Prologue - Death
WARNING: Okay so BIG warning this story is really violent. Normally I don't write like this but I had this Idea a long time ago and I want to post it. I don't know what will happen with this story but I don't want you all to not be warned So if you are sensitive to this kind of stuff then you have been warned.
Returning Home Arc I - Fall of the Hive
Twilight sighed as she continued to organize the shelves of her new castles library. It had been a week since Tirek had destroyed the Golden Oaks Library and she still had so much to organize. Twilight was shaken out of her thoughts as someone grabbed her from behind and slammed her into one of the bookshelf's. Twilight gasped as a tall dark pony stood over her.
"Greeting Twilight Sparkle." The Pony said as green flames enveloped the pony burning away the visage.
"Chrysalis, why are you here." Twilight growled as the queen approached her with a smirk.
"Why, I'm here for you Twilight. You have been a thorn in my side for some time." The queen grabbed twilight by the throat and lifted her off the ground. "You and all the Elements as well as those damn princesses." She spat. "But no more, I will finally be rid of you." She said as she drew a knife and stabbed Twilight in the stomach and released her.
Twilight gasped a she clutched her stomach. "Even if I die Equestria will find a way to survive." Twilight gasped out.
Chrysalis chuckled. "Perhaps, you see I realized that when I invaded during the wedding I didn't go far enough." Chrysalis smiled. "I should have dealt with you then but I didn't." Chrysalis slammed her fist into the young Alicorns head repeatedly as she laughed. "I'm going to enjoy them finding your mutilated body, there despair, there pain It will be delicious." She raised the knife and stabbed Twilight through her right eye and twisted ripping it out.
Twilight screamed as her eye was ripped from its socket. Chrysalis raised the knife to her face and licked the blood from it when she reached the eye she bit into it and pulled it from the knife before swallowing with an audible gulp. "With your death all of Equestria will fall onto despair and as they mourn you I will claim what's rightfully mine." Chrysalis laughed as she grabbed the alicorn and turned her over. "But first I will enjoy myself."
She placed the knife at the base of Twilight's new wings and began to saw them off. Twilight screamed as the knife cut deep into her flesh. "Struggle all you like my dear, this knife is enchanted to cut through anything." Chrysalis leaned down her face next to Twilight's ear. "Even bone." She said as with in one fluid movement she chopped the wing off. Twilight Screamed as the wing fell from her back, Chrysalis smiled and moved the blade to the next.
The torture lasted for what felt like hours and by the time the queen was done Twilight's voice was horse from the screaming. "I would love to break you Twilight. To here you scream and moan in pleasure but sadly I have things to do and an army to unleash. I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did Twilight Sparkle." Chrysalis raised the blade above her head and plunged the blade into the alicorns heart. Twilight gasped her eye growing wide before the light faded from it. Suddenly the castles doors were blasted off the hinges by a yellow and blue aura. Celestia and Luna as well as the remaining six, Spike and Discord ran in and saw Chrysalis.
The Queen smiled. "Too late~." She sang as a portal appeared beneath her. Discord charged at her only to crash into the floor. Celestia and Luna ran to Twilight's body, Celestia scooping her up and weeping.
"Not another step!" Luna yelled causing the others to freeze. "Don't look, don't look!" She she said tears streaming down her face. "Better you remember her as she was."
The funeral was held a week later, it was a closed coffin. Everypony that could came, Friends, family even those who Twilight had merely helped came from across Equestria. Many of the other races rulers came to pay there respects and offer assistance to Celestia and Luna. However once the funeral had passed Equestria did not fall into despair like Chrysalis had believed. Ponies cried but not from sorrow, this time every voice cried out for blood. Chrysalis had done the one thing no other race had, gone too far.
The Ponies, who every race believed were soft and unable to fight, rose up almost over night. Blacksmiths hammers rang out as they struck their anvils, Mages gathered preparing for war, the guard that had become simply a ceremonial tradition was alive and training not to keep the peace but to kill, and deep within Canterlot Castle the doors to an armory that had been locked and hidden away were ripped open by Celestia. Torch light glinted off golden armor and a dusty halberd beside it sat the armor of Nightmare Moon and an ancient sword. Celestia and Luna stepped forward and the armor rose in their magic and locked into place. The peace and Harmony that Equestia had known was no more, the fires of war once again roared in the hearts of Ponies.
Meanwhile deep within the void twelve beings stirred, Harmony had fallen and their champion was lost. One growled as it looked at its brothers and sisters. The figure seemed made of a magma. "I will not sit idly by as this occurs." She said angrily.
"Nor shall we Cruelty, she has altered destiny. Twilight Sparkle was not ready, her destiny unfulfilled." Replied another, its form appearing as that of a light fiery flames licking off it's shoulders
"Peace Kindness, it must be placed to a vote." the largest of the beings said, its that of the night itself. "My brethren, I propose we bring her here. No being will disturb her here and we may train her personally."
"I agree." aid a being of pure shadow. "All in favor?" He asked as all the beings raised there hands in agreement.
"Then it's decided. Twilight Sparkle will be trained here by us personally." The Night said.
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Yeah. You need to go ahead and let this idea blossom my friend. This is already great! If you want a pre-reader or a spell checker, I'll gladly do it!
Ehm... Did Chrysalis sexually abuse Twillight?
I think this story will be a great story my friend just let it be made
9060803
If you read close she says she wanted to but didn't have time. Honestly I was going to go that far but I have standards. I also thought it was a little extreme for a prologue.
This story had better not die after only one chapter!
