Breaking Minds [Update]
"..."
"..."
"...You didn't answer my second question." Starlight asks, seemingly no longer scared because of my 'silly' name.
"I'm a human, or 'Homo Sapiens' if you what to be all scientific about it." I answer in a nonchalant voice.
"Uh-huh... Why are you here?" She asks skeptically with narrow eyes, trying to get a handle at what I'm like.
"I want to team up. You have a problem with ponies cutie marks, and I have a problem with ponies... reactions towards me. Seriously though, just earlier today I walked into a city and immediately there's 20 guards, a guard captain and a princess after me just because of my appearance. I mean really! I've done nothing wrong and they tried to STAB me! I'm just happy I'm more powerful than all of them!" I continue to rant a bit, pacing around as I do. Starlight just keeps her distance and listens to me until that last bit.
"Wait, what was that about being powerful?" She asks, quickly gaining interested at that part.
"Well, I have a whole bunch of abilities that make me way to fucking powerful, possibly more so than Celestia and Luna combined if used right." I answer, adding in that bit about the princesses to let her know in comparison to them how much power I have. She flinched when I cursed, but that last bit REALLY got her attention.
"Pffft, yeah right." She says, waving her hoof and rolling her eyes. "Nopony is more powerful than the princesses!"
"Good thing I'm not a 'nopony' then, or a pony at all for that matter, and I can name two beings more powerful than them." I tell her, persistently trying to get her to join up with me or let me join her.
"Okay then, who are these two 'beings' more powerful than Celestia and Luna?" She asks, doing the quotation mark motion with her hooves. I stand up straight and pretend to be holding a microphone.
"Behind door number one we have the conductor of chaos, the lord or lawlessness, the bane of boredom, the preserver of pandemonium, the wrath of randomness, the mish of mashes himself, Discord!" I shout in my best game show announcer voice. "And behind door number two we have... ME!" I shout louder, using a quick 'emiteffect' command to create some confetti above me and a 'playsound' command to make a party noise maker sound effect.
Starlight just stares at the confetti with wide eyes.
"I didn't detect any magic when he did that." Starlight quietly says to herself with wide, blank eyes. After a moment she looks up from the confetti and at me, staring straight into my eyes.
"...You're serious, aren't you?" She asks me in a near whisper. I just nod, causing her to sit down from the insanity of it all.
"Okay, so, you are a being with more power than the princesses, and you just show up wanting to team u- wait a moment, why team up with me? Why not team with Discord, or even just do it by yourself?" She asks me demandingly. I answer with what I've actually thought about for a while.
"Because, if I do it myself, everypony will think I'm just some evil beast. I want to get a message out that I'm not a beast but I could be if they treat me like one, and teach them to not be so god damn racist! I also can't get help from Discord because he's been metaphorically put on a leash. What's worse about that leash is that he's perfectly fine with it as its big enough for his needs. The one time he left it he was betrayed by Tirek, which means he probably won't leave again anytime soon. And I'm not saying it's actually a bad thing, it's just that it stops me from getting help from him which is bad for me." I conclude my second rant, showing that I've put a lot of thought into this and also showing Starlight that I'm not only strong, but intelligent as well.
"...Wow, you really put a lot of thought into this, maybe we actually could help each other out!" Starlight says, smiling.
"Yep, I'm strong AND smart... Now if only I looked good, cause then the mares would be all over me!" I joke with a grin.
"Yeah, okay whatever." She says, with an eyeroll. I do still notice a small smirk though.
Your friendship with Starlight has increased! I jokingly think to myself with a smile.
"So, have you made any backup plans you want to try? Maybe make a revenge scheme? Or maybe just try to subconsciously mind trick ponies into joining you and make an army like before?" I ask Starlight.
"I... Well I don't really have anything right now, but I'm sure I'll get another idea." She replies, a little disappointed about not having a backup plan.
"Let's think of something together then!" I tell her.
Starlight just smiles a small happy smile.
'*Your friendship level with Starlight Glimmer has increased!'
Wait, FOR REAL???
