Carl thought he would have a normal life (and still keep his secret of being a brony) when he graduated from his school. unluckily he finds himself in the body of lightning dust and in equestria. now he must find a way home... but whats that lurking in the shadows? and how did he get here?! all good questions.
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its good but try and aim for the thousand word mark in each chapter it will help you improve
If anyone wants to do a reading of this. they can.
2000 words per chapter helps expand a story and draw in viewers. Talk to other writer or just read others works to improve your own stories. Pushing yourself to keep writing really works, can’t improve if you don’t try. Good luck.
Why do people think that doing something stupid is the way to wake up? Just try to read something, you can't read in a dream that part of your brain is asleep while you dream.
Your really jumping around with just this chapter alone. Try giving more details about how somepony is reacting, like say Pinkie Pie was clutching her barrel and leaning back as she laughed. Try not to keep things so simple. And you don't need to have these chapters so short either, just trying to be helpful I'm not trying to put you down or anything.
You might want to try writing in third person. The first person narrator has all sorts of cliché things to say like "Well, it's an odd story." We know it's an odd story, but he has to say that, because he's all authentic and keeping it real. It'd be less condescending if it went like "Carl Dustway woke at 6:00am to brush his teeth. It was the normal time he woke up, so he didn't have to worry about missing his graduation that day. Unfortunately, he didn't have to worry about missing his graduation today, because graduation was the least of his worries. A spine chilling female voice spoke out of nowhere causing him to drop his toothbrush" etc.
Your uh... chapter is less than 400 words long. It's kind of sparse. You could write about who Carl is, what he likes to do, what his ambitions are, how well he's doing in school, what he's graduating from, if he has any friends who are graduating with him, if he has any friends he's going to lose because they aren't graduating. You're looking to give the reader an idea of how Carl was feeling when he got zonked into Equestria, and why they should care about him turning into Lightning Dust. You could describe what Twilight Sparkle looks like, if she's stressed out, tired, neatly primped, worried, nervous, guilty. You could describe what her tail's doing as she speaks, if Rainbow Dash is nursing any injuries, the way Dash's mane just sorta scruffs out over her head. What room are they in? Are they up in the clouds? Are they in a hospital? Next to a tree with a Lightning Dust's face shaped indentation in it? Is she lying on grass? Is there a trench of scraped up earth leading to where she crashed? Are there any other ponies nearby? Really imagine the scene, and try to describe it so that we can imagine what you're seeing.
Or, just, leave it at 400 words. That works too.
I never thought about it ...
The image resembles a UNDERTALE two souls in one body.
but man and lightning dust ...?
it is interesting...
I wanted to see more.
oh... maybe it ...
W.D.G✌st☜r...?
9484283
maybe...or someTHING..like him.
9166744
Sauce? I can totally read and even do math (like, simple addition) in my dreams.
Though anything written is mostly garbage sentences that change while you aren't looking.
Hope to see more