He Goes For A Walk (Edited)
Equestria; Ponyville, Town Square; 8:15am
It was a warm sunny morning, it being the third month of summer the weather wasn’t a surprise. What was a surprise was the number of ponies up so early to see the sun… though if you had a goddess for the last thousand years, you start to “appreciate” her sun. Who’s her, why the nation’s leader, Princess Celestia.
Ponies were up, awake, and happy as they trotted throughout town, whether they had a reason or not. Amongst them was a stand with freshly baked apple-based goods; these goods ranged from freshly grown apples, apple fritters, apple pies, apple cakes and other delicious vegetables for the herbivore race.
The mare selling said goods by the stand wore a stetson on her blond mane, taking a deep breath of the summer air. Nothing like waking up early and breathing in this cool morning air.
It was at that same time, that a pink blob began to bounce toward the apple-mare. The blob was one of Ponyville’s most notable ponies, Pinkie Pie, best party planner in all of Equestria.
“Oh hey yeh Pinkie! Want any of my family’s famous apple pies?” asked Applejack.
“Ohhh that be wonderful! Though I actually came here to ask you about this year’s upcoming Summer Sun Celebration,” said Pinkie. “I heard they might pick Ponyville this year… I wonder who’ll they’ll send to check on the preparations?”
“Well whoever they are, we’ll give em a warm welcome.”
Pinkie nodded her head in agreement until a random thought came to her. “Speaking of new ponies… we haven’t had anypony new for awhile… I feel like today we might buuut……”
“But what?” asked Applejack.
“...Oh its nothing, say have you seen Rainbow?”
At that very moment a faint but audible yell could be heard. “Look ouuuuuut! Gaaaaannng waaaaaaayyyyyyy!”
Before anypony could find out where the source of the noise was coming from, a large blast of dust appeared right near the apple stand. Pinkie and Applejack approached to find Rainbow, her eyes were spinning and had stars instead of her pupils. Following behind her was Fluttershy, without any hesitation she came to her friend’s aide.
“Rainbow, are you alright, that fall looked terrible? If you’re fine with me asking,” said Fluttershy, being her usual shy self.
Rainbow shook some of the dust off and her headache before grinning back at her close friend.
“Yeah I’m fine Shy, I just thought I try this new trick… guess it was more tricky than I thought. Heh hehe.”
“Rainbow, you should be more careful next time. You’re lucky you didn’t crash into anypony.”
Rainbow looked at Applejack who began driving her muzzle against hers in a challenging way. “Oh yeah?”
“Yeah…”
The two mares continued to lock eyes before laughing it off. They gave each a good hoofbump, as the four friends laugh in their own way.
“Ahhh, nothing like another day in Ponyville!” said Pinkie, happily. I doubt this town will change anytime soon.
Near Ponyville – Everfree Forest; 8:20am
Somewhere within the reaches of the Everfree, the forest while known to hold dangerous creatures was rather calm today. No surprise as this part of the Everfree was near the edge of its reach.
Stepping out from the very dense trees, branches, and foliage, was a dark figure… until it stood in the light.
The figure was a pony, an earth pony. There was nothing remarkable about said pony… which was odd; it’s coat was black or a really dark purple, the mane and tail weren’t any different as they too were a mix of dark blue, black and a slightly dull silver, everything about this pony was so… bland.
There was two other noticeable things that made it look like any normal pony, it’s overly large eyes and cutie mark… yet still.
The eyes were cold… lifeless, the color was strange as it changed. At first it was a simple oak-like brown then to silver until going to a foreboding purple that seemed to… move or rather looking similar to purple but was another color… violet possibly.
This all ended with one final color being chosen, a simple emerald green. The cutie mark was the last thing that seemed to pop out; it showed the sun and moon were mixed together with the sun in the back and the moon covering the middle portion of the sun’s center. The sun however wasn’t orange or yellow but a dark blue and black and the moon a bright gray with there being five holes, all nearly white. Behind the strange sun was a symbol, it was two stars with one upside down, the two stars made one star with ten points, each point colored differently.
