• Member Since 24th Oct, 2017
  • offline last seen 40 minutes ago

Arceaion


Greetings, my name is W. D. Arceaion, former <Redacted> of <Redacted>. I was a Human till I accidentally shattered myself across Time and Space.

T
Source

Twilight Sparkle, Element of Magic, Hero of Equestria and first casualty in the Changeling war. When she passed she became the rallying cry for the Equestrians in the short lived war. When Chrysalis attempts a surprise attack on Canterlot a mysterious figure in armor appears and slays Chrysalis in front of the princesses. Now it's time they learn that anyone can change.

For better or worse.

Big thanks to Nightcloak for the huge help in editing this train wreck of a story.

This Story was featured on 7/28/2018
Thank you to everyone who has read this. I never thought this would happen and am honored beyond words.

Chapters (10)
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Comments ( 462 )

Yeah. You need to go ahead and let this idea blossom my friend. This is already great! If you want a pre-reader or a spell checker, I'll gladly do it!

The torture lasted for what felt like hours and by the time the queen was done Twilight's voice was horse from the screaming. "I would love to break you Twilight. To here you scream and moan in pleasure but sadly I have things to do and an army to unleash. I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did Twilight Sparkle." Chrysalis raised the blade above her head and plunged the blade into the alicorns heart. Twilight gasped her eye growing wide before the light faded from it. Suddenly the castles doors were blasted off the hinges by a yellow and blue aura. Celestia and Luna as well as the remaining six, spike and Discord ran in and saw Chrysalis.

Ehm... Did Chrysalis sexually abuse Twillight?

I think this story will be a great story my friend just let it be made

9060803
If you read close she says she wanted to but didn't have time. Honestly I was going to go that far but I have standards. I also thought it was a little extreme for a prologue.

This story had better not die after only one chapter!

9060842
Ohhh. Ok. This will be very interesting and I want to see "Twillights Blutrache" (Twilights Blood vengeance) so much.

"Peace Kindness, it must be placed to a vote." the largest of the beings said, its that of the night itself. "My brethren, I purpose we bring her here. No being will disturb her here and we may train her personally."

should be "propose". the sentence as is says "My brethren, i reason of action we bring her here."

Meanwhile deep within the void twelve beings stirred, Harmony had fallen and there champion was lost. One growled as it looked at its brothers and sisters. The figure seemed made of a magma. "I will not sit idly by as this occurs." She said angrily.

should be "their." again the sentence as written: "Harmony had fallen and location champion was lost."

9060902
Thanks, I try to catch all those little things but some slip through. Thank you for the help. :twilightsmile:

I for one would love to see more

This chapter is amazing but you need to add more chapters to it to make it a better story but overall this is really good can't wait for more:twilightsmile:

9060844
9060985
there's more coming, Chapter 1 will be released either to tomorrow or the day after so look forward to it.

You did not ease into that. 2 measly paragraphs in and you just killed someone and tortured them! This chapter had my head spinning and I can’t wait for more!

Good chapter but needs to be edited.

9061069

Was the entire torture scene necessary?

9061106
For the story yes, I have always believed that if Chrysalis was given the chance she wouldn't be satisfied with simply killing Twilight. She would torture her, rape her and probably worse but a simple death is something she would never do.

9061120

A dragged out torture scene is redundent if you say it's a closed casket funeral.

Torch light glinted off golden armor and a dusty halberd beside it sat the armor of Nightmare Moon and am ancient sword. Celestia and Luna stepped forward and the armor rose in there magic and locked into place. The peace and Harmony that Equestia had known was no more, the fires of war once again roared in the hearts of Ponies.

This started to get me interested in the story

"Then it's decided. Twilight Sparkle will be trained here by us personally." The Night said.

as soon as i saw this i was like im going to track this stories progress

9060902
...Your profile pic brilliantly matched this story.

A bit too fast-paced for my taste, but an interesting start :twilightsmile:
Gonna keep an eye open for more

9060979
's what i do. having said that great premise, looking forward to seeing where this goes.

She raised the knife and stabbed Twilight through her right eye and twisted ripping it out.

Twilight screamed as her eye was ripped from its socket. Chrysalis raised the knife to her face and licked the blood from it when she reached the eye she bit into it and pulled it from the knife before swallowing with an audible gulp.

How the hell did this get by with a Teen rating?

Not to be rude or anything but is this story ok to be rather teen? Especially since you plan on adding the non-consensual tag?

Chrysalis slammed her fist

Fist?

spike and Discord

Spike

those who twilight

Twilight

The Ponies, who every race believed were soft and unable to fight, rose up almost over night. Blacksmiths hammers rang out as they struck their anvils, Mages gathered preparing for war, the guard that had become simply a ceremonial tradition was alive and training not to keep the peace but to kill, and deep within Canterlot Castle the doors to an armory that had been locked and hidden away were ripped open by Celestia. Torch light glinted off golden armor and a dusty halberd beside it sat the armor of Nightmare Moon and am ancient sword. Celestia and Luna stepped forward and the armor rose in there magic and locked into place. The peace and Harmony that Equestia had known was no more, the fires of war once again roared in the hearts of Ponies.

