Round House
An argument and a few minutes later, Bon Bon went upstairs to retrieve Lyra.
This left Octavia alone in the living room with the Shadowbolts which included the unicorn on the table, clearly miffed at being a pony.
“Ugh.” She looked at her horn and her short mane. “I’m awake and I’m still a pony!”
“At least you’re not dead!” Sour said in a half-hearted attempt at encouragement.
“Will you be quiet?!” Sunny ordered.
And Sour crossed her arms and looked up at the ceiling, admiring the light fixtures and the lack of Sunny Flare’s furious appearance in the ceiling.
Lemon bent down to the pony, touching Sunny’s mane. “This is so unreal! A real-life unicorn!”
“You haven’t been paying attention during the Friendship Games, did you?” Indigo asked as Sunny grumbled at her treatment.
Lemon smiled as she rubbed Sunny’s hairy cheeks. “I did. Just in a different way!”
Sunny groaned again and pushed Lemon’s hand out of the way. “Like I said, I’m not your little pony or anyone’s little pony!” She stomped a hoof on the table. “What you need to do is change me back!”
“But we have no idea how to change you back!” Lemon replied. “We don’t know spells or potions or anything! We’re not magical!”
“At this rate,” Sugarcoat said, “we’ll all be magical before the end of the day.”
“Uh, excuse me,” Octavia spoke up with a raised finger.
The Shadowbolts looked her way, even Sunny Flare.
“Sorry, but I have to give Vinyl Scratch some much-needed air.”
Octavia unzipped her backpack, aimed it at the floor, and out came a white unicorn with funky blue hair and a pair of shades that concealed her eyes.
Vinyl shook her head, scratched her mane, and gave Octavia a bitter frown while pointing at the Shadowbolts.
“At least you have company!” Octavia said. “There’s another pony like you, suffering from the same ordeal!”
“Don’t call me ‘pony’!” Sunny yelled as she hopped off the floor and walked up to Octavia, not mindful of the noticeable size difference between them—or how many times she almost tripped on to the floor.
“Technically, you are,” Sugarcoat said.
“I don’t care about ‘technical’ stuff!” Sunny shouted, pointing a hoof at her. “I wasn’t born a pony!”
“But you’re a pony now.”
Sour Sweet sneezed.
Indigo scooted away from her to the far end of the couch. “Should I take this as a warning or what?”
“Oh, yes, dear!” Sour said, smiling while exuding sarcasm. “Take it as a warning! Next thing you know, my germs will give you magical wings!”
Lemon giggled, turning down her music’s volume. “Doesn’t sound bad, honestly.”
Sour sneezed again, remembering to cover her mouth this time.
And glowed.
Everyone, even the ponies, scrambled away from Sour Sweet, Sunny stumbling on her hooves and smacking face-first to the carpet.
Poof!
And the glow subsided, leaving a cream-colored pegasus recovering on the couch, slowly raising her head in a bout of pain. “What...?”
The non-pony Shadowbolts stood up and looked at each other, signaled some hand messages before they misunderstood each other and gave up.
Sunny smacked herself on the head and stomped on the carpet, “This is worse than I thought!” Then, turning up to the other Shadowbolts: “Stay away from us! You might get our germs!”
“That was a joke!” Indigo shouted, raising her hands up and backing up to the wall only to hit Octavia on accident.
Sunny half-closed her eyes. “I’m willing to believe anything at this point! Magic here, magic there; I’m a unicorn, she’s a unicorn, everyone’s a unicorn!” She raised a forehoof to the air, only to wobble in place and force it back to the floor to regain balance. “Germs won’t sound out of place—“
“Aah!”
They covered their ears as Sour Sweet screamed, spreading her wings in panic.
“I’ve been infected!” Sour screamed as she jumped out of the couch.
Only to fall on the floor.
Then, footsteps from upstairs, revealing Bon Bon with Lyra walking beside her, the pony’s height almost reaching Bon Bon’s shoulders.
