What's in a name?
Dawn had risen over Ponyville, and yet, this pleasant sight did not bring Twilight the same joy and wonder that it normally did. She walked through the halls of her home, carrying herself with a more worrisome feeling than she usually had when doing so. Beside her, engulfed in her magical aura, was a breakfast tray, upon which rested a still-steaming bowl of soup. But her eyes were focused not on this meal, but on the one who now lay ahead. Starlight was sitting quietly by herself, staring intently at the door opposite her, as if worried the thing might explode at any moment. But, when she turned to finally see her teacher, she broke out into a smile.
"Hey."
Twilight smiled back.
"Hey."
Then, the Princess' smile faded a little, as she instead glanced to the door.
"Anything?"
A long sigh from Starlight.
"Nothing. All I've seen so far is a flickering light through the cracks of the door. I think she might have been reading all night."
Twilight looked back to her, surprised.
"She hasn't slept?"
Starlight shrugged her shoulders.
"I'm not sure if someone like her even can sleep!"
Twilight paused for a time, then gave a single nod to her apprentice.
"Alright...I've got this."
Starlight looked back to her, concerned.
"You sure you don't want me staying with you for this?"
Twilight smiled back to that, shaking her head a little.
"Thanks for the offer, but I'll be fine. Besides, you need to get yourself some breakfast."
The other mare, understandably, was hesitant to just leave her alone, but she trusted Twilight enough to go along with her instructions. So, off she went, with Twilight watching her until she had walked around the corner, and was no longer in view. Taking in a deep breath, the Princess used her magic to open the door, entering the room along with the tray she was still levitating.
"Good morning."
The room was modest, a typical guest bedroom, and from the looks of it, Starlight had been correct in her guess, as the bed looked like it had not been used all night. Turning her head slightly, Twilight looked upon her doppelganger, who was indeed reading at a nearby desk, with a candle still smouldering from where it had recently run out. As for the clone herself, her eyes were focused on her book, though she did cast a brief glance in Twilight's direction.
"Princess."
The tone had been formal and clinical, with no indication that she was actually happy to see her, which Twilight wasn't all that surprised by. Still, as she entered the room fully, she levitated the tray over to the small table at the side of the desk, laying the soup down upon it.
"I hope you don't mind, but I brought you something to eat."
Here, the clone turned, looking to the soup with some manner of suspicion. Twilight, perhaps sensing what her double was thinking, rolled her eyes in a display of slight irritation.
"It's not poison."
The clone frowned to her.
"One can never be too careful."
Lighting up her own horn, the copy lifted up the spoon that was lying beside the bowl, taking a good scoop of the food before bringing it to her face. After giving it a quick sniff, she slowly opened her mouth, putting the spoon right in. Immediately, her eyes widened, and she winced, looking very uncomfortable right now. Seeing this, Twilight took a step forward, her voice betraying her worry,
"Are you okay? I know I'm not the best cook, but..."
However, the clone shook her head, silencing her host for the time being. Twilight watched as, with great struggle, the double finally swallowed, after which she started to pant, as if having gone through a terrible experience.
"Are...are you okay?" Twilight asked.
The clone, while still looking somewhat unhappy, gave a nod.
"Yeah. It's just...I've never eaten anything before."
She grimaced.
"The act of swallowing, having the food go down my throat, it's...not pleasant."
To that, Twilight giggled.
"Trust me, you'll get used to it."
It wasn't a prospect the clone seemed to relish, but she accepted it for the time being, turning her attention once more to her book. A silence, and a long one at that, during which Twilight shifted from one hoof to the other. She wanted to talk to her guest, to maybe open up some kind of dialogue, but she couldn't really think of anything right now, and so instead resorted to some simple small talk.
"So...how are you finding the room?"
The clone didn't look up from her book as she answered.
"It's fine. I didn't get attacked in the night, so that's something."
Not the happiest answer, but it was at least a response. Then, to her surprise, Twilight saw her try to take yet another sip of her soup, which resulted in a second grimace as she struggled to swallow.
"Um...if it's causing you that much trouble, you don't actually have to eat it."
But her guest seemed almost offended by that suggestion.
"While I acknowledge that there are many things in this world that have the potential to beat me..."
She glared at her bowl.
"...I refuse to let a bowl of soup be one of them!"
She was determined, that much was certain, even though her tone hadn't exactly been the friendliest. Twilight, clearing her throat, took a step closer to the mare who looked so much like her.
"You know...I've been doing some thinking."
Again, with the double focusing on her book, she didn't look to her.
"Oh? About what?"
Twilight cracked a smile, albeit a small one.
"Well, mainly I've been thinking about what to call you."
Here, at last, the clone looked at her, but it wasn't with a look of curiosity, as Twilight had perhaps expected, but rather of irritation.
"Pardon?"
Twilight, still clearly wanting to maintain some measure of cordiality, began to explain herself.
"Well, it's just...we can't very well go around calling you the clone all the time, can we? We've got to give you a name."
Her duplicate narrowed her eyes slightly.
"Forgive me for saying this, your Majesty...but I already have a name. Twilight Sparkle, Remember?"
Twilight gave a quick nod, clearing her throat before speaking again.
"Yes, I realise that, but...I was thinking about maybe you would have a name of your own, rather than sticking to the name of the one you were based on?"
The other mare's eyes narrowed further.
"Twilight...Sparkle."
The words had been spoken firmly, as one would when they were unwilling to move from their position. Clearly, she wasn't enamoured with this idea of having a new name, so Twilight, in her usual fashion, tried the diplomatic approach.
"I understand that this may seem a bit forward on my part, but it would make things a bit less confusing, given that we're living together, don't you think?"
The clone stared at her for a time, blinking slowly.
