Alternate Beginnings: Year Five

by Doug Graves

13 Erasmus' Gift

March 21st, 997

"Soooooooo," Doug hears from above him as he wakes up, the high pitched voice excitedly asking, "What'dja get me?"

Doug cracks open one eye, looking at the pink pony straddling him, her eyes inches from his face. He deadpans, "It's a surprise." An irritated grunt comes from his side, Applejack rolling away as she grabs a pillow and shoves it over her head. Doug continues, "And once you figure out what it is, I'll give it to you."

"Ooh, I love surprises!" Pinkie Pie starts pronking up and down, though her hooves don't leave the mattress, "Is it soft?" The three bounce up and down, a deep, irritated rumble coming from Applejack.

Doug shakes his head, "I'm sorry Pinkie, but I'm only answering one question about the surprise every hour. And you already asked your question."

Pinkie Pie pouts, "What? Hmm..." she looks up tapping her hoof against her head, "No, you didn't answer my question, you just told me it was a surprise, which isn't really an answer, you see, an answer would be something like, 'it's a guessing game', because that would be a lot of fun!"

"Okay, Pinkie," Doug says with a smirk, "It's a guessing game."

"Ooh, I love guessing games! Just like I love surprises!" Pinkie Pie pulls out a black bowler hat, a serious expression on her face. She taps her hoof against her muzzle a few times before pulling out a pipe, a few bubbles coming out of the end, even though she isn't blowing on it. "Okay! Is it soft?"

"Like I said, Pinkie, I'm only answering one question per hour." He leans in close, "And if you don't guess what it is by the end of the day, well, you just might not get it."

"Aww, ponyfeathers. I'd better be at the top of my game! Okie dokie Dougie, I'll be back in thirty minutes!" Pinkie Pie pronks out the door, a large smile on her face.

"No, Pinkie, its-" Doug looks outside at the dark sky, then at the clock next to the bed. Four thirty. Well, not exactly worth going back to bed if she's just going to wake him up again. And, by some interpretations of what he said, it will be a new hour in thirty minutes. He groans, his hand softly petting Applejack's mane, who responds by kicking him with a hoof. He chuckles to himself, rubbing his leg as he slips out of bed and heads to the kitchen.

-

Doug walks out of the kitchen into the dining room, two plates towering with pancakes balanced on one arm. He places one in front of Pinkie, the bottle of syrup in easy reach, before taking his own seat and a fork. He takes a bite of his breakfast and a swig of his apple juice before asking, "So, got your question ready?"

Pinkie Pie nods, blowing bubbles out of her pipe as she concentrates. A small bell goes off next to her; she smiles, her pipe thrown to the floor, "Is it Smooth?"

Doug nods, "Yes, Pinkie, it is smooth." He goes back to eating his pancakes, grabbing the bottle of syrup and butter, generous portions spread out before he passes the bottle to Pinkie.

Pinkie Pie nods, her eyes watching the bubbles as they float around. "Hmmmm", she intones, looking at Doug, "Well, I'll see you in an hour!" She grabs her plate of pancakes, dumping a large amount of syrup onto the pile before devouring each pancake individually.

"Okay, Pinkie, I'll probably be in here," Doug says, rolling his eyes as the mare pronks outside, heading to town.

-

All is calm in the Apple farmhouse, just the quiet rustle of papers as Doug sits at the desk in his office. He turns to the next page of the Phillydelphia weather reports when Pinkie Pie pronks in, "Okay, Dougie, hours up! Soooo, is it Unique?"

Doug nods, "As far as I know; I made it myself and haven't seen a similar one here."

"Well, that's a bit more than I asked, but I suppose everything is a little bit unique, right? I mean, I ate like ten pancakes and they were all unique even though they were very very similar to each other. They all tasted good, they all had syrup on them, though the distribution of syrup was uneven, the first one having less than the second which had more than the third but the third had less than the first and the fourth one which had less than all three of them. You know, I could also organize the pancakes by how much syrup they had, which would make the tenth pancake the most and the ninth the least and eighth-"

Doug shakes his head, a smile on his face as Pinkie Pie reaches behind the doorway, pulling out an easel and several large pieces of paper. She grabs one of Doug's markers and starts listing different categorical systems, ending up with a three dimensional Venn diagram of the ten pancakes. She briefly considers her work before pronking out of the room, the mare now listing off exactly how her pancakes ordered in wheat versus apple quantity and the resulting quality of the experience.

-

Applebaum is quietly counting the dice in front of him, working on adding the number of pips. Lemon is stacking blocks, trying to make some sort of cabin out of the wood set. Doug is working with Apple Bloom and Scootaloo, getting the two ready for school when Pinkie Pie pronks into the room. Doug looks over, "Got your next question?"

Pinkie Pie nods, "Yup! Is it Rectangular?"

Doug stares at Pinkie Pie for a few seconds, "Yes, it is."