The meaning behind the cutie mark was so vague… it was hard to tell if it had a meaning behind it. In either case the owner of the cutie mark didn’t seemed to care. His focus right now was on his surroundings.
He took a whiff of the air before doing something odd, by placing his hoof outward toward what’s in front of him. He closed his eye, with a constricted look on his face.
The air around him stirred causing the grass to ripple around him like water. Reopening his eyes, he stepped out of the foliage; he spotted a dirt path that went left and right, the path to the left led to a distant cottage, while the right led to a town with a clock tower ahead. Looking both ways, the stallion chose the dirt path going right as his destination.
“When there’s a path, there is always civilization,” said the strange stallion to himself.
The stallion followed the dirt path, for the last couple of minutes – ten or fifteen – he came to a bridge that led to a park. Trotting through the reasonably sized park, he spotted an intriguing site; to his left, across the river was a cylindrical-like building.
“Interesting, looks a lot like a carousel ride… I suppose a building like that will be my first stop here. I should ask the owner if this town have a town hall or a similar building.”
After walking around the river, the stallion found another bridge which would lead to the carousel-esque building, crossing the bridge to reach the building. Once approaching the door, he stepped inside, pushing it with one hoof; entering inside caused a bell to ring to notify the owner of anyone entering, when a feminine voice spoke out from somewhere.
“Welcome to Carousel Boutique, where everything is chic, unique, and magnifique! How can I help you?”
A marble white mare with a horn and purple mane and tail, stepped out of a room at the far side of the building, opposite of the entrance. The mare had her eyes closed so when she opened them, she expected to see a familiar face… but instead she was met with somepony new.
Oh my, somepony new! I wonder if Pinkie has met them yet? Well no time to dawdle he must be here for a reason.
“Hello, I don’t believe we met; I am Rarity, owner of Carousel Boutique and all its wares. Was there something here that intrigued you?” asked Rarity.
The stallion simply gazed around his surroundings, then looking at Rarity with a straight, almost bored look. When Rarity took a better look at the stallion… everything about him looked bland… but his eyes, staring at his emerald eyes was… was…
Those eyes are… MARVELOUS! I’m simply being inspired by them, I could gaze at them forever!
Rarity stared at his eyes with such a look… you would think she fell in love. Sad to say that when an audible cough was heard, Rarity realized she was staring at a customer, which was both unlady-like and rude.
“OH MY! I am so sorry, I didn’t mean to stare; how can I help you, sir?” asked Rarity.
The stallion continued to stare at Rarity which caused her to sweat a bit from the look he gave her, she couldn’t tell if he was glaring or that how he naturally looked around. “I’m somewhat new here… I was wondering if this place had a town hall or something similar to that extent. I’m wishing to buy a home here somewhere if possible; I’m somewhat of a traveler and decided to make some roots here,” said the stallion.
After hearing the stallion’s reasons for coming to her store, Rarity became both intrigued and interested toward this stallion now. So he wants to live here… I should probably mention to him to be wary of Pinkie, but I don’t want to get on her bad side if I told him to expect her.
“Oh is that so? There is a town hall here, it’s just down the road outside my store, simply follow the main roads until you see another cylindrical building with windows encircling it, that would be the town hall building.”
The stallion bowed in thanks as he headed to the exit. “Thank you Miss Rarity, I am truly grateful for your assistance, now I must make my leave.” Before the stallion left, Rarity stops him as she rushes to his side.
“Hold on darling, you haven’t mentioned your name to me. I think it’s customary to introduce to somepony you haven’t met before… don’t you agree? And I believe a gentle-stallion such as yourself wouldn’t simply leave without introducing themselves to a lady, such as myself.” Rarity wiggled her eyelashes at the stallion.
The stallion turned his gaze toward her as he lazily gazed back at her… but she could see some bit of annoyance within those eyes. Though internally the stallion would agree with her, sighing in surrender to her logic.
“I see no reason not to give you my name,” said the stallion, fully facing Rarity now. “My name is Eclipse Light, it’s a pleasure meeting you.” With a short bow, the stallion known as Eclipse Light returns to exiting the shop. “I hope you and I can properly get to know each other in the future, sad to say I must meet the mayor of this town if I wish to become a citizen here.”
