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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This one seems a little rushed compared to the regular quality your chapters are usually at. With a few small grammar mistakes here and there.
Also, I believe Number Crunch to be very careful of their word choice. As such I could never see them saying:
I wish to confess I murdered Swift Strike in self defense.
It's killed in self-defence, or murdered. There isn't much on an in-between.
If a court deems you've used excessive force that ended in the death of the perpetrator, even in self-defense, you'll be charged with murder.
Pony.
Forehoof.
For.
I never really wondered how an earth pony would try and stub out a cigarette. That was an hilarious description.
9282284
Perhaps I should look at rewording that sentence. Thank you for the feedback.
While Melissa clearly showed she isn't properly trained to be a officer since she made some really glaring mistakes dealing with the situation, she did show she has potential to be a good officer with training. She has a lot of personal insights into pony thinking that could make her a good at developing psych profiles for suspects.
Wild's lucky her family didn't see her little dance, they'd never let her live it down. She'd be getting lectures from her mother for sure. Still no telling what Number actually gave Wild for details about the murder.
i don't remember that part of the chapter but either way there will be no proof to go either way with charges.
any thing Tattered Wing finds out in the hearing she will be holding with / for / agents Tonya will never be scene in the waking world.
Number Crunch walks free as it should be Swift Strike was a monster and was delt with.
What do you mean, no crime to charge her for? The murder was committed under mental duress. Coersion, psychological abuse, and the like are all valid charges.
Also, there is some precedent for brainwashing to be used in legal procedures, though they often fall through. I feel that this is a case in which it would not.
9282896
Melissa is following with what she understands from what is going on with Shadow Dancer-which is a far more complex matter by legal definitions. It's important to remember that Melissa really is inexperienced and mistake prone as a result of that inexperience and lack of training, which was a large part of what I wanted to highlight in this chapter.
9283272
I feel like the crime in question, legally, is much worse than the options you could charge for- but ‘mind control’ or ‘brainwashing’ should still at the very least fall under these broader strokes of the law that may not do the crime justice, but are still applicable.
I can understand incompetence, though. Even though this stuff could be turned up with just a google search... Well, sometimes people won’t even give it that.
Not that I want her to be found guilty, heh.
9283544
Tonya's situation definitely is a much more straightforward case when it comes to crime being committed since a serious crime was committed as a result, murder. In Shadow Dancer's case it isn't so cut and dry and it would be a legal nightmare to charge him with anything and make it stick, especially if none of the brainwashed were doing anything illegal as a result. Melissa made the mistake of equating the two as the same thing despite them having very different circumstances.
9283560
I don't think any of Tonya's crimes are easy, and honestly I don't think she should get punished for any of it, or at least not so severely. There are two issues to address, one is the matter of which is more important, justice or the law, the second is that as far as her mind control goes, using it isn't a crime, but only because as often happens, the law hasn't caught up yet. I'd say the best thing they can do is get her to agree to community service, give her credit for what she's done (both the law and the wardens), and draft up the laws necessary. Sure, mind tampering like this should be a federal level law, but for now, a town ordinance will have to do until county, state or federal catches up, since towns can move much more quickly. That and they're going to need to do a review and overhaul of nearly all of their laws with the population growth and the new mix.
On a separate note, need any NPC's for this story? I'd be happy to give you free use of any of my herd, with only a tiny amount of restriction on my current and former personal characters.
Lastly, can I convince you to use my Luna headcanon? Likely this would've been visible in the dreamscape, as while a pony can take any form they want in the dreamscape, I suspect the wardens can see right through it. The canon in question is that when Celestia and Luna ascended, Harmony gave them a yin and yang sorta deal with their new alicorness. Celestia got the form of a traditional diurnal pegasus, while Luna got that of the much maligned nocturnal pegasi, a truth that she's hidden for her entire life, and the first seed of resentment for her sister, the first seed that would lead to Nightmare Moon.
Any how, enough of that stuff, just want to say I'm really enjoying this, it's my favorite of the two sequels and I'm looking forward to seeing where you go with this.