“So, girls,” Bon Bon said as she walked down, “here’s—“
And saw two unicorns with frazzled manes, one pegasus collapsed on the floor, and four students staying very close to the wall, all wearing various degrees of fear at the sight of those magical creatures.
“—Lyra…?”
Silence reigned as everyone exchanged glances.
“Psst!” Lemon then whispered to Indigo, “Should we run now?”
“We must stay calm,” Sugarcoat said, hearing the whisper. She raised both her hands, capturing everyone’s attention. “Nothing good is going to come from running around and screaming for help.”
“What about we call for emergency services?” Lemon suggested.
“Too early to do that,” Sugarcoat said. “Even if we do call them, they have no rules or regulation about dealing with a magic crisis. What we need to do is—“
Beep!
Everyone looked at Bon Bon.
She picked up her phone and read the message.
It was from Big Mac and it read: [Blank]
The reason behind the mysterious message was not that mysterious. It all lay inside the Apple family’s barn-like garage where a burly red stallion hid behind a big table, trying to operate his phone. The device barely registered his big and unwieldy hooves, but it was enough to press the Send button.
Too bad he did not input any text to send.
“No!” he shouted, stomping his phone in rage’s fit.
And cracked his phone.
He opened his mouth in panic, squealing. After a moment of calming himself down, he bent down and inspected the phone.
Despite the cracks, it still showed Bon Bon’s face and their previous texts and conversations.
He tried to pick up the phone with his hooves.
No good. It fell to the ground.
“Ah!” He snorted. “What’s wrong with me?!”
“Big Mac?”
His ears perked up at the strange voice.
He took a deep breath, turned his head out towards the garage door, expecting to see Apple Bloom or Granny Smith—perhaps Applejack was back; that would have been an embarrassment to top all embarrassments.
Except it was not any of them.
Standing outside the garage door were three ponies—one Earth pony, one pegasus, one unicorn. Two he could discern as mares, with the pegasus the only stallion among them.
Big Mac gulped and pointed a sheepish hoof at them. “Y-You, too? Wh-Who a-are you?”
The three ponies whispered among themselves, covering their muzzles with their hooves.
Then, they gasped and smiled. All together: “Big Mac!”
They galloped to him and hugged him.
Big Mac let out a “Huh?!”
They released their grip, looking confused at him.
“Don’t you remember us, Big Mac?” the pegasus asked, pointing a hoof at himself.
Big Mac sighed. “I-I apologize, but you don’t look familiar.”
The Earth pony brought her face into his view, frowning. “You don’t remember Cookie?!”
“Or me, Cinnamon?” the unicorn asked, trotting to the center of his view.
“And what about your favorite easy keeper, Oakley?” the pegasus said, smiling to bring attention to himself.
Big Mac took a few seconds to register the names.
He backed up against the wall, terrified. “Y-You’re our horses?!”
Cookie nodded as they walked up to him. “Yeah, but we’re not here to hurt you!”
“Actually,” Oakley began, opening a wing and caressing it with a hoof, “we’re new to this, too. Suddenly having your mind opened to lots of things, being able to speak your words, having new desires and wanting more than just food, shelter, and love….” He spun his eyes around. “It’s all a doozy!”
“Not to mention the weird stuff on our bodies,” Cinnamon said, gesturing towards her horn and his wings.
“Or the weird symbols on our flanks,” Cookie added, looking at her cutie mark of cookies.
Oakley nickered in delight. “When we realized we could share everything together with you and your family, we just had to go out and meet you! We didn’t expect to see you’re a horse like us, Big Mac!”
Cinnamon trotted to Big Mac’s side and ruffled his mane. “It makes it easier for the both of us to relate, though—as if you weren’t trying already!”
Cookie giggled. “Yeah, she told us about how you ate her hay!”
Big Mac gulped, blushing.
Oakley stepped forward. “I guess what we want to say from the get-go is...”
“What?” Big Mac asked weakly.
Then, all together again: “We love you!”
And the three hugged him with their forehooves, swamping him with giggles and expressions of love to their former horse owner.
