Hello everypony I’m Glim Glam 65 I may not be good at writing stories. But that doesn’t mean I won’t try. Everyone’s my friend here.
Trixie invites Starlight Glimmer and Twilight sparkle to see her perform in saddle Aribia. But when they get there some unexpected things happen. Will Trixie be able to put on a great show with Starlight and Twilights help or well her life as a performer be over.
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This is cool!
coool
Thanks guys I actually thought I was really bad at writing stories and coming up with ideas. But it seems I underestimated myself. I’m gonna continue writing stories.
Nice. You got yourself a like my friend
Hey!
Checked your story. It seems good but it needs a bit of a polish from the Grammar section. You can post a thread about it in some of the groups here dedicated to it or feel free to contact me!
Crystal Out! xxxx
9477980
So your saying the grammar is bad?
Also I can’t believe you read 2000 words in less than 5 min.
9477982
I said what I felt. I didn't say that the grammar is bad : I only meant that there are some grammatical mistakes in there.
Also, I didn't start reading it now. I was reading it bit by bit. Don't assume things without knowing the whole story.
9477986
Ah okay
9477987
And this is for improving your own story. You can get an editor if you want from the group 'Looking for Editors'. There are a lot of scenes in the story which I understood after I put two & two together. So it would be my opinion to have an editor. Rest all depends on you. After all, you are the author.
Cheerio!
Found this story while browsing through the site and well, I’m on edge. While the idea of ponies travelling to Saddle Arabia promises lots of interesting lore and shenanigans along the road, the way this story is executed bogs it down really really heavily. I’ll be honest with you, there are plenty of errors in punctuation in direct speech, many run-on sentences, missing commas before any character is addressed by name (Why do they address each other so often?) and also some mixed up tenses and infinitive forms of verbs. While that’s a nuisance, it is still bearable. However, the way the story in overall is told is the main issue. It feels like reading a list of actions: She woke up. She had breakfast. She went into the library. And so on. This results in rapid pacing that prevents the reader from immersing himself in the story’s atmosphere. And I’m afraid the same applies to the characters, who seem to be nothing more than shells of their show selves. Just like Twilight in this line:
I know my words are harsh, but I think you have the potential to become a great writer one day. So, giving you something helpful rather than empty praise ought to make you grow. Even this story can be great one day, it just needs some tender loving care and a guiding hand of a skilled and competent editor. Speaking of which, your story is fairly short and if you take my summary of the issues and ask around, I’m sure you’ll be able to find someone. And if you ever need help with something smaller, feel free to PM me