9060842
Ohhh. Ok. This will be very interesting and I want to see "Twillights Blutrache" (Twilights Blood vengeance) so much.
should be "propose". the sentence as is says "My brethren, i reason of action we bring her here."
should be "their." again the sentence as written: "Harmony had fallen and location champion was lost."
9060902
Thanks, I try to catch all those little things but some slip through. Thank you for the help.
I for one would love to see more
This chapter is amazing but you need to add more chapters to it to make it a better story but overall this is really good can't wait for more
9060844
9060985
there's more coming, Chapter 1 will be released either to tomorrow or the day after so look forward to it.
9061013
I will.
Melodramatic.
You did not ease into that. 2 measly paragraphs in and you just killed someone and tortured them! This chapter had my head spinning and I can’t wait for more!
Good chapter but needs to be edited.
9061033
what?
9061069
Was the entire torture scene necessary?
9061106
For the story yes, I have always believed that if Chrysalis was given the chance she wouldn't be satisfied with simply killing Twilight. She would torture her, rape her and probably worse but a simple death is something she would never do.
9061120
A dragged out torture scene is redundent if you say it's a closed casket funeral.
I love it.
This started to get me interested in the story
as soon as i saw this i was like im going to track this stories progress
9060902
...Your profile pic brilliantly matched this story.
A bit too fast-paced for my taste, but an interesting start
Gonna keep an eye open for more
9060979
's what i do. having said that great premise, looking forward to seeing where this goes.
How the hell did this get by with a Teen rating?
Not to be rude or anything but is this story ok to be rather teen? Especially since you plan on adding the non-consensual tag?
Fist?
Spike
Twilight
1st of all this is cool.
2nd
an
in their magic
9061690
He's going to add rape?
This is already way over the line for a teen story.
9061647
9061690
As of right now It can still be teen but if I do add the non-consensual tag it will be moved to mature.
I will admit I would rate this as mature strictly for the gore tag since it would be an excess.
9062260
As I said if It gets worse I will bump up the rating to Mature but for now it's ok. I will admit it does skirt the line to much for my taste.
9061741
It's anthro, also thanks for finding those errors. I fixed them.
9062331
Aah, my bad, didn't see the tag
I personally dislike anthro, but I'll give this story a shot.
You NEED to get an editor.
1. write
2. this, but
3. story, but I don't
4 & 5. warned, so if you
6. tag later, but it's
Six errors before one even begins reading the actual story. Get an editor.
7. castle's
8. bookshelves
Two errors in the first real paragraph, not counting some truly random instances of two spaces between words.
9. Greetings, Twilight
10. pony, and burned OR pony; burning
Ten errors in three 'paragraphs,' only two of which are actually a part of the story.
11. here?"
9062626
Ya, I could use an editor but I prefer to leave it up to people who want to help me or my favorite, people who love to complain about how bad the story is and all the errors. Their comments make me laugh.
Also the write being spelled wrong was intentional. It's a running joke with some of my friends that I spell write like that at least once a story so I like to play the 'were's waldo' game with them. Congratulations you found the misspelled write! As a reward have a cookie: food.fnr.sndimg.com/content/dam/images/food/fullset/2012/7/25/0/FNM_090112-Mix-and-Match-Classic-Cookies-Recipe-03_s4x3.jpg.rend.hgtvcom.616.462.suffix/1371607143890.jpeg
9062668 The problem is that there are people who will end up passing over a story that has potential because there are too many errors. I stopped where I did because that's as far as I could read while sober. I'm not going to say your story sucks because of the typos, but they do make it far less appealing.
The story concept you have here is pretty neat, and good enough to get you in the feature box for a moment. However, you really should fix all the spelling and grammatical errors. I can tell from some of the comments you've replied to that you have no intention of doing so, but you should really consider it for the sake of your readers. Well, unless you really are purposefully making these errors to be ironic..
there should be their. Also, I would either put a comma before it or take it out completely. Just to make it a bit smoother.
Other than that, loving it! Could be a bit less choppy but that's just me. I will definitely be following this one.
9073674
My fellow grammar nazi, please update and spellcheck YOUR stories first. That said - keep up the Blitzkrieg, m'boi!
9073901
I've been meaning to, I've just been stuck on a tablet for a while and its extremely hard to type for me. I will be updating my stories as soon as possible, just not now because comparing the time and effort with my tablet and laptop, it's not worth it. Seriously, it took me about... Six minutes just typing this.
If I may, this story has a really good premise. The only flaws that I see are that 1. There are quite a few spelling errors and 2. The pace seems a little fast. Other than that, great story.
Got a lot of "there"s when they should be "their"s.
Seems like this may be an interesting read. Tracking.
9071904
Yeah, from the looks of it the typos are just a joke. I don't think I'll continue with it if I have to wade through so much bad spelling...
9092115
Well you're not wrong, and really the only thing that keeps most of us going is that we've read worse.
Oof, you may want to install Grammarly, or else get an editor.
Also, please exit your turbo racing mega car and stop to smell literally rven a single flower. There was no real setup, and this chapter contained enough content for maybe 3 or 4 much longer chapters' worth of content. You're speeding through everything, and that makes for bad reading.
9074062
You understated everything, but other than that? Absolute agreement.
But wait, if there are literal gods orchestrating all the peace and harmony, then who the f
inspired Chrysalis to divert fate itself?!?!
9233102
They're not gods, just... watchers, it's explained in the later chapters a bit. The way I see it is they are guardians that protect and guide but they can't out right say do this and it will be better. They don't control fate but they can try and guide it in the right direction. Twilight is a special circumstance and not everything is revealed yet. As for Chrysalis, well she is one of bumps that often knock something off course for a while but eventually all things right themselves, Fate is no different.