“Of course, maybe I can make you one of my creations and give it to you. Simply come by when you’re settled here, Sir Eclipse,” said Rarity.
“Eclipse will do, Miss Rarity,” said Eclipse.
“Well then you may call me Rarity, or Lady Rarity perhaps.”
“I am fine with that, have a good day… Lady Rarity.” With that, Eclipse exited the shop and made his way to town hall, following the directions given to him. Back inside Rarity smiled, hoping to properly know the newest resident in Ponyville… and what kind of a stallion he is.
Sometime after trotting through Ponyville, Eclipse finally arrived within his destination, Ponyville’s Town Hall; the area was bustling with ponies, stands were set up as sellers bartered to sell their wares. A fountain was placed in an open space with ponies doing various things, whether it was conversing with one another, buying wares, or simply relaxing under the sun’s light.
Eclipse stared at the building he was told to find, it was exactly how Rarity described it to be, a cylindrical building, with numerous windows covering the structure. It had pink window frames, a brown, cone-shaped roof and wooden columns supporting three floors. Stairs were placed around it to a platform that led to the only entrance that was seen on the building itself.
“So… the town hall of… I believe she called this town Ponyville,” said Eclipse, mumbling to himself.
Moving onward, Eclipse passed by various ponies of shape, size, and color before nearing the two doors that led inside the town hall’s interior. The building itself was built wonderfully, the inside however was a whole other level; inside there was several balconies above various levels in the building, a small stage with a red carpet going to it, and two entryways covered by some curtains.
Standing in the middle of the room, speaking to some ponies was a mare that wore glasses and a white collar; she had a gray mane and tail, her fur was a tan color and eyes were blue. After speaking with the ponies who left the building, the pony sighed before focusing her attention at Eclipse.
“Oh, hello there… I don’t believe we met each other and that says a lot considering I’m the mayor of Ponyville. If I had to assume I haven’t been introduced to you, you must be new here; what brings you to our town?” asked Mayor Mare. “And I almost forgot, my name is Mayor Mare, Ponyville’s current mayor.”
“It is nice meeting you Miss Mare. I am Eclipse Light; I was wondering if it’s possible for me to move here in Ponyville, I am thinking of making a home here,” said Eclipse.
“Is that so? Well let’s continue this conversation in my office, Mr. Eclipse.”
“Please, Eclipse is fine with me.”
“Of course, this way please,” said Mayor Mare, guiding Eclipse. The two ponies – led by Mayor Mare – followed a set of stairs, then hallways until they entered a sizable office room. The room had a window big enough to see the town’s square and a desk with a swivel chair that was made of wood and had green pillows as the seat and back of the chair. Once sitting down, Mayor Mare pulled out a pile of papers, some ink, and a feather, setting them down before clopping her hooves together with a smile.
“Now then, let’s begin your new residency in Ponyville; if it is fine with you, may I ask any questions about why you decided to live here, what was your previous location of residency and similar questions. Take a seat once you think you are ready.”
Eclipse sat down and pulled the seat forward as he relaxed onto the seat’s cushion. Mayor Mare pulled out a sheet of paper that had several questions on them with boxes to the side of them with empty lines below the questions too.
“Okay, let’s start the first question, ‘Why did you decided to choose Ponyville as your new residence?’”
“I thought it was time to settle down and relax from my busy life; Ponyville was the closest place that fit with my standards, it being pretty central within Equestria. It having a pretty standard weather, all the necessities I need, and a new start.”
Mayor Mare nodded, doing some quick checks on the sheet then moving on. “Second question, ‘What was your original location of residency?’”
“I… had none...”
“You didn’t live anywhere? So your were homeless?”
“Not exactly, I was a traveler and explorer of sorts. It would explain my pretty interesting and busy life.”
“Really? What kind of things did you do?”
“I’d… rather not say, but I have been to a lot of places outside of Equestria… I’m actually not from here,” said Eclipse, receiving a shocked reaction from Mayor Mare.
