dice? - herfaithfulstudent



A fan of MLP is suddenly sent to the world of the show before the first Hearth's Warming. Now he must try to get home with the help of two sisters who he knows will one day become alicorns and rule this land.

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Chapter 10: Blue Flower Red Thorns

After the events (read: attempted murder) of last night, I wasn’t exactly able to sleep much.

With the new moon excuse in place, I was able to keep Celestia from bugging me about Luna’s evil-be-gone potion for a couple weeks. Strangely, this did nothing to keep her from coming by to visit me with the frequency of somebody who’s owed money. Time or place didn’t matter. She interrupted me down in the fields and at Cookie’s place, spirited me off to restaurants and local places of interest, and even found me once when I was hanging out with Luna (the younger sibling took that one as a cue to see if frowning could decrease wind resistance enough to break the sound barrier).

That’s not to say I don’t like being around Celestia. My pool of acquaintances here is disappointing at best, and even with the attempted murder thing, I don’t actually want to stop being friends with her for some strange reason. After the incident in the forest, I tried to keep her at arm’s length, but she made sure that wouldn’t happen. I’ve given up on not hanging out with Celestia, so at this point I’m just doing my best to avoid knocking out any more screws in that mare’s noggin before I get sent home.

Which brings me to the day I’ve been agonizing over ever since I witnessed and put a stop to the terminator princess…

“Astraeus, wake up! It’s the day of the new moon!” My eyes snap open and I stare up at a smiling face framed by a sea of strawberry pink mane as Celestia stands over me. I figured I’d be a little worried about having a mare who almost killed her sister teleport into my room while I slept, but she’s done it so many times recently that it doesn’t even bother me anymore. Maybe her friendly attitude is preventing me from pissing my nonexistent pants at the fact that she could easily kill me and clearly has the capacity to murder. Is this what Stockholm Syndrome is like?

“Fine, fine,” I grumble. “Are we doing breakfast here or your place?”

“Actually, there’s this bakery near the castle that you absolutely have to try so I thought we could go there.”

I grab my list of ingredients and the coat Cookie bought for me. Then call down to let my host know that Celestia and I are heading out. Before waiting for a response my companion pops us outside into frigid air that's saturated with the smell of freshly baked bread.

Once we enter, Celestia asks me to pick a table for us, insisting on treating me today for what I’ll be doing for Luna. I feel kind of bad; Cookie does give me an allowance for my work, but Celestia’s rich and I am doing her a solid by giving her an excuse not to kill Luna, so I guess I can enjoy having a sugar-mare today. Or would it be sugar-dam?

As I sit, my mind wanders to the same thing it has every time I’ve had a free moment recently: what’s going to happen when I leave? Sure, things will go on normally for the first few centuries, but eventually Luna will become Nightmare Moon, the only difference being that this time Celestia will assume the worst of her sister.

I could always try to tell her she never ate foals in the show. Granted, Friendship Is Magic wasn't exactly a documentary and they'd definitely whitewash something like that if it did happen. In any case, she probably wouldn't believe me without going through my memories again, and there's no way in Hell I'm risking doing more damage that way.

So, at the end of the day, will she just banish Luna sooner? That'd probably be fine as long as the stars don't aid in her escape before Twilight has learned to make a goddamn friend for once. That could result in an evil-Luna takeover which would suck. Although the worse option would be she outright kills her sister. She's already shown she will go to that extreme to protect ponies. I guess the only question is could she? Maybe Celestia will be too weak to 1v1 Nightmare Moon. Although knowing Celestia, she'll be planning something for years starting from the moment she suspects-

“Cake for two!”

“What?” I snap out of my daze and see Celestia returning with an amazing looking cylinder made of many bite-sized pieces of bread stuck together which she sets it between the two of us.

I lose myself in the deliciously sweet aroma given off by the thick molten substance that seeps out from the crevices between the bread-bites. I'm ready to dig in but Celestia interrupts and asks, “What's wrong, Astraeus?”

