Inside an unassuming home in the countryside of Canterlot, lived an unassuming family. This family was that of Twilight Sparkle, child prodigy and future student of Celestia.
Well, in a few years she will be. Once she grows a little.
The young filly sat in her room, playing with some blocks. Her fur and mane were shiny and soft as cotton, her little horn no more than a knub. But behind those innocent little eyes laid
something else. Something far older and wiser than a baby should be. Luckily no one noticed.
The filly looked towards the doorway to see neither of her parents peeking in. She sighed mentally.
"...Looks like I'm all alone..." she thought. Twilight stood up and crawled with skill that a three-year-old wouldn't normally have. She crawled behind a large beanbag chair and did one final check.
"Status," she thought. Some time ago, she had found a way to access her menus. Before her appeared a light purple, almost pink screen with a much darker shade for the border and text.
Twilight Sparkle, The Gamer Lv. 2
HP: 50/50
MP: 375/375
(0/500 EXP)
STR: 4
DEX: 2
END: 2
INT: 15
WIS: 15
CHA: 1 (+5)
LUK: 1
Buffs: Everyone Likes Babies!
Twilight looked over her stats and sighed again. Nothing had changed. But she did perk up at the buff, as she didn't notice it before. She brought a small hoof up and clumsily tapped it.
(Buff) Everyone Likes Babies!
+5 to Charisma. Buff wears off once the character reaches age 5.
Ah, that made sense. Twilight also took notice of her intelligence and wisdom. They were abnormally high for her age. Last time she checked, toddlers weren't normally smart as the average adult. But she simply chalked that up to her retaining her past memories.
"Cancel," she thought, and sighed as the textbox disappeared. Why couldn't she have been placed at an older age? An age where she can actually do something. Out of the three years she spent, she's only 'leveled up' once. And that was when she was born. Once she was, she had received a textbox saying that she received five 'points' that she could spend on her stats. She decided to place one point each into dexterity for walking and endurance so as to not tire easily. The rest she tossed into strength, as she'd figured she might find some quests on the sports teams once she gets into school, so why not bulk up now?
"Quest Log." A new screen appeared, which had four tabs, each one labeled. She pressed (Story) first. All there was a single quest that was faded grey, signifying it had been completed. Still, she pressed it.
(Story Mission) Birth was Completed!
Your mother spent almost 37 hours in labor, you better have the decency to call her once in a while when you move out.
Objectives:
- Be Born.
Success: Being born, 250 EXP.
Failure: Miscarriage, Player must start a new game.
She tapped (Side Quest), (Character), and even (Repeatable). Nothing appeared.
"Cancel." Twilight thought, annoyed. She laid back on the beanbag chair in defeat. She might as well resign for now. No doubt she was just going to be a normal filly for a few years.
"Oh Twilight sweetie~!" Her mother's voice spoke up.
The filly turned onto her belly to see her mother trot into the room, then bend down to Twilight’s eye level.
"Sweetie, a friend of mine says she has a little filly just your age! Would you like to have a playdate with her?" She asked.
POP!
Twilight snapped her eyes to the side to see a textbox.
(Side Quest) Playdate (1)
Your mother wants to schedule a playdate! You know, they say social interaction is key to a child's mental growth.
Objectives:
- Play with Moon Dancer for half an Hour.
Success: Increased reputation with Moon Dancer, 250 EXP
Failure: Reduced Reputation with Moon Dancer, 50 EXP
[Accept][Decline]
Twilight looked back at her mother with beaming eyes. "Yes!" She answered in a squeal.
"Good! I'll have her here tomorrow!" Her mother turned and left. Twilight quickly pressed
[Accept].
"I can't believe it! I'm getting half of the EXP needed for my next level just from one quest! And I even get to see Moondancer again..." Twilight thought as she returned to her blocks, and started to build a crude replica of her library back in ponyville.
"Hm..." She stopped building, sighing as she started to think to herself. "Everything from before is gone... but that means our relationship is also basically nonexistent...!" Twilight remembered the time she declined attending Moon’s birthday party before departing to Ponyville, leading to Moon’s life as a social recluse. Something stirred in her, and she once again felt all the guilt she had when she found out about it the first time.
"It won't be like that this time, I swear." She thought. "I'm not going to neglect ANY of my friends...!" Twilight felt a surge of determination in her as raised a a shaking hoof. After a moment, she returned to play with her blocks. She had forgotten how relaxing it can be just to do pointless, fun things.
