• Published 25th Jun 2018
  • 4,552 Views, 188 Comments

Princess Twilight and the Disastrously Daunting Delegates - Ponibius



For the first time in history, the Archon of Freeport has come to Equestria. Princess Twilight has been given the honor to host Archon Sunset Shimmer, but things turn sour when something is stolen from the Archon, and Twilight is the prime suspect.

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Awkward Confrontation

A lead pit formed in my stomach and my limbs moved stiffly as I headed outside to duel Sunset. Never in all my planning for the Archon’s visit to Ponyville had I expected something like this.

Sunset seemed much more relaxed beside me, carrying herself with an imperious air and her head held high, exuding a cold detachment to everything around her. Storm walked near me, stoic even now as the princess she was sworn to protect got into a duel. Strumming and Kukri followed their leader, Kukri visibly fuming as she stomped behind her teacher while Strumming was as unreadable as ever. The ambassadors also followed us, whatever emotions they were feeling carefully hidden behind calm masks as they watched the proceedings.

Once we were a safe distance from the castle and nearby crowds, Sunset and I turned to face one another. I bit my lip as I tried pleading with her a final time. “We don't have to do this. Give me more time and we're bound to find out who really stole your golems.”

“Or you'll just cover up the evidence and hide the rest of what you stole.” Her legs widened in a defensive stance. “Last chance: give back the golem, or I'll make you.”

“I told you, I don't have it!” I groaned and ran my hoof down my face. “This duel isn't going to solve anything!”

“Maybe you'll change your story once I teach you a lesson.” Her eyes narrowed. “Why did you steal our golems?”

I stomped a hoof. “I told you, I didn't! I’ve been set up.”

Sunset snorted and shook her head. “Like I've never heard that before. Can you prove it?”

I gritted my teeth together. “That's kind of the problem at the moment, isn't it?”

“Then show me what you can do.”

I took a deep breath. “Fine, if you want a duel, then we're just going to have to fight.”

That was it then, the end of talking. Time to act.

I fired off a stun bolt to test Sunset’s defenses. Sunset contemptuously swatted it aside with her hoof and an effort of will. That caught me by surprise when she shouldn’t normally have been able to use her hoof to deflect that spell like that without some sort of protective magic. She snorted. “You're kidding, right? I thought you were supposed to be one of Celestia's students. Did you flunk combat magic or something?”

I glowered at the insult. “I’m just getting warmed up.” I fired off a thunderflash spell, and the ball of light streaked forward into Sunset’s shield. A painful explosion of light and sound burst from the impact, but when the effects of the spell dissipated Sunset was still standing with a bored expression.

She let out a resigned sigh. “Fine. Let me show you how a real unicorn fights.” Sunset’s horn flashed and a beach ball-sized fireball streaked towards me. I created a shield that blocked it, but I was forced to pour more magic into the shield than I expected when its ferocity caught me off guard. “Elementary.” She followed up by creating a chunk of ice larger than she was and launched it at me with blistering speed.

The combined mass and velocity shattered with my shield, sending me reeling as I was pelted by chunks of ice. Sensing I needed to make space for myself, I cast another stun bolt at Sunset, stronger than the last one.

Sunset teleported clear of the bolt and reappeared at my side. She turned a furious glare my way, and I nearly froze at the sheer intensity of it as another fireball formed from her horn. I worked quickly to cast a fire protection spell, and the fireball struck my chest barely a moment after I finished casting, singing my coat. Guessing she was going to follow up with more ice, I tore a slab of stone and earth up from the ground. Another large chunk of ice soared in and shattered against my earth-shield.

Right, I could beat her basic preferred attacks. It was simply a matter of countering the elements she favored with the right combos.

Though if Sunset was worried she didn’t show it. “Better, but you're not going to win anything by staying on defense.”

That much was true, so I took her advice. A dozen magic missiles shot from my horn and homed in on the Archon. But once again, Sunset put up a shield and the bolts of pure magic pinged futilely against the barrier.

“Don't tell me that's the best you've got.” Sunset tossed her mane. “At this rate, I should take those wings off you and use them myself.”

“Do you always trash talk so much during a fight?” I asked as I prepared my next spell. I created a web of light and tried to drop it down on Sunset, but she teleported before it could land on her. I turned my head to look for her, but perfect darkness enveloped me before I could do anything.

“Slow,” Sunset declared from directly behind me, and a pinprick of stark white light appeared.

I tried to cast a defensive spell and spin to face her, but I was too late in either attempt. A beam of pure light hit my side and sent me flying. Piercing pain flooded through my body and I tumbled along the ground before coming to a halt.

I groaned, trying to pull myself back together and get back into it, slowly getting my legs under me again. So that last attack had hurt. A lot. Despite us being in a duel I really hadn’t expected Sunset to come on that strong. Was she trying to kill me? She was certainly throwing around a lot of magic. Little surprise when she was a former student of Princess Celestia with a decade of experience over me. I definitely needed to pick things up if I wasn’t going to get trounced, as much as I didn’t like the idea of potentially hurting anypony.