“Oh nothing, don't worry.”

“Were you trying to figure out your cutie mark again?”

“Yeah,” I lied. Sure, it was a bit unsettling that the planet on my ass distinctly lacked any earth continents, but my issues were rooted here, not home. “You know how that's been bugging me lately.”

I noticed my cutie mark the morning after Celestia tried to kill Luna, although it wasn’t me who initially noticed…

<<<

“Good morning, Cookie. The hay bacon smells really good today.”

“Good morning, dear. I didn’t expect to see you before I left for work, given how you were out so late last night. I thought you were taking the day off because- ASTRAEUS LOOK AT YOUR FLANK!”

I panic, thinking some kind of rabid animal is behind me only to see the image of a planet half illuminated by a sun and a moon on the opposing side. My heart rate returns to normal and I’m just left weirdly confused. Smart Cookie on the other hand is excitedly going on about something I’m not paying attention to.

I spend the day wondering what the Hell my ass is trying to tell me. A cutie mark of me getting the hell out of here would be ideal, but I quickly rule out the planet being earth; I assume it’s wherever I am now. The obvious conclusion is that its meaning is related to Celestia and Luna since it involves the sun and moon. Maybe my special talent was preventing the former from killing the latter. Even though I caused the problem, maybe fixing it was my big destiny for this world. It’s not like I’ll be here for much longer anyway, so a cutie mark about a destiny I already fulfilled makes sense.

I head home after work, planning to ask Cookie about her take on my mark but when I enter her house…

“SURPRISE!” yells a chorus of at least two dozen voices. I see a banner hanging that announces ‘Happy Cuteseñera, Astraeus!’

I quickly register that Cookie either got excited about my cutie mark, or the chance to mess with me about it, and put together this party in a day, complete with a cake and piñata. She had also managed to get all the earth ponies I’ve ever come into contact with for more than five minutes to show up. Even the Chancellor was there, which I found strange at first, but he apparently loves these things. Pinkie truly was the best pony to play him at the Hearth’s Warming pageant.

All in all, it was a great evening, although I had to bring my nonexistent improv skills to bear when Cranberry Jam started asking about how I earned my cutie mark. One bullshit story about 'watching the sunset and feeling like I had found a home here' later and the mob was sated. A few even suggested that my special talent was hard work, and while I do like using the new earth pony strength, I mainly spend time in the fields to avoid dealing with princess drama.

The non-earth ponies reacted far better when they saw me, except Celestia who also threw a party. Surprisingly, Luna attended that one.

In the following weeks, I used ‘figuring out what my cutie mark is telling me’ as my go to excuse when Celestia noticed me stressing about her future potentially being filled with more murder attempts. She maintains that the mark is symbolic of my promise to save moon-butt.

>>>

“Don't stress out about it so much!” I notice Celestia float one of the cake morsels over to me. “Today's a day for cake and celebration!” My desire for breakfast cake overpowers any tendency to ruminate or squeamishness about eating magic as I eagerly chomp down. The sweetness of the icing would be too much if not for the tanginess of the bread itself. “What is that?”

“The owner calls it Tapir Bread. A perfect cake to share, don’t you think?” Celestia responds as she happily pops a piece into her own mouth.

I nod and move in to pull pieces with my mouth directly. The no fingers thing still sucks, but once you get past the strangeness of basically putting your face into the food it’s actually not that bad. The extended muzzle helps and I’m surprised at how cleanly I can eat even with something sticky like this cake.

After a bit of happy silence broken only by the sounds of our chewing and the occasional sigh of cake-induced pleasure, we begin to slow our pace. Celestia pauses between bites to ask, “So, what's the first item on our list?”

“Sholg shadron," I force out before swallowing and trying again. “Gold cauldron. This potion is so unstable that brewing it in anything else could destroy the vessel it’s in.”

