Both of your comments have me confused. Chrysalis isn't in this story, although I am curious as to what made you think that. And what do you mean I'm 30 pages off? That comment is baffling to me. If it's a reference to something then I apologize for not getting it.
Thank you. I didn't mean for this to go over 6k words, but umm... Yeah... Well, i will try to keep the words per chapter up, which I should be able to do since i'm now actually out of a lot of the introductions. There will be a few more next chapter, but those should be the last until Eris and the main antagonist are introduced.
Ahh, that. That is still Cadance. It will be explained in detail in the next chapter. but a rough summery is canterlot jr. ran to canterlot sr. and canterlot sr. made a big fuss about his son getting the piss rightfully beaten out of him, and then Cadance must punish Gabby in some way so the canterlot a-holes don't take matters into their own hands.
Damn Pinkie! Work fast!! I wonder if Gilda would test Spike if he is being honest about helping Gabby and if Gilda will have the tough biker girl attitude.
I've been doing these in a separate google doc so that I can cut and paste them at the end, rather than only pick 2-5. This batch took up 4 pages. C and D for you know what it means from the last comment.
Spike got his answer when the next teacher came in. The first thing Spike realized was that the unicorn stallion had a light pale blue coat with a beige mane. The next thing spike noticed was that he wasn't dressed like some Canterlot noble, who more often than not bought clothes with big price tags to show off, but the way he carried himself screamed high-self esteem. In the physical appearance department, it looked like he just got back from the spa or something as he looked a light shine to his coat. Spike has seen that shine more than once on his mother and the shine didn't last more than a day.
C
Sure the stallion looked like he may possibly be a little Narcissistic, but everyone is to some degree. That brought up the question again as to why Mrs. Silvermane was so anxious. Spike would soon get his answer as the stallion clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes when he finally noticed Spike.
D
"Mr. Road, He is not my pet and he is a dragon, not a lizard," Mrs. Silvermane corrected him, with occasional glances to Spike to see how he was fairing.
D You meant to use “faring here” because “fairing” is a noun. It mean
"Lizard, Dragon same thing. What's it doing here anyways?"
D Add a comma after “dragon”
With that spike pushed his chair back and approached the rude stallion. "Mr. Road is it? My name is Spike Wyvern, And starting tomorrow I'll be taking over as the new homeroom teacher for this class," Spike answered as calmly as he could, with a strained smile on his face.
C
"If today wasn't my last day then they'd try to get me fired. Thry may be childish, but they are somewhat intelligent," Mrs. Silvermane clarified as she sat on the desk and watched the lesson.
They
"All joking aside they won't mind as you won't be the other one. Several other teachers have made it a bit of a thing to watch the various sports as they do some paperwork," She explained with a happy sigh.
only
That's the spirit. Now If you don't mind I'm going to go talk to someone about a dress," She said before heading out of the door herself, but not before locking the door so when he shut it the room would be locked.
D
"It was ok. Don't know how I'm going to handle Mr. Road after today," Spike said which made half of the teachers there groan just from hearing the name. "Is he really that bad? Mrs. Silvermane said that he was behaved like an ass in my class because I'm a dragon."
behaving
"When It comes to teaching the general subject of social science, he is pretty good. When it comes to him as a person however, he is severely lacking. He would be especially bed to you because you are what he hates, a dragon. To everypony else he's just insufferable," Ms. Harshwhinny responded and most ponies there gave some sort of agreement.
D bad
Spike slowly shook his head as he began to think about the classes they had today. They had three core classes, but that number didn't seem right. "No I didn't. I still have some papers to look over, which is why I cam here," He explained, showing her the papers.
came
"That obvious huh?" Spike asked to which Ms. Harshwhinny nodded. "Sorry about that. I'm not exactly and introvert, but I haven't had much practice with real people."
an
Spike let out a sigh as she nailed the nail on the head. She was definitely observant that's for sure. "This is getting old to tell people but I grew up in Canterlot, and the vast majority there are pony supremacists. That coupled with the fact that i'm like the ONLY dragon to be raised IN equestira, AROUND ponies and NOT in Fillydelphia. Almost everywhere else I would be able to live a normalish life, but not in Canterlot. Getting called a racial slur for dragons every time I say 'Hello' is not a very good way to practice,"
C C You used bold for emphasis in the previous quote, but here, you instead caps lock it. Try to stick to one method.
"The only reason why i know as much as I do about my own kind is because I spent a couple months in Dragon Town, Fillydelpia. Good people and nice place," Spike commented as he remembered back to his visit to Dragon Town.
C
"Look out!" Someone shouted, making spike turn to see who shouted.
When spike looked to see who shouted his vision was blocked by grayish blue feathers and turquoise eyes. ~Feathers?~ Spike thought a mere second before he was knocked off his feet and slammed into the ground, blacking out. He didn't know how long he was out but when he came to there was a ring of people around him while a white mare with a pale pinkish mane was kneeling beside him, tending to him. His eyes were quickly drawn to the nurse's cap on her head. That's when the cogs in Spike's mind began to turn.