Thankfully, Sunset seemed content to stand back and let me get to my hooves. I stumbled the first couple of steps, but I stabilized myself after a second. So, she clearly knew what she was doing; she had mastered teleportation and was very good at evocations, especially ice and fire. So considering she had the abilities of an experienced magus, I was going to have to treat her like one if I was going to hold my own. “Ow. Okay, if that's how you really want to do this. Playtime’s over.”

I stopped holding back and drew deeply on my magic. Once I had gathered it up, I fired an ice beam right at Sunset. The ground iced up as the beam flew over it, and Sunset cast a shield to intercept the attack. The front half of her shield iced over completely, the impact causing her hooves to leave divots in the earth as she was pushed back. The magic of the ice beam poured around her shield, icing over the area around the Archon.

When my attack ended, Sunset grinned fiercely. “That's more like it.”

“Yeah?! Then here’s some more!” I sent a torrent of fire down at Sunset.

Sunset matched the fire with ice, creating an explosion of steam as the two forces collided with one another. But then a column of fire shot through the steam towards me, faster than I could properly counter. I let my fire protection spell take the brunt of that attack, and for a moment it felt like I was trapped in an oven. Once the fire passed, I used my magic to take advantage of all the disruptions in the air caused by the collisions of heat and cold. I took to the air, and using a mix of unicorn and pegasus magic, created a cyclone that I launched at Sunset.

Sunset teleported out of the way of the tornado, and it tore up the ground she’d just vacated. She also took advantage of all the energy that had been created in the air and fired off a lightning bolt at my flank. I quickly brought up a mound of earth to take the attack and ground out the electricity. A score of fully charged magenta stun bolts flew from my horn, streaming towards Sunset from multiple angles.

The Archon ran to avoid some of the bolts and brought up a shield to block the others before swatting the last aside with her hoof. “You're not going to beat me with evocation.”

“Fine, then I'll switch up tactics.” Quickly thinking through my repertoire, I found the spell that would do the job. I filled the air with a soft, melodious tune, like a mother’s lullaby to make her fall asleep.

Sunset’s eyelids dropped as the sleep spell went to work. She stumbled as she started nodding off, but as she went to one knee she growled and her horn lit up. A sword appeared from thin air next to her and with a sweep of the blade, my spell was broken.

Taking a guess at what seemed to be happening, I tossed out another spell intended to cause Sunset’s mind to freeze up with paralysis, but the spell bounced right off of her as the sword pulsed with magical energy. The sword must be blocking mental intrusions, or at least the type of spells I just used. Though I would need to study the sword more closely to know exactly what it could do. Pity Sunset wasn’t likely to let me do that in the middle of a duel.

“Bad move,” Sunset declared through gritted teeth. She teleported behind me and swung her weapon at me.

I eeped and teleported away into the air. I fired off an energy blast, wanting to keep her pinned down and not using that sword on me. But she caught the blast with her sword and deflected the bolt away.

Sunset casually swept her sword. “I've learned a couple new things this sword can do after seeing its twin in action.”

Okay, now this was even more serious than it had been now that she was swinging an actual weapon at me. Best to deal with that sword before she got a chance to hack at me, in any event.

Thus I concentrated and cast a magnetism spell on the sword to tear it from Sunset’s grip. It fell and clattered to the ground.

Sunset scoffed. “That's not going to work.”

“Then how about this?” Before she could scoop it back up again, I grabbed a boulder and tossed it onto the sword to pin it in place.

Sunset’s eyes narrowed in her most furious glare yet, and to my surprise, the sword slipped right out from under the boulder back into her telekinetic grip. “Did you just try to smash Chainbreaker?! It's on now!”

Chainbreaker? That was one of Freeport’s most treasured national artifacts, having belonged to the pony that had freed Freeport from the seriously bad Necrocrats that had once ruled there. And she was using it here in this duel?! “You attacked me with it! Do you think I want to do that to a priceless historical artifact?! I didn’t even know what it was until you told me!”

Sunset roared as a pair of flaming wings erupted from her back and she use them to fly right at me. She bore her sword, ready to swing as she shot rapid-fire ice and fire spells. I teleported behind her and fired off a continuous beam of pure magical energy at her back. She snarled as she put up a shield to block my attack. I continued pouring on my attack, and the shield cracked and then broke. Sunset only barely dodged to the side of the beam, and it skimmed her side and shredded part of her cloak. She ignored whatever injuries she might have sustained to charge at me, firing off more spells as she closed the distance.

I cast the strongest shield spell I could to block those attacks as I flew back to avoid her.

“What's wrong? Is that it?!” Then she did something that caught me completely flat-hoofed. Sunset started channeling anima and anti-anima into her horn in preparation for a new spell. That was an immensely complicated and powerful spell. Those two forces were never intended to be used together. The explosive potential if those two elements merged was ... catastrophic.

I didn’t have any choice but bring out everything I had to counter her. I drew upon the Magic of Friendship, pulling in deep from the well of feelings I had for my friends, and harnessed the power of the Elements to create a shield as strong as any as I had ever created. A prismatic sphere formed around me while a pure white light and a darkness so dark it absorbed the light around it merged around Sunset’s horn.