At my second cuteseñera, I casually asked Starswirl about some other big-name spellcasters around the kingdom in hopes of getting some ideas for my shopping list. The old stallion thankfully has a grandnephew in his pony-40s, Night Weaver, who’s an expert on night magic (with that name, I could have guessed as much). I went to him to ask about potions, and he taught me a few things and mentioned some rare ingredients that sounded right for my pretend anti-nightmare magic. Thankfully, he didn’t question Celestia’s new assistant wanting to be better prepared for his job.

I pass my first test as Celestia nods thoughtfully, “That makes sense; I expected something this powerful would be too caustic for iron or copper. In that case, we’ll need to make a formal request to The Princess to gain access to the treasury.”

“Why can’t you just use Starswirl’s?” In truth, I had the idea to use a solid-gold cauldron before my meeting with Night Weaver since there’s one right in the living room.

“If we borrow it or make the potion at home, he’ll want to know what we’re doing.” Celestia’s gaze shifts away and to the floor. “I-I don’t want to tell Starswirl and Clover about what happened with Luna.”

“That she might go bad, or what you almost did?” The question just slipped out without any tact whatsoever.

Celestia winces. “I’m not sure which. Although Clover would probably just be mad that I didn’t follow through.”

“Do you think she’d try to do it herself?”

“Yes,” Celestia replies darkly. “She wouldn’t hesitate if she thought Luna was a real threat to the kingdom.”

Figuring ‘There there, hopefully your aunt doesn’t kill your sister.’ isn’t the correct response, I share my list of ingredients with Celestia and she looks over it thoughtfully as we finish breakfast.

I follow Celestia to the castle where we’re greeted by saluting guardsponies. The magical drill sergeant who will one day wear a crown smiles at them and leads me straight to the throne room where Princess Platinum is holding court, or at least trying to.

“So Your Majesty, that is why I believe you should consider-” The well-dressed unicorn is cut off by a loud yawn from his princess. To the stallion’s credit, he powers through, “-should consider rationing food stores-”

Just then the Princess notices us and any hopes this guy had to get his point across falls apart. “Celestia my dear! We are so happy thou hast come. We did not expect the pleasure of thine company until the morrow. Please tell us what cause thou hast for brightening our day.”

Celestia shoots the stallion an apologetic look, “I have a request, Your Majesty.”

“Simply name it and consider it done!”

“Wait,” I interject. “While we’re mentioning requests, I think this guy was making a good point about food.”

“Oh, Lord Glow is fine with waiting,” Platinum decides. “If we fail to respond to an official request from the archmage-to-be, all our lands could fall to peril.”

Not knowing a way to casually tell The Princess that starvation is a way more immediate threat than what Celestia is trying to fix, I just smile and nod.

Celestia brings the conversation back on track and away from the inevitable famine they’ll all face. “I’d like access to the royal treasury your majesty, there’s a-”

“Again Celestia? That’s the second time this month. At this rate I should just have a second key made for you.”

An old mare standing next to the throne interjects, “Princess that would be a severe breach of security.”

“Nonsense. Celestia will run our security someday. See it done.”

“Yes, Princess,” the administrative mare accepts with a grimace.

“Anyway, Celestia, what was it thou required?”

“A cauldron, Princess. There's one made of solid gold in the treasury.”

“Oh that! That’s not in the treasury anymore.”

“Faust damn it,” Celestia mutters under her breath. “What mage borrowed it, your majesty? I really must use it as soon as possible.”

“Thou art mistaken, my dear. You may have the cauldron immediately. It just won’t be found in the treasury. Follow us please.” The Princess hops off her throne gracefully and begins walking to a side corridor. A pack of six guards who are stationed around the room follow her out and Celestia gestures for me to follow. “So, Celestia, did Clover the Clever let you try out that new training regimen you came up with for our guards?”