Then, the stallion himself raised his hoof.
All were paying attention to him as they released themselves again from the hug.
He sighed, eyes closed. “I...I...I’m just...overwhelmed, if that’s the word.”
Sat down on the floor and placed a hoof on his head.
“What is it?” Cookie asked.
“Did we do something wrong?” Cinnamon asked further.
Big Mac looked up, then shook his head.
“Then, what’re you trying to say?” chimed in Oakley.
The former farmer twirled a hoof around. With a big breath of air: “Got up in the morning. Couldn’t eat breakfast steak. Started seein’ unicorns in my mind. Craved for hay.”
Cookie chuckled but Oakley gave her a little nudge which stopped her.
“Made noises only a horse could make. Got turned into...this,” pointing at his pony self. “An’ now, the Apple family horses can talk, fly, use magic, too….” He waved a hoof around. “Applejack’s out o’ town. Granny’s gone to the grocery by herself. Apple Bloom’s doin’ community service. I...I….”
Felt a hoof on his head.
Looked up and saw Cookie’s smiling face.
“We’ll help you,” Cookie said. “I don’t know what made you like this, but we’ll make sure you’ll get through it.”
“And we’ll do it together!” Oakley said, trapping him in a third embrace.
This time, Big Mac was gasping for air, choking.
As the pegasus glowed and was pulled out of the way under Cinnamon’s magic. “You’re going to damage his lungs.”
Big Mac opened his mouth in awe, having just seen a unicorn—his unicorn but, now, no longer his—perform magic.
Oakley snorted at her then hovered over the ground with his wings, taking back his smile for Big Mac. “So, what do ya’ say?”
Big Mac’s lips trembled, mixed with confusion, anger, joy—
“What am I…?”
All four ponies looked at the source of the question.
It was Apple Bloom, holding a phone to her ear mid-call, staring at the four horses at the end of the garage.
The three other ponies waved at her, smiling.
“Hi, Apple Bloom!” Cookie greeted, waving her hoof so fast it became a blur and produced wind. “Remember us? Cookie and pals?”
“And Big Mac’s here, too!” Oakley said, pointing at him.
Big Mac bit his lip and waved nervously. Gulped, he then said in his trademark deep voice, “Hi…?”
It was Apple Bloom’s jaw to drop now.
“Uh, AB?” Sweetie’s voice rang through the phone. “What’re you doing?”
“Aaahhhh!”
Close to downtown, Sweetie put down her phone, winced while leaning on the wall beside her broom close. When the screaming was done, she put her phone back up, growing tense as she noticed her hand shivering. “Apple Bloom! What happened?!”
“No time to explain, Sweetie Belle!” Apple Bloom shouted loud enough to make Sweetie stretch her phone away. “I’ll tell ya’ this afternoon—bye!”
“Apple Bl—“
Call cut.
Sweetie sighed as she grabbed her broom and swept the sidewalk again, passing by an alley—
Thunk!
“Huh?”
Amid the fallen boxes and the trash in the alley, there was a soda can rolling on the ground.
“Might as well clean this one, too.”
So she went to the alley and swept it free from trash, putting the litter into the dumpsters by the walls while pinching her nose to avoid the stench.
With that done, she whistled her way back to the streets.
Not noticing the figure that came out from behind one of the dumpsters.
“Yes!” said a blue unicorn, wearing a wizard’s hat and cape. “The Great and Powerful Trixie has not only made immense strides in magic with this new form, she has even gained the ability to make herself invisible!”
The backdoor opened, revealing Fuchsia Blush who looked at Trixie. She gasped. “Trixie! What are you doing there?! You’ll get caught!”
“No need to worry!” Trixie answered, placing a hoof on her hat as it glowed and floated above her bright horn. “Trixie has learned how to use magic without bringing undue attention to herself!” She winked at her bandmate. “Trixie has even gained that tutelage from a faraway land!”
“You mean when you stumbled into that Equestria place?” Fuchsia asked deadpan.
