• Member Since 18th Feb, 2013
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BlueBook


Attention Horse

E

An unlikely pair of ponies, Roseluck and Princess Luna, must go on an important mission to the Zebra Lands. In spite of being initially frustrated with one another, the two ponies share a secret that brings them closer together as friends.

Written as part of the TrotCon 2017 Speed Fit panel by Rob C. and finally released after a year of revision, as I won't be competing in this years panel.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 6 )

Very good story with a beautifully unexpected ending.

Very well done, Blue!

This was great. I remember reading it when you first wrote it last year, and felt bad that I could not finish helping with edits. Glad you got it done and posted, such a sweet story.

Thank you both! Your comments are the highest praise one of my stories has ever received.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Very nice!

If I may, it would behoove you to remove the slashes from the dialogue... all except for Roseluck. Because the zebras aren't reading poetry, they're just speaking in rhyme, but making that connection to Rose's efforts would drive home that she's really having to force it. :)

Thanks for reading, I’m glad you enjoyed the story.

I’ll have to tweak that bit of dialogue. That part of the story is meant to emphasize that the Zebras are actually not speaking their own language but a form of pidgin Pony. Their native language has a rigid rhyming grammar, so that when they speak to the pony’s tongue they find it impossible not to force what they mean to say to rhyme.

I've finished fixing the dialogue with the rhyming now. I opted to have the Zebras, having a native rhyming grammar speak with semicolons between verses to emphasize on one hand that there are still distinct pauses in their speech but on the other hand that these pauses are more natural and flowing. Meanwhile, poor Roseluck ends her verses in hard stops, and has to grope for words at the end of the phrase to complete the line. I hope that satisfies the critics and isn't too much of a grammatical train wreck.

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