1st of all this is cool.

2nd

am ancient sword.

an

rose in there magic

in their magic

9061690
He's going to add rape?
This is already way over the line for a teen story.

9061647
9061690
As of right now It can still be teen but if I do add the non-consensual tag it will be moved to mature.

I will admit I would rate this as mature strictly for the gore tag since it would be an excess.

9062260
As I said if It gets worse I will bump up the rating to Mature but for now it's ok. I will admit it does skirt the line to much for my taste.

9061741
It's anthro, also thanks for finding those errors. I fixed them.

9062331
Aah, my bad, didn't see the tag

I don't think it was a boring chapter it was just a necessary but still good

The figuer nodded. "This is the Void, a realm between the Physical world and Oblivian. Everything here is in a state of both life and death at the same time. As to the reason as to why you are here, I and the other Elements brought you here after you died to train you to be the Alicorn of Harmony."

should be "figure" and "oblivion" respectively.

"I am his twin and opposite, Necromancy." the figure next to him said. Like the others he had no physical features and only appeared as a that if a sickly green energy. He what was most commonly identified as necromancer robes

should be "He was in what was most commonly identified as necromancer robes."

Discord sighed. "Indeed this whole situation has made me... serous." Discord sad calmly. "Then again you all had no idea what she was suppose to become."

should be "serious"

Far off in the distance at the border of the Badlands the Changeling swarm approached the first outpost. "Go my children drain all there love and then kill them, kill them all!" Chrysalis laughed as the swarm charged and descended upon the outpost like locust.

should be "locusts" after all, one locust doesn't do diddly squat.

9062503
Thanks again. I fixed the errors.

"For Twilight." The others said their voices filled with determination.

For Frodo

I'm gonna come back and point out all the tiny typos here and there tomorrow, that is, if I remember
I'll try

I personally dislike anthro, but I'll give this story a shot.

9062515
I had a feeling that Chrysalis will be slain in the next chapter, no doubt about it.

"For Twilight." The others said their voices filled with determination.

Chrysalis is screwed

You NEED to get an editor.

Okay so BIG warning this story is really violent. Normally I don't wright like this but I had this Idea a long time ago and I want to post it. I don't know what will happen with this story but I don't want you all to not be warned So if you are sensitive to this kind of stuff then you have been warned. Also I will probably add the non-consensual tag later but it's not needed... yet.

1. write
2. this, but
3. story, but I don't
4 & 5. warned, so if you
6. tag later, but it's

Six errors before one even begins reading the actual story. Get an editor.

Twilight sighed as she continued to organize the shelves of her new castles library. It had been a week since Tirek had destroyed the Golden Oaks Library and she still had so much to organize. Twilight was shaken out of her thoughts as someone grabbed her from behind and slammed her into one of the bookshelf's. Twilight gasped as a tall dark pony stood over her.

7. castle's
8. bookshelves

Two errors in the first real paragraph, not counting some truly random instances of two spaces between words.

"Greeting Twilight Sparkle." The Pony said as green flames enveloped the pony burning away the visage.

9. Greetings, Twilight
10. pony, and burned OR pony; burning

Ten errors in three 'paragraphs,' only two of which are actually a part of the story.

"Chrysalis, why are you here." Twilight growled as the queen approached her with a smirk.

11. here?"

9062626
Ya, I could use an editor but I prefer to leave it up to people who want to help me or my favorite, people who love to complain about how bad the story is and all the errors. Their comments make me laugh.

Also the write being spelled wrong was intentional. It's a running joke with some of my friends that I spell write like that at least once a story so I like to play the 'were's waldo' game with them. Congratulations you found the misspelled write! As a reward have a cookie: food.fnr.sndimg.com/content/dam/images/food/fullset/2012/7/25/0/FNM_090112-Mix-and-Match-Classic-Cookies-Recipe-03_s4x3.jpg.rend.hgtvcom.616.462.suffix/1371607143890.jpeg

9062668 The problem is that there are people who will end up passing over a story that has potential because there are too many errors. I stopped where I did because that's as far as I could read while sober. I'm not going to say your story sucks because of the typos, but they do make it far less appealing.

9062733
Well thank you for the honesty. I was never good at grammar, spelling I can normally handle, but grammar is a bitch that loves to kick me in the balls.

As for the small errors I normally don't worry about them.

"For Twilight." The others said their voices filled with determination.

Chrysalis does not know whats coming.

this is already a good story im excited to see where this goes and its only the second chapter

She had no face she felt as if she was judging her. "I'm Cruelty." He said with a bow before he walked off.

Error here on gender

darnit...I was intrigued by the story synopsis....and then I learned they were anthro.... great story premise, I hope it does well, regardless!

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