Trixie clucked her tongue, horn still glowing. “Trixie’s stumble was no accident! She planned it all out so that she would gain vital knowledge!”
Fuchsia opened the door wider, slight shaking her hair in anger. “Get inside, or I’ll bring you inside.”
Trixie threw her hat down, horn glowing even brighter as she aimed it at her. “You dare threaten the Great and Powerful—“
“Hey, Fuchsia!” came Wallflower’s voice as she entered the alley with Juniper holding some popcorn.
“Eep!” Trixie cried out as she shot a magical beam.
It bounced off a wall and on to Juniper.
Who glowed and fell to the ground, spilling popcorn all over.
“Aah!” and both Fuchsia and Wallflower ran to the door, clinging to each other in fright.
Trixie scampered around the dumpster, avoiding detection by Wallflower, and leaped inside.
Wallflower then looked at Juniper, showing her teeth in unease.
Except Juniper was now an Earth pony who still had her film reel hat.
Wallflower took a step closer, hand over her mouth. “Juniper? Is that you?!”
The mare opened her eyes, able to see Wallflower and Fuchsia. “Yeah, it’s me!” Then, feeling a bit of pain in her head—“Did I get blinded? Like one of those laser guys?”
Wallflower walked over to Juniper and carried her away, to the door.
Juniper then noticed that she was being carried. “Why are you—“
And looked down, saw her hooves.
“Wuh!” and flailed her hooves about, causing Wallflower to flinch. “What happened to my hands?! Why are you carrying me?!”
Fuchsia sighed as they entered the apartment, Wallflower rushing inside. “Welcome to the club, Juniper!”
Before she closed the door, though, she saw a pink car pass by.
Principal Cadance was driving her pink car, complete with a pink and blue dashboard and a crystal heart symbol on the center of the steering wheel. Conditioned with cold air and with her phone on the dock, she was busy talking to Shining Armor through it.
“...and that’s what makes it unusual,” Cadance continued. “Everyone knows Jet Set and Upper Crust are in love, but when I saw them together, their argument stopped in front of me! As if it never happened in the first place!”
“Probably because they don’t want to argue in front of the principal,” Shining said.
She sighed, turning to the right. “That’s not it, though. I passed by your parents and they were having an argument, too, until I walked in front of the house.”
“They were?” Shiny asked, surprised.
“They were, until they suddenly hugged each other.” She turned left.
“They probably want to respect Crystal Prep, that’s all,” replied Shining. “Wouldn’t sit well if Twi’s former dean saw them arguing like that, right?”
Cadance rolled her eyes at how he called her. Then: “But that’s not all. Before I started up the car, I heard Filthy and Spoiled talk it out bad just outside my house. I decided to disprove my theory and hide behind the car to see what would happen.”
“Cady,” Shining began, “I know you’re concerned that they might be putting up a front, but don’t you think you’re being paranoid?”
“Are you saying they’re just coincidences?” Cadance asked back.
“...yeah.”
Cadance wagged her head though Shining was not there to see it. “I don’t think so. Filthy and Spoiled? They didn’t just stop and make up. They said lovey-dovey names to each other, kissed on the sidewalk, and he promised her to dinner at any five-star restaurant of her choosing!“
“Just like magic?”
She cupped her mouth, realizing something.
Though that something was not being oblivious enough to run a red light.
Shining chuckled, his laugh contrasted against the silence of the car’s interior. “That phrase has a whole new meaning now that we have actual magic, huh?”
In her daze, Cadance saw Canterlot High in the distance. “Uh, yeah! Look, dear, I have to go. I’m almost there.”
“Alrigh—“
Call cut.
Cadance gripped the steering wheel, nervous. “Should I tell Shiny about the texts?” A long pause, then: “What if I’m gaining magical powers? What if I become a pony today?”
She took the thoughts out of her mind as she focused on driving her car to the parking lot.
Luna waited by the faculty parking lot, standing near the door as the pink car stopped and Cadance came out of it.
“It must be urgent,” Cadance said as she walked up to her.