The two of us closed midair, and power of our two spells collided. The resulting light burned my eyes through my eyelids, and the roar of the explosion was deafening. A flash of pain shot through my skull as aftershocks of magic slammed into it. Still, I kept up my concentration and poured yet more magic into my shield even as more waves of destructive energy washed over it like a stone holding in place against the blast from a firehose. I slowly peeled my eyes open to see that Sunset still held her ground. Her teeth were gritted together as she glared intensely at me. All her magic was going into pouring out more anima and anti-anima at me, and I was doing exactly the same for my prismatic shield, the two of us locked in a struggle we couldn’t disengage from.

It was a contest of endurance, and I kept expending more and more magic. Despite my own considerable reserves, my shield was quickly draining me. My horn ached from so much continuous magic being cast through it, and my vision blurred as everything I had went into my defense. For a long moment I wondered if it would ever end, but then Sunset grunted and the balance of her spell started buckling, the two diametrically opposed elements starting to swirl erratically. She closed her eyes, and the swirl straightened—mostly, but her hold was slipping. If she lost control of such a violent spell in a situation like this...

The horror of what was about to happen caused my control to slip, only slightly, but still enough for my shield to crack and break under the immense destructive magics slamming into it. The anima and anti-anima swept over me and I lost all connection to the world.

Next thing I knew I hit the ground. The jarring impact blasted the wind out of me, leaving me gasping for breath. All I could do was lie there and barely muster a groan as everything hurt from horn to tail. Trails of grey smoke floated from my body and my ears rang painfully. Everything felt unreal as I tried to remember how I had gotten there.

“Highness, are you alright?!” Somepony came to a running halt next to me and started looking me over. Right, that was Storm, my bodyguard.

More details started leaking back in. My ears flattened as I realized what must have happened. I’d lost.

“That ... did not go well.” I grunted as I stretched my limbs, expecting something to be broken or in serious pain, but everything merely ached. Nothing felt injured, at least.

“Are you well enough to stand, Highness?”

“I think so.” Against protesting aches, I slowly stood. I nearly toppled over when the world started spinning on me, and I leaned against Storm to remain upright. My head felt light and sluggish, it felt like there was something I should have been doing right then, but I couldn't think what. The ambassadors and others were watching on, with Strumming and Kukri moving just past them as they whispered to one another.

“Nothing too serious, but we should have a medic check you regardless,” Storm said as she slowly walked me towards the castle. “We don't want to risk there being something serious.”

“Storm, did you just use a contraction?” A snicker bubbled up and I giggled as I leaned up against Storm. “Aaaw, you do care.”

Storm bristled and didn’t look at me directly, though she still kept a hold of me with her wing as she sat me down to recover. “You should try and concentrate on getting better, Highness. You took a bad fall.”

Another giggle bubbled up from within me. “Careful, or I might fall for you.”

Storm stiffened, and for a moment I could swear I almost saw a blush on her cheeks, though the dark coat made it hard to tell. Not to mention I was still a little woozy. "Highness, you're not yourself. Please rest and recover."

Before I could think of a reply through all the fuzz in my brain, I noticed Sunset land nearby, breathing heavily. Her coat was matted with sweat, the locks of her mane a tangle from the duel, and her cloak was in tatters.

“Shimmer-mare!” Kukri ran over to her teacher with a wide grin. “You’re okay, right?”

Sunset waved her worries off. “Been better. Been worse too. At least all my bones are still in one piece.”

“At least that.” Kukri looked her over to make sure she was alright. “You were amazing. Shame this one and the Heartstrings-mare were a bit busy during the duel, but what we found should help, at least.”

Strumming grinned widely from beside the ambassadors. “Speaking of which...” Her hoof snapped out to grab Baron Goldpeak’s bag. “Yoink!”

“Hey!” The Gryphonian ambassador’s claw instinctively snapped to where his bag had just been, his eyes wide. “What are you doing?! Give that back!” He snatched at his bag, but Strumming yanked it back and deftly stepped outside of his reach. She grinned mischievously and upended the bag while smacking its bottom. A great variety of items fell out, more than any non-magical bag could ever hold. Most of them were mundane like a coin purse and identification papers, but then far more curious things appeared. Several potion vials, a couple magical instruments, and finally Kukri’s missing golem.

“Torch!” Kukri nearly tackled her golem as she wrapped it in a hug. “This one was so scared it’d lost you!”

Strumming tsked and shook her head. “Now how did all of that get in there?” She picked up one of the potions and tossed it Sunset’s way. “Mind checking out what that is, your Archon-y Baconness?”

Sunset scanned the vial before stating, “An invisibility potion. That must be how he got around without anyone seeing him.”

“Oooh! And what is this?” Strumming picked up one of the items on the ground. It was a perfect circle of some odd black material, as long as a pony if it was laid flat and floppy in the spy’s grasp. “Nice, a portable hole. Been a while since I’ve seen one of these.”

