• Member Since 22nd May, 2012
  • offline last seen 39 minutes ago

Nebbie


Prone to extreme analysis, wild ideas, and grossness.

T
Source

After the events of Non-Compete Clause, Neighsay has Applejack and Rainbow Dash taken to court for their negligence. Soon enough, everything goes topsy-turvy and they're stuck in jail.
They've still got their friendship as they share a cell, and soon after, Twilight and Rarity join in the misery and downright uncouth lack of privacy.

This is a rewrite of a story of mine that was just way too dark.
Be warned: There's still a bit of death involved and not just of background characters.

Note: RD's wings are not bound, but RIP AJ's hat.

Chapters (8)
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Comments ( 24 )

who the hell is Neighsay to demand anything

9081442 Your not the only one who hates Neighsay. I hate Neighsay too. Plus what's up with Twilight Sparkle and Rarity going to prison? It doesn't make sense to me.

I hope to god this will become a good Appledash story

9081516
Shipping will be involved in some form, just not right away.

9081996
Mostly, a return to normal writing with this hopefully being a bit less offputting than the original fic. The next chapter will also introduce the dramatic aspect of the story a bit sooner.

9082019
I see, well good luck with that! I was hoping that you could give me some pointers on my next chapter with that Tempest story i'm doing, Yeah i'm making two additional chapters. One is the bad end and one is the good end.

Here is my unfinished chapter so far, tell me what you think about it. https://www.fimfiction.net/chapter/1227569

9082041
9082054
I need a fic link and its password to view unpublished chapters, and this is a discussion that should really happen in PM (for multiple reasons).

9082066
I see, excuse me I'm still new to how this site works.

9082066
So um... how do I pm someone here? God I sound like an idiot.

9082066
Would it have killed Kightly to put a personal message button onto everyone's profiles? For the sake of simplicity of course.

9082066
You'll have to excuse me again. I couldn't help but notice that people don't like to make things easy to understand, for whatever reason, I'll never know.

I'm assuming that we are going to get an explanation for exactly how Twilight and Rarity committed treason?

9082869
Well, Rarity admits they were involved with the Yaks, who Equestria is currently at war with...it'll be explained more in time.

9082760
The button is there, it's just off to the side and called "Mail".

This is getting off to a good start, I feel so bad for AJ and Rainbow Dash (not to mention Twilight & Rarity)! It's a damn shame about Ocellus though.

I was glad that Yona went to bat for her teachers at the trial, even thought Prince Rutherford has resumed his hostility toward the ponies. I just hope that things get better for the pony jailbirds. I also hope that Pinkie and Flutters don't get arrested as well.

9083815
They got arrested in the original story, but I found it was just too many characters at once in the cell scenes, and Flutters especially is a hard character to make useful because she's inherently prone to not talking. Pinkie is very useful for the gags because she makes them less gross and more fanciful, but ultimately, she's not great for the dramatic aspects because her character is very extreme and would have little but the most obvious things to say.
Both also detracted from the focus of Rainbow Dash, her conflicts with the others (she has no conflict really with Fluttershy and Pinkie), and the whole deal with what Twilight did.

Also, Rutherford would've actually stopped the war when Yona was saved, but he died before that. The theme of this fic really is "and then it goes wrong", with everypony having to cope with their less-than-ideal situations.

Apologies but this kind of story isn't my cup of tea.

9090073
It is certainly a darker fare than my usual, so I wouldn't expect it to be very popular. What aspect in particular don't you like, by the way?

9090131
Well, that ponies spend nearly the entire story in jail.

9090149
Well that'd certainly do it! The next fic I write will also be about ponies in jail, and then after that, I think I'll avoid the premise for a long while, since there's only so much to explore in what it entails.

It's rare to see a story with a like/dislike ratio like this that isn't either a clop involving some kinda rape, scat, guro, vore, etc or a shock fic meant to be as gross and terrible as possible.

This kinda just seems like... a normal drama fic? And it's only rated T. Granted I haven't read it yet so I don't actually know the quality of the story but-

9120951
It's actually fairly gross...but that's probably not what most of the dislikes are from. People really don't like the idea of ponies being put in jail, or the other dark elements of the story.
My other fic based around ponies in a sort of jail has gotten a much better reception with very similar content, and I think the key is that it's Rarity levels of dramatic right off the bat without anypony even dying, and it has a lighter version of a prison.

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