• Member Since 22nd Sep, 2017
  • offline last seen Sunday

Sci-Fi It


A Spider terrorizes Flash,Solar, and Micro and makes them turn on each other trying to kill.Things only get worse when Twilight and Fluttershy have to show up and deal with it.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 5 )

Wow three dislikes already I'll make sure I'll do better next time

Or nobody likes my stories

Its probably the numerous spelling mistakes in the summary. If the summary is that bad, how much quality could the story possibly have?

Things only get worse when the twilight and fluttershy have to show up and deal with it.

Twilight and Fluttershy are proper names and deserve capital letters.

Flash,Solar, and Micro


Spaces. Please. Also, trying to kill? Trying to kill it? Trying to kill each other? Why would a spider take that much effort to kill and how could it possibly make friends turn on each other?
In addition, 'fearsome' is one word, not two. At first I though tit was some attempt at a clever pun for your title but after seeing all the errors in the blurb alone I imagine it's just another typo.

The story opens to Solar, Flash, and Micro sitting on Flash's couch with controllers in their hand. They were streaming their self's playing Star Wars:Battlefront 2. "And another win on my belt" Solar said "How many was that two three four."

This is your first paragraph. FIRST. This is the thing that is introducing your readers to your style, technique and overall quality.

The story opens to three ponies sitting on a couch. Exciting.

Controllers in their hand? Hands. Hands sweetie. It's a plural. They don't all just have one hand.

Streaming themselves. Not their self's.

"And another win on my belt" Solar said "How many was that two three four."

Don't start sentences with 'And'
Add punctuation at the end of your sentences. "And another win on my belt" requires a comma at the end. Most writers end sentences in quotations with commas.
Don't forget to add comma when listing things: two, three, four?"
Questions end with question marks, not periods.

You badly need an editor, darling.

I know that but nobody wants to help me they all ways say I'm a lost cause

Well the story is based off what happened to me and my cousins. Why it took so much effort was be cause they were scared of it

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