She walked up to a nearby home and tossed the magical item against its wall. Where the portable hole landed a perfectly shaped hole appeared in the side of the house. The pony inside yelped in surprise at the sudden intrusion into her daily life.

“Sorry, just solving a mystery and preventing an international incident.” Strumming pulled at the edge and removed the portable hole from the wall. “This explains how he got inside a locked room without anyone seeing.”

I bolted to my hooves and then promptly toppled back to land on my rear. “I knew there wasn’t a way to get into that room without magic!”

“That’s what we figured too,” Sunset agreed. “Your wards on the door were too good to get in without tripping or disabling them.”

Strumming nodded. “Yep. So the ambassador snuck around invisibly and once he was inside the room...”

She approached the golem with the bag, but Kukri interposed herself with a glower. “You’re not putting Torch back in the bag.”

Strumming let out an exaggerated sigh as she rolled her eyes. “You’re taking all the fun out of solving the mystery, Facon.”

“It’s not supposed to be fun,” Kukri groused. “We’re getting this one’s golems back and dealing with this flying turkey.”

I spoke up before the conversation got too off the rails. “That bag would explain why Kukri lost contact with her golems. It must have its own interdimensional pocket plane. The two of them effectively being on two different planes of existence would be more than enough to cut the bond between them.”

Gerda looked between us with a puzzled frown. “Wait one moment, how did you figure out it was that bag that held the golem? Did you detect its magic?”

Sunset took the bag to show off to the other two ambassadors. “Actually, that was what was tripping us up. We scanned for any type of magic that might have been responsible for the golem disappearing, but nothing was showing up. It couldn’t be something blocking our spells, since we would have detected that. So we figured we were dealing with some sort of antimagic field considering nothing was turning up.”

I nodded. “Though the problem with trying to detect anything with an antimagic field is that it’s not going to show up with any kind of traditional magic detection. The only way to find an antimagic field is to spot the complete absence of magic.”

General Kadri’s eyes narrowed. “So I take it this is the part where you tell us that this whole duel was a sham? You all seem to be getting along far too well for having just completed such a spectacular fight.”

“Sorry for tricking all of you, but we needed a way to start looking for the antimagic field without drawing too much suspicion from the thief,” I explained. “We probably could have upturned the entire castle and inspected every object within, but that would have caused issues once we got to the ambassador’s personal objects. There just wasn’t a way to inspect your possessions without it making it look like we suspected one of you of being the thief. Even if we had caught the culprit, we would have had at least two offended ambassadors, which could have had significant diplomatic repercussions.”

“The duel had another purpose,” Sunset said to expand on my point. “The both of us fighting was causing this whole area to get irradiated with excess magic. With that much magic getting thrown around the only thing that wouldn’t show up as having some magic was something with an antimagic field. In other words, this bag.”

Strumming grinned. “Which was what Facon and Captain Rigid over there were looking for the whole fight. And lo and behold, we found what we were looking for.”

It was probably best not to mention that some of my staff were also searching the ambassador’s things back in the castle while they were suitably distracted. We figured there was a good chance the culprit was carrying something so valuable on their person, but that was far from a guarantee. What they didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them in this minor case of duplicity.

Sunset shot the Gryphonian ambassador a scouring glare. “Mind explaining all of this, Baron?”

Baron Goldpeak fumbled over his words as the other ambassadors discreetly distanced themselves from him. “I-I-I have no idea how those got there! Someone must have been planted that on me! I was framed! And what about the golem found in the castle? How do you explain that?”

Sunset snorted derisively. “Come on, that was such an obvious plant. You’re telling me Her Highness went through so much trouble to steal our golems without leaving any clues only to leave one of them where anyone could easily have found it? Sorry, not buying it. In fact, I suspected something was up from the start. Everything was way too conveniently pointing in Princess Sparkle’s direction. I’ve done some investigations in the past, and this was much too easy on a surface level.”

I glowered at the Gryphonian ambassador as my ire rose. “Give me some credit here.” I almost started spouting how I would actually steal the golems if I really wanted to, but I quickly bit down on that idea before it could get out. Talking like that was just asking for trouble.

Strumming shot him a wry grin. “Come on, we both know you’re busted. Caught red-hoofed—or is it red-clawed? Red-pawed? Is that idiom a bit racist? Anyways, your dastardly deed’s been uncovered. Best to fess up now before Facon gets it into her head to make you talk.”

Kukri bared her fangs as she hissed, “This one should have Torch break your wing for stealing him and dismantling Lance.”

The golem growled menacingly at the Baron and snapped its metallic teeth. The Gryphonian ambassador took a step back from the golem as it turned to face him. “Y-you will do no such thing! I have diplomatic immunity, you can’t touch me.”

Storm stood, giving me one more reassuring pat on the back before approaching the Baron. “Not true, ambassador, we'll be temporarily taking you into custody until there's a formal response from the Gryphonian embassy. I expect they will want to waive your diplomatic immunity, given the circumstances.”

The fear in Goldpeak’s features disappeared as he bristled at the sight of the manacles Storm presented. “I think not. My cousin is the foreign minister. He has the ear of the High Queen. She’ll hear about this-this skullduggery! I’ll be issuing an official complaint over this. You can bet on that. You won’t get away with this!”

