Daring Do and the Hand of Doom

by Unwhole Hole

Chapter 31: A Stallion’s Plan

Caballeron paced the floor of the cave, muttering to himself angrily. He had been doing so for nearly an hour, and he was starting to wear a streak into the granite and quartz floor.

“Boss?”

“Not now, Rogue!” he snapped.

The cave was, despite being a cave, actually quite pleasant. It was warmer than the surrounding mountain, and although the air was still thin and chilly it was habitable. The light came from a combination of torches and tiny but extremely bright crystals that the white Pegasi had brought. Even the furnishings were not bad; these caves had, by their shape, originally been part of the quarry that the Pegasi had used to construct their great city overhead. This particular section had been long abandoned even when Commander Hurricane was young, though, and had been converted at some point into a complicated bunker to store supplies or for the Pegasi to take shelter in times of need. There was furniture carved with stone, as well as a number of exceedingly valuable ancient Pegasus artifacts. Even knowing that they were there, though, Caballeron was too furious to bother even trying to pick them up.

“I never thought I would be agreeing with Rogue,” sighed Argiopé, still taking the form of a goat in a jacket with a plunging fur-coated neckline. She stopped Caballeron and leaned onto him. “I would think you would be happy, herr doktor! We still get paid just as much, and you hardly need to do any work.”

“That’s not the point, Argiopé,” growled Caballeron. “This is a matter of pride! Of professional integrity!”

“And when have you ever had either of those?”

Caballeron blushed. “And have I ever accepted charity? I am supposed to be the boss here! Not them! I am Doctor Pontrancio Caballeron! What right do they have to turn me into some hired stooge?”
“It sounds like you’re interested in glory. Doktor, I expected better of you!”
Caballeron sighed. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“Perhaps.” Argiopé ran her cloven hoof along Caballeron’s chest, reaching beneath his scarf. He stood and allowed her to do so, although he was clearly not enjoying it. “But you need the time off. Look at you. You need to sleep…and do other things.”

“Maybe if you didn’t look like a goat?” suggested Rogue.

Argiopé shot him a severe glance, and then smiled at Caballeron. “So maybe you’re not ready for the goat yet. But I can be anything you want.” She smiled seductively and shifted. Her goatish appearance faded, replaced with snow-white skin and a graceful pair of wings. Argiopé closed her eyes and opened them to reveal that they had become large and red. She had in a matter of seconds perfectly- -or as close to perfectly as she could- -replicated one of the white mares. Having not seen one naked before, she had to take artistic liberties; she could not have known that not one of them bore a cutie mark, and that each and every one had a slightly different barcode imprinted on their right shoulder.

Caballeron scowled in disgust and pushed Argiopé away. A look of pure surprise crossed Argiopé’s face; she was sure this was what he had wanted.

“Are you that incompetent?” he spat. “The very pony who is at this very moment dishonoring me, and my entire profession, and you think I would want to see you like THAT?! I would rather see you as a disgusting insect than like that!”

Argiopé gasped. Tears welled in her eyes.

“Boss,” said Rogue, putting his hoof on Argiopé’s shoulder and helping her up. “Come on.”

Argiopé hissed and threw Rogue’s hoof away. She stomped toward Caballeron. In her anger, her shape was beginning shift uncontrollably; she was shifting from a near perfect replica of one of the white Pegasi to a strange pony-insect hybrid. “How dare you!” she spat, her voice distorting as she screamed at him. “How dare you speak to me that way! Do you have any idea how much energy it takes to maintain these forms, how difficult it is to keep coming up with new ones de novo?! In case you haven’t noticed, I don’t HAVE to do this! I do it because I want to make you happy, because you’re incapable of accepting me as I actually am!”

“Argiopé!” exclaimed Caballeron. “You’re out of line- -”

“I don’t care! Don’t think I forgot about what happened in Singapone. I still have the mark, even if you can’t see it!” Caballeron’s face flashed with shame. Argiopé noticed it, but she persisted. “Any other pony- -ANY OTHER PONY- -and I would have already wrapped you in webbing and sucked you dry of your precious fluids. But no. I replicate these FILTHY WINGED MAMMALS that you can’t take your eyes off of!”

Her form had mostly converted back into that of a changeling, and she stood, glaring at him and releasing light hissing sounds from her spiracles. It was her equivalent of breathing hard. “And,” she added, “for the record? I’m an arachnid. NOT an insect.”

Caballeron grumbled. “Sorry,” he muttered. “It’s just that I’m so angry!”

“Do you want to talk about it?” asked Rogue.

“If you would be so kind, Rogue?”

“Yeah, boss?”

“Shut your cake hole. I’m trying to monologue! And get your paws off Argiopé!”

“Oh.” Rogue pulled his hoof away from Argiopé’s white shoulder. “Sorry, boss.”