"Hmm, and not just the box it's coming in, if it is coming in a box, right? Like, you can't count the box and say the box is rectangular even if the thing inside it isn't rectangular."

"Correct, the object in question is rectangular."

"Hmmmm..." Pinkie Pie says as she starts to pronk away.

Doug coughs, Pinkie Pie stopping as says, "Hey, you're heading back into town, right?" Pinkie Pie nods, "Can you take these two to school?" Doug motions at Apple Bloom and Scootaloo, both with small saddlebags against their sides. "Save me a trip, even though it isn't all that far."

"Hey, we're big fillies, we can handle a short walk to school!"

Doug nods, "Yes, you two are big fillies, and you will be staying next to each other, got it? Make sure the other one doesn't get in any trouble, running off and chasing Winona or going too fast on the scooter."

"Hey, that was just the one time!" both fillies exclaim. Then they look at each other and say, "No it wasn't!"

Doug rolls his eyes, "Pinkie, just follow behind them, make sure they get there on time."

"Okie dokie! Come on, little pokies!" Pinkie says, ushering the two outside as they continue bickering.

-

"So, Carrot Top was asking if we were interested in doing a bulk trade of apples for carrots. Ah told her sure, so Ah'll need to head back to town at some point to pick them up." Applejack grunts as she bucks the next tree in line, a cascade of apples falling into the baskets. Doug grabs one of the apples that bounced off a too-full basket, tossing it into one of the less filled ones before he loads them onto the wagon.

Both turn to see Pinkie Pie pronking over, the mare asking, "Oh! Doug! I have my next question!" She pronks closer, Applejack rolling her eyes as Pinkie Pie says, "Is it Pink?"

Doug shakes his head, "There are small sections that are pink, but less than... ten percent. Probably less than five, but I'm not exactly sure." He considers a few seconds, "Yeah, just the borders. And maybe a little of each object."

Pinkie Pie frowns, "Aww, I wanted it to be pink."

Doug ventures, "The box it comes in is pink."

Pinkie Pie perks back up, "Yippee! I love pink! It's my favorite color! Well, I suppose I could order which pink I like the most. Like hot pink or-"

Applejack cuts her off, "Ah'm sorry, Pinkie, but Ah'm a little busy here, and Ah need to concentrate. Also, aren't you supposed to be working at Sugarcube Corner?"

"Yup! Well, I'm on break right now, Ms. Swirl is covering for me at the front." She leans in close, "My tail was twitching when I was near her, so I think it's her lucky day." She gives a long wink at Applejack.

"Alright, then," Applejack says, a little confused at the comment, as she turns to the next tree. "Oh, if it ain't too much trouble, Pinks, can you take one of these baskets of apples back with you? They're for Carrot Top, if you see her at the market, have her fill it with carrots, and bring it back next time you come see Doug."

"Okay, Applejack!" The basket of apples rests on Pinkie's back as she pronks back towards town.

-

Pinkie Pie pronks into the farmhouse, dropping a basket of carrots off in the kitchen. She heads to Doug's office next, sticking her head through the open doorway. She smiles when she spots Doug, saying, "Are there Rules?"

Doug looks up from a stack of letters, "That depends on what we are talking about."

Pinkie Pie huffs, "My next question, mister. Are there rules in the surprise that you are getting me?

"Yes." He turns back to his desk, finishing the letter he was reading.

Pinkie Pie rolls her eyes, "Okay, well, are there a lot of rules? Are they tough to figure out? Are they really simple but the difficulty comes from trying to think about what your opponent can do and whether or not they are thinking about what you are thinking about?" Doug steadfastly continues working, opening the next letter, "I mean, I could go on about which level of yomi you are on, and trying to always be one level higher. You know, like if you are playing rock paper scissors and I think you're going to play rock but you-"

Doug rolls his eyes, "Okay, you win. The rules can be described in... less than fifty words."

Pinkie Pie huffs, "Okay, mister, you might have dodged that bolt, but I'll get you!" She raises her hooves in the air, pronking backwards out the door, "I'll get you!"

-

Pinkie Pie pronks into the kitchen, looking at the arranged dishes. She hops to the plate of salad, asking Doug, "Is this for me?"

Doug nods, "And two of the breadsticks, and one of the bowls of hay. I'll see you in an hour."

"Hey, no fair, mister, that wasn't my question!"

"Oh?" Doug asks, trying to conceal his smirk, "You didn't ask it, and it wasn't a question?"

Pinkie Pie raises a hoof, pointing it first at her eye and then at Doug.

"Fine." Doug motions with a hand, "Ask your question."

"Is it Intricate? Like, are there lots of really complicated interactions that you have to be thinking about even before you make your first move?"

Doug shakes his head, "No. It's pretty simple."

Pinkie Pie wipes a bead of sweat off her forehead, "Whew! I was afraid I wouldn't like playing it!"

"Oh, Pinkie, I think you'll like it," Doug says, walking back to his office, a plate of greens, breadsticks and carrots in hand.