“Feel free,” Strumming said flatly. “Considering how much evidence we just turned up, I doubt it'll work. But at least I can laugh at how poorly written your defense will be.”

Storm put the manacles on Baron Goldpeak. “Ambassador, you have the right to remain silent.”


“So here it is: The Tree of Harmony.” I motioned to the crystalline structure that held the Elements of Harmony. The day after the golems’ theft, we decided to visit the Tree and the Castle of the Two Sisters. It was a bit risky with the odd monster in the forest, but that only made Sunset more eager to go. Thankfully the trip had been uneventful. It probably helped that we had a significant retinue following us, though they were giving me and Sunset plenty of room to talk privately. But they didn’t seem to mind, since I could hear Spike telling Strumming and Kukri how he helped to save the Crystal Empire, to the amused grins of each.

Sunset looked up at the tree, studying it in all its majesty. “Wow. That's impressive.”

“I'd say so, given that it’s the source of the most powerful magic in Equestria.”

Sunset gave me a smile. “The ‘Magic of Friendship’, right?”

I nodded. “It’s what helped us defeat Nightmare Moon and Discord, and are at least partially responsible for these.” I stretched out my wings in emphasis. “As well as a few other things.”

“Very impressive.” Sunset grinned as she glanced over my feathers. “I got a copy of the lecture you gave at the School for Gifted Unicorns. The possible applications of friendship magic were very interesting. Sort of like that shield spell you used.”

“Friendship magic does have a lot of implications for the defense and augmentation fields of magics,” I agreed as I showed her around the tree. “Especially when applied to those an individual has a positive emotional connection to—you know, friends.”

“That makes sense.” Sunset placed a hoof on the tree. “It’s pretty amazing that it nearly blocked an anima/anti-anima blast.”

“Right, that was a pretty powerful spell you used. That has to take a lot of control to keep from exploding on you. In fact...” I grimaced and rubbed the back of my neck. “I was worried I was going to hurt you there.”

“You were?”

The smile I gave her was strained at the edges. “It looked like you were having trouble keeping control of your spell right there at the end. The idea of what would have happened if the spell collapsed on you ... I kinda flinched and my own spell failed as a result.”

“Oh.” A ghost of a grin showed itself on Sunset’s face. “Well, um, I certainly didn't want to hurt you either. Though based on what I saw of Cadance and Luna, alicorns are pretty tough. I figured you’d be able to take anything I threw at you as long as I held back. I know things got a bit intense, but the plan was to put on such a big show it would distract everyone.”

My impressions of the fight flooded back to me. The anxiety, fear, exhilaration, and dozen other feelings that had washed over me. “I think it succeeded, considering for a moment there I wasn't entirely sure it was a show.”

Sunset blinked in consternation. “Really?”

“You threw around a lot of hard-hitting spells,” I said.

“Ah.” Sunset pressed her lips together before replying. “I kinda had to. You weren’t really putting your all into the duel at the start, and I had to push you to really get into it. It's ... when I look into your eyes, I don't get the feeling you're capable of really wanting to hurt me.”

For a moment I wasn’t really sure how to reply to that. “That’s pretty obvious, isn't it?”

“It's not a bad thing.” She smiled and placed a hoof on my shoulder. “I mean, it's nice to know you're kind of innocent that way.”

That made a slight smile crease my lips. “Then hopefully I didn't make too bad of an impression for our fake duel.”

“I'd say you did just fine.” Sunset patted my shoulder. “And if you're ever worried about seeming sweet and innocent, you can teach your eyes to lie. It's what I do.”

“Huh, you can do that?”

“It's a skill.” Sunset gave me a wry grin. “I fooled you, didn't I?”

I chuckled and nodded. “Yes, you were an extremely intimidating and terrifying mare on the battlefield.”

“Thank you. I do try,” she said. “Still, I’m sorry if I took it a bit far, like with the trash talking. It was all just part of the show, promise.”

I saw no reason to hold that against her, especially when the plan had worked in the end. “Apology accepted. I just happy that whole mess is in the past now.” I looked up at the tree as I thought back to the duel and how it went. “Still, part of me liked being able to stretch myself and push my magic so far. Even if I'd have preferred it to have been on more friendly terms.”

“I wouldn't say no to a friendly rematch sometime.”

“Neither would I.” I nudged her side with a wing. “At least as long as things don't become quite as intense as this time.”

“I’m sure that could be arranged.” Sunset leaned against the tree and flashed a grin. “So ... about that offer I made.”

My heart started beating harder for some reason. “W-which one was that, again?”

“This has been an interesting little visit,” she said while glancing up at the Element of Friendship embedded within the tree. “I'd like to extend an invitation for you to come see Freeport sometime. I’d like to show you around, and we could get to know one another better. It’ll be fun.”

I couldn’t help but smile widely. “That does sound like it would be a lot of fun. There are a lot of historical landmarks I’d like to visit. I'll have to look at my schedule, but I'm sure I can make it work.”

