- Member Since 27th Sep, 2013
- offline last seen 1 hour ago
Dante24
I like to think I'm a great writer but I suck
Dante24
Joined 27th Sep, 2013 ·
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Did I already told you about Spike wanting to be in a relationship with the CMC?
9369251
no
Haven’t started the sorry yet but for the cover page you have Sambra instead of Sombra
9369271
i'm dead
9369267
Would you take that into consideration?
So.....what inspired this? Was it a request?
9369399
The episodes "Just for Sidekicks" and "Games Ponies Play", and in MLP Comic #11 and 12 in which everyone except Spike was invited back to the Crystal Empire.
Good old forbidden sex, never gets old!
I could imagine this event happening in the next installment of ROTHBD series. Since cadence was one of the mares who agreed, right?
9370923
Maybe
Looks like Spike finally gets the reward he deserves for saving the Empire
!
>froze up as their respected orgasms
M'orgasm
I think "didn't" would fit that sentence better, since the last two sentences were past-tense, as is the second half of this sentence.
Again, since you seem to be going for past-tense, "exited" is the word you want.
You should consider putting a comma between "others" and "since": "[...] Crystal Heart to Cadence and the others, since Twilight was[...]"
I can't put my finger on it, but something about the phrasing of those last few words seems off. Might I suggest "as she started grinding herself a bit harder" or something to that effect.
Cadence grabbed his what? His head?
That should be "rolled", again because "rolled" is past-tense
You know, in the show Spike and Cadence have seen eachother multiple times since Sombra was defeated. That said, you could probably prevent such a story conflict with a simple AU tag. (And yes, I do get that you wrote this story before those episodes aired. But still, you have a plot hole, and you have a pretty easy way to fix it, so you may as well use it.)
This is a nice story, it was just a shame, that I was not able to find any description of the dragons special organ ^^
You'd think more people would want to be heroes if this was a Hero's reward... ;]
More would probably want to be in the military, if you were guaranteed a lay... ;]