“She did, Princess, although I overestimated a few of them who wound up needing medical attention.” Celestia gives an apologetic look to one of the guards trailing her and The Princess.

“Oh my! We trust you were able to manage the injured yourself?”

“Yes, Your Majesty.”

“Oh, Celestia, we adore your magical abilities. You simply must teach us a few exciting spells sometime.”

“I’d be honored, but it’s the archmage’s job to teach the royal fam-”

“Yes, yes, we know that. But your aunt insists we master the basics before moving onto anything interesting.”

“I’m not sure if that’s a good idea. If you don’t-” As we move to head down a particularly ostentatious corridor, Celestia pauses. This results in several armored unicorns freezing in their tracks and bumping into each other to avoid running into the mare “Princess, why are we headed to the royal chambers?”

Platinum continues without missing a beat, “Because we have the cauldron you requested.”

The first two guards in the mini pile-up rush ahead of Platinum and stand at each side of a massive set of double doors. Their horns light up and the doors swing open, revealing the most expensive shit I’ve ever seen.

The guards remain outside at The Princess’s orders, but Celestia motions for me to follow her in. Everything is white and purple velvet, and gem encrusted precious metal. Her bed could easily fit my whole family, and the ridiculous amounts of statues and jewelry could probably be sold for enough to build one of those man-made islands that billionaires commission on earth.

I’m too awestruck to lift my jaw until I hear a cry from Celestia. “A HOOFBATH‽”

“Yes, we-”

“YOU USE ONE OF YOUR MOST PRECIOUS ALCHEMICAL TOOLS TO CLEAN YOUR FEET!!!”

“Not just clean; it helps them stay soft and-”

A flash of heat radiates through the room as Celestia vaporizes all the scented water out of the cauldron. She then moves to inspect it with the meticulous eye of a jeweler.

“We did not intend to upset you Celestia; please know that.”

Breathing a sigh of relief that the cauldron was okay, the panicked unicorn relaxes. “I know, Princess. I’m sorry I yelled; I forgot my place.”

“In truth, we found it a bit refreshing. No matter how much our lack of propriety regarding arcane relics and the like may irritate Clover the Clever, she has never yelled at us. It made us feel like we were some common earth pony working as a menial employee and getting scolded for her incompetence.” The Princess of Having Money then turned to me wide-eyed, “No offense intended to you Est… Ast…”

“Astraeus,” I reply, unamused.

“Yes! We do apologize. At times we forget ourselves.”

Celestia’s eyes beg me to play the humble earth pony. “It’s no problem, Princess Platinum.”

“Wonderful!” the royal pain exclaims obliviously.

Celestia takes the opportunity to shift the conversation. “So, Princess, we’ll just be taking this and getting out of your mane. We have a lot of other items to collect before the day is out.”

“Oh! Well, in that case, why don’t we join you?”

Not wanting to put up with this literal prissy princess for the rest of the day, I ask, “Don’t you have a lot of court stuff to take care of?”

“Oh, please, we can hold court any day. In fact, we usually do. We are feeling up for a bit of a change today. Celestia, you will have me, won’t you?”

“Astraeus and I would love the company, Your Majesty.” Celestia’s smile shines like the sun that’ll eventually be hers, but something about her eyes says she’s about as excited for this as I am.

“Splendid! Then lead the way.” The two white unicorns exit the room, and I follow, carrying the cauldron on my back. I still haven’t figured out why it’s so easy for me to balance things. Ponies are weird.

As we begin down the hallway, the guards return to their formation around their liege. After a few minutes, two of the guards are sent off to announce the end of court for the day. When we reach the main gate, Platinum dismisses the remainder of her escort, but not without a bit of protest. “But Princess, you need protection.”

“Especially if you’re leaving the castle,” another guard chimes in.

“Nonsense,” The Princess laughs. “Celestia can eliminate any living creature in the kingdom who poses a threat to us before they even notice it.”

