• Member Since 13th Jan, 2018
  • offline last seen 48 minutes ago

ShowShine


Trans 🏳️‍⚧️ He/Him| Just trying my best|Commissions are 10 USD per chapter. Dm me if you have any questions

T

When Twilight was a young filly, she was given a small, aggressive dragon.


Contains: Blood in and violence some chapters

Chapters (29)
Comments ( 189 )

That cover pic reminds me of Jon Arbuckle and Garfield when Jon is a tad late with supper :pinkiecrazy:

One day, One day, I will be mature enough to read the title without giggling

"We're going to build this fake plaster shell around him and slip the little purple critter into the school entrance exams. Then when one of the students 'hatches' him, he's going to be their problem. Brilliant!"

It's very well written but for how distrusting spike was when he first met he very easily got over it, he wasn't suspicious if they were lying when they said they wouldn't hurt him.

AU .. not. Bad take on it. Looking forward to more

I haven't jumped into it yet, but the prose looked pretty decent. One thing I noticed however were the number of times the paragraph started out with 'Celestia...' Seriously, the first four paragraphs. I thought it was amusing. :derpytongue2:

9096172
I realized I have a bad habit of starting a paragraph with someone’s name

So... Should this story be called "What if Spike had a spine"?

“If it’s those bullies again, I will take them down myself.” Velvet threatened.

She would. :rainbowlaugh:

That was a rather rushed transaction. Not a whole lotta consent involved either.

"You wanted to see me, Princess?"

"Yes. Here's a dragon, I want you to take him home and foster him. Won't the rest of your family be surprised!"

"What!? I guess I can, but--"

"Good, now shoo-shoo, outta my office."

"Okay, but are you sure this is--"

"Enjoy your spring break, byyyyyye!"

Two suggestions. One it’s best to avoid the phrase “as you know” because it signals that what follows is going to be exposition that doesn’t make much sense for the character to say unless it’s part of a presentation. Two Celestia would come off as less negligent if she was giving Spike to Velvet and Light, and then Twilight was excited by having a chance to help, or study a baby dragon up close. As stands Celestia is giving a child capable of violence who has trust issues to a group of people with little to no introduction, and while Spike hasn’t shown any major abandonment issues, this is the kind of thing that could lead to them.

Someone's been reading Mama Twilight Sparkle haven't they.

9097068
Yeah it’s actually one of my favorite mlp ask blogs

this is going to be good soon spike be good boy who will do anything to keep his new momma twilight safe for everyone....

Cute. Wonder if Twilight will suffer a panic attack about not being able to focus on lessons.

Great good so far! I wonder if spikes family was attacked or he was abandoned for some reason? And if either is the case how did he get to where he was when celestial found him? So many questions remain can’t wait to continue and find out!

I wonder if Luna will ever get Starry back?

9125424
I might make Luna and Spike fight over it like little kids.

lol.. liking it so far

Was there an update? I was recently added to updates but I don’t see a new chapter

9149760
I accidentally submitted an unfinished chapter. Sorry about that.

Oh ok it’s all good

spike is learning fast, maybe dragon mental age fast

"You could talk this whole time? Why didn't you say anything?!"

"...you didn't ask."

:rainbowlaugh:

This is the first story I've ever read where Velvet teaches Spike to do his magic instead of Celestia or Twilight. Kudos for creativity!

...Other than the bat plushie though, I'm not to sure what this has to do with Twilight's clone? That last line was a kicker, though!

Gosh darn it I have been tracking this and never got a notification saying a new chapter is out I just found out be just stumbling on it

9149880
How dare you make a mistake. Don't you know you're supposed to be a paragon of penultimate perfection?

Why, I feel faint from witnessing such a heinous misstep. Lawd, I do believe I've come down with the vapors!

Huh I was kind of hoping there would be a reaction to him speaking part but I really like the way you put your own spin on how on first and second episodes and how spike acts when he’s alone. I wander what he will do in the next chapter if he would try to defend twilight and attack nightmare moon to find out what happened to celestial a person who would have a significant impact on him ( being the one to first and him) and/or follow twilight and her friends to the castle in the ever free to make sure twilight is safe. Either way I can’t wait to see what happens next keep up the good work!

Interesting to see Spike be so antisocial.

9219332
Sorry if I make any typos, I do everything on mobile

9219946
... Uh... I thought I made it pretty obvious that I was trying to make a joke...
Sorry if it came across as actual criticism...