-

Fluttershy, Doug, Applebaum, and Lemon are focusing on the cards laid out in front of them, Hedge asleep next to her dam. Doug flips one card, grimacing, before he flips over a second card. He lets out a loud sigh as he flips them over, Applebaum practically leaping forward to flip Doug's second card with one of the others. Lemon gives a quiet 'hmm' before reaching for another card as Pinkie Pie pronks in. She smirks as she looks at Doug, "So, are there Smiles? Like, is there lots of smiling going on?"

Doug smiles back at Pinkie Pie, "Yes, Pinkie, there is lots of smiling going on." Pinkie Pie nods back, but before she can sit down he continues, "There is also lots of not smiling going on."

Pinkie Pie exclaims, "What? Why would somepony not be smiling?"

Doug shrugs, "I asked them not to."

Pinkie Pie's mouth hangs open for a few seconds before Doug reaches over, lifting it with his hand. Pinkie shakes her head as her mouth closes, "Wait, what just happened? I thought for a second there you TOLD ponies NOT to SMILE!" She wipes her forehead with a hoof, "Whew! That would have been something!"

"Um, I did tell ponies to not smile." Pinkie Pie scowls at Doug, "Yup! Just like that!"

"Oh, so they were acting!" A smile breaks out over Pinkie's face, "I guess then it's okay," as she moves over to watch the foals continue to play.

-

Hedge yawns, awakening from her mid day nap. She looks around, spotting her dam, and quietly getting to her hooves. She frowns at the soft tap against the wooden floor as she makes her way, Fluttershy glancing over to see what the noise is. She smiles, straightening her legs and rolling to her side. Hedge slinks forward, her quarry in sight, as Pinkie Pie looks up at Doug from their game. "Hour's up! So, is there Elimination?"

Doug nods a few times, a smile on his face, "Yes, Pinkie, there is."

"Then I know what you got me!" Pinkie Pie excitedly bounces up and down. "It's a guessing game!"

"I thought you might like it," Doug says as he gets up, going to his office before returning with a pink box. "Happy three year anniversary, Pinkie!"

"Oh, Doug, you didn't have to do this!" Pinkie exclaims as she eagerly reaches for the box.

"It's a guessing game!" Doug echoes, quite a bit more enthusiasm than the last time he said that, passing the box over.

Pinkie Pie rolls her eyes as she tears off the wrapping paper. She gasps as she sees a painting of Ponyville from a pegasus point of view on the front, a stylized 'PLB' signature on the bottom. She pulls off the lid, looking at the hundreds of cards inside. She takes one, a picture of herself staring back at her with a huge smile on her face. She giggles as Doug explains, "So, in the game, each of you gets a card with a picture the other pony is trying to guess. You take turns asking the other pony one yes or no question. The other pony answers, allowing you to eliminate some of your possibilities. When you are down to one, you win! Guess Who, but with all the ponies from Ponyville as possibilities!"

"Hey, that's more than fifty words!"

Doug rolls his eyes, "Okay, I'm sure I could eliminate some of the articles in that statement to make it less than fifty. Happy?"

"Always!" Pinkie Pie pronks over, nuzzling Doug, "Okay, so, you want to play?"

"Sure! So, first, we each pick thirty six cards at random; each depicts one of the various ponies from Ponyville. I even have a whole bunch of blanks for when new ponies come along." Doug winks at Pinkie, holding up a picture of Hedge. "We put the cards that are possibilities on these racks, so each pony can see them. You roll two dice, one for the row and one for the column; don't let the other pony see what you rolled! Now, that pony is the one that the other pony is trying to guess, so remember it! Then you pick a characteristic of the ponies. Like, 'Is your pony frowning?' And the other pony says yes or no, allowing you to flip over some of the cards."

Applebaum and Lemon, their own game abandoned, watch with interest as Pinkie Pie and Doug set up for their first game, pointing at the ponies that they recognize and laughing at the entertaining positions some ponies are taking in their pictures.

Comments

[badninja]

Pinkie got Guess Who? I think she will enjoy it a lot.

[Viper Pit]

that is a nice gift

[Heidao]

[Maniacal Laughter]
Yeeesss, give them a game with noticeable true facts about everyone, make them suspicious on their own :}

[TwistedSpring]

Hes prepping them to spot imposters in a fun easy way. Prepping for a fight and getting rainbow into it as exercise...giving pinkie a list of questions only they think would be important...hes prepping and prepping hard.

[DarkPhoenixx]

That was really cute. Pinkie Pie is such a trip and a half to the power of a billion lol

[DarkPhoenixx]

10075846
Eeyup

[PinkDragonJr]

Wow, blast from my past. I had forgotten that game was a thing.

[Prysmkitsune]

Razzle dazzle root beer?( haven't read the chapter yet but I know an erasmus from a certain adventure game series heh)

[f0st3r21]

Somepony tell Hasbro. I’d buy this game. 300+ ponies. Interchangeable cards.