Ah man, I knew you were gonna write about Zala at some point. Nice to see Tower Shield (and Kindnicker) make an appearance, too.

Wait, people have problems with Zebras? this is a first.

Wow. This is really well written. You've really captured the raw, gross essence of a bunch of soldiers out on their own, given them interesting personalities. Onward to the next chapter!

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Because the usual implementation of zebras in the R34 side of our fandom is almost entirely of Fall Of Equestria-level zebra domination. It's become quite common, and the everlasting en masse hate that FOE picked up hasn't seemed to catch on to the whole zebra domination scene yet.

But it has caused a lot of hatred for zebras and zebra clopfics, even the ones not involving "zebras fuck all the mares into mind-breaking and dominate Equestria with their dicks and mind-control alchemy, look at how inferior ponies are to zebra schlong, even the Princesses as we cuck all Equestrian stallions and chop off their balls". This is, as the author notes for their own story, just another fetish, but it became so widespread that people are fairly salty about it.

On top of that, there is also a much smaller group formed of SJW-types who love to make trouble complaining about exploitation of a less-advanced group or its members, which their sort might have applied to this story. But in general no one listens to them because they're crazypants.

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Zebradom.... it is nasty Zebra domination of all of Equestria, where Zebra Stallions basically take over the whole country with nothing but their big throbbing cocks. And the mares all "love" it, even if they were not interested in sex before.

It is nuts....

Even if it isn't sexual, that last bit where she clenched up in embarrassment while reliving herself... man, that was fucking hot!

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Thanks man!

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Like I said, everyone has their own kinks, no reason to get super worked up about other themes! Thanks for your support!

?

At this point in the story, I wonder if Zala will ever reunite with Lt. Lancer? I'm hoping that she does!

One good addition would be that Zala helps the soldiers with various chores. That she not only receives but also gives.

claims which would be spoiled when the great disk would erratically plummet from the sky, or suddenly interchange with the moon in rapid succession

...Discord and Twilight...tsk tsk tsk. You've gone and befuddled the zebras, you foals.

“Wh-what is a diet?”

Neighponese government, kid, Neighponese government.

...Though it does sound strange to English-speakers.

Hey there!

I usually don't put A/N's at the START of my fics, but I wanted to do so in this case because this story involves a zebra-mare getting absolutely wrecked by some ponies.

For some reason, everything 'zebra x pony' or 'pony x zebra' can really offend some people.

Here's how I see it: I don't care about any of this BLACKED/STRIPED or COLONIZED/WHITED stuff... it's all just kinks of various degrees of depravity and... let's admit it, we're reading a clopfic here.

So YES, in this particular story I'm having a zebra-filly being bred by a 'superior' culture. But I think there's nothing wrong with doing the opposite if that's your kink. It's all just ridiculous sex-fantasy.

As I've said in many comment threads... can't we all just... clop along?

Anyway, enough spouting off... enjoy this absolutely ADORABLE filly getting fucked silly!

It's really sad that you have to tell people to back off because White people and Black people are a thing but that's where we are. Loving Submission is my most heavily downvoted story because I decided on fetishizing zebra/pony. The good news is people know who you are and the upvotes inevitably trivialize the assblasted people who downvoted it because of Muh Racisms™.

You actually did pretty well on downvotes here. I do wonder how many more you'd have gotten if the pony was the female though.

It's all so tiresome.

Zala was not so easily tricked, of course... many of the Zebrican ‘kings’... really just tribal warlords…

You're missing the word 'were'. Setting that aside, this isn't a very well-rendered sentence to start with. The ellipses are extra lazy and the narrator sounds like he needs to go to sleep. Take some melatonin and go to bed!

claims which would be spoiled when the great disk would erratically plummet from the sky, or suddenly interchange with the moon in rapid succession… revealing the mysterious celestial object it to be far beyond their control.

I guess this is referencing Discord's antics. No real canon justification otherwise as Celly always took her job raising the sun pretty seriously.

Ever since the previous year’s summer dance festival, handsome and powerful zebra chiefs and princes had travelled from afar to marvel at her and make offers of lands, warriors, gold, and even slaves to her tribe’s elders in exchange for the right to claim her.

I too believe your porn star needs to go big or go home. Make her the most desirable thing imaginable for the sake of the narrative.

But she knew what would happen. They would restrain her, stop her. Her father would do the right thing for the tribe. His daughter’s hoof would mean years of surety against flood and famine, and he had seen enough of both to know that binding his daughter and delivering her to a well-paying suitor was a fair, if difficult exchange.