Meanwhile
Shining Armor couldn't believe it. He refused to be defeated. He just couldn't understand how he and the rest of the guard lost the monster so quickly! He couldn't wrap his head around it, as not only did it brainwash his guards but it even celebrated afterwards, and when the brainwashing stopped working the creature fled around a corner and EVERY GUARD lost track of it. It didn't have a horn so it couldn't have used a spell, right? So how did it get away so quickly? Is it just faster than it looks? Shining kept trying to rationalize how it escaped, but everything he thought of was just guesses, no concrete proof! It was a good thing Cadence sent that letter to Princess Celestia, atleast with her knowing about it she could find a way to find and defeat it.
I swear I will bring you justice, creature! I promise that!
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finally, some progress in the story
9001259
I know I'm not so great at this, but this is only my second story ever. Make sure that if there is something you don't like, you tell me and make sure you tell me exactly what I did wrong so I can improve it.
OMNI:I Fully approve of this.
The only thing that bothers me is how oblivious these ponies seemingly are. Even by pony standards. Where is all the curiosity? The distrust? The panic? (The horror! The horror!) Anyway, just "Hey, you could stay in my house!" out of nowhere, and then "Oh, you startled me! Your bedroom is on the second floor." They act like he's Discord or maybe Pinkie, but seem to care even less. They feel somewhat NPC-ish because of that.
I'm curious what you'll do with that OP character of yours. Would be really interesting if there's some sort of meta-game going on, where he isn't all that OP after all. Like his SAVEs affecting the world a-la Undertale. Or maybe that mod really being a virus and a part of some evil master plan like in Spy Kids 3. Or maybe he just was moved to another segment of the Matrix? Or mayb[brain dump truncated]
9001597
"They feel somewhat NPC-ish because of that."
"NPC-ish"
"NPC"
I found that wording slightly funny, given he has game powers. I could just say 'that's the point' but that would be a lie, I'll try to improve on that and maybe at some point add a chapter where he completely messes up everything and has to restart with some new 'updates'
I'm not really good at this though, I could use some more advice. I feel like the pacing is really off too, sometimes he just conveniently does something, other times parts seem a bit stretched out. I'm trying to get better, but I don't really know what I'm doing.
[Future Changelog]
+Fix ponies trusting too fast.
+Fix speed of everything.
+Add herobrine.
That last one is a joke, unless some of you actually want him as a villain or something though.
Thanks!
Justice for what, you flaming racist douchebag?
9185368
https://m.If I never update this story again, just pretend Pinkie Pie caught them and Stanley decided to crash the universe with ent_remove_all.
9185368
*airhorns sound*
9185368
I mean, technically... he does think Stanley did some mind control crap as well as avoided arrest. I'm pretty sure there's laws about avoiding arrest like IRL so... even avoiding an illegal arrest breaks that law... maybe Stanley kind of sort of
brokebent a law.Even so, the reason for doing so is bullshit of the second highest caliber.
You know, this could be taken both ways. Think of shining as his lawyer.
Bring him to justice, however, and we've got a racist unicorn.
so, is Shining actually a jerk or is he just being overprotective? just because he wants you crushed beneath his hooves at the beginning of the story doesn't always mean he is evil so i am having a difficult time getting a bead on him. he might be racist, he might be cruel, he might be overstressed from alot of work, or he might just be having a legitimate (at least in his mind) reason to do this (like protecting his foal whom i forget if she was born yet at this point and if she wasn't then protecting his unborn foal would definitely send even the most chill Shining Armor into a "Destroy First, Ask Questions Never" mode).
I have to remind myself that the main character is supposed to be stupidly overpowered. Lol
9489183
I mean, the first city he enters is the Crystal Empire, and the first pony in charge is Shining Armor - the pony that always remembers a grudge and is extremely speciesist. (Remember Thorax?)
... which is hilarious, because I've read a variation of this line in no less than seven fics in the last week, and from what I've been taught, that's actually wrong. Or, perhaps not "wrong" as much as "nonspecific" -- the term covers more than the "modern man" (Homo sapiens sapiens), including things that have appeared some 200 000 years ago (the common distinction - us - being typically only around 60 000 years old).
9756397
I didn't know that. Probably because I've also read it so much that I didn't think I needed to check, and when I put it that way I sound like an idiot.
Justice?! He hasn't even committed a crime other than evading arrest! You, Shining Armor sir are delusional and abusing your abilities as Prince of the Crystal Empire