Sunset leaned closer to me with a mischievous smirk. “It's a date, then.”

Wait.

Wait, what?!

A date?!

Author's Note:

Thanks to my editors Chengar Qordath and Comma-Kazie for all their help, and to my pre-readers Brony Writer, wolfstorm56, Trinary, 621Chopsuey, Rodinga, PoisonClaw, and Swiftest for their hard work editing.

Comments ( 86 )

Wait.

Wait, what?!

A date?!

And mark it complete. That's the best note you could end this on.

:pinkiehappy: I do so love the Sunlight.

Also, I was going to say something about how portable holes should never be put in a bag of holding, but thankfully, it's not that kind of portable hold.

I saw the ending coming from a mile away.

No, I saw that ending coming into earth's atmosphere just by reading the description and when it only had its first chapter up.

That does't mean I enjoyed it but still I get that hole Just As Planned vibe that I kinda hate.

Okay, while I did enjoy this story I have one small problem with its delivery. With the reveal of the mystery’s culprit you’ve also created an unreliable narrator.
Because Twilight is in on the deception, all tension created in the second-to-last chapter narrated by her is false. It creates a misdirection, which while helping with the twist ending, also misdirects the audience into falsely guessing who the culprit could be.
If I was to be truly unforgiving I could say that the use of portable holes and bags of holding is a big ‘Deus Ex Magica’ but the clues lead to that sort of magic used.
While I really enjoy Twilight as a narrator with all the awkward geekiness that she provides, using somepony like Storm as the point of view character would leave Twilight’s motives narratively coherent.

The mystery has been solved and Twilight's name has been cleared.

Fantastic! Can't wait to see where this leads. :twilightsmile:

I didn't expect Twilight to be in on it and I was sure we would see Storm and Sunset duel. Guess I was wrong. We still got an amazing fighting sequence, regardless, and I loved the ending.
You're making me ship them, dang it.

Starting this chapter I can't help but view Sunset and Kukri as morons that need to be expelled from the country and diplomatically censured. I hope that changes somehow by the end of it.

Well, at least after a shaky start Twilight is starting to give back similar to what she is getting.

Sunset’s eyes narrowed in her most furious glare yet, and to my surprise, the sword slipped right out from under the boulder back into her telekinetic grip. “Did you just try to smash Chainbreaker?! It's on now!”

Maybe you shouldn't be using a priceless relic in a duel.

Chainbreaker? That was one of Freeport’s most treasured national artifacts, having belonged to the pony that had freed Freeport from the seriously bad Necrocrats that had once ruled there. And she was using it here in this duel?! “You attacked me with it! Do you think I want to do that to a priceless historical artifact?! I didn’t even know what it was until you told me!”

EXACTLY.

Sunset won the duel by continuing to be a reckless idiot.

“Sorry, just solving a mystery and preventing an international incident.” Strumming pulled at the edge and removed the portable hole from the wall. “This explains how he got inside a locked room without anyone seeing.”

Too late, considering the unjustified accusations and the duel. The international incident has already happened.

Ugh, at least the duel was all a plot that Twilight was involved in setting up. I'm not sure it really worked to keep it a secret until after since Twilight as viewpoint character knew. It's weird that we had no hint from her perspective until suddenly the switch was flipped and everyone was all smiles.

Sunset leaned closer to me with a mischievous smirk. “It's a date, then.”

Sure, fine, I still would prefer this to Cloud.

Fun, story, good duel. It felt a bit like lying to the audience about whether Twilight was in on it or not, but eh. And meanwhile, poor Twilight is getting all flustered by Freeport and marriages and dates. I'm looking forward to the flailing that results.

9080963
I was thinking exactly the same thing.

[“What's wrong? Is that it?!” Then she did something that caught me completely flat-hoofed. Sunset started channeling anima and anti-anima into her horn in preparation for a new spell. That was an immensely complicated and powerful spell. Those two forces were never intended to be used together. The explosive potential if those two elements merged was ... catastrophic.

I didn’t have any choice but bring out everything I had to counter her. I drew upon the Magic of Friendship, pulling in deep from the well of feelings I had for my friends, and harnessed the power of the Elements to create a shield as strong as any as I had ever created. A prismatic sphere formed around me while a pure white light and a darkness so dark it absorbed the light around it merged around Sunset’s horn.

“Oh.” A ghost of a grin showed itself on Sunset’s face. “Well, um, I certainly didn't want to hurt you either. Though based on what I saw of Cadance and Luna, alicorns are pretty tough. I figured you’d be able to take anything I threw at you as long as I held back. I know things got a bit intense, but the plan was to put on such a big show it would distract everyone.”

The fact that Sunset holding back could keep with magic of friendship as unicorn is insane even if the it wasn't full friendship power.

JMP

....why was Sunset using Chainbreaker? It's an important piece of Freeport history, and Sunset literally fought to keep it in its museum.