“Really! Now I know some ponies are born outside of Equestria for different reasons… but I never thought you weren’t from here… it does explain why you choose Ponyville though. Since Ponyville is very central in Equestria and is a very friendly place, I believe this would be the perfect place to have a new beginning. Now I’d love to ask about your travels, but we must continue. This also answers some other questions already; I have to assume you currently don’t have a paying job, yes?”
Eclipse nodded in confirmation to her question. “Yes… I do have a range of skills, I was actually hoping to open a business here.”
“Is that so, well we can also prepare a permit for you to open a shop and-”
“I’m not looking to open a shop… but more of a trade.”
“A trade? You mean like the stall owners?”
“Kind of… due to my travels, I’ve gathered some exotic materials and wish to sell said items… once I make a proper home here of course.”
Mayor Mare nodded as well, putting the selling permit away. “Of course of course… Now let’s continue with one more question and I’ll need you to fill in these papers and sign them. ‘What kind of a home are you looking for here?’”
At first, Eclipse was silent as he contemplated to what home he wanted… but an idea came to him, as he answered the question with his own.
“Excuse me, Mayor Mare, by any chance… do you have any land for sale?”
Mayor Mare perked her ears up and tilted her head in confusion at the strange request. “Ummmm… well I need to see the recent sales for the land being sold, but yes I believe we might… Why is that?”
“Well, I mentioned wanting to sell some exotic materials from my travels, correct. This relates to that you see… I was wondering if there was any land open… particularly land that has arable land and a source of water nearby?”
This finally peaked her interest as a thought arose Mayor Mare’s psyche. What sort of goods is this stallion going to sell that involves those two particular needs?
After sometime of writing down signatures, talking of any land to be sold, and nearby sources of water, Eclipse was officially a resident and citizen of Equestria. Mayor Mare stacked the papers that had Eclipse’s information, putting them away into a drawer to be organized away for a later time.
“Now then, I’ll show you your new home and we can discuss about selling your wares on another date. Please follow me,” said Mayor Mare.
The two made their way outside when suddenly, as they stepped outside a pink blur zoomed toward them, stopping just seconds in front of them. The blur was revealed to be Pinkie Pie who spotted Eclipse with Mayor Mare earlier.
“A NEW PONY! HELLO MY NAME IS PINKIE PIE!” shouted Pinkie, ecstatic.
Mayor Mare knew this was coming and turned to Eclipse to see the stallion’s reaction, but surprisingly, the stallion stared back indifferently, having a lack of response to Pinkie’s sudden appearance. What was more shocking was that he seemed to be calm about the whole situation… that was until he gave an annoyed grunt.
“Mayor Mare, who exactly is this pony?” asked Eclipse.
“Well, this is our local party planner, she also works in Sugarcube Corner, our local bakery, Pinkie Pie. She’s usually this hyper and plans parties for every occasion, especially for newcomers to our town.”
“Yep! Are you planning on staying here for long in Ponyville, because I want to plan your ‘Welcome to Ponyville’ party!”
“Actually Pinkie, Eclipse here is planning to live here, I was just about to lead him to his new home.”
“Really!? CAN I SEE WHERE HE LIVES?!”
Mayor Mare gave a weak laugh as she began to sweat before coughing into her hoof. “Well Pinkie… I think it is best I show Eclipse around our town of ours… So how about you don’t do anything that’ll make him too uncomfortable, okay?”
Pinkie stopped to think before nodding in agreement to the idea. “Sure, but you promise I can make a party for him, right?”
“Of course, now excuse us Pinkie put we must be on our way.”
“Okie-dokey! Have a good day Ms Mayor Mare! Oh, and you too… uhhhh...”
“Eclipse, Eclipse Light.”
“Eclipse! I hope we become good friends!” shouted Pinkie, bouncing off. As the bubbly mare left the two ponies alone, Mayor Mare relaxed as she turned her gaze toward Eclipse.
“I’m sorry about her… she can be a tad… ‘over-bearing’ to put it simply,” said Mayor Mare, wiping sweat from her brow.
“It’s no harm, I have met my share of interesting individuals in my travels. Now, shall we head to where my place of residence shall be?”
