• Published 26th Jul 2018
  • 752 Views, 15 Comments

Five Moons - Trick Question

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Five Moons


Rainbow Dash entered Twilight's office and pulled up a seat. "You wanted to talk to me?" she asked.

Twilight Sparkle stood up and shut the door, then returned to her desk with a sigh. "I assume you know why you're here," she said, idly fussing with a blank ream of papers.

Rainbow blinked. "Um... because you asked me to be here?"

Twilight's muzzle scrunched up in frustration momentarily, then she spoke. "Rainbow Dash, you cannot lift tail in front of your students. Period!"

"What? Oh, that! Well, he mooned me first!" she retorted, with a huff.

"No, he didn't," said Twilight. "Featherweight had an itch, and his tail moving was a reflex. That was all."

"Okay, maybe. But I didn't know that," said Dash. "I mean, I kind of had to moon him back to be on the safe side."

"Rainbow, it doesn't matter if he did moon you! Even if flashing somepony were an acceptable response to bad behavior—which it isn't, mind you—our students are barely old enough to have their cutie marks. You can't flash a student under any circumstances," said Twilight, tapping one hoof repeatedly against the floor. "Look, ten years ago you might have been able to get away with that, but things are... different now. This sort of thing creates a ton of paperwork, none of it good."

"Well that's not fair," grumbled Dash, crossing her forelegs.

Twilight groaned and rubbed her temples with her hooves. "Just keep your tail between your legs, okay?"

"Fine," said Rainbow Dash.


Rainbow Dash walked into Twilight's office. Seeing the look on her face, this time she shut the door behind her before sitting down.

"Great. What is it this time?" she asked, blowing upwards at her forelock.

"What's this I hear about you threatening Featherweight?" asked Twilight Sparkle. "I thought you agreed it was just an itch!"

Rainbow Dash raised a brow. "Huh? I wasn't threatening anypony."

"You gave a speech in front of your students..." said Twilight.

"Right. It was a motivational speech," said Dash, shrugging. "Coaches are all about those. Students need enthusiasm in order to achieve, you know that Twi."

"Enthusiasm? You said, and I quote: 'One of these days, Featherweight, pow, zoom, you're going straight to the Moon.' Is that accurate?" asked Twilight.

"Sure! But that's not a threat. I'm actually going to send Featherweight to the Moon."

Twilight's jaw dropped. "Rainbow Dash!"

"I mean literally, Twilight! He's doing altitude training. He weighs so little he could actually reach the Moon under his own wingpower," explained Rainbow Dash. "We're practicing on the weekends. Mark my words, one of these days he'll make it there."

"Oh. That's... oh," said Twilight, furrowing her brow. "Well, I think some of your other students got the wrong impression."

"Huh. I suppose I could have been a little clearer," said Dash. "Can I go now?"

Twilight buried her face in her hooves. "Yes. Just... try to choose your words more carefully in the future."

"Of course," said Rainbow Dash.


"Rainbow Dash, this time I hope you understand why I've brought you here," said Twilight Sparkle, shutting the door behind her friend with telekinesis.

"As usual: I have no idea," said Rainbow Dash, casually taking a seat.

Twilight closed her eyes. "One of the other students overheard you saying something incredibly disturbing to Featherweight in the locker room."

"Eh, all kinds of stuff gets said in the locker room, Twi. Whatever it was, you can't take it too seriously," said Dash, looking Twilight right in the eyes. Then she sighed. "And you're taking it seriously. Okay, what was it this time?"

"Being with you is sending me even higher than the Moon," deadpanned Twilight. "Rainbow, I hope that even you can see why this sort of affection between a teacher and a young student is completely inappropriate. Now, it's natural to have feelings of pride in our students, but any form of romantic attraction—"

"Romantic attraction? What the—ohhh. Eww! No, no, Twi, you've got the wrong idea. I'm doing altitude training with him now. I'm planning to fly over the Moon when Featherweight visits it."

Twilight's eye twitched. "You're serious."

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. "Well, yeah. Only some kind of depraved sicko would think otherwise."

Twilight groaned and laid her chin on the desk. "Rainbow, could you maybe try to think twice about how you look and sound to other ponies now that you're a teacher responsible for monitoring the wellbeing of dozens of underage students? Please?"

"Okay, okay, fine," said Dash, spinning her foreleg. "Sheesh. Next thing you'll be telling me I have to stop having sex with him."

Twilight growled and narrowed her eyes, and her horn crackled and glowed magenta.

"No wait, I'm just kidding!" shouted Rainbow Dash.


Rainbow Dash woke up on a barren, cratered gray landscape. She stood up and dusted herself off.

"Wow. I didn't even know Twilight could do that spell," said Rainbow Dash, turning to face the pony beside her. "So, what are you up here for?"

"I left a live frog in my Sister's bedchambers," said Princess Luna, standing tall with a smirk. "It was a truly mirthful experience, I do attest."

Rainbow laughed. "I'll bet it was!" she said, then looked upwards at the landscape of Equestria off in the distance. "So, I have a question for you, Princess. We both have wings. Why don't we just, you know... fly back down to earth? It doesn't look like we're trapped here this time."

"Ah. Well, give the uptight dullards time to simmer down, I say," said Luna, kicking at a soft pile of dust. "In all likelihood, they shall calm themselves by the morrow."

Rainbow Dash nodded. "Fair enough. So what do we do in the meantime? There's nothing up here but rocks and dust."

Luna raised a brow and cocked her head coyly to one side, her cheeks ablush. "Well... perhaps... you would care to see my hindquarters?" she asked, flipping her tail aside.

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Comments ( 15 )

That was only four moons.

Luna's butt was the fifth. :trollestia:

Dearest Sib, Whose Anus Could Wring Diamonds From Coal,

On this night We learned that banishment to the moon is, like many things, better with a friend. Also that there have been some startling and delightful innovations in the novel use of feathers since Our return.

Yours eternally,

The only thing better than reading this now, was listening to you read it at the panel.

Wednesday still cracks me up.

Is there a 'tube video of it? I'd love to see that!

Man, this is dirty comedy done right. Full marks. As an aside, I would totally read the story of Luna's Second Banishment To The Moon (duration - one full Thursday).

On a completely different note:
9071291 - I swear you've been in the comment section of half the stories I read, and every single time your comment is solid gold. Just wanted to finally acknowledge how much your comments add to my experience on this site.

Booty never goes out of fashion. Not with stories like this one. It's faved.

This was hillarious

Author Interviewer

God, that's funny. XD

PresentPerfect reviewed this story over here. :twilightsmile:

This was actually almost believable. Have a green thumb.

This was some silly fun!

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