"This is the only name I have, Princess. If you're going to convince me to choose a different one...I suggest you come up with a pretty good replacement."
It was a fair point, Twilight conceded, but thankfully, she'd been thinking about this for a while, and so smiled to her dark counterpart.
"A while back, a met a girl who lived...well...very far away. She was called Twilight too."
Twilight's clone looked to her with an arched eyebrow, but otherwise kept quiet as the original kept speaking.
"Once, she was overcome with dark magic, and it changed her. She became a dark version of herself, a corrupted mirror image."
Twilight appeared to dwell on that memory for a time.
"When she was like that...she called herself Midnight."
Her smile returned, albeit faintly.
"I was thinking...maybe you could have that name?"
Upon hearing the suggestion, the clone looked away, glancing back to her book as she considered what had been said to her.
"So...you think I should be named after someone who, in all likelihood, was some sort of psychopath?"
Twilight hesitated here.
"I...er...hadn't actually considered that."
She started looking somewhat apologetic.
"I just figured it might be nice to..."
But her clone walked away from her before she could finish, instead walking over to a nearby mirror that was hanging off the wall. The duplicate Twilight stared at her reflection for a while, tapping the end of her chin as she pondered the name.
"Hmmm...Midnight Sparkle."
She nodded.
"A name that suggests that I'm closer to the dark than you are."
Twilight chuckled nervously.
"Yes, well, again, I didn't really think of that at the time."
But the clone shook her head.
"You needn't apologise. I think...it suits me."
She again stared at her reflection.
"Midnight Sparkle...yeah..."
Slowly, she looked back to the Princess, taking on one of her now-expected sly smirks.
"...I think I rather like that name."
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Mmm, spacing between paragraphs makes it easier to read, in my experience. Otherwise it just comes across as a wall of text.
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I agree. While this chapter is good, but you should stick with spacing in between paragraphs. I'll be a much better reading flow for the eyes.
I say go back to the format you use in chapter one, it looks much cleaner/neater. Nice chapter though.
Spaces between paragraphs would be easier to read. As well as combining speech and actions from the same character into a single paragraph. For example:
All that would be one paragraph as it's all Midnight talking and acting.
All that said, I enjoyed the chapter and I'm glad you chose to go with naming her Midnight.
Can't wait to see Midnight's ulterior motives. She's a schemer at heart.
Please use the tab and return key this is a pain to read.
Huh, so Midnight doesn't enjoy the sensation of eating? I wonder if she even needs to eat. She was made from a tree, after all. Maybe she can subsist on sunlight, like Superman?
Given her lack of enthusiasm for eating, it is clear she will likely perish the first time AJ or Pinkie attempt to shove food in her mouth.
*Darth Vader voice* I find your lack of spacing disturbing.
Typical web formatting is for readability. It really is needed. Even print books indent new paragraphs, and with digital media, we don't have to cram lines super close together into a hard to parse wall of text to save on paper and shipping costs, so why do it?
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Alright, so the verdict is in. I'll be going back to regular spacing next time. Thank you all for your input
The story is nice but as the million other people have said, you could do with some spacing. People do see this and look at this text the way a new royal would look at the mountain of paperwork. That said, I can't wait to see more.
…..that name gave me an uncomfortable chill up my spine for some reason
You need spacing.
The spacing makes it rather confusing, I read through that faster than I ever could with the world's smallest menu, and I had to go through it a few times before it made sense as to what I was reading.
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... I've tried to use the Tab key, though because of the updates, they no longer register in the final product.
"A while back, a (I) met a girl who lived...well...very far away. She was called Twilight too."
Twilight's clone looked to her with an arched eyebrow, but otherwise kept quiet as the original kept speaking.
"Once, she was overcome with dark magic, and it changed her. She became a dark version of herself, a corrupted mirror image."
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You... are going to fix this chapter, too, right?
The wall-of-text hurts my eyes.
I refuse to read this until it's fixed. Not trying to be a dick. I just don't want a migraine.
Edit: Ahhhh, much better. My eyes thank you!
9118203 Alright, should be okay now.
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Artistic experimentation is okay. Nothing wrong with that. Poets use strange spacing and forms all the time (not that I particularly care for poetry much) but for prose, the art is usually in the words themselves, and the line spacing is just part of the delivery mechanism. :)
I sincerely like this story . I think the plot could develop into something very interesting.
Nice! Midnight Sparkle in the House!
When will this story be updated..?
9126560 With luck, I'll be ready to put out the next chapter next Saturday
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What do you plan for Midnight’s personality..?
9128493 Well, the general idea I had for this story was to have two versions of the same character living together and contrasting off one another in various situations. We have Twilight, who tries to be empathetic, diplomatic and idealistic, and then we have Midnight, who I'm hoping to portray as being on the flipside to that. Wary of others, blunt in her interactions, pragmatism over idealism. Basically zigging wherever Twilight zags.
Soooo... are they technicaly sisters or something?
Hey, Sci-Twi isn't a pychopath, she was just possessed!
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Neither her nor Sunset were actually possessed. More like temporary lost their minds when got too much power at once.
...She burned herself with the soup, didn't she? That's why she didn't like the feeling.
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As a first time eater, she could run into all sorts of problems. If she didn't know soup might be hot, there's also a good chance she might not realize she needs to chew most food.
How embarrassing...
Twilight! Just hug her already! Midnight is, for all intents and purpose, your retroactive twin sister! A little warmth can go a long way!
considering the fact their mom's name is Twilight Velvet, this really isn't as much of a big deal as everyone always makes it out to be.
YEAHH BEAT THAT SOUP
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CHUNKY OR BROTH, VEGGIE OR MEAT.
MIDNIGHT SPARKLE CAN'T BE BEAT!
But wait! We've forgotten a vital question!
Is it celery soup?
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I get it!
when you put it like that......