Mayor Mare nodded with agreement, leading Eclipse to where he would live for his coming stay in Ponyville.
After guiding Eclipse to their destination, which was some distance from the town hall and was back through the same path he went through before he came to Ponyville, they took a detour from their path to trot past some trees until they spotted a sizable lake and a large open space of land.
Eclipse stared upon his surroundings, the area itself was perfect, a good source of water, an open area perfect for farming and there was some trees to set up a hammock or to take a nap under them… however…
“Mayor Mare… I don’t see a building?” asked Eclipse, curious to the lack of a building.
“Well… you see, this land is for sale because its the perfect area for future construction projects… This with the fact it is near a small lake… well… the land here is very costly. You mentioned earlier that you traveled so I have to assume you have some bits to buy the land. Sad to say that you need to build your own home; I’m sorry I didn’t tell you in advance and I’d gladly lower the price if you li-”
“Its fine, I was actually planning to build my home from scratch.” Eclipse’s blunt response to Mayor Mare’s explanation was so sudden, she had to shake her head a bit to understand what he just said.
“Wait… you… are okay with this… even though you may have difficulty with a number of things?”
“I’ve been through worse… So, what is the price of the land here exactly?” asked Eclipse, examining a tree near the lake.
Mayor Mare shook away her stupor, putting her focus on Eclipse Light. “The price of the area, plus the lake, trees, and materials you need to make your home, combined with other expenses as well will be...” said Mayor Mare, pulling out an abacus. “…Ranging from one-thousand-five-hundred to two-thousand bits, combined with the transportation of your goods… a total of three-thousand-one-hundred-and-five bits.”
This is enough to buy at least a twelfth of the Apple family’s farmland!
Mayor Mare looked up to see a stock-still Eclipse; she knew that the cost was high but for it to be this much… was it possible for this stallion to buy this land. While this pony sounded like a promising resident to Ponyville, it was doubtful he could pay this price… could he?
“You may want to change that number soon, because I’m only going to pay for specific number of things that you listed,” said Eclipse, still staring at his surroundings.
“Ummm… What do you mean?”
“The transportation of my goods and materials to build my home aren’t needed; my goods are close by and I can get them myself, I also brought my own materials and already planned what I want to build. The only thing I do need however is something else though...”
Eclipse finally turned to face Mayor Mare and trotted up to her before handing her something. Mayor Mare looked at what was given to her, a list of some kind and after reading what was on it, she looked back up at Eclipse with a confused and curious look.
“Why would you need these items, exactly?”
“...I’m planning on making something that I wish to sell in the future, so if its possible, could you tell me where I may buy or make a possible deal with those who sell these items?”
Mayor Mare thought it over and nodded, placing the list away for the future; after that the two discussed about the issue of the land and how Eclipse would pay it.
“Since you’ll handle transportation and construction, the price has been lower to two-thousand-two-hundred bits. Will you pay in bits or cheque?” asked Mayor Mare, pulling out a sheet with important writing on it.
“...Bits… I’ll give you the rest once I manage to bring my belongings and wares here.”
“That is fine, I’ll give you the land ownership papers after payment. Simply come to my office when you can, but if you’re wondering for a due time, I’d saaaay… two or three days, until the land is back to being open for purchase. Is there anything else you wish to know?”
Eclipse Light nodded, and continued to speak with Mayor Mare as the two spoke about various things about the town, any important ponies, trade in Ponyville, Equestria, and other things that relate to living in Ponyville for the next couple or so minutes… it was going to be a long day.
Around the same time that Eclipse had left with Mayor Mare, Pinkie quickly went off to plan her welcome party for Eclipse. On her way back to Sugarcube Corner she spotted Applejack who was speaking with Rainbow, while Fluttershy wasn’t with her – possibly back at her cottage – the two were at AJ’s apple stand. The two mares were in some sort of debate involving who would win in hoof-wrestling.
“Hey girls, you won’t believe who I saw!” shouted Pinkie, to get their attention.
The two mares looked at their bouncy friend with a confused look before looking back at each other with a challenging stare. “Well whoever it is, I doubt they’re anypony important,” said Rainbow, before changing her expression. “Unless they were the Wonderbolts.”
