A High Note Survives
In her head, everything became noise.
After Princess Twilight Sparkle left, Sci-Twi trotted through the city in a daze, eyes focused straight ahead—disoriented.
Screams, shouts, more crack!’s and bang!’s. These rang out to her ears, and that hero instinct jolted her into approaching a powerless pegasus. His wings already scratched, he was massaging them with a hoof.
Twilight touched his bunned mane. He looked up and saw her face. “I can a-accompany you back to school. That’s where Sunset’s patching everypony up.”
The pegasus shivered, recognizing her. “Tw-Twilight?!”
She nodded. “Yes, it is, Zephyr.”
Zephyr gulped. In a rattled voice, “S-So, are you gonna solve this pony problem or…?”
Twilight turned away, hiding her pained face. Breaking the truth to him was not going to be easy—so would be breaking the truth to everyone else in the world.
Then, she turned back to him. “No.”
Zephyr bent his head back. “Tell me that’s a joke.”
A sigh. “No.”
“Oh.” He looked down, continued massaging his wings. “I see….”
After helping Zephyr up and sending him on his way with some improvised bandages, Twilight resumed her solitary journey.
Hectic was the atmosphere, crack!’s and bang!’s springing up every minute or so. Pegasi crashed through windows or roofs, and more were tripping in the sky and falling to the ground. Magical plants bloomed to life with accidental thanks to the Earth ponies as they barreled through walls with their sudden strength. Unicorns were floating things around in their magic surges—or, perhaps, turning one thing into another unintentionally like an orange into a frog that landed right on a mare’s face, leaving her shrieking.
Twilight’s ears folded back at that.
More of her senses came back to her as time passed. She remembered to check the faces of everyone she passed by.
Except, of course, they did not have the same faces anymore. Good thing magical horses had colorful coats and manes with hues that matched their previous forms. Oh, and there was the “magical” part of it.
Twilight looked up at her horn. The only word she was able to mumble out in horror was, “Forever….”
Thoughts flooded her mind. Maybe her career would not be in any particular field of conventional science at all. The idea of being a masterful mage was not as far-fetched as it had sounded before. What a cruel irony it was, having built up much of her life to pursue a science, to advance technology, and now, the most likely thing to happen to her was researching magic.
A plan years, if not more than one full decade, in the making. As of fifteen minutes ago, it was thrown out the window.
She stood in front of her manor. It looked pretty normal. No shattered windows, no floating furniture, and no one being turned into potted plants. It had remained unharmed, unscathed.
The house itself, that was. That did not say anything about its inhabitants.
Twilight hesitated to raise a hoof to the glassy front doors.
Then, with one of the biggest gasps she had ever made, she knocked.
Immediately, hoofsteps came down.
The doors swung open.
Silence as she looked on her daughter. Awed silence.
Twilight rubbed her snout, then her wet eyes.
She hugged her mother, now a gray and purple unicorn.
Out of the hallway came Night Light, a unicorn, too. He wrapped the two mares in a hug as well, their embrace warming.
“You’re OK!” Twilight Velvet shouted, pulling her closer. “We were so worried!”
But Twilight herself heard none of it, as she glowed the doors closed and simply cried on their shoulders, slowly lugged through the halls.
Knock! Knock!
Nothing.
“Twilight, it’s us.”
Sniffles.
“Twi, open up.”
More sniffles, something being shuffled around.
“You’ve been in there for more than five hours. You’ve got to come out sometime.”
Nothing but sniffles.
“We know your door’s not locked, Twilight.”
Nothing.
Then, the door handle glowed red.
Sunset and her friends trotted inside.
Twilight’s room was one ornate mess. Elaborate designs with stars and galaxies as the theme over a plethora of stuff somehow uncluttered in the many shelves and cabinets there, crowding up the room yet with none of the cramped ambience one would get from such a place.
Through the window, the moon shone gray on a Twilight Sparkle seated on the bed, looking down on her blanket and her sheets.
Looking down on her hooves, that ruthless reminder of who she was now.
Spike closed the door with his claw and locked it, leaving the room to themselves.
They then approached Twilight, taking up both sides of her bed.
Twilight wept silently, levitating her glasses out of her face only to float her box of tissues up.
Sunset said nothing.
Everyone said nothing, not even Spike. No words were spoken. No gestures were made. Only looks, only nudges, as minutes elapsed under the moon’s glow, glinting on Twilight’s mane and her glasses.
Sunset drew out a long sigh. “How do you feel, Twilight?”
Nothing.
A wipe of her eyes with some tissue, then floated it away to the trash can. With eyes red and drained, with speech broken and waned, “Awful. More than a-awful.”