“It is,” Luna replied as they entered the school.
Their footsteps echoed in the empty hallway devoid of students.
“It’s to do with magic and this whole turning-into-ponies disease, correct?” Cadance asked.
“Yes,” was Luna’s answer. After a deep breath: “All three of us principals have pony selves in Equestria; they are princesses who wield powers and abilities far beyond the average native magic user. If we are turning into magical pony princesses with such powers and abilities, we must discuss how to cope with it until the portal is fixed.”
Cadance looked down, now moving up the stairs. “Is that so?”
“That is so,” Luna said. “Thou art learning—“ and winced.
Cadance frowned. “Your pony self getting to you?”
Luna nodded, covering her mouth. “Forsooth—“ and winced again as they reached the second floor.
After more walking through the hallways, they reached the principal’s office, the reception desk beside the door.
They tried to look through the window.
It was covered.
“What is this?” Luna blurted out. She leaned her head closer to the door and knocked. “Sister? Are you in there?”
No answer.
She turned the door knob.
Locked.
“It is not normal for her to leave it like this,” Luna commented, eliciting a worried look from Cadance. The vice principal got the keys from her bag and then opened the door, bringing Cadance in as well.
They saw a couple books on the floor along with a fallen globe. Busy closing the window’s curtains was Principal Celestia.
Alicorn Principal Celestia, to be more precise, her mane and her tail flowing and all as she closed the curtains with a yellow glow.
Celestia turned around to see her sister and the other principal. With shrunken irises: “I, uh—“
“Cadance!” Luna shouted as she threw her bag at her.
Cadance caught it, scared as she let Luna open it and take out Sunset’s journal. Then, looking at the alicorn, “Celestia? D-Do you feel OK?”
The alicorn shook her head, glancing at the window. “I could sense the sun, as if I could just reach it with my hands—hooves!” She placed a tired hoof on her head. “I’m feeling that...that it—“
“What does the sun want?!” Luna shouted, holding the journal open.
Celestia sighed, facing her sister with dread. “The sun wants to be controlled.”
Cadance and Luna looked at her, both feeling the dread.
“And what do you mean by that?” Cadance asked, wondering how she got into a discussion about the sun’s feelings.
Celestia hung her head, facing the globe on the floor. “I could feel it...asking me to guide it, as if I was her...master….” as she stared off to the calendar on the board.
“Say no more!” Luna shrieked as she whirled the journal on to the wall, writing fast and crooked on it.
“What are you doing?!” Cadance asked in shock.
“Asking Sunset how to control the sun and the moon!” Luna replied fast, not even turning to face her. “There is not much time before we turn into the Princess of the Night—” and winced a third time at her next go in old English.
And Cadance backed herself to the wall, looking at a stressed Luna spelling out a dire request and then looking at a worried Celestia—that alicorn over there, majestic in her appearance as she trotted over to her sister.
Cadance looked at her hands, still seeing those hands.
“Don’t know how long I’ll stay like this,” she whispered to herself, voice failing. “If I even survive!”
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At this rate everyone will be ponies by the end of the day.
Love Big Mac scene, very funny and cute at the same time. Even horses were changed into ponies? Now this is a brand new concept I can live by. Can't wait till Applejack come back from Equestria to discover her brother got fillyfriends with their former horses.
I love this more and more with each new chapter
Okay, that bit with Big Mac and the horses, I did NOT see coming! Well played. And the ending bit with the alicorns' counterparts is great. This whole chapter is great! This story keeps getting better and better!
I've said it before and I'll likely say it again, both of these things:
And that's how Equestria was made!
This story is so amazing!!!! I love it!!!!
Wow, you do a really amazing job establishing the stakes of this story.
Well crap. Human world is getting ever more screwed.
Half wondering if Pony world is going to start changing into humans now just for lols.
9097426 wait for Sugar Belle's reaction. lol. I remember right, in this story, they just about started dating.
9097426
I've seen kind of similar things in a couple other stories (earth horses turning into ponies in Equestria), but one of them was pretty short and the other two are unfinished (and one of them even seems to have been removed from FiMFiction).