The guards smile and nod in agreement with Platinum, but I turn to Celestia after hearing her ability to easily kill thrown out so casually. Her eyes look haunted, and if her coat weren’t pure white, she would have just paled.

The guards leave the two unicorns and me alone as we head out into the town. Celestia buries her head in the list and pretends to need some time to think about where to get each item, so I’m left with filling the silence.

“So, Princess, it doesn’t seem like you’re that interested in doing the whole ‘court thing’ are you? That one pony seemed to have some good stuff to say about storing food.”

“Oh, it is most regrettable that we came across that way my dear Astraeus. We assure you that is not entirely the case. You simply caught us on the tail end of a quite long and tedious string of petitioners.”

“But isn’t that kind of your job?” Celestia shoots me a glare, but after the earth pony comment from before, I really don’t care about offending this one.

“Certainly,” the chipper mare replies without any hint of irritation. “But the majority of what we hear are just the same requests and complaints in different forms. And we are not talking about legitimate requests. Those we treat with the utmost care as our station demands.”

“Except that request we interrupted,” I interject.

“Yes, well we were quite tired from hearing no less than three nobles request tax cuts for luxury additions to their estates in a row. Add that to the half dozen unicorns who were trying to vie for the crown’s favor and I doubt you could have held out better.” Platinum straightens her crown and seems to take a breath before continuing. “Honestly, they don’t seem to realize we spent our life studying this game they’re playing at. We refuse to feed into it, and I truly despise all those sycophants equally.”

Okay she may be out of touch, but maybe she’s not an idiot. “Why let them continue? Can’t you get rid of them or something? You are the Princess.”

“It’s not that simple. We know your people like to elect new leaders all the time, but here,” the mare glances at Celestia with a proud smile, “positions stretch across generations.”

I stop in my tracks. “What?” Celestia must have let something slip about me being human. How else would Platinum know about democracy or-

“Yes, Astraeus!” Celestia almost yells. “For us, it’s a bit odd that the earth ponies hold elections for new chancellors.”

“Oh, please, give the stallion some credit Celestia. Everypony knows about our government, even if this one has been off traveling for so long as I’ve heard.” She turns to face me. “You didn’t know what we meant about one position across generations, correct? The immense power archmages wield has a tendency to extend their lives.”

I nod eagerly, mentally kicking myself for almost blowing my cover. “Yes, thanks Your Majesty. But how did you know I’ve been away from my tribe?”

“Spies,” the sovereign of the unicorns responds as nonchalantly as if she were ordering a daisy sandwich. “Word travels fast about a newcomer in your land, and the earth ponies lack discretion when it comes to personal matters.”

I look at Celestia to gauge if casually mentioning spying on another tribe is normal, and she just gives a ‘what can you do’ shrug in return.

“Anyway, getting back on track, you wanted to know why we don’t keep our nobles in line.”

“Or just replace them,” I offer.

The mare lets out a sigh, “If we could replace them all with better ponies, we truly would.” Her voice seemingly tried to convince me. “The noble families were chosen at our kingdom’s founding. It was a time when defense of land was everything: strong mages, rich landowners, and the like. There was nothing noble about them. Sadly, it had to be that way with the pegasi always trying to invade; you know how they are.

“If we could start over in a peaceful age such as this, we would grant titles of nobility for a pony’s honorable qualities. Maybe then future generations would follow the example of their ancestors.”

Surprisingly, Celestia chimes in. “The current nobles do follow their ancestors, but most of those ancestors got to where they were through violence, deceit, or both.”

I want to ask if the royal family gained its position by being the worst of all, but I’m starting to feel like The Princess doesn’t deserve that kind of harshness.

“Exactly,” Platinum laments. “It’s a terrible system, but at least it creates stability.

We continue to chatter about the history of the tribes as we check off potion ingredients on my list. Platinum occasionally throws out questions about my past, some of which I’ve made up answers to already, while others push my steadily improving improv skills.