******
"Okay sweetie, here she is!" Twilight watched as her mother guided the young Moondancer into her room. She looked just like her present self had. Her short mane was held up in a bundle above her head with a tiny scrunchie and she wore a black fillies sweater. She looked adorable, even by Twilight’s standards.
"Hello..." The pale filly shyly said, picking at the floor with her hoof.
Twilight eagerly approached her with a wide smile. "Hi! I'm Twilight!” She introduced herself. "Wanna be friends? I have some neat dolls we can play with!" She said in her nearly flawless child-like act.
The young Moondancer looked at Twilight, surprised, then her shyness seemed to completely melt away. "Sure!" She eagerly answered.
The two fillies ran to the toy chest as their mothers watched from the doorway.
The two ponies giggled as they played house, and after a moment the parents went to chat in the living room.
Twilight felt her heart swell with happiness. She couldn't help but smile at Moon.
POP!
She looked to see a textbox appear above her head.
Moon Dancer, Lv. 1
Twilight blinked.
POP!
Another window appeared.
You have just learned (Observe Lv. 1)!
(Observe Lv. 1) - Got a magnifying glass?
-See a character’s Name & Level that is less than or equal to 5 levels higher than yours.
"Do I have something on my face...?"
Twilight snapped back to reality and looked at Moon Dancer, who seemed equally confused.
"Huh?" She asked.
"You were looking at me weird, is something wrong?" Moon said.
"N-no, I was just... thinking is all. Don't worry about it." She quickly said.
"Okay!" Moon brushed it off rather quickly and went back to playing. Twilight did so as well.
*******
"Okay Velvet, We'll see you later!" Moon’s mother called.
"You too!" Twilight’s mother answered, closing the door. She looked at her daughter, who was sitting on the couch.
"Well, Twily? How was it?" She asked.
The filly jumped on the couch. "It was great! Can she come back again?"
"Sure! We can have them come a few times a month in fact!" Her mother answered.
"Yay!" Twilight watched as her mother went into the kitchen, likely to start making dinner. As she walked away, a thought crept into her mind. She squinted.
Twilight Velvet, Lv. ?
The filly raised a brow. "...Hm, she must be a far higher level. Makes sense, I am just a level two infant.”
Twilight sat back down on the couch. "Status." She whispered.
Twilight Sparkle, The Gamer Lv. 2
HP: 30/30
MP: 0/0
(250/500 EXP)
STR: 4
DEX: 2
END: 2
INT: 15
WIS: 15
CHA: 1 (+5)
LUK: 1
"Yep, I’m halfway there. Cancel." She said to herself. Twilight hopped off the couch and crept to her parents’ room. She saw her father reading a book in their bad. Going unnoticed, she squinted again.
Night Light, Lv. ?
"Of course, he's a higher level too. I wonder what Shining's at." Twilight turned and went back to her room.
She went over to her little book case and pulled out one of her advanced reading books. They actually weren't challenging for her, her parents simply thought they were.
After rereading the book, she tossed it aside and went back to being bored. With a few moments, she thought for a moment. Looking at the tossed aside book, Twilight squinted.
Quantum Physics for Toddlers- An easy to understand book for young oness to learn the inner workings of the universe that can't be explained by magic.
Twilight smiled. She started to dart her head all around, observing all the things in her room.
POP!
She stopped to look at the window.
(Observe Lv. 1) is now Lv. 2! 10 EXP earned.
(Observe Lv.2)- Got a magnifying glass?
- See a characters' name, level, & Description that is less than or equal to 6 levels higher than yours.
Twilight held back a giddy laugh as she nearly jumped with joy. She had learned some new power and it gained a level! All in one day! Even some EXP too!
"Twily! Dinners ready!" Her mother called.
The filly hopped off her beanbag and trotted off to the kitchen.
Loving this so far. I have an idea for a quest or an event to be more precise. Maybe she meets some of her old friends as a child, Like Rarity or maybe Rainbow Dash as both could have plausible reasons to come to Canterlot with family, at least that I can think of off the top of my head.
Also, I'm hoping Moon Dancer has a bigger role to play with Twilight. Personally I think she's a bit of an underrated character and is just written off as a Twilight xerox, Maybe have Moon Dancer be one of the few Twilight eventually confides in about her abilities and that she's a reincarni? just a suggestion.
