dead, alive, then dead again, that has been the never-ending cycle for Isaac and Co., when they are about to give up and give in, they find themselves offered a new choice, a new path, a new life, outside of this hell that they have known, adjusting will be difficult, for death, pain and suffering has been an ever loyal companion, and those that stalk the blood-soaked halls refuse to give up their toys.
BOI cross, DLC included.
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So many errors and issues I can't even begin to count them.
9081871
by all means, give em too me
9081875
With all due respect, I wasn't understating. There are literally issues with every sentence and paragraph. You need an editor, and I don't have the time.
9081871
if you don't have the time to even point out small issues then why say these?
An interesting read. Confused on whats it about, but interesting.
9081934
it is about Isaac and the rest of the living children escaping the cursed chest they are trapped in, but it wants them back.
9081910
Small issues I have the time for. But like I said, your ENTIRE STORY has countless flaws. I'm not spending the time to go through them all, and I'm not spending any more time replying to you. Have a nice day.
9081978
peace out then.
This is an intriguing concept for a story, though it could use some work in the editing department. If you would like, I could look it over for you and possibly fix it up.
9082027
that would be great, just tell me where to send it.
Since your one of the first people who are helpful with sorta thing.
I like this has some flaws by I’m turning a blind eye to see where this goes I’m following this for sure
9082036
whats its biggest flaw?
9082046
Syntax, punctuation, some capitalization.
direct speech comma, sentence flow.
I can't even begin to figure out how to retain author words here, but never use numericals like that, you can't use 10 as a noun. But capitalization and punctuation are off again.
Direct speech of another actor always starts a new paragraph.
A comma before name is missing once again, cap.
And so on, and so on...
If texts is cringe-worthy for an ESL, I can't imagine how bad it is for a native speaker.
Script-like designation of place and time of events is really a bad style if it is used through main body of text that often. It's better to use narrative speech to carry attention of reader from one place to another.
9082046
To me and I’m pretty sure it’s just me u think the packing is a little too fast
9082380
thanks
9082475
well, I would suppose so, but I wrote this with the expectation that people have watched/played enough Isaac to be able to keep up without a lot of information.
Cool, there aren't enough BOI stories. You really need an editor though
9082734
yea
more plz
9083198
in time
9082705
I pretty sure everyone has at one point it was just a little jarring
9082029
I'll just grab a text doc of this from here, then I'll PM you with the edited story.
9082029
Unless you mean for future chapters, because in that case, do you use google docs at all?
9083908
no, I don't use Google Docs.
9083860
well ill work to slow it down just enough
Where’s Lilith was my favorite character separated from group
9084621
in the beginning, she stayed behind with Apollyon, the keeper, and blue baby, to hold off the bosses while the others escaped
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pxB3yKJyeP0 i cant wait for more
is good
9089966
let us see if others share your opinion.
9084990
They ever coming back?
9266354
Spoilers
this story is excellent plz make more chapters
Saw this in the “also liked” section of my story. Let’s see what ol Isaac’s Isaac’s do in pony land
They indeed do things.
Things indeed
I actually kinda like the idea of that ending
Will I have to play Binding of Isaac in order to understand this story?
9699637
Well it is a crossover
The writing and character reactions could be a little better, but eh. I've read way worse.
Of course. Shining Armor, Captain kf the guard, would not reasonably confront them. That's too much like common sense.
9740014
I do hope you read further, there is an explanation as to his reaction here
Almost a year without updates I honestly forgot what this story is about.
10216040
Isaac and co. Are trying to live thier lives outside of the chest.
Okay there's a lot of stuff I want to comment about.
I understand that Thorax's hive is the closest one but the way it's written, it's looks like Thorax has named hive after himself.
Why are you starting in present but continuing in past? Make it the same tense.
How getting out of the city can be easy if the environment is an impossible challenge? And once again switching tenses.
Split this into few sentences. That's also will be a general advice for you, you really love one sentence blocks of text.
Would do nothing more than maybe?
Make text after tightened in fear a new sentence and delete this "for".
So Twilight sleeps with kids? Don't remember this being said before.
Do you mean putting the spell in motion?
Okay splitting this into sentences won't help, here you better to split this into a few blocks.
Put the comma after appeared.
What? What does the second part of the first sentence means? Maybe it's my lack of knowledge but I really don't understand this visiting capital when messengers well.
And the story is a bit rushed sometimes. That's all for this chapter maybe I will write such a comment for previous chapters as well.
10229523
I'll keep that all in mind, and apply the recommendations
10229523
there, made the changes, as for the weird hiccups, sometimes Grammarly auto-corrects parts that it thinks are messages
10229614
I will read it later again, and yes auto corrections can be a pain in the ass.
Alright, you did improve this but there's still something that can be made.
First, don't forget to capitalise first letter when you split text into a few sentences.
Full stop at the end instead of comma.
Second, you don't have to start each sentence with another block.
Here for example, change the comma after "gone through in the chest" into full stop. This way text will be a little bit easier and comfortable to read.
The first thing they noticed. "as a pearly white doorway they didn't notice opened," this comma also could be changed into full stop. "caused them extreme anxiety," , "there were also massive roars," this ones as well.
"how much worse it could get," this one also can be changed into a full stop for a better flow.
"keep the children safe and happy," ,"they were not in the chest," and this ones as well.
That's what I was talking about when I said split up text into more sentences.
Also nice to see that Satan is in the action as well.