I had been wondering what the conflict was to not having Zala go run off to be with the Zebras. That's one hell of a taboo against interracial relationships if you're willing to risk getting raided by a jealous suitor.

She wondered if she might make it onto some small corner of the tribe’s history: Zala… the filly who ran away.

She's going to run away just to hook up with the stallions? That's pretty sad...

Sprinting along the path, no doubt looking for her with keen eyes, eager to retrieve her for the tribe’s benefit.

This sentence is... weirdly offputting. It's very transactional like she's a tick on a balance sheet or something. They're not searching for her because as a member of their tribe they care for her survival as one of them?

From afar she

Missing comma.

She’d never seen such a thing, though the scribe-elder had described how the Zebrican kings of old had maintained a great road in the center of their country in ages past.

It was a nice road, until the incident...

Zala crouched down and felt the crushed gravel suspiciously, as if she might sink into it like a quicksand trap or a bog,

Excellent detail! You need a period instead of a comma though.

The crunch-crunch-crunch of the gravel under her hooves was incredible: she’d never heard anything like it! The road was so easy, so forgiving! She felt like she could run for days on it!

Her enthusiasm is infectious. Now I want to go running!

“FREEZE!!!” A cacophony of voices burst from in front of her.

“FACE DOWN IN THE DIRT! FUCK!” A voice screamed. “We will fuckin’ END YOU! Don’t you FUCKING breathe!”

Jesus Christ! Are they are war or something!? I'd have thought you'd give me a warning before they freaked out over an unarmed female about what their deal is.

Zala didn’t want to trust the voice, every instinct in her screaming that she should stay as small as possible, and await the crushing bit of the predator’s death blow to her vitals.

Again, this is a rather believable bit of characterization from a foal if I assume for the sake of porn this filly is acting younger than she really is. Fun fact, a captured juvenile Flying-Fox will most often just remain completely still when picked up by a rescuer in the hopes the giant won't eat her. They haven't developed the instincts to make a ruckus, bite the human and try to flee just yet and neither has Zala.

Zala looked up with wonder, it was the first pony she had seen since that evening, now so long ago. She was once again awestruck by the amazing colors and softness of the pony’s fur.

I bet it's the difference in diet. These soldiers are no doubt eating a lot better than these primitive zebras.

He was massive - bigger than any zebra (or any of the few ponies she’d remembered) that she had ever seen… he looked as big as one of the water buffaloes that her tribe would need 6 stallions to take down.

Those guys don't get referenced very often. Neat!

The larger guard hovered nearby, watching carefully. “Don’t do any funny stuff, Tourniquet, she may be the first female a carpet-muncher like you has seen in months but you’ll scare the poor thing.” He chuckled, winking at the flabbergasted Zala.

Yeowch! Carpet-munching is a beautiful thing when mares do it, buddy. Show some appreciation!

“Shut the buck up you idiot.”

You're using 'fuck and 'buck' in the same story with the same meaning. I'd change it if it were me. Using one is fine but using both is odd.

Tourniquets arm.

Add an apostrophe.

“Hey you buckin’ idiots! Show some Celestia-damned decorum you two parasprite-humpers!”

I'll bet you're the kind of guy who'd fuck a colt in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reacharound!

“Aye-aye Sargeant Bayou.”

The Legends were true! Bayou Billy exists in Equestria!

Aside from the mare unicorn, the giant earth-pony stallion, and the gruff earth-pony sargeant… another unicorn, a pair of pegasi, and what seemed like a… giant bat? were all looking at her.

You brought a thestral too? Good man!

“Yeah, Pokes… I think there was one in Bravo, like… way back from the early days when the whole corps was doing the first invasion.” Tower Shield mulled, scratching his chin. “But… all of Bravo rotated back home months ago.”

Ahh, I see now. So there is a war going on.

“Buck you, Tourniquet, I’m not gay.” He stuck his tongue out at her rudely,

Confirmed Bisexual.

“Corpsmare Tourniquet, medic. Heart-throb and prettiest mare in the whole regiment, at your service.” She shot a grin at her squadmates as they all groaned from her self-stylization.

Petty Officer - First Class, AJ Aficionado. I sail the finest ship in the fleet — Roseluck x Everypony.

“Z-zala… daughter of Zairobi, from the Ihashi tribe.”

“Welcome, Zala… now let’s git you a showah!”