Huh, Neat
looking forward to more
Great story so far! I like the way you're handling the characters and making their speaking voices appropriate, as well. Tons of spelling/grammar issues, but since you asked, here's what I found in order of appearance:
pradogy -> prodigy
"She brought a small hoof and clumsy tapped it." -> "She brought up a small hoof and clumsily tapped it."
new borns -> newborns
"chucked that up" -> "chalked that up"
recieved -> received
siginifing -> signifying
"lied back" -> "lay back"
I'm not sure "resign" means what you think it means.
"The filly turned onto her belly to see her mother trot into the room, she bent down to eye level," is a run-on sentence.
"...is key to a childs' mental growth" -> "...is key to a child's mental growth"
tomarrow -> tomorrow
"Moondancer" or "Moon Dancer." Pick one and stick with it. It's her name, it should stay consistent.
laibary -> library
nonesistant -> nonexistent
The ellipsis (three dots) indicates an incomplete thought or trailing off. I'm confused by its presence before an exclamation point.
Moons' -> Moon's
"Okay Sweetie, her she is!" -> "Okay, sweetie, here she is!"
"She said in her nearly flawless..." -> don't capitalize "she." It doesn't begin a new sentence here.
"The two fillies..." followed by "The two ponies..." is repetitive. Changing it up could help the flow a bit.
characters' -> character's
"at least 5 levels higher than you" should probably be "no more than 5 levels higher than you" or "less than 5 levels higher than you."
Twilght -> Twilight
"Okay Velvet, We'll see you later!" -> "Okay, Velvet, we'll see you later!"
Moons' -> Moon's
"You too!" Twilights mother answered, closing the door, she looked ther daughter who was sitting on the couch. -> "You too!" Twilight's mother answered. Closing the door, she looked at her daughter, who was sitting on the couch.
We can more a few times a month in fact! -> We can ???? a few times a month, in fact!
The phrase "likely for to" is very informal. If you want to use it on purpose, that's fine; otherwise consider something like "probably to" or "likely in order to" instead.
half way -> halfway
"... to her parents room." -> "... to her parents' room."
book case -> bookcase
challengeing -> challenging
"With a few moments, she thought for a moment." Consider rephrasing. "Moment" is repetitive and a bit awkward.
Quantum Physics for Toddlers- An easy to understand book for youngers to learn the inner workings of the universe that can't be explained by magic -> Use a colon after "toddlers," use title case for the entire title and subtitle, and hyphenate "easy-to-understand" since it's a multi-word adjective.
There's a rogue period after the book title.
characters' -> character's
If you're capitalizing specific game terms like Name, Level, and Description, you should be consistent and do it everywhere to distinguish it from the common use of those words.
"She had learned some new power and it gained a level!" needs a comma before "and."
Dinners -> Dinner's
Am I having a stroke? I'm positive I've seen this exact thing before.
Is this a crossover?
9044372
There were a few like it I have seen 2. Though I do hope this one goes somewhere the other 2 were slightly different but they got canceled/lost to the ages.
Still waiting for the S.P.E.C.I.A.L. reference. And "quantum physics for toddlers"? Shit most adults cant understand that stuff!
I am going to put a guess here. she becomes good friends with her unicorn canterlot friends so much that they become the elements of harmony. Just a thought
prodigy
than
Remove "Like" and capitalize the s at the start of "something"
doorway is one word
neither
peeking
There should be a comma after "status," not a period, and the s in "she" should not be capitalized.
border
Should be "as she hadn't noticed"
Should be "brought up a"
clumsily
wears
intelligence
newborns is one word
Replace the period with a comma, and de-capitalize but.
chalked
Replace the period with a comma, and de-capitalize she.
received
received
Make this one paragraph.
endurance, so as to not tire easily
strength. She'd figured she
I'll stop mentioning this for now, but remember that, if a the final sentence in a quote would end with a period, if there is another sentence in the paragraph afterwards that isn't part of the quote, it should be a comma rather than a period.
appeared
All there was was a single
signifying
decency
lay (or laid)
mother's
room, and bend down to
I think you meant to include that parenthesis mark along with the line "Side Quest) Play Date..."
child's
Make it one paragraph. Also, thought
blocks, where she
library
nonexistent
Moon's
her, and she
the
her as she raised a shaking hoof.
here
I don't know what Moondancer's hairstyle is, but it's certainly not an updo.
scrunchie
Twilight's
that is less than or equal to 5 levels higher than yours.
bookcase is one word
challenging
that is less than or equal to 6 levels higher than yours.
