• Member Since 27th Sep, 2013
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago


I like to think I'm a great writer but I suck

Comments ( 17 )

Did I already told you about Spike wanting to be in a relationship with the CMC?

Haven’t started the sorry yet but for the cover page you have Sambra instead of Sombra

Would you take that into consideration?

So.....what inspired this? Was it a request?

The episodes "Just for Sidekicks" and "Games Ponies Play", and in MLP Comic #11 and 12 in which everyone except Spike was invited back to the Crystal Empire.

Good old forbidden sex, never gets old!

I could imagine this event happening in the next installment of ROTHBD series. Since cadence was one of the mares who agreed, right?

Looks like Spike finally gets the reward he deserves for saving the Empire:scootangel:!

>froze up as their respected orgasms


The train ride to the Crystal Empire doesn't take long, but for Spike it felt like an eternity. Mostly because he had nopony to talk to throughout the trip.

I think "didn't" would fit that sentence better, since the last two sentences were past-tense, as is the second half of this sentence.

Spike, along with the two guards, exit the train and started making their way into the empire.

Again, since you seem to be going for past-tense, "exited" is the word you want.

He remembered how he was tasked with delivering the Crystal Heart to Cadence and the others since Twilight was trapped within a crystalized trap that was setup by Sombra.

You should consider putting a comma between "others" and "since": "[...] Crystal Heart to Cadence and the others, since Twilight was[...]"

Cadence moaned as she began grinding her hips against his. The Princess of Love planted yet another kiss on Spike's lips as her grinding went a bit harder.

I can't put my finger on it, but something about the phrasing of those last few words seems off. Might I suggest "as she started grinding herself a bit harder" or something to that effect.

She grabbed his and smashed her lips against his so that she wouldn't alert any guards or maids that may be nearby.

Cadence grabbed his what? His head?

Cadence's eyes roll back, her tongue stuck out, and started saying some incoherent things.

That should be "rolled", again because "rolled" is past-tense

You know, in the show Spike and Cadence have seen eachother multiple times since Sombra was defeated. That said, you could probably prevent such a story conflict with a simple AU tag. (And yes, I do get that you wrote this story before those episodes aired. But still, you have a plot hole, and you have a pretty easy way to fix it, so you may as well use it.)

This is a nice story, it was just a shame, that I was not able to find any description of the dragons special organ ^^

"Shh, just lay back and enjoy your long overdue reward, Spike......Hero of the Empire."

You'd think more people would want to be heroes if this was a Hero's reward... ;]
More would probably want to be in the military, if you were guaranteed a lay... ;]

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