I was half expecting Spike to be startled by Pinkie.

9219718
Kind of also weird cause he still has give a gift moondancer for a party before leaving canterlot meaning he’s not really antisocial just is weary around new people

That was quite the time-skip. Having Spike be the more skeptical one is certainly an interesting premise, but with such a large time-skip and nothing in the previous chapters, that I can tell, to warrant the change in his personality, it kinda feels...off...more than intriguing. Like, why is he this way?

“Oh boy.”

Oh boy indeed my dear dragon oh boy indeed.

9223446
Well in previous chapters spike is cautious and untrusting to new people (or should I say pony)which in a way that could cause him to be more skeptical in everything. Other wise in the future chapters the rest of twilights friends can ask why he is so and have twilight bring flash backs of why he is. (I also assume spike hasn’t really told any pony of what happened to him before celestia found him, which could also be a factor in his character, which would hopefully be revealed during the crystal empire episodes of the fear door, to some extent, of spike having to fear of twilight sending him away and before that of what happened with his mother, with spike telling her about his fear of her sending him away but only clues about the mother part) (( I HAVE REALIZED IVE STARTED TO RAMBLE ON!!!)) so apologies... but anyway I wander what will happen in the next chapter. Can’t wait to see what happens next!

Interesting. Though I think Twilight would have reacted differently if Spike took this course of action.

9223586
It scares me that you just predicted like half of the things in the story

Not bad man but you really should get an editor

9224158
He hasn’t told anyone how he got to Canterlot but he will confess what happened and why he’s so protective when he encounters Sombra’s door. Also in about two chapters I will do the episode “griffon the brush off” which will face more of his fears

9224162
I assume he would stay by twilights side during the discord fiasco this time around, and get affected in some way by discord who affects the mane six in the maze ( I don’t know in what way though). I also assume spike will stay by twilights side and also notice the difference more about Candace acting different during the canterlot wedding episodes ( being more skeptical about every pony and cadence being one of the few he trusts since she was the second he encountered) where twilight and both spike get trapped down in the crystal mines by chrysalis ( maybe in chance of it creating flashbacks for him and him telling clues to twilight but not fully of his past before arriving at canterlot) by the way.... I RAMBLED ON AGAIN!!!
Though this time I spoilered proofed it...

Soooo, how exactly did Twilight make friends with the other ponies and defeat Nightmare Moon if she and the girls didn't go through the same bonding experiences as before?

And, really? She just left Spike at city hall? Just ran out without saying a word? Even in the series, where Spike wasn't following her, she at least checked on him and tucked him in for a sleep before she left. This doesn't speak much of their relationship.

9227885
They do have the same bonding experience as before, Spike just calmed Steven Magnet down a little. And Twilight thought Spike was following her until she got to the library. She realizes he isnt there when she gets there cause she was in such a rush.

Now the fight for starry will take place spike vs luna

“Rainbow Dash, do you know where the Golden Oaks library is?” Twilight asked to the rainbow pony.

“Of course I can, I know this place like the back of my hoof.” Rainbow Dash said cockily.

I think you meant something along the lines of "can you show me the way to the library, rainbow dash?".

Only typos I found I would be more tha happy to let your friends got to the Gala.
Should be then or than

Spike looked st her suspiciously
At

All in all this was a good choice on a episode to base a chapter on I like that how the roles were reversed between twilight and spike to where spike gets bombarded and bribed instead of twilight
however I’m kind of disappointed in spikes reaction of where he just knocks a cupcake and angerily marches upstairs, as I was reading this I really imagined when rarity rainbow and pinkie bombarded him the second and final time in this it would lead to spike having a nervous break down because to many ponies bombard him and get to close to him which would cause for him to fearfully run upstairs and for him to need starry or twilight to comfort him ( I believe this fits the character of spike a little bit more in this story based because when celestial cadence and twilight first meet or confront him he is either scared or untrusting and cause him in panic in certain situations like thunderstorms or his nightmares( which he requires comfort from starry or twilight in the instance of the first night when they met) after all this it would require twilight explaining that they can’t approach or do something like that otherwise he breaks drown which would them lead to go apalogze and help comfort him for what they did. (DEFINITELY MY LONGEST RAMBLING)
Can’t wait to read the next chapter!

Login or register to comment