“No, its not them, but when I went to see Mayor Mare about upcoming parties, she was talking to,” said Pinkie, pulling out a drum. She began doing a quick drum-roll before tossing the drum into some bushes. “A NEW PONY!”
This got their attention now as they focused on Pinkie. “Wait, there’s a new pony in town? Well who’s this pony and where are they, I’d like to meet them myself,” said Applejack, smiling to meet somepony new.
“Well he was heading with Mayor Mare down the path to Fluttershy’s. Don’t know why they’d go there, Fluttershy’s the only pony living there, besides the clock tower being there.”
“Well let’s go!” Rainbow was about to zoom off but was stopped by Applejack grabbing her by the tail with her mouth. Once stopping the speedy mare, Dash stared down at her with an annoyed grunt. “HEY! What was that for!?”
“Now now Dash, this is a new pony so I think we shouldn’t… ‘overwhelm’ him just yet, also, I still gotta sell my apples here. We can introduce ourselves at his welcome party… speaking of party,” said Applejack, facing Pinkie now. “Where are you going to prepare this stallion’s party anyway?”
Pinkie rubbed her chin in thought before a random ding noise outta nowhere was heard, just when Pinkie had a thought arise. “I think I can ask the Cakes if I can use the store later in the afternoon, I’d have enough time to send out some invites and prepare a cake. You two are of course invited, as well as everypony else! Now I need to figure out what kind of cake he likes...”
Pinkie started to plan the party when another mare came to them; the mare was Rarity of all ponies, she was wearing a sunhat and a frilly white dress too who came up to the three.
“Hello girls, I heard Pinkie talking and came here to see what all the commotion was about?”
“Haven’t you heard, there’s a new pony in town,” said Rainbow, hovering above her.
“Oh you mean Eclipse? He was such a wonderful stallion, though not the talkative kind, though staring at him more than a second would probably make an awkward first impression.” At the mention of her staring at the stallion and her being the first pony he met in town, all her friends had various reactions.
“Wait you were caught staring at him! HAHAHAHAHAAH!” Rainbow began to roll on the ground, amused by Rarity’s reaction toward first meeting the new pony.
Rarity blushed before shaking it away and glaring at Rainbow with daggers in her eyes. “RAINBOW! That is no way to laugh at somepony… besides… he had magnificent eyes.”
“What was he like?” asked Applejack, ignoring Rainbow’s laughter.
“Oh he was just interesting, besides the fact his mane and coat were a bit boorish, he had this mystique atmosphere about him. While a tad distant at first, he was quite the gentle-stallion when the situation calls for it… OH AND HIS CUTIE MARK WAS SIMPLY MARVELOUS!”
“What about his cutie mark? What was so ‘marvelous’ about it?”
Rarity couldn’t or rather had difficulty finding the words to describe his cutie mark… it was such a dilemma that Rarity simply shrugged. “I don’t know really, that was how marvelous it was.”
Applejack sighed then turned to Pinkie. “So Pinkie, what exactly did this stallion look to you, and what’s his full name if you heard it?” asked Applejack.
Pinkie scratched her head in memory before raising her hoof and speaking out her first time meeting Eclipse. “His name was Eclipse Light!”
“Eclipse Light, huh? That must be one interesting unicorn we got living here now...”
At the mention of Applejack calling Eclipse a unicorn, Rarity and Pinkie looked at one another with confused looks before facing their apple farmer friend.
“Unicorn? Sir Eclipse/Ipsy is an earth pony, Applejack,” said both Rarity and Pinkie, giving Eclipse their own nicknames for him.
This caused a very confused reaction from Applejack that her mouth was gaping open with shock. “He’s an earth pony!? But that name sounds like something you give to a unicorn, heck it just spills out magic about it!”
“That was my same thought too, when Sir Eclipse spoken his name was that, I swore I misheard him… but that is his name.”
“I think it has to do with Eclipse being born outside of Equestria,” said Pinkie, bringing that bit of information out.
“WAIT! THIS ECLIPSE DUDE IS FROM OUTSIDE OF EQUESTRIA!” shouted Rainbow, now getting involved into the conversation.