Dinner's
That's about 45 edits I suggested in that list. Most were about word choice, spelling, punctuation, grammar, or sentence structure.
As she gets older I think it might be amusing to see her do a few "fetch Quests" or "Trading Sequences" I look forward to the next chapter!
Would be cool to see more of Twilights original friends more since they are sadly overshadowed. But I do have a question if there will be other pony gamers out there?
Here’s a few characters I like to see as a gamer!
Granny Smith, Pinkie Pie, Muffin/Derpy, Maud, Pipsqueak, Rumble, Button Smash!
Wouldn't it make sense for people to like, PM the errors instead of commenting? The comments can't be deleted when they're outdated without the author looking like a total ass to outsiders, and I can't be the only one who likes seeing actual comments in the comment section.
'Pradogy'?
This is pretty good so far. My biggest gripe is that you have quite a few spelling errors. If you don't have one, I'd recommend getting an editor, or at least someone to look over your words and do a spellcheck for you.
9044728
Agreed.
9044322
Moon Dancer isn't the only one that is a doppelgänger of a certain character from the Mane Six. 😉 😀
She has some gamer instincts.
“Wait I can observe inanimate objects?”
Immediately observes everything that isn’t nailed down and a few things that are.
Hmmm one or two small humorous spelling errors. Well thought out and funny perks and bonuses...making a character broken early game? Yep she’s in Bethesda’s hands now.
This looks interesting, the spelling errors are a tad distracting though.
9044381
Yes and no.
There's a korean webcomic known as "The Gamer" where a random teenage boy wakes up and starts seeing status boxes. The world ends up getting a whole lot stranger going onwards.
Most fiction sites will mark any story where a character gains the power of The Gamer as a crossover, even if the protagonist of The Gamer and the Protagonist of the fic never meet or it ever being implied that they take place in the same universe.
9044441
I bet the actual contents are basically "If you add "Quantum" to anything, ponies minds will switch off and you can say anything and have it believed" and it was written by a certain P. Stibbons of Unseen University. (Since the usual answer of "Magic" won't work as the "Get out of explaining impossible things" excuse, why not use techobabble?)
I like it plz more
This is definitely interesting. I'm interested to know what Twilight makes of these new interactions with the world around her. Although I was expecting something more along the lines of an existential crisis, especially when she said "what happens if i push 'No' "
Your proofreading could use some work, but beyond that i'm eager to see what you do with this.
9045061
Heh discworld reference
Good, looking forward to more
Was a bit confused at the baby foals speaking so fluently to each other but Ok.
I'm liking the gamer angle this story has. A couple of other stories have tried but to my knowledge none either executed it well or the writer burned out and didn't finish it. That being said, I think you're doing a good job so far and am pretty excited to see how it plays out.
I'm actually working on writing a story call The Mane 6 level up I might add it to the extra menu when I eventually post it
Uh...
Good news! As long as Twilight has that quest log, she shouldn't need checklists as often, right?
9046410
Maybe, Maybe not...
Makes sense. It's not like they have video games in Equestria, and she didn't really play them in the human dimension.
The first and the best. You got a almost literal copycat trying to ride your coattails.
9046603
You mean Foxtrot Grady? Nah, I'll let it slide for now. I just hope he doesn't go crazy with the stats and actually focuses on story. SO go easy on him.
Also, I'm not the first to do a Gamer fic on here. I think that goes to ilbgar, who took that first and second gamer fics on here. You can conveniently see them in my group: "Life Is One Big Game'.
9046611
Hey, RealityCheck got hosed for doing something similar with the author's permission before hand. That's my main issue.
Also it's no where near as good as yours.
9046651
So? Give the guy some time. You only improve with experience.
Just read it it is awsome want more
More? Lol
If im remembering the gamer korean comic right ... will she be able to make a zone and form parties to power up her friends. Also ilbgar looks like he hasn't updated his gamer fics since 2015 so like with dont get cocky where we got like 3-4 spinoffs as long doomedponie doesn't mind people working off his idea i say ...meeehhhh. But copy and pasting his work is a little offputting. I can see them using the leveling mechanics thats like how fortnight has the same mechanics as pugg ... which fortnight is being sued for ... so enjoy it while you can.... muhahaha .. bur its really no different then dozens of sekai comics where the hero starts out with max analyze... after they get dumped in a new world. Even harry potter is a knock off of ..... i think it was called ... the worst witch .. where a girl goes to a magic school and stops evil witches trying to take over ... she even gets to fly around on a broomstick with old boy from rocky horror picture show tim? hes supposed to be a heartthrob wizard.
