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dead, alive, then dead again, that has been the never-ending cycle for Isaac and Co., when they are about to give up and give in, they find themselves offered a new choice, a new path, a new life, outside of this hell that they have known, adjusting will be difficult, for death, pain and suffering has been an ever loyal companion, and those that stalk the blood-soaked halls refuse to give up their toys.

BOI cross, DLC included.

Chapters (6)
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Comments ( 30 )

So many errors and issues I can't even begin to count them.

9081871

by all means, give em too me

9081875
With all due respect, I wasn't understating. There are literally issues with every sentence and paragraph. You need an editor, and I don't have the time.

9081871

So many errors and issues I can't even begin to count them

With all due respect, I wasn't understating. There are literally issues with every sentence and paragraph. You need an editor, and I don't have the time.

if you don't have the time to even point out small issues then why say these?

An interesting read. Confused on whats it about, but interesting.

9081934

it is about Isaac and the rest of the living children escaping the cursed chest they are trapped in, but it wants them back.

9081910
Small issues I have the time for. But like I said, your ENTIRE STORY has countless flaws. I'm not spending the time to go through them all, and I'm not spending any more time replying to you. Have a nice day.

This is an intriguing concept for a story, though it could use some work in the editing department. If you would like, I could look it over for you and possibly fix it up.

9082027

that would be great, just tell me where to send it.

Since your one of the first people who are helpful with sorta thing.

I like this has some flaws by I’m turning a blind eye to see where this goes I’m following this for sure

9082036

whats its biggest flaw?

9082046
Syntax, punctuation, some capitalization.

"I'm cold, we need more flame, " moaned the bodiless spirit.

direct speech comma, sentence flow.

"Aye, we are here, Isaac, " answered the other ten (who?) in unison.

I can't even begin to figure out how to retain author words here, but never use numericals like that, you can't use 10 as a noun. But capitalization and punctuation are off again.

Direct speech of another actor always starts a new paragraph.

"Alright, so what is this about, Sparkle?"

A comma before name is missing once again, cap.

And so on, and so on...

If texts is cringe-worthy for an ESL, I can't imagine how bad it is for a native speaker.

Script-like designation of place and time of events is really a bad style if it is used through main body of text that often. It's better to use narrative speech to carry attention of reader from one place to another.

9082046
To me and I’m pretty sure it’s just me u think the packing is a little too fast

9082475

well, I would suppose so, but I wrote this with the expectation that people have watched/played enough Isaac to be able to keep up without a lot of information.

Cool, there aren't enough BOI stories. You really need an editor though

more plz

9082705
I pretty sure everyone has at one point it was just a little jarring

9082029
I'll just grab a text doc of this from here, then I'll PM you with the edited story.

9082029
Unless you mean for future chapters, because in that case, do you use google docs at all?

9083908

no, I don't use Google Docs.

9083860

well ill work to slow it down just enough

Where’s Lilith was my favorite character separated from group

9084621

in the beginning, she stayed behind with Apollyon, the keeper, and blue baby, to hold off the bosses while the others escaped

9089966

let us see if others share your opinion.

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