Sunset then hopped on to the bed.
So did everyone else, even Spike. The bed creaked under the weight, but it held up.
Twilight covered her face, guilt bubbling up. “It w-was all my fault! I sh-shouldn’t have asked y-you to take me along! After that, I-I’ve been nothing but trouble!”
Sunset pat her on the head, ruffling her mane a bit. “Twilight, it’s OK. You didn’t mean—”
“I should’ve known!” Twilight shouted, pushing Sunset away with the force of her voice. “I should’ve known that there’d be a catch! A million catches, but I let curiosity get the better of me!” and shrouded her head with both forelegs, burying herself in sorrow mingled with more tears.
Felt another hoof on her mane, tugging on her hair.
She exposed her face again, seeing Rainbow Dash slightly pulling her purple mane.
“Yeah, Twi!” she encouraged, wings flapping. “You almost did nothing wrong!”
Twilight groaned. “Thanks, Dash.”
Rainbow became nervous, baring her teeth a little and scratching her head. “What I meant was...I would’ve done the same thing, but, you know, duty calls when you’re the captain of every sports team!”
“It was nighttime,” Sunset corrected with a cutting glare at Rainbow.
Rainbow blushed. “Heh-heh!” Then, pulling Twilight closer with a hoof wrapped around her neck, “But, no matter what, we’ll still be here for you!”
“Even if it means being together as ponies this time,” Rarity said with a tiny chuckle, her eyes twinkling.
Applejack raised her head to see Twilight better, lifting her hat to do that. “It’s gonna be mighty awkward to be goin’ round as English-speakin’ ponies.”
“Who also have magic,” Fluttershy added, spreading one wing and then admiring it, “and can fly some of the time.”
“Don’t forget that we’re plucky high school teenagers!” Pinkie yelled, grinning.
Twilight opened her mouth, then looked back down at her hooves. Stuttering, “W-We’re going to h-have hooves l-longer than we’ve had h-hands!”
Buried her face again not with hands but with hooves, crying.
Seeing nothing, feeling her moist tears on her hooves.
“I’m going to live seventy or eighty years as a unicorn...and that’s if ponies live as long as we do, if not longer! What’s going to happen in a century?! Is no one going to remember—wait, they’ll remember because we have history books, but then we’ll have generations of ponies and other creatures and—” wheezed, wheezed, wheezed until her head became light.
And was immersed in a hug, her friends’ hairy hooves encasing her in loving friendship.
Silence. Beautiful silence, drowning in harmony.
“We’ll be together until th-the very end, Twilight,” Sunset said, voice choking. “No matter what happens.”
Then, Twilight opened her eyes.
Saw Spike, her faithful dragon, hugging one of her forehooves with his claws.
Surrounded by her friends, she extended both forehooves all around them and hugged them back.
As they glimmered a little under the moonlight.
Many hours later, it was ten minutes to five in the early morning.
Or ten minutes to five in the very late night.
Right outside the school, the portal still swirled, guarded by a few ponies in police uniform. Despite the unusual circumstances, the least of which was their magic and their new bodies, they stood still, ready for any threat that might come to the portal.
The front doors opened without anything touching them, Principals Celestia and Luna trotting out as Luna levitated a phone and a glove to slide screens and press buttons with. Their manes flowed and gleamed in faint grace under the night sky.
Celestia looked up, seeing the moon over there. “Luna, any updates?”
Luna cleared her throat. “All of them are more than willing to submit to us princesses.”
“Even Queen Novo from the South?”
“Even her, sister.”
Celestia shook her head, mind reeling from her jumbled thoughts. “I just wanted to give back to the school, not become a diarch of the whole world.”
“But thou knowest that we must take this responsibility, Celestia,” replied Luna, looking to the moon as well, “lest utter disaster would befall upon billions.”
“Billions…?”
Not wanting to talk about any potential disasters for the meantime, Luna glowed her horn blue. “Tend to your post, sister. Raise the sun over this fair Equestria for the first time.”
Celestia gulped. “‘Equestria’, huh? Might as well go for that.”
Her horn glowed yellow.
The moon slowly descended, causing all the guards’ heads to turn. The dark sky brightened into a comforting yellow, stars twinkling out of sight. When the moon reached the horizon, the sun appeared right beside it and poured out its light and shine for all to bask in.
The moon dipped beneath the hills and mountains. The sun rose above them.
The crow of a rooster broke many’s spell of sleep. A dozen birds flew out of their nests and chirped, welcoming the day.
And then, it was Tuesday morning on an Earth that no longer was.