I wonder what they're going to do with her. Okay, sure they're going to fuck her brains out but I mean why take her in and not just send her back out into the bush? She's not claiming asylum or anything. She's just some rando who happened upon their camp.

The soldiers had broken out beautiful metal cookware:silver pots

Add a space.

“Oooooh! Show’s on fellas! Tower’s gonna drop the SAUSAGE!” Tourniquet cheered, rolling over and getting a good viewpoint. All of her squadmates (except the Sergeant) did the same, whooping and hooting as Tower Shield shook his head angrily.

Wew lad. Well, this is a plot point, apparently! A bunch of soldiers cheering on another soldier while he pisses in an open trench.

This does not expand dong!

Kami chuckled, resting his chin on his hooves. “So what? This is the best show in this damn savannah… We look forward to this spectacle all day!”

You ponies have the most boring existence known to animal-kind if the highlight of your day is doing number-one. You ponies have the most disturbing existence imaginable if the highlight of your day is watching someone else do number-one!

I’m sure Zala has seen plenty of big fella’s back home. Those pompous, bullshittin’ zebra ambassadors in Equestria are always telling all the newspapers and magazines about how huge and strong their warriors are.”

When the United States goes to war they don't have the enemy ambassador walking around shitposting about swinging-dick third-world banana-clip counters who are totally going to own America's face. They get set packing and negotiations are mediated until such time that peace negotiations can be started. What in the name of Lily's foot-long Lilyhammer are these soldiers doing out here?

From under his white stallion body she saw his penis begin to unfurl. Slinking slowly at first, it dropped faster and faster, growing in length and width almost terrifyingly.

I'd make a joke but I do this sort of thing all the time. I'm not one to judge a man for his adverb usage.

Zala’s mouth slipped open as the obsidian finger of flesh became a fat sausage, then a tube thicker than her leg.

It's like a tornado out on the plains of Kansas forming.

Surprisingly intense for a scene shot in 1939, isn't it?

Even Zugabwe

I've got to give you credit. That actually sounds Africanized. I give all my Zebras Latin names in tribute to Fallout Equestria.

Actually, my Zebra fic is like this one in reverse. The Zebras are the technologically advanced imperialists occupying land in Equestria and helping themselves to the civvies. It's uncanny.

The giant penis began to splatter a heavy stream of golden urine, a splattering sound of filling being projected out the upright tube that Tower Shield was aiming his member toward.

This... is not... my fetish.

Okay, story. You know what you gotta do. You've kept me around for nearly six thousand words now. Let's get sexy. Come on!

Zala felt her marehood twitching and swelling, her arousal starting to rise at the pure sight of incredible male stallion before her.

This line just needs all kinds of work, my guy.

“Dude I’ve read Kindknicker’s letters to you, she’s actually told you to get laid while abroad - she freakin’ WROTE that she’s cool with more mares if you want to make a harem… you have literally NO excuse here.”

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Being cool with adding more mares and straight-up ordering a guy to bring back stripies is not the same thing! Still, appreciation is in order for not making her a cuck... I think. I hate it when people do that without adding a tag. I won't even name names but some very well-known clopwriters around here do it and it drives me away quicker than pulling a goddamn fire alarm.

“No offense Tower, but I’d like to be able to walk normal when I get back home… besides, momma Tourniquet can get whatever she needs from you other fellas.”

Wait, I thought she was a lesbian? I'd have thought she wasn't taking what any of them is offering.

Where's the mango truck? This story needs more insane Tracer in it.

Tourniquet laughed and nodded exuberantly. “Sure, sure. Yeah kid I’m only into mares… but when you’re in heat in the field you gotta scratch that itch y’know?” She nodded to the other soldiers about. “You know what they say, right? It’s not straight, if you’re in plate.”

All the other soldiers groaned at this.

Ditto. That was agony.

“Bitch.”

“Evil dyke.”

“Cunt-sniffer.”

The growled slurs came from all the male soldiers in unified commiseration against the tyranny of the female medic.

Tell! Worse, that was show and tell! I saw them be mean to the poor carpet munching, muff diver. I don't need you to tell me thaaaat!

You've come a long way in one year.

I'm tapping out. I know, I know. It's bitch-made that I'm backing out before the sex can even happen. I'm just not invested at all in any of the characters. Ah well. I'll check out the Diamond Gaval fic you told me about.

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No worries! I think you'll like the Gavel series!

This uh... Yeah... This is good... No, fuck that, this story is great so far, good details, great characters, and enough sexual tension to make a nun moan, loving it so far!