Screw comedy or theater workshops; getting magicked to another world is how you learn to think on your feet!

After about four hours of gathering my nonsense supplies, we’re down to my last ingredient. Somehow the list I spent two weeks bullshitting only took my friend till mid-afternoon to take care of. I guess travel isn’t much of an issue when you can teleport three ponies halfway across the kingdom at will. Thankfully, my favorite item on the list is causing a bit of a problem.

“You don’t have any more defining information than colors?” Celestia puzzles.

I try to hold in my laughter, “Nope, I’m not sure what it’s exact name is.”

Deciding we’ve gone back and forth long enough, Platinum asks, “How can you know it’ll work for this… whatever it is you’re making if you don’t know the name?”

“Oh, it’s very rare,” I respond, biting the inside of my cheek to avoid smiling. “Not something you can mistake for another plant. I know equines who have been tasked with retrieving it by individuals who never thought it could be found.”

This declaration causes the more regal of the two white ponies to marvel.

Celestia merely frowns. “I guess the only thing to do is visit the apothecary and pray he has what we’re looking for. It’s not like we’re going to find flowers in the wild at the tail end of winter.” I didn’t even think about how difficult that would be, but I’ll take it as a bonus to slow down this stupid fetch quest. Even if it’s not likely Celestia will forget about Nightmare Moon with time, there’s always a chance.

We make our way to a lone store on a fenced in property big enough for six stores its size. The ground is completely covered in snow, but the yard seems to be covered in large rectangular lumps at regular intervals.

When I cross the threshold, I’m immediately hit with a warm, musky, earthen scent. The apothecary is completely made of wood, most of which is overgrown with lichen and moss. Containers and loose plants line the numerous shelves. Half open boxes with other assorted flora lie on the floor.

Celestia approaches the counter where a large brown unicorn is mixing something in a stone mortar. I hang back, content to look around the shop. Maybe it’s all the time I’ve been spending helping prepare for planting crops with the earth ponies, but part of me just wants to kick back and relax here for hours. That is until I feel a certain Princess’s gaze on me.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Platinum replies innocently.

A few more irritating moments go by and Her Royal Highness doesn’t leave my side.

“Don’t you want to see what Celestia’s talking about? Aren’t you interested in this potion stuff?”

“Oh, heavens no! I’m sure all this magic stuff would go right over my head. I find it all dreadfully boring.”

“Then, no offense, but why are you still here? I assume no one expects you to re-open court now.”

“Because of you of course.”

I blink. “I’m sorry, what?”

“We have known Celestia since she was first taken in by our father’s archmage, and you’re the first stallion apart from him that Celestia’s so much as talked about. We wanted to find out why.”

“Umm, so what do you want to know?”

“Nothing anymore,” the smug princess laughs. “We don’t need Celestia’s magic to figure you out.” While I doubt she knows anything about me being a human, something in her eyes says she thinks she knows some part of me better than I do. I’ve gotten the same look from my dad and a couple ex’s. “We’ve spent years learning how to read ponies.”

While there doesn’t seem to be any malice in her words, I can’t help but feel a little bit like the shortest kid in the playground. “That’s no fair. I can’t do any literal or mental magic to figure you out.”

“Then ask away, Astraeus. I’ll tell you anything that isn’t a state secret.”

I take a moment to think about what I have to ask The Princess of the Unicorns. During that time, Celestia returns from the counter holding a bouquet of flowers matching my description in her magic. We begin heading out of the shop and I decide on a question that can satiate some latent brony curiosity. “Why are you a princess and not a queen?”

Platinum’s ears fold back as though she had been slapped and Celestia gives me a wide-eyed look and shakes her head. The mare in question notices. “No need to be so timid about such things, Celestia. You should know that just because your coat and ours appear to be like porcelain does not mean we are fragile as such.” Celestia remains uneasy as we talk and make our way to the castle.