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First, 45 seconds after the chapter was posted (Sorry, not sorry)
They'll be alright, in time. Humans are remarkably adaptable when they need to be. The sun rises on a new day. It may not be glorious, not yet, but it is a new day. And there will be many more to follow.
Thus ends the era of Man... does this mean the Mayan prophecy come true for this Earth?
Despite how the author seemed to have planned this from get go, this ending and how Midnight screwed everything up still feels on the spot or forced. It feels like this is happening and ending this way for the sake of showing how magic curiosity is bad and will end bad, and just... it feels unsatisfying
9129725
Well, I didn't plan this from the get-go, so now you know why some of it feels rushed.
I'm disappointed that I made magic curiosity look that way. Sure, it can go wrong, but it can go right—and yet, I have to agree with you that I said something about that without even meaning to.
Thanks for the constructive criticism! I need to think more about it, really.
... That's it?
I mean, if nothing else, Twilight's doomsaying definitely doesn't seem accurate. There's no sign that previously established laws of physics have actually changed, they've just been amended. Well, other than orbital mechanics. Still, there has been zero indication that any previously existing technology no longer functions; the interfaces just need to be adjusted for hooves (putting aside the griffons, Abyssinians, etc. who still have thumbs.) This is by no means the end of the world as they know it.
And then there's everyone bending the knee to a pair of high school administrators. Just because they're managing the heavens doesn't mean they have the capacity to handle the Earth. And renaming the countries? Definitely putting the proverbial cart before the horse.
I hope you have a sequel planned for this. You've definitely created some interesting circumstances; it'd be a shame to end it here wih "And then it was all a copy of the pony world, the end!"
9129766
Well, when a fic becomes too bloated for its own good, then the only way to solve it is to end it and wrap up loose ties like a gift wrapper with a minute left to go.
To be blunt: I am tired of continuing this the way it is. I'd only be digging myself into a hole if I go on.
However, since you're looking for a sequel, you can look at this blog post for details on that, first chapter (or short story) of which I'll release tomorrow.
I must confess that I did take a little inspiration from you when deciding how the sequel would be made.
I seriously question how this can be labeled "Slice of Life".
I get that you didn't plan this from the beginning --you've said so-- but tags can be changed at any time to reflect changes in the nature of the narrative, and as it stands right now this is most definitely not a slice of life story.
You've written a tragedy. Given the fact that it involves irrevocably altering people's bodies against their will en masse (the closest real-world analog being systemic mutilation), and doing it on global scale, it's pretty dark too. You should label it as such.
9129828
Yeah, it's not slice-of-life at all after a certain point. Then again, I wasn't a fan of changing tags around because people who came in for one thing might be surprised that it's suddenly labeled as something else.
While I'm hesitant to add the Dark tag, I will change the tags.
Thank you for the advice.
That's it? Everything was building up nicely and then these last two chapters take a hard left off a cliff. I have to say I'm rather underwhelmed.
Huh. So...that's it. The world's been changed forever, and now everyone's submitting to a pair of high school prinicpals for...some reason.
Well, I'm curious to see where you'll go from here.
9129884
I think I've said it before, but I wanted to end this monster of a short story somehow, and the only way to end it was to end it before it bloats any further. Really should've thought this one out.
Thank you for letting me know. I felt that the last few chapters took things too fast as well.
Sad ending. Enjoyable story. Looking forward to anything else you might plan to do with this. I will agree with some others on the suddenness of the ending and Midnight Sparkle but I still liked the direction the story went and the surprising nature of the ending. I think you wrote the characters really well, my favorite scenes were probably the ones with the Shadowbolts and everyone else at Lyra and Bon Bon's.
This is one the few fim fic that i know of that doesn't excatly have a happy ending
Just wanted to end it, huh? Despite the problems facing the story there was perhaps other alternatives, but if you wanted to list it as being complete I suppose this is as good enough of an ending as any other, despite the flaws others have pointed out already concerning it.
That being said, I hope you'll understand if I don't fav or upvote this story. I enjoyed the journey a little bit, but it didn't wow me enough. It wasn't the worst, so I have no intention of downvoting it, I mean it's definitely a learning opportunity for the author on things that work and things that utterly fall flat, so there is that. I hope future endeavors will not suffer from rushing forward without properly planning the story out at first, because ultimately that's always the best idea when tackling a large project such as this. Not so much a short one or two fun and done type story I'd say. But longer epics or even simple little slice-of-life long chapter stories need outlines and stuff more often than not otherwise you'll write yourself into a corner and get stuck (as has happened to me far too often to count in the past), so never shirk from trying the outline approach and stuff when necessary.