Wonder if the other main 6 are PCs or NPCs? Twi should be able get lots of side quests done and have lots well leveled allies early on once she can form a party, instead of just Spike.
9043852
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9708318/1/The-Adventures-Of-Harry-Potter-the-Video-Game-Exploited
9046906
I was referring to this one: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9708318/1/The-Adventures-Of-Harry-Potter-the-Video-Game-Exploited
9045027
I never said that protagonist savvy with RPG mechanics is a bad thing. Merely that it would set a story to a different tone. There are options, you know...
1) New Player. The gamer is not familiar neither with the world, nor with the RPG mechanics. They`re still liable to get overpowered, but are likely to screw up or do things in less then optimal way as a rule of thumb, gradually picking up experience both with world and themselves.
2) Reload. The person in question is familiar with the world, having had lived the story once (or even more then once), but they don`t know anything about RPG mechanics. This prompts a lot of self-experimenting trying to tailor one`s new shiny abilities to be most effective against the threats they know about.
3) New Game Someone already well-experienced with RPG rules (and how to abuse the hell out of them for personal benefit) entering a world they`re unfamiliar with. In this case, character is either overpowered from the get-go or will get there real fast, and the real fun would be seeing them dealing with the world they don`t know much about. Suffice to say that in this option, the challenges would be more of a social tint.
4) New Game+ Protagonist is extensively familiar with the world AND with the mechanics. This means they know from the get-go how to get ridiculously OP and roflstomp just about anyone who poses any danger to them. This mode is most crackful and the best option of taking it semi-seriously is to turn it into a huge fix-fic. That works better with settings that are on the grimdark side in canon, simply because it gives the protagonist a LOT to roflstomp to the satisfaction of reader.
Those options are listed, roughly, in the ascending order of inherent crack. Of course, no one says that a particularly intelligent character can`t grasp the mechanics fast enough to turn type 2 into type 4 midgame. To give you some examples - suppose it`s not Harry but Hermione who gets to reload. Sure she`d be stumbling around blindly at first, but as soon as she figures the game theme, it`s gonna turn into type 4 with the force of natural twenty to the face. Or in case with Naruto, simply pluck the version of him that already had kids. THAT one will put the Lands of Elements on their ears in weeks, if put into type 2.
9047070
I don't mind at all, but I will start getting pissed if people start getting mad at them just for being inspired.
9047612 Right, like how this story is a 'Reload'. And if I were to make any direct sequel then that would be a 'New Game+', considering if Twilight started a new game that is.
9047707
Like I said if you don't mind ... then meeh. Some people do act like children thou.... I or someone i know used Harry potter first in a fimfiction so anyone using him is copying me/them and deserves this that and the other .... it's like dude how many original ideas they think is left that aren't a rip off of one thing or another ... its like the south park episode were general disarray keeps screaming simpsons did it.
9042483
Depends on the system. In some games, Luck is *the* most important stat because it governs everything from loot and games of chance to critical hits and even flat out adding damage. In others, 'luck' can be as harmful as beneficial, and still more, luck can have basically no visible non-negligible effect (e.g. an increase of average dps by 0.000001%)
than a nub
wears off
newborns (one word)
theoreticals use could, should, would.
appeared; tabs
decency
newlines where they shouldn't be.
a child's. Stop pluralizing these.
Sweetie isn't a name here, it shouldn't be capitalized. *here
scrunchie
couldn't
Shouldn't this be no more than 5 levels higher?
Twilight
Moon's
We can what more a few times a month?
This isn't an answer. It's a reply. "Twilight answered" should in fact just be omitted.
remove "for"
Missing quote (after infant.) also, the end there isn't a proper new paragraph.
Dinner's —contraction of "dinner" and "is"
This should also have up to but doesn't.
9047449
Many thanks. I will try it out next.
Lots of spelling errors but the story concept is great and interesting. I hope there is more soon.
P.S. Have an upvote and this is now tossed on my tracking shelf.
Intrigued and now tracking.
I like this story, reminds me of an online comic I like to read (The gamer).
https://www.webtoons.com/en/fantasy/the-gamer/list?title_no=88&page=1
Did you by any chance take inspiration from that comic?