“Astraeus, our lack of a husband is the talk of the kingdom, and the reason why I do not bear my late mother’s title yet.”

“So why haven’t you gotten hitched?” Haha, hitched. Horse joke.

Celestia coughs and almost loses control of her magic. The princess watches our companion shakily placing her flowers in the cauldron on my back.

“My maternal lineage is rather… unlucky when it comes to foals you see. My mother passed away when she had me, as did her mother before her. It is likely that our time will come when we give life to an heir, never getting a chance to see the filly grow up.”

“Shit…” I stare at the Princess, trying not to look down at what amounts to a death sentence she’ll have to face to keep her family going.

“Please do not let it trouble you, Astraeus.” Platinum smiles to mask the regret in her eyes. “When we were born, Starswirl the Great promised our father that he would find a cure no matter what. And besides,” Platinum laughs with tears welling up in her eyes, “most of my suitors are nobles who have proved themselves to be rather terrible. All things considered, we are enjoying our pre-marital freedom very much.”

Princess Platinum leans into Celestia’s side for comfort, which seems to make the latter very uncomfortable. Eventually, though, Celestia returns the gesture and nuzzles the cursed Princess.

Seeming to decide that we’ve spoken enough for one day, Celestia teleports the three of us right outside Platinum’s bedroom.

“Thank you, Celestia. We shall retire for the day. Would you mind informing the guard that we have returned?”

“Of course, Princess,” Celestia responds obediently.

“Your Majesty,” I begin. “I’m sorry for-”

“Please do not trouble yourself. We merely find ourselves to be too sentimental at times. We thank you for allowing us to have gotten to know you this day. We promise we shall be in higher spirits when you next visit us.”

With that, the princess turns and enters her room, Celestia opening and closing the doors with her magic.

Without another word, my friend teleports the two of us to the training grounds we visited with Starswirl and Clover. “Sorry for not telling you about The Princess before. If I had known we’d spend the day with her, I could have prepared you.”

“I had no idea my Princess vs. Queen question would have led to that. Is there anything else I should watch out for in the future?”

“Do not ask her about King Carat’s death.” Celestia pauses for a moment. “Actually, it’s best to avoid mentioning that around Starswirl too.”

“I’m really sorry, Celestia.”

“It’s okay; she didn’t seem mad. Actually, I think she approves of you.”

“Approves? If you don’t mind me asking, what are you two to each other?”

“What do you mean?”

“Are the two of you friends? Because she seems more chummy around you than Luna.”

Celestia laughs as she zaps away a radius of snow to give us space to brew our potion comfortably, “Of course not. My list of friends at the moment starts and ends with you. I’m just training to one day serve her family.”

Shit. Am I really her only friend? “But you don’t like her? She said you two get tea together regularly.”

“Those are just meetings. She does it with my aunt and every important courtier.” Celestia conjures up a sturdy looking fire pit, levitates the cauldron I’ve been carrying over to it, and then removes the ingredients. “The Princess needs to maintain relationships with anyone high up in government, and I’m in training to be one so…”

“Okay, fine, but when she was feeling bad about the kid thing, you comforted her. I feel like she at least thinks of you as more than a colleague.”

“Don’t be silly, we respect each other professionally, that’s all.” Celestia says as she floats over some fresh snow to fill the gold cauldron. “She’s surprisingly humble given the whole ‘being the wealthiest pony alive thing,’ and she’s very competent for a 24-year-old monarch. I could never do what she does even with the extra two years she has on me.”

“So, you’re only a couple years older than me? Who knew?” I watch as the mare two years my senior lights the fire pit and the snow begins to melt.

“Is that strange?”

That the thousands-of-years-old sun goddess is my age? “No, I just thought with what Platinum said about archmages living long.”

“Sure, but remember, I am Luna’s sister. We’re only four years apart.”

“Wait, so your mom died when you were what?”