This really turned into Pandemic, didn't it?
...Goddamit Trixie, is this all your fault?!
Also, didn't expect the regular horses to transform, but I suppose it makes sense.
Alright, I gotta know. Did you plan this all out ahead of time, or has the story taken the bit in its teeth and run off into the blue? Because either way, this is one of the best things I've ever read.
9097588
Sugar Belle: What are you doing Mac? You just turned into pony not even a day, and you already got other girl... marefriends?!
Big Mac: Ah... Ah can explain.
Sugar Belle: You should at least ask for my approval first before adding another into our herd! I am your alpha girlfriend, ain't I?
Big Mac: ...?! (blink)
9097735
Since it seemed to cause by the magical flu, I think it is. Can we make a vaccine for this one? If I remember correctly, we mostly use horses to create natural vaccine. (or is it serum?)
9098200
We used to use Horses for vaccines but now we use eggs because it allows the vaccine and such to grow faster and be developed better.
9097735 I once played Plague Inc and I named my bacteria Ponies and I did it on Brutal. It was surprisingly effective. Also, silly or girly-sounding names are very dangerous in game.
9098066
Short answer: Took the bit and ran off.
Long answer: Originally, this story was to be a filler fic between my two more serious projects, namely a changelings-win timeline fic (Changing Ways) and the next one whose exact synopsis I won't tell but it involves Earth-meets-Equestria shenanigans. Magical Curiosity wasn't supposed to last beyond 50,000 words; it should've been a story with lots of fluff and, at worst, medium-level action.
After the fic exploded into the feature box on its first chapter, I slowly found myself in a Lost-esque situation. People were latching on to, in my eyes, a throwaway fic that should've garnered much lower numbers. I'm no mind reader but I felt it would be a massive let-down if I gave it a less-than-stellar ending. What I did after a while was to expand on the story, seeing if I could re-use details from earlier chapters to my benefit. The result was that, somewhere along the way, the little short story died to give way to what it is now.
Also: I find it a little heartwarming that a story with a quantity-over-quality philosophy made it this far, since I believe that, with enough quantity, you'll find quality because you've seen too many mistakes in your style over the months.
Still, I'm doubtful about this being one of the best things you've read. I'd still place Oversaturated and Beating Yourself Up Over It miles ahead of this one.
9098976
You're selling yourself short again, stoppit. when I say I like something I mean it. and when I say that this is rapidly becoming one of my favorite EQG fics of all time, I mean it. I prize character depth above all else, and you've attempted the indescribably finicky task of including all twelve girls in a single narrative whilst keeping them distinct. You've succeeded brilliantly.
And then once we've moved into the second act, we go right off the rails on the Crazy Train! The Apple family horses becoming ponies too? I would have never thought it! And neither did anyone else! But now that it's happened it makes immaculate sense, and leads off into so many new things to explore. This is what's so wonderful about slice of life and character depth. It provides a strong foundation to carry a truly expansive story.
It's funny you should mention Oversaturated, I've rather been considering this story to be Oversaturated done right. Don't get me wrong, Oversaturated is very well written, and an entertaining read, but I found it somewhat disappointing.
It doesn't feel like a pony story. It starts out going in a fascinating direction, and it's great fun seeing things spin into mayhem, but then it all jerks to a halt with a Deus ex Arbor. From that point on, the world feels like any other modern-fantasy setting, just populated with characters from EQG. And worst of all, with the normalizing suggestion laid over everyone, the story completely skips the chaotic reorganization of the status-quo that makes these stories so fascinating. Humph.
To sum up a long, rambly post, this story is amazing, you are a better writer than you think, and always be prepared to give a story it's head. It'll likely find an even more interesting path than the one you'd planned out for it.
9099230
You're putting me on a pedestal again, stoppit.