Caballeron glared at him for a moment, and then continued pacing. “Right now, at this very moment, they are out there, chasing down and capturing her.”

“Who, boss?”

“STOP. TALKING. And you know exactly who I mean. Daring Do.” Caballeron glared toward the only corridor from their current room that led toward the cave entrance. He knew that just a few yards beyond, a pair of armored Pegasus knights were waiting should he try to make an exit. “Right now, they’re capturing her. Tying her up. Maybe even gagging her…”

“Doktor,” whispered Argiopé, her face contorting. “Why?”

Caballeron did not hear her or, as usual when he experienced any sort of passion, ignored her. “I should be the only one permitted to do that! After the trouble she has caused me, all these years? Everything she’s done, everything she’s taken? I should have that right! These- -these PEGASI- -how dare they?! How dare they hire me, then insult me like this? Had I wanted nothing more than to sit in a dank basement and translate dusty texts I would have remained with the institute! This operation is MINE! I deserve it!”

“Well then what do you want us to do?” asked Rogue.

This time, Caballeron did not chastise the henchpony. Instead, he began pacing again. “I need to take control,” he said. “Take back the operation. Gain the upper hoof! To show them that they serve me, not the other way around!”

“But they’re the ones paying us.”

“That does not matter! We’ll still get paid. I would not jeopardize that for all the honor in the world…but I will be the one who gives the orders, who manages what must be done. Or else it will never work properly…” He looked around at the room, at the table they had given him, the lights, the supplies, the binders and pages- -and the stacks and satchels of unique supplies they had given him at the start of the mission, the ones that he had not yet had a chance to utilize apart from their rather expensive robotic drone.

“I still have these supplies. These should be more than enough…”

“But you can’t leave. They won’t let you.”

“No.” Caballeron walked and spoke softly. “No…” a flash of inspiration crossed his face and he smiled deviously. “But you two can.”

“That doesn’t exactly help.”

“Argiopé.”

Argiopé glowered at him, but still restored her Pegasus-pony exterior, complete with a tight-fitting blouse. “Yes, doktor?”

“I really am sorry I treated you so poorly.” He hugged her, then, thinking that he needed to be as convincing as possible, gave her a brief kiss. Her fangs and saliva tasted ghastly, and the process was disgusting, but Argiopé blushed thoroughly. She was still partially in the form of a Pegasus, and her wings immediately sprang outward, nearly striking Rogue in the face.

“Hey!” he cried. “Arg, don’t be vulgar!”

“Never you mind him,” said Caballeron, smiling. “I like your wings. They look so…fluffy. With so much…down?”

Argiopé gasped. “That’s what I was going for…” She shook her head suddenly. “Stop, stop! I know what you’re doing! You’re trying to tempt me with food! After what you just said to me, I should go out there and get Daring Do myself, without you, just for the sake of spite! But…but…” She looked into Caballeron’s deep green eyes and shivered. “Ohhhh…why does it have to be so tasty?”

“But, Argiopé, as tempting as you are, I’m afraid I need to be away from you for a little longer. I need your help.”

“To…to do what…?”

Caballeron frowned. “What do you think?”

Argiopé realized immediately, and shook her head. “No, no that won’t work. They know each other too well. I can’t copy them. They see through it.”

“They see it when you try to copy one of their siblings,” said Caballeron. “But what about a pony that they do not know quite so well?”

Of the henchponies, Argiopé was the smartest. She immediately realized what Caballeron meant, and smiled, showing her vicious changeling fangs. Caballeron gulped, almost unable to believe that he had just put his lips on a mouth like that. But what had to be done had to be done, even if that meant kissing an insect.

The guards suddenly moved. Under normal circumstances, they were capable of standing still for exceedingly long times, in part because of their power armor but also because of extensive training. Their sudden reaction occurred simultaneously but without a triggering event; rather, they had both simply determined that it was time to check on Caballeron, to ensure that he had everything he required.

One of the guards was male, and the other female. Both were relatively young, which was one of the primary reasons why they had not been recruited for the operation to retrieve the pony called Daring Do. Although all of them were supposed to be interchangeable, in practice there were differences. Such differences- -however slight- -could often make a critical difference, especially in a difficult battle.

They passed through arcade of dull gray columns that made up the corridor to the room, and on arriving found Caballeron sitting at his table, apparently quite engrossed by it.

“Your lordship,” asked the mare. “Please excuse us for interrupting. We came to see if you might require anything to assist in your endeavor.”

Both of the guards’ red eyes scanned the room, and they both became aware of the same fact simultaneously. Caballeron was alone. This was unexpected. The earth-pony named Rogue had left earlier, claiming that he had ingested something unpleasant and needed a brisk walk outdoors. Neither of the guards, however, had observed the changeling Argiopé exiting the cave.