“Ten,” Celestia says with a hint of nostalgia in her voice. She then begins to add the ingredients and magically stir the pot.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. My sadness is in the past, as opposed to The Princess who gets closer to hers every day.” The contents of the cauldron begin to change to a murky green. “Besides, I found a new family with my aunty and Starswirl.”

“Do you know if Luna had anyone like that after your dad died?”

“None that I’m aware of.”

“You guys don’t talk about that kind of stuff?”

“Astraeus, Luna and I have spoken more since you got here than we have for the past few seasons.”

“But I’ve only seen you two talk a few times-”

“Our relationship isn’t ideal.

“Anyway, I think the potion’s just about ready. I just need to imbue it with some light magic.”

Celestia positions herself between the cauldron and the late afternoon sun. Her horn begins to glow and the daylight seems to bend towards her, focusing on the potion. I feel the air chill and go dark, the only warmth emanating from Celestia and her magic. Then, in a bright flash I have to shield my eyes from, it’s all over.

Warmth returns to the world and Celestia puzzles over the bubbling cauldron, “That’s strange, I hope I channeled the energy right.”

“What?”

“It’s probably nothing; I’m sure we got the correct ingredients. Using light magic in potions just tends to worry me.”

“Why?”

“Light magic, my specialty,” she gives a shake of her flank to emphasize her cutie mark, “deals in power. No fancy tricks or finesse. If something’s not working, you’re not using enough energy. The reason you needed that for your potion is probably to burn away whatever darkness lies in Luna.”

“That sounds dangerous if it goes wrong.”

“Which is why I tend to avoid potion making, I had to use enough magic to overpower every unicorn guard at the castle. I’m relying entirely on the ingredients to focus my magic into something that harms the darkness and not Luna herself.”

“Well don’t worry. This potion is perfect.” Starswirl’s grandnephew made it clear that potions can be super dangerous, so thankfully I have my master plan. “I just need to take a bottle of it and add the finishing touches myself.”

Celestia’s eyes sparkle with wonder. “Will you be communing with Faust herself‽”

I just smile and hand her a glass bottle. I don’t like how she sees me as this emissary of a goddess, but it’s coming in handy now.

Celestia squeals and wraps me in a tight hug. I’m not sure if ponies can blush, but I’m glad nopony can see my face right now.

After transferring one serving of potion and disintegrating the rest (the apparent protocol for magical waste), Celestia asks, “So do you want me to bring you to a temple or-”

“Cookie’s house is fine. I just need to be alone.”

“Perfect.” The two of us are then teleported with the cauldron outside my temporary lodging. “Can I pick you up tomorrow so we can give it to her?”

“Sure, but how do we get her to drink it?”

“Just follow my lead,” the mare says, oblivious to the fact that none of this matters. “I have a plan.”

“Got it,” I reply. “Does this plan of yours involve me getting back in time for work in the morning, or should I ask Cookie for another day off?”

“It’ll just be a nice breakfast.” The mare smiles devilishly. “And, Astraeus, thanks for protecting my sister.”

With that, Celestia hugs me goodbye and teleports away, leaving me with the dark red murder juice.

Smart Cookie welcomes me as I enter the house that’s already starting to smell like dinner. “Enjoy spending the day with your girlfriend?”

“We’re not dating and The Princess was with us all day so it definitely wasn’t a date.”

“You naïve colt, getting the friends’ approval is an essential part of dating.”

“Yeah, yeah, just be quiet and let me help with dinner in peace.”

The old mare chuckles smugly and we fall into our evening routine.

After some time passes, I’m hit with a thought. “Hey Cookie, did you know that the unicorns spy on your tribe?”

“Of course they do,” she laughs. “Any of the three leaders would be stupid not to keep tabs on the other tribes. Don’t you have spies in your world?”

“We do, but…”

“But what?” she urges.

“I thought it’d be better here.”

“You thought wrong.”