C C
"You were out for about twenty minutes. Now If the dizziness gets any worse come down to the infirmary or if you can't send someone to let me know. Now, GABBY!" She half yelled as a grayish blue gryphon appeared from the small crowd, which thankfully was dispersing. "You are to help Mr. Wyrven to his room since you are the one that flew into him.
D Add a comma after “can’t” Add quotation marks to the end.
"Hey, It was an accident. Besides, i'm a bit too dizzy to be peeved at you," He said with a slight chuckle. He was still a tad dizzy, which was no surprise to him as once they started walking he was even dizzier than he first thought. Thankfully the dizziness was tapering off.
D C
Mrs. Silvermane sighed as she rubbed her eyes. "Ok, Gabby,If you can take him to your room. HIS room is still being worked on," She responded.
D, also, add a space between the comma and “if”
"Well, there's that but i'm your teacher."
Add a comma after “that” C
Gabby let out a sigh as she stood up and began to pace, obviously a bit nervous. "Ok. Well, you see, every female her is given a choice during heat-"
here
"Ah, ok. Well I was on the pill and some guys here know that some don't use the pills and so they're supposedly an easy lay. Apparently there was a rumor around that I opted out of the pill, and they wanted to have some fun with me. When I said know they began to get forceful. Now they didn't get physical but they did kind of get me to a secluded spot that I couldn't get out of. Since I really didn't feel safe there and they wouldn't let me leave without satisfying them, I took the only option present to me, and beat them up," She explained a light blush on her face, a little embarrassed talking about such a subject with her male teacher.
no, not know
Thankfully things could escalate the door opened up, making spike turn his head to the door. He saw Twilight there staring wide eyed at him and Gabby. Whatever arousal Spike's body was building up disappeared in almost an instant as he saw the fires of rage behind Twilight's eyes.
C
Spike nodded and got up thinking he was ok to walk by himself. Him nearly falling over after a couple steps said otherwise. It wasn't as bad as before but it was still annoying. Gabby once again was at his side, but this time Twilight took Spike's unattended side. That caught both Spike and Gabby off guard, but they payed it no mind as they guided spike to his room.
paid C
"Ok, now, you know i'm not much for parties, so what should I do?" He asked before Pinkie Pie grabbed him from behind and began to drag him around.
C
Spike's mind was still reeling from what pinkie had said, trying to decipher what she had said, before she grabbed him. Now he was on the couch and even more confused. He looked around and saw that everyone was talking with each other, except for Gabby who seemed to be getting one of Twilight's lectures. It wasn't until he felt someone pull on his jacket's arm that he looked to his left to see Fluttershy sitting there, who was dressed in a green turtleneck sweater, and a light brown ankle length straight skirt.
C
Her question made spike groan as he rolled hi head back with on of his hands covering his eyes. "Applejack told you, didn't she?" He asked, not moving from his position.
C his
Fluttershy made a small 'eep' as Spike quickly turned to he could see Rainbow dash standing behind them. Spike instantly knew she was rainbow dash as she was the only pony in his class that had a rainbow mane, and Mrs. Silvermane called her by name during the morning period. The track suit she was wearing didn't surprise him at all, what did catch his interest though was that the colors were inspired by the Wonderbolt's colors.
C C
Spike gave her quite the dirty look before answering. "You have a very low outlook on dragons don't you?" Spike asked as his agitation was made apparent by his tone. He eventually sighed before waving off his remark. "I can't entirely blame you though. I'm like the only dragon outside of Fillydelphia, and those who come from the badlands aren't exactly good representation. Is that how all dragon used to act? Yes. Is that how all dragons act now? No. Heck, there are even some cities in the badlands that are filled with dragons who don't fit into the dragon stereotype... Well, They still horde gems, but otherwise they don't fit," Spike explained.
D
"Heya Rainbow dash!" Pinkie returned before hugging Spike from behind, her arms wrapping around his shoulders. "Sorry about what I said In class today," She apologized as she brought her head next to Spike's.
D
"How about I show you?" Pinkie said with a smile. By this point Fluttershy was blushing slightly, which grew massively when Pinkie jumped over the back of the couch and landed in Spike's lap. That action even caught Rainbow dash off guard. "Now I believe she was rubbing the side of your head with hers," She whispered into Spike's ear. He was now sporting a blush that spread from ear to ear.
C
"P-pinkie," Spike started, but was silenced by pinkie placing a finger on his lips.
C
Spike looked at Rainbow dash who was now sporting a hard blush and was now on the ground. When he looked over to Fluttershy she was now sporting a blush somewhere between Rainbow dash's and his.
"Is that within the norm for her?" Spike asked as he tried to calm down.
Fluttershy didn't move as Rainbow dash slowly shook her head. "This is a first for her. I mean she is pretty crazy, in a good way, but something like this is new to me. I'll catch you two later," She said before leaving.
