Twilight Sparkle, Element of Magic, Hero of Equestria and first casualty in the Changeling war. When she passed she became the rallying cry for the Equestrians in the short lived war. When Chrysalis attempts a surprise attack on Canterlot a mysterious figure in armor appears and slays Chrysalis in front of the princesses. Now it's time they learn that anyone can change.
For better or worse.
Big thanks to Nightcloak for the huge help in editing this train wreck of a story.
This Story was featured on 7/28/2018
Thank you to everyone who has read this. I never thought this would happen and am honored beyond words.
Chapters (10)
Yeah. You need to go ahead and let this idea blossom my friend. This is already great! If you want a pre-reader or a spell checker, I'll gladly do it!
Ehm... Did Chrysalis sexually abuse Twillight?
I think this story will be a great story my friend just let it be made
9060803
If you read close she says she wanted to but didn't have time. Honestly I was going to go that far but I have standards. I also thought it was a little extreme for a prologue.
This story had better not die after only one chapter!
9060842
Ohhh. Ok. This will be very interesting and I want to see "Twillights Blutrache" (Twilights Blood vengeance) so much.
should be "propose". the sentence as is says "My brethren, i reason of action we bring her here."
should be "their." again the sentence as written: "Harmony had fallen and location champion was lost."
9060902
Thanks, I try to catch all those little things but some slip through. Thank you for the help.
I for one would love to see more
This chapter is amazing but you need to add more chapters to it to make it a better story but overall this is really good can't wait for more
9060844
9060985
there's more coming, Chapter 1 will be released either to tomorrow or the day after so look forward to it.
9061013
I will.
Melodramatic.
You did not ease into that. 2 measly paragraphs in and you just killed someone and tortured them! This chapter had my head spinning and I can’t wait for more!
Good chapter but needs to be edited.
9061033
what?
9061069
Was the entire torture scene necessary?
9061106
For the story yes, I have always believed that if Chrysalis was given the chance she wouldn't be satisfied with simply killing Twilight. She would torture her, rape her and probably worse but a simple death is something she would never do.
9061120
A dragged out torture scene is redundent if you say it's a closed casket funeral.
I love it.
This started to get me interested in the story
as soon as i saw this i was like im going to track this stories progress
9060902
...Your profile pic brilliantly matched this story.
A bit too fast-paced for my taste, but an interesting start
Gonna keep an eye open for more
9060979
's what i do. having said that great premise, looking forward to seeing where this goes.
How the hell did this get by with a Teen rating?
Not to be rude or anything but is this story ok to be rather teen? Especially since you plan on adding the non-consensual tag?
Fist?
Spike
Twilight
1st of all this is cool.
2nd
an
in their magic
9061690
He's going to add rape?
This is already way over the line for a teen story.
9061647
9061690
As of right now It can still be teen but if I do add the non-consensual tag it will be moved to mature.
I will admit I would rate this as mature strictly for the gore tag since it would be an excess.
9062260
As I said if It gets worse I will bump up the rating to Mature but for now it's ok. I will admit it does skirt the line to much for my taste.
9061741
It's anthro, also thanks for finding those errors. I fixed them.
9062331
Aah, my bad, didn't see the tag
I don't think it was a boring chapter it was just a necessary but still good
9062498
Thank you.
should be "figure" and "oblivion" respectively.
should be "He was in what was most commonly identified as necromancer robes."
should be "serious"
should be "locusts" after all, one locust doesn't do diddly squat.
see you too in the next one friend!!
9062503
Thanks again. I fixed the errors.
For Frodo
I'm gonna come back and point out all the tiny typos here and there tomorrow, that is, if I remember
I'll try
I personally dislike anthro, but I'll give this story a shot.
9062515
I had a feeling that Chrysalis will be slain in the next chapter, no doubt about it.
Chrysalis is screwed
You NEED to get an editor.
1. write
2. this, but
3. story, but I don't
4 & 5. warned, so if you
6. tag later, but it's
Six errors before one even begins reading the actual story. Get an editor.
7. castle's
8. bookshelves
Two errors in the first real paragraph, not counting some truly random instances of two spaces between words.
9. Greetings, Twilight
10. pony, and burned OR pony; burning
Ten errors in three 'paragraphs,' only two of which are actually a part of the story.
11. here?"
9062626
Ya, I could use an editor but I prefer to leave it up to people who want to help me or my favorite, people who love to complain about how bad the story is and all the errors. Their comments make me laugh.
Also the write being spelled wrong was intentional. It's a running joke with some of my friends that I spell write like that at least once a story so I like to play the 'were's waldo' game with them. Congratulations you found the misspelled write! As a reward have a cookie: food.fnr.sndimg.com/content/dam/images/food/fullset/2012/7/25/0/FNM_090112-Mix-and-Match-Classic-Cookies-Recipe-03_s4x3.jpg.rend.hgtvcom.616.462.suffix/1371607143890.jpeg
9062668 The problem is that there are people who will end up passing over a story that has potential because there are too many errors. I stopped where I did because that's as far as I could read while sober. I'm not going to say your story sucks because of the typos, but they do make it far less appealing.
9062733
Well thank you for the honesty. I was never good at grammar, spelling I can normally handle, but grammar is a bitch that loves to kick me in the balls.
As for the small errors I normally don't worry about them.
Chrysalis does not know whats coming.
this is already a good story im excited to see where this goes and its only the second chapter
Error here on gender
darnit...I was intrigued by the story synopsis....and then I learned they were anthro.... great story premise, I hope it does well, regardless!
9062996
Y U No Like Anthro?