Good luck on all your future endeavors, and hopefully you won't feel the need to just rush an ending out in those future projects either.
For now:
It's a real shame this story ended up as clumsy and bloated as it did, as I really did like a ton of the ideas here, especially in the beginning. It's just that, as you admitted, you didn't really know where you were going with anything which is what ultimately shot the story in the head. We went from a light slice-of-life story to an apocalyptic tale with somewhat of a dark ending. Honestly, this probably should've been split into two different stories; both are perfectly fine by themselves but they just don't work together at all.
I'm glad you're taking this as a learning experience. I personally wish this story could've come out much more coherent and satisfying, especially given you clearly do have the writing skills to make something truly great, but this can only mean better things from you in the future. Best of luck.
Of course it was Tuesday. It's always Tuesday with these ponies. Then again, I guess War and Harmony would tend to dislike each other. Though, it is a bit odd, considering Harmonia was the daughter of Ares...
Mythology rant aside, I'm sorry that this didn't turn out as well as you'd hoped. I enjoyed it for what it was, and I will definitely take your hard-learned lessons to heart in my own writing. I'm glad that you'll be continuing writing in this world you've created, and I can't wait to see what new ideas and issues you explore in this transformed world. Cheers.
Clumsy.
9129971
At least as of season 4, the Tuesday thing is actually legit.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2014/4/16/601524.jpeg
Edit: I have to agree with some of the other comments, that was kind of an unsatisfying ending. (Well, unless you're planning a sequel.)
Unlike most, I ansolutely loved this ending. The fact that everyone is forced to adapt to this new Equestria. People came into this expecting good to happen, but you flipped their expectations, and pit out something that wasn't world ending, but world changing in a way nobody expected. Now, if this turns out being past Equestria, that would be great.
9129948
I certainly wanted to end it, that's for sure.
I understand if you don't want to favorite or upvote this fic, though I'm flattered that you think it's not the worst because I certainly do. Favorites and upvotes should be earned, and it's always better that way. The only good thing out of this disaster of a short story is what you've said: It's a learning experience. I've failed spectacularly, but if I learn and do better, then it's all good.
Honestly, I'm more of a write-at-the-seat-of-your-pants kind of guy, but I'll at least give outlines a shot.
Thank you for that. You always had something great to say. I hope I won't rush things out next time, too.
And, to all who've read this utter mess of a story that shouldn't have been featured in the first place, thank you, too. You were great to talk to as well, both in jesting mode and in serious mode.
One last thing I want to say: Hopefully, my next fic doesn't get featured or too much attention. Might be hard to do with the surge of followers over the past month, but I've always written fics behind the scenes, so to finally be one of the "normal writers" on this site again will be relief.
9141568
No one knew, including yours truly!
I'm not sure if I'll correct it or just leave it as it is. The idea of snatching an old trombone at a bargain could spice things up a bit.
Millions dead as hospitals everywhere lose patients and sudden ponifications cause mortal wounds. Author is prime suspect.
This ending is depressing.
This fic was not good. It was... interesting. Not much else. It bugs me that it's so highly rated.
9157216
I agree with everything. I'm honored that you decided to slug through to the end even when it's becoming obvious that it's not worth it.
Yeah, it's not good. Interesting at best. I also am concerned about the high rating here. In fact, it's one of the reasons why I did the mistakes I did, catering (and even pandering) to the flow. I've said it before and I'll say it again: It doesn't deserve the ratings it has.
Honestly, I'm glad to be an average writer here once again. My current fic has a modest amount of likes which, really, is a lot cozier to have now than it was with the "everyone's looking up to you" 200+. I'd rather take the slow and steady path to high ratings than explode my way to the featured box.
Anyway, sorry for this mess. It was nice reading what you had to say, especially when you pointed out the story's flaws. I'll do my best to learn from this.
Thank you.
I like this, I applaud you for going against the grain and NOT sticking to the Status Quo. To many authors resort to 'reset button' ending's instead of exploring what the world would be like if magic came back to the world.
Thank you for doing this, we need MORE authors like you.
I'm favoriting this.
9182821
Never played that nfs game, but cool, :D
9182821
Waiiiiiiit a second and a half, that Need for Speed game.... does that have a city named Rockport, a douchefuck mcdickface (pardon my france on that one) called Razor (i hate that guy if that wasn’t obvious enough, :P) and an equally big asshat cop called Ross? Because if it has, i have that game on my Playstation 2, :D
9188440
No. That's Most Wanted (2005). Hot Pursuit (2010) has Seacrest County as its setting.
