The Ninth Whooves meets Derpy in an accident at carousel boutique in this latest instalment, as we are introduced to this barmy Time Colt. It'll be fantastic, that can be assured!
Loosely based around the events of series one of Doctor Who, but with slightly different plotlines. Takes place during season one of Friendship Is Magic.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Good job! Some feedback:
- This is a great Ponification (I sure hope that's not a rude word somewhere) of The End of the World. That said, it needs a tweak more of the creativity knob. You're doing great, you just need to do more to avoid sounding too much like you're following the original plot-point by plot-point
- It's also a little on the short side -- you should at least extend it to the scene where Rose/Derpy is trapped in the room with the sun filter going down.
- For the greatest pathos, that should really be the last pony. (It also helps emphasize that the Ninth Doctor is the last of his kind as well.)
- The scene where the Repeated Meme hand out the "gift" spheres is missing. This is kinda important since it establishes where the spiders come from. (I know fans will have seen the episode, but just for the benefit of those who haven't it's good to provide just enough detail.)
- Ow, good one! That's what I'm talking about -- more creative left hooks like that!
- You should qualify "mare" here, e.g. "the repair mare". Read too quickly, it sounds like Derpy was the one who followed the spider into the vent.
Awwright, that's it -- you're going to make me hop in my TARDIS and zip ahead thirty-six billion years to when you finally do "The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances". And you know how I feel about spoilers! Are you my mummy or something?
... brief pause ...
Well, I'm back. And that ending you wrote -- I cried!
Good work, keep it up!
9103676
I'm gonna go fix those now.
Please don't skip to when I do The Christmas Invasion 'cause I'm gonna deviate from the plot a bit at the end...
Spaceman.
One suggestion here -- you need to somewhere work in the scene where the Doctor tells Rose/Derpy about how he can feel the motion of the world -- it's one of the things that really sells the new Doctor as a character.
9103689
I'll try, but no promises -- you know I don't know how to fly this thing!
9103691
One tiny problem... Equestria is canonically heliocentric. Gonna try to work that in, though, next time we come to Equestria. And at that point, please don't be sad that I didn't include some elements, there's a reason for that. It'll all become obvious next season.
9103696
... which doesn't stop the Equestria/Sun/Moon system from falling through space-time -- the nice thing about science fantasy is there's usually an angle to make something work if you dig long enough. But you're right, not everything has to map over one-to-one. Make it even better!