A portable hole? This setting has a lot of convenient magic the canon one doesn't. :raritywink:

(I could easily imagine canon Pinkie owning a portable hole, though. :pinkiehappy: )

This was a really fun story! Who doesn’t like a good superhero fight? Though I will agree with others that the way Twilight is written makes it seem like she sincerely doesn’t know about the plan. This helps keep the ending a surprise, but can be somewhat confusing. I kind of assumed there was some sort of ruse being perpetrated by Sunset to catch the culprit, but that Twilight wasn’t in on it. Though I suppose having them both sort of hold back leaves who is stronger ambiguous. Sunset’s magic deflecting hoof definitely raises questions, can’t wait to see where that came from! And the Sunlight ship is underway! Very exciting! Still rooting for Cloudlight, but it should still be fun to see our dear purple pony princess enter the tumultuous world of dating after so long! Great story, and I eagerly await more of your work! :)

"and using a mix of unicorn and pegasi magic"
"and using a mix of unicorn and pegasus magic"?

"I tossed out another another spell intended"
"I tossed out another spell intended"?

9081351
Yeah, and let's go on the folem. It was stolen but returned to it's owner yet when Luna tried it's bad and then bring it to Equestrua not long after your DEAR mother force Luna to give up her claim. I'm sorry but the chainbreaker issue still drives me nuts.

JMP

9081490
I see what you're saying, but the scale is so far different that it becomes a separate issue. Luna's trip was a personal matter, how Kukri and Sunset's golems work are a Freeport state secret. Plus, y'know, Kukri's not centuries dead and her golems haven't become a national symbol.

9081493
Still. It is Luna's and the blades maker it defaults to her. I saw a video on you tube where a guy legal buys a messed up car. Pays money to fix it up but do d's out it was stolen from someone else and he has to return it. Same freaking deal applies here. I bet Luna could make a copy to put into the museum and boom problem solved.

JMP
JMP #18 · Aug 1st, 2018 · · 1 ·

9081504
No, Chainbreaker is not Luna's sword, it was her friend's who lived centuries ago in a now-defunct kingdom. I think that kintdom ended up becoming part of Equestria? In any case, there's no one alive that could make a proper claim to own it. That is not the case of the golems.

JMP
JMP #19 · Aug 1st, 2018 · · 1 ·

9081504
Couple other things to consider. There is a distinct possibility that Chainbreaker was stolen in the first place because of Nightmare Moon, and that weakened Luna's claim. Plus, politics. Graverobbers stealing a sword belonging to a defunct kingdom doesn't have any politics to it, but an ambassador stealing state secrets from a nation and framing another is espionage and is inherently political. It's the context that differentiate these.

9081528
she made it so has a legit claim. noone afterwards has that. No proof that NMM had a hoof, that was jsut baseless accusation by Kurki which her words didn't help. No what we see is Celestia showing her colors. it is clear she is the supreme ruler and that neither Luna or Twilight have equal authority for both sides handled the sword thign poorly

JMP
JMP #21 · Aug 1st, 2018 · · 1 ·

9081613
No, Celestia acted like any reasonable politician would and did what she could to avoid an unnecessary international incident because her sister was trying to steal a sword back. While you're correct that there isn't any direct proof that NMM had a direct hand in the initial theft, Kukri's accusations are not completely baseless. Luna had a hand in creating the traps that protected the tomb, her traps required alicorn-level power to disarm, and the sword was stolen by Nightmare cultists to begin with. Or something along those lines. I do agree that both sides could have acted a lot more calmly and professionally, though.

9081644
no she didn't Sunset caused it by not telling Kurki to shut up and not try a solution. she just shut Luna out and that was that. so both sides made mistakes but instead of both sides making concessions Luna loses everything including her equal rule that Celestia promised....when there is anotehr promise broken. Frankly the longer this universe goes the more I hate Celestia.

JMP
JMP #23 · Aug 1st, 2018 · · 3 ·

9081678
Luna lost a weak claim. And what promise was broken? Yes, Kukri provoked Luna, but Luna blatantly tried to steal the sword. Both were in the wrong, and both sides did make concessions.

9081685
weak claim, no she MADE the sword, THEY have the weak claim. the promsie to rule together from Celestia. It is clearly broken with Lesser when Celestia does what she does. and Kurki provoked BEFORE LUNA'S height attempt. Susnedt's actions lead to Luna's. she pulled a Cadance. Yet we see now concessions on Freeport. all we see is Luna losing her adventure funds and forever her claim on the sword. WHat did Freeport give up? NOTHING. Hell in this story she parades the sword in this fight. Why did she bring it so quickly after Lesser instead of leave it in the museum. No I HATE THIS WHOLE THING and is Chengar's weakest story.

JMP
JMP #25 · Aug 1st, 2018 · · 2 ·

9081706
Luna was irresponsible; this has nothing to do with ruling. Celestia didn't override or veto a policy Luna made, she reprimanded her sister for something she did on her personal time.

9081714
so was Sunset and making her give up her claim on the sword. I say that undermine's her authority.