9188444
Oh, mixed them up then, xD
9188449
Because you can go like hell and high water trough a forest in most wanted, so i thought that was name Seacrest County as well, but nope,
9198416
Not necessarily, Trixie has reason to carry a wand, as she is a stage magician. Sunset doesn't.
Regardless, the point is moot by the end of the story. (Which I will not get any closer to spoiling here.)
9198427
It's funny that we have to feel careful about spoilers when a huge chunk of the ending's given out by the sequel story bar on the right. :)
9198594
Eh, the other person left that comment in reply to one I left on chapter 5. I'm assuming they didn't look at the sequel when considering whether or not to read the story.
9198754
Still, the sequel's short blurb is a very dead giveaway of how this story ends. Then again, I'm probably being over-protective; you did say it'd end up being a moot point—would it matter if Sunset had retained her unicorn magic considering that everyone would become Equestrians anyway? :)
Oh... Bad end...
9325234
Sure, but those are not the issues the quoted section addresses! Plus, horses' front legs move just like our legs move, and the rear legs… well, you might need coaching on optimizing it, but jus moving should work right out of the box
Sparkle share her cutie mark story?
Very cool!
9069479
https://m.Huh. I can't help but echo a number of the other comments: This felt a bit rushed, disjoint, and even forced as the story went on. And given your comments, it seems like you got excited by all the attention the story was getting and rushed things as a result. That sounds like a pretty honest mistake to me. Just know that you often get a better story if you're willing to be patient and make sure the story flows well together.
That said, I enjoyed reading this. It was a lot of fun, even if the ending felt... empty? I'm not sure if that's quite the right word.
I absolutely love this story. Thanks for a great read! Just wish it had a slightly longer ending chapter.
This...doesn't make sense. Sunset's "letting" those students...what? What is she "letting"?
If it's "letting students know about another dimension", then why have "in the" in front of "know"? Those two little words drastically change the context, since then "know" is already being used to describe 'already having knowledge of something secret or confidential' and thus cannot be used to pair up with "letting".
With "in the" present, the sentence reads as an incomplete one; either remove those two words, so that "letting" and "know" can be paired up into a coherent sentence, or add something after "are the norm" so that "letting" makes sense - "letting...students...talk freely"? I dunno; the portal itself is introduced in the next sentence, so a reference to it (e.g. "...hang around the portal") cannot be added here.
Here's my idea for a better ending:
As the (Hu)mane 7 step outside the next morning to memorize their long gone human bodies, they hear rotor sounds in their direction, which also causes everypony to step out of their homes. They get to the source of the noises and with surprised looks on all their faces, they see lots of military transport helicopters, some with two words: ESAF (Equestrian States Air Force) and the EPF (Equine Pandemic Foundation) on the side. They land outside the city, and to their shock, human soldiers and some scientists come out of the choppers appearing to be uninfected. They come to the humans and ask: "Why are you humans here? Why aren't you infected?" They tell them: "That's because we didn't come from here. we came from the continents far from here." They then realise that when the white light came over Canterlot City, it teleported itself, along with places such as Griffionstone and Changeling City onto a new land mass in the middle of the North Atlantic Ocean.
It had also stopped the magic cold from reaching continents such as the United States, Canada, United Kingdom, Africa, South America and others. The ponies and the Mane 7 are awed by this, realising that they not only saved their planet, Earth, but also billions of people who lived on those continents.
Although they are all saddened by the loss of their human bodies, the ESAF and EPF reminds them that their lives, hearts, and souls still matter to them on the inside, even with the changes on the outside. Their leader, President of the Equestrian States, reminds that for their protection, they will send the right food, lots of water and supplies to the ponies to ensure their florishment. The ponies then cheer as they realise that not only are they going to survive, they are also being discovered and are being provided support by people from the other continents.
As the ponies (with the Mane 7 at the front) look over at the distance and see the distant endless ocean, they all smile as they see more military transport choppers with supplies flying towards them. They (including the Mane 7) than all realise that there is still hope, due to the people who had arrived not being infected.
It then ends with a shot of Earth as a new landmass (which Canterlot City now resides on, along with others such as Changling City and Griffionstone) has appeared in the North Atlantic Ocean, near the United States of America.
IMDB description: Sunset Shimmer and her 6 friends decide to go to Equestria for a stay. But what they don't realise is right when they got in, something awful has been unleashed back on Earth....
10131033
Well...at later dates yeah. Early on, not so much. Unless your good friends with other immortals and can bot time travel and cross all of Existence to other world, multiverse, and dimensions.
Does Celestia realize she doesn't have to become ruler of the world just because she controls the sun? It just helps as a bargaining chip.
Now would be a pretty fitting good time to play this: