(Written as a birthday present for Matt11. Aunt Holiday and Auntie Lofty are from the "Ponyville Mysteries" series.)
As Scootaloo's honorary big sister, Rainbow Dash has taken on a lot of responsibilities over the years. But nothing can quite prepare her for this situation.
When Scootaloo's friends mention that she's sad and alone in the clubhouse, Rainbow goes to investigate. And when she learns what went wrong, she finds herself thrust into the middle of a delicate situation.
Can Rainbow help her honorary little sister to feel better, and help her to patch things up with Aunt Holiday and Auntie Lofty? Or is the rainbow maned mare out of her depth?
Chapters (1)
Really nice, as always!
Okay, I gotta admit it: This story is cuper cute. This honestly feels like the sort of issue the real show would try to tackle themselves, so kudos for making something that works on that kind of level. Everypony felt in character (at least, I can only assume since I never read the stuff involving Scootaloo's Aunts), and the message was sweet. The only complaint I might have is the pacing feeling a bit rushed in places; however, that's not a deal-breaker in my book. Keep up the good work. :)
Really rough on a technical level. Like, really, really rough. Contrary to popular opinion, Rainbow Dash is not cyan, and even if she was, there's no need to repeat the phrase 'cyan-coated' so often. Besides that, the dialogue hardly sounds like either character. Scootaloo, especially, sounds OOC.
Content-wise, no real complaints. Running away after a fit of rage and then getting caught up in a guilt trip is standard kid's stuff, it's a good trope to use in the MLP setting.
It's not a bad story, certainly, but throughout I can't help but think it could be a lot better. That may just be the inner nitpicker talking, though, so take that with a grain of salt
This was a sweet story, even though I still don't think they're quite canon yet (since to me only the show is what's truly canon, while the comics and books are AU's that could be canon unless otherwise contradicted by the show)
Ezn is so dead right now.
9082970 They got designs in the comics, something tells me they wouldn't have done that unless they had big plans for the two. I'm hoping beyond hope that they'll finally appear in "The Washouts", the synopsis sounds like it would be the kind of story where Scootaloo's legal guardians would have reason to get involved.
9083341
I assume that if they aren't in it, you'll do a fic that would explain why they weren't, correct?
9083341
I kinda like the one that pixel kitties had made.
You should write stories about lilymoon and ambermoon.
9083447 Maybe I would, I have a feeling that what their parents are doing would warrant some powerful stories.
9083354 Maybe, though I think that might be better saved for my rewrite series depending on how the episode pans out.
9083783
Fair enough.
I loved It, nice job.
Nice to see some sisterly love from Rainbow and Family love from Scoots Aunts
This is a cute story, but it has some issues with the grammar and syntax.
This segment is exemplary of the problems. Your sentences run extra long with minimal commas, and you're over-explaining Dash's mindset. You don't need to add a variation of "said" (known as a "saidism) after every piece of dialogue, either.
This fic has potential. The plot itself is fine, as is the characterization. Perhaps if you find yourself an editor, you could fix the grammar issues and make the heart of this fic shine!
beautiful