On a serious note, though: I don't think having all twelve girls and two Spikes (plus Sunset Shimmer and Starlight Glimmer) isn't that hard to do; I believe that anyone who could write a decent story only needs to watch a good chunk of Equestria Girls material to get a handle on the differences between the two versions—or, if they don't have the time, just look up the MLP Wiki and TV Tropes. As I've said before, it's not really the interactions themselves that are the problem; the problem is how long it goes for before it devolves from characterization to meaningless filler.
Yes, I believe slice of life and character depth, when done right, can make a wonderful story. I don't have much else to say there.
As for Oversaturated: Nah, I still think Magical Curiosity can't compare. To put it more accurately, though—I believe this fic is what would have happened if someone at Hasbro pitched the premise of Oversaturated and a couple of other related fics (including Pandemic like someone else said a while ago) and they decided to greenlight a full-on digital series based on that. This is partially why it's rated E.
I think part of the charm that goes to Oversaturated is that it is a modern-fantasy setting with an Equestria Girls twist. It was the first fic to seriously utilize the concept well, the one that established some key ideas if anyone else would have a go at it. Does it feel like other modern-fantasy settings? Maybe, maybe not, but does it matter since almost all modern-fantasy stories have common elements? Also, I'm not exactly sure what's your stance on this, but since I firmly believe that tropes are tools, Deus ex Machinas can be done right and I think Oversaturated did it right.
Well, thank you for that.
Though I still believe this story isn't that amazing and that I'm not that good of a writer, glad to know you're upbeat about it. Actually, I've developed a sort of cynical attitude when it comes to writing mostly because I've read a little about a Victorian-age British author who viewed writing as a sort of labor, not much different from making shoes. So, in the same vein, I write like it's my job; I even set a timer to beat for every 500 words or so. Of course, it's more than just a job since I'm writing about a world and its ponies that I've grown fond of over the years, but the business aspect of it lingers in the background.
And letting stories go wherever they want isn't new to my style. That's pretty much what I do with everything I write, for better of for worse.
Anyway, again, thank you for that comment. You made my day.
Well. I'm caught up, and... yeah, you kind of have the opposite problem I did with Oversaturation in terms of pacing. I rushed the ending. You're wallowing in the middle. You keep introducing plot arcs and new developments and further characters and you took your sweet time with most of them. This latest bit, though, feels like you're overcompensating. After the slow burn of the "cold," suddenly people are going straight from human to pony (or horse to pony; see previous comment regarding throwing in ever more story elements) in the blink of an eye.
It's clear you're making this up as you go along, and that's not necessarily a bad thing! But the result is a confused tangle of plot threads that, instead of unravel, you've now set on fire. I'm still looking forward to seeing where the madness takes us, but this has become something of a mess.
9099230
An entirely fair assessment of the problems with the ending of Oversaturation... though I will note that I put the status quo effect into place so the later reorganization and adaptation could be fun and wacky as opposed to, say, global panic that culminates in the collapse of societies, nuclear fire, or universal collapse. Amending the laws of the universe is not something one does lightly.
Besides, the ponies were solving their problems with dei ex arbol for the first four seasons of the show, and again in "Shadow Play."
9099481
Yeah. I may have used Chandler's Law a bit too much to combat my slow pace.
Now that I know that it's too fast, though, I'll see how I can fix it.
As for writing on the seat of my pants: I realize that entangled threads are a danger. Which is why I'm using notes as a precaution as well as getting an .epub file of this fic so I can browse through it and see what I'm missing—though I guess that's already a common practice here.
9099542
True. I don't disagree. However, I wanted to add some punch and it'd get tiring to find different ways of what should be a rather mundane and common thing for a unicorn to do like holding stuff.
Thanks for pointing it out, though!
I'm sorry what
This gonna be gooood
At this rate, the city will be ponified by the time the girls open the portal.
The suspense is ki-
Well that's not going to be awkward as all get-out.
Welp
Well. Some nations will fall to chaos. Some will be fine. Furries are going to love this, and finally....make Germans Griffons!
I like how things are ramping up.
Yeah, sorry, principal Celestia is an alicorn is just stupid.