Um I'm just wondering how does this story mesh with the Freeportverse

JMP
JMP #28 · Aug 1st, 2018 · · 1 ·

9081717
Yes, Sunset was also irresponsible. I can agree with that. However, I do think resolving the issue as soon as possible was the right choice. I'm not sure Celestia taking Luna's side on this would really go anywhere. It's essentially Luna's word versus exaggerated history.

9081741
Luna has the Twin, and it shows favortism on her 'Daughter' if anythig n Twilight should have been the arbitrator having no history with Sunset.

JMP

9081750
Consdering this story was Twilight's first major political experience in her post, maybe not. Making both parties happy also didn't seem to be anyone's priority. If it was, an ambassador from a different country entirely would be more impartial than Twilight.

First, let me say that providing a twist wherein otherwise reliable and honest Twilight has been misleading the narrative from her first-person viewpoint is a cheat that I cannot condone, especially used so egregiously in a story styled as a mystery.

But while I cannot approve of the story structure, I would still rather have this than have the characters painted into a corner where they became overly unlikeable for future stories. And I feared that is where it was going, as the Freeport cast’s behavior was making me turn against them. I likewise would have been displeased had they solved the mystery through an elaborate act and Twilight was left as a dupe throughout it all. Character-wise, this is the best outcome possible, and I am happy to have it.

So shame on you ;-)... but I do look forward to the follow-up.

Sunset or storm kicker. Just make it happen!

9081760
and that is a problem. as is Freeport can do anythign and Celestia will jsut bend over because it's her daughter.

JMP
JMP #34 · Aug 1st, 2018 · · 1 ·

9081920
Sunset is one of Celestia's weaknesses, yes, but I wouldn't go to that extreme. At the end of the day, however, something like this really isn't worth causing (more?) tension with another country, and clearly everyone's priorities were just to resolve the issue as quickly as possible to minimize the incident.

9081930
in the worse ways possible. typical Celestia MO. eitehr takes to long to solve it or goes to quickly without considering all the factors. Oh and never really take the blame. She will throw anyone and everyone under the bus for her image.

>Chainbreaker is mentioned

Oh boy, looks like it's a "the comment section argues about whether Luna or Sunset were at fault in Lesser Lights" episode

So much anger. First with people who can't see a setup a mile away, then Chainbreaker.

Anyway, though I do have to agree a bit that the end of the previous chapter could have used a bit less incredulity in Twilight's thoughts, I still think it ended up fine. Just a little more slight of hand than was needed, or maybe just too much inner monologue.

Love the idea of Twilight freaking out over this 'date', but considering we already know a bit into the future, it doesn't hit as hard. I'm not sure which story you came up with first, but I think the order could be improved when events intertwine this much.

JMP
JMP #38 · Aug 1st, 2018 · · 1 ·

9082007
Take the blame? Celestia wasn't even involved into it became an international incident. Luna went out of her way to steal a sword that now had immense cultural and historical significance for another country. And there weren't that many factors to consider. Luna turned down a reasonable offer by Sunset (find out who Silver Ankh's descendants are, and Freeport will pay reparations for the sword), then Sunset later attacked her. Both payed reparations. Was Celestia soft on Sunset? Perhaps, but I think the resolution was reasonable given both parties' clear priority to not let this incident affect the relationship between Equestria and Freeport all that much.

9082303
not in this incident but I say she is quick to strip her own sister of power which again points to tyranny. How she handled the CHainbreaker incident is jsut poor to me and amoung her worse desicsions.

9082287
yeah because it's brazen that Sunset brings it to Equestria, it's all but waving it in front of Luna. basically taunting her.

9082077
Yeah, it’s getting to the point where I’m tempted to report some of the worst ones for spamming. There’s no need to drag this into a barely related story, especially when it’s the same argument made over and over and over to the point where it’s practically copy-and-pasted.

9082303
9082637

How about you two take this argument about the events of Lesser Lights into a private conversation or the Winningverse forum?

JMP

9082886
Yeah, sorry for the spam. I'll just leave my disagreements in what I've already said and drop it.

9082287
There’s a bit of a tricky balancing act with any sort of “The main PoV character was in on it” setup. Giving away too much of the plan takes all the tension out of the scene, but not giving it away leads to some wonkiness with perspectives.

9081488
Thanks for catching those typos, they're fixed now.

9081722
It's in the same continuity as the Freeport Venture stories.

9082924
Agreed, that's why I mentioned that maybe a little less inner monologue at the closet scene would have fixed it. This chapter balanced it great, but there was a bit too much nervous "Oh no!" in her head at the closet reveal. Just my 2c.

9082928
You're welcome!

9082973. 9082924

Some people seem to have taken my overly-formal protestations more seriously than I intended them, but I do think that there is a greater objection to having a misleading narrative voice in a story that is based on a classic locked-room mystery... a genre that inherently implies playing it straight with the information conveyed to the audience.

I felt that the idea that the duel was a ruse to flood the area with magic so as to reveal the anti-magic field was the clever reveal of the resolution, and the kind of thing that could have been withheld while still clueing in the reader that Twilight and Sunset were up to something clever, even without outright, “offscreen” collaboration.

9082929
Where does this fit timeline wise in correspondance to the freeportverse

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