Before anypony could continue, Big Mac came over before approaching Applejack to tell her that its time to change shifts.
“Okay girls, how about we continue this conversation back at Sugarcube Corner, this new stallion is getting more and more interesting by the second. Thanks for the save Big Mac,” said Applejack, leaving with her friends.
The four mares went off to Sugarcube Corner, talking about Eclipse Light. Big Mac stared at his sister and her friends before shrugging it off, heading to the apple stand to start the afternoon shift.
Back at the empty field, Eclipse finished his talk with Mayor Mare and told her he’d bring his belongings, which were just down the path to his new home. Mayor Mare waved her hoof in farewell to continue her schedule with other things, trotting back to town hall. Once Eclipse was alone, he went back to the place he was before he came to Ponyville; after returning to the spot, he entered back into the trees shrubbery.
Several moments later, a dark ominous light could be seen seeping out from the trees and bushes just as it appeared… it vanished. Coming out was Eclipse who had a sizable wagon strapped to him, with tons of items inside. The wagon was a simple grayish wooden wagon, with his cutie mark on the sides. The back had his name written in a stylized font, Eclipse trotted his wagon to the spot he’d live in the future.
After pulling the wagon with zero problems due to his earth pony strength, Eclipse unstrapped the wagon after parking it under some trees, where he headed to the back of the wagon. Digging into the pile of stuff, he pulled out a toolbox, some pieces of lumber, stone, roofing tiles, and a ladder. Carrying the toolbox to an empty patch of land near the lake’s shore, he placed the box down, opened it, and rummaged through the box.
Sounds of the tools and other metallic objects could be heard, when Eclipse pulled out a hammer with his mouth. Holding the tool with his muzzle, Eclipse glanced at the open space as he imagined where his future home will be built.
“Well then… time to get started,” said Eclipse, marching forward to build.
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U have my attention. :D
Looking good, although I have no idea what it crossover with. Track it for now.
This story, honestly is badly written. I have complains to almost every paragraph. Mostly just stupid or impossible things. I just hope that story will save it. Or time. But it's really low level right here. Also, pretentiousness. Or simply, fake coolness. It's just too forced. Maybe you can't actually see it yourself, but it's here. The idea is interesting, but if this just badly written wild-dream self-insert... I try to go as far as I can, we'll see. But having sequel whole not being fully published, whatever the reason, is already a bad omen.
9775361
Uhhhh, whut? The main story is I Am (No) God, IANG: Month 0 is a prequel story, the purpose of this story is to explain several key points that later appear in the other story, and as to the writing, the story was closer to being with the old plot story, but I rehashed for personal reasons so all the chapters from this story are at least a year old and I haven't checked/edited them yet.
Now I'm not certain if you read this story first then the other one in order - not my decision which order you read them - but my focus isn't on this story right now but the main story which this follows up to. I'm not going to get mad how you feel about the story's grammar and how I written it, I mean I written this nearly two years by now, but mostly because I'm focusing on different things.
I had other people say there was several problems with the character, but I don't think you can fully put these assumptions without seeing the other story; at the time I was writing this story, I wasn't writing this character out of scratch or in the moment. I had this character for awhile and his personality and backstory is how I tried to portray in this story - both the current one and this pre-sequel. I wasn't forcefully make him look cool, this is his personality in general... and besides the purpose of this story is literally about Eclipse's first days in Equestria/Ponyville, before Twilight, so I don't know how it's a problem with it being how you say "forced" when the purpose of the story is suppose to be an origin story.
I really don't want to continue with arguing about this, I know there's some things I need to fix, but you can't assume you have things figured out immediately about the character with just one chapter. You can read the rest of the story and the other one, and you can make up what viewpoints you have afterwards with me, but please understand that I am still improvising my story-writing and grammar.
I hope you understand; if you have any further questions about the story or anything else, PM me or comment.
Fuxxing with the character creation sliders, I see? ;]
*slinks out with tinfoil hat on*
Aliens!
*goes back under my rock*
10116553
Alien indeed!
this story seems interesting
100th time re read reading this