"Fluttershy, I'm sorry but i'm going to hang out on the balcony for a bit," He said before doing just that. Pinkie had really messed with his mind. Whether or not she was kidding about the date he would have to find out, but for now the brisk cooling air out on the balcony would have to work to cool him down. Thankfully his Dizziness had all but disappeared. He was still a little wobbly, but could walk on his own now.
C C C C D
"Pinkie, are you serious about that?" Rainbow dash asked with a concerned look.
C Almost every time you say “Rainbow Dash” you don’t capitalize the d. Why? I’m not going to keep pointing that out, simply because of the sheer density of it, unless it’s in a paragraph with other mistakes.
"The cold air is nice, is it not?" Asked a voice from behind spike.
C
Rarity nodded to his question. "Yes, Darling. I must admit that I had the same thoughts about you as Rainbow dash did," She said but continued before spike could say anything. "But during you conversation you have proven those beliefs wrong, so I must apologize. For my unjust beliefs and for eavesdropping," She said, surprising Spike with not only that she was apologizing but that he was just now noticing her tone. She sounded like upper class, but didn't act like she was from Canterlot which he was thankful for.
C C your
"As unpredictable as she Is, I would have to assume that she is being serious about this. I do have to ask: Do you have anything appropriate to wear?"
Spike took a second to answer her. "I have A casual outfit, and this is my only suit. The other one I have is a bit run down," He said before turning to Rarity who had a disapproving look on her face.
D D
Dear Spike
I am so happy that Cadance had hired you. I wanted to let you know that I am working on a way to get your temporary teacher status extended, but it doesn't look too good. I'm sorry to say that you may have to reveal your true Identity within the month. I know that's not what you want to hear, but it's the truth. I will see you soon, on your 18th birthday. Until then stay safe, and try not to break any rules. Love, your mother
Put a comma after “Spike” D Put this section in it’s own paragraph, like the “Dear Spike,” at the start.
Nice
Spike, you lucky son of a b****!!!
Is it Cadance? Or Chrysalis?
364... You're 30 pages off.
yeah a nice update with a looooot to read :D keep the good work buddy
9115797
9115726
?
Both of your comments have me confused. Chrysalis isn't in this story, although I am curious as to what made you think that. And what do you mean I'm 30 pages off? That comment is baffling to me. If it's a reference to something then I apologize for not getting it.
9116791
That remark about the dean. Was that like Cadance to act towards Gabby?
9115882
Thank you. I didn't mean for this to go over 6k words, but umm... Yeah... Well, i will try to keep the words per chapter up, which I should be able to do since i'm now actually out of a lot of the introductions. There will be a few more next chapter, but those should be the last until Eris and the main antagonist are introduced.
9116796
Ahh, that. That is still Cadance. It will be explained in detail in the next chapter. but a rough summery is canterlot jr. ran to canterlot sr. and canterlot sr. made a big fuss about his son getting the piss rightfully beaten out of him, and then Cadance must punish Gabby in some way so the canterlot a-holes don't take matters into their own hands.
Damn Pinkie! Work fast!!
I wonder if Gilda would test Spike if he is being honest about helping Gabby and if Gilda will have the tough biker girl attitude.
9116830
And as for the 30 pages off
9116955
Damnit, now i can't read Mr. Road's lines without hearing Snape's voice XD, but now i do feel like an idiot for not getting the reference.
9117207
You think that's addicting? Even Rowling admitted that she can't read Snape's lines without hearing Alan Rickman's voice.
absolutely stunning work, can’t wait to see more, hopefully sooner than this one? haha!
9116801
keep them loong and sharp :D i love long stories and a long chapter means that the autor has a good, well written story ;)
I like this shipping of Spike and Gabby.
I've been doing these in a separate google doc so that I can cut and paste them at the end, rather than only pick 2-5. This batch took up 4 pages.
C and D for you know what it means from the last comment.
C
D
D
You meant to use “faring here” because “fairing” is a noun. It mean
D
Add a comma after “dragon”
C
They
only
D
behaving
D
bad
came
an
C
C
You used bold for emphasis in the previous quote, but here, you instead caps lock it. Try to stick to one method.
C
C
C
D
Add a comma after “can’t”
Add quotation marks to the end.
D
C
D, also, add a space between the comma and “if”
Add a comma after “that”
C
here
no, not know
C
paid
C
C
C
C
his
C C
D
D
C
C
C
C
C
C
D
C
Almost every time you say “Rainbow Dash” you don’t capitalize the d. Why? I’m not going to keep pointing that out, simply because of the sheer density of it, unless it’s in a paragraph with other mistakes.
C
C
C
your
D
D
Put a comma after “Spike”
D
Put this section in it’s own paragraph, like the “Dear Spike,” at the start.
Some pony's I swear need a behavior lesson. And I hope that more start falling for him.