“Your lordship,” said the male guard, stepping forward slowly and inspecting the room. The corners were dark, and neither of the guards were equipped with advanced optics. They could not see into the shadows. “You appear to have lost your changeling.”

“Oh,” said Caballeron, looking up. “Of course, yes, well. She shapeshifted into a snake and slithered off somewhere to sulk. After all, I’m sure you heard the argument we were having earlier, and how I was so terribly, horribly rude to her.”

The guards looked at each other, confused.

“Actually,” continued Caballeron, leaning back in his stone chair. “I’ve hardly been able to work, thinking about her. I feel so very terrible, and just the thought of her makes my heart beat so very fast. Of her impeccable sense of fashion, her unwavering commitment to my personal happiness, and of course her smooth, chitinous body.” Caballeron sighed wistfully. “To be totally honest, even after a few moments I miss her and want her back by my side. Not just now, but perhaps forever. No. Surely forever! I want to marry her! To get her an excellent ring with an orange diamond and put it around her long and pleasantly bladed horn, and then to feed her my rich, creamy love every day and night.” He sighed again, wistfully. The guards, by this time, were horribly confused.

“Are you…feeling okay?” asked the mare.

“Only when she is beside me, unfortunately. Surely you can understand.” He pointed toward the male guard. “You must surely know how it feels to be so madly in love. Perhaps with her?” He turned his blue-green eyes toward the Pegasus mare. “I get a strange sense of sibling attraction between you two.”

“You are misinterpreting our relationship,” protested the male.

Caballeron smiled viciously. “Am I?”

“You are. I’m a gelding.”

Caballeron’s smile immediately vanished and he sputtered. “You- -what- -is that- -how- -is that even legal?!”

“Our mother determined that it was necessary. And our mother is always correct. I love her dearly. As I love all my sisters. And my brothers. Where I a stallion? Perhaps you would be correct. Although I’ve never considered myself a romantic.”

“I would also consent to romantic cuddling,” said the mare. “Although at this point it is moot. As is this…bizarre diversion?”

Caballeron leaned forward, glaring into her eyes. He whispered slowly. “There is nothing bizarre about love.”

The albino Pegasus stared back, confused but otherwise nonplussed. “So I take it you are taking a momentary break from work on the translation.”

“Of course, you dullard! How could I focus while thinking about…her…” He sighed longingly. Then he smiled. “Although I’m not being totally nonproductive. Look!” He held up a rather unusual sweater and a pair of knitting needles. “I’m making a sweater! It’s made of silk!”

The gelding blinked. “Where did you get the silk from?”

Caballeron immediately became pale. “I…found it?”

The guards looked at each other, and seemed to silently commune for a moment.

“Of course,” said the female after a moment, looking back. “You are free to knit if you so choose. However, do not neglect the translation. Time is of the essence. I do not mean to be rude, your lordship, but I will be frank with you: as much as we would regret using them, we have…alternate persuasion methods.”

Caballeron gulped. “Of course, of course,” he said, waving a hoof. “You would be remiss if you didn’t! Nice and evil, just like me. But I think I need a nap. A long one.”

“Even without your pet insect?”

“Arachnid.”

“Excuse me?”

“She’s an arachnid.”

The female Pegasus’s eyes narrowed. “Of course,” she said, slowly. “My mistake. Well, then. Come, brother, let us leave his lordship to his rest.”

The male nodded, and the pair of them turned and departed, leaving Caballeron to fall back into his chair and release a prodigious sigh of relief.

The pair was silent until they were out of earshot.

“So,” said the mare. “I believe that the pony we just spoke to was the changeling replicating Lord Caballeron.”

“I disagree,” said the male. “He seemed out of sorts but normal otherwise. I got the impression he really does have a romantic albeit dysfunctional relationship with the arachnid.”

“Hmm.” The female was silent for a moment. “It’s a shame we could not spear a third to help guard. With an even number, we cannot form a consensus. So I suppose we will follow with our current orders.”

“Of course, sister. And…”

“And?”

“Although it may be out of line…were you really serious about the cuddling?”

“We are not capable of lying. Both about the cuddling and it being a moot discussion. Neither of us are adequate for continuation. So there is no point.”

“Yes,” said the gelding, still expressionless and unmoved, as though the mare’s opinion had just been a clarification of an order he had not fully understood. “Of course, sister. Of course.”

Comments

[Davidp1522]

Man im realy starting to feel for the bug.
And also realy dislike the unicorn nerd. I bet the statue he gave daring way back when was a tracking device, and thats how the pegasi knew Daring Do was on the mountain.
Tho i guess they could of gone directly to her then rather than just hang at the mountain top.
Tho i guess they have mysterious plans, and maybe also their geosynchronous arnt as accurate as they used to be.
Whatever, fact is im pinning the nerdy unicorn as the big bad, calling it now.