• Member Since 5th Jun, 2016
  • offline last seen 4 hours ago

Hoovier


New to writing, but having fun.

T
Source

Filly Trixie is doomed to serve Twilight for the rest of her mortal life due to an ancient law, join her on an adventure through pain, servitude, and foal abuse!

WARNING: This story contains physical and psychological abuse aimed at a small filly.


Preread and edited by my bestest friend LewdChapter!

Chapters (7)
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Comments ( 180 )

Not my cup of tea, but...

I'm looking forward to seeing where this goes, can't wait for the next chapter

How come Trixie is just a filly? It seems that the action is taken place after Twilight becoming a princess and their duel, in which Trix is rather adult.

The story still needs more improvement. There is a lot of typos in the second half of the story, I suggest fixing them. Still though, it's not bad, I trust you'll improve ^^

8994524
Because the author is apparently going to have this weird, sadistic version of Twilight turn her into a child so that he can indulge child abuse fantasies, I guess.

8994524
Well, it does take place after the Alicorn Amulet, but shes not a filly in this chapter yet. The end is supposed to imply that she turned her into a filly, in preparation for chapter 2.
Thank you for the feedback! I'll try to find those typos and fix them.

8994803
That's exactly whats gonna happen! :yay:

8995016
And you don't see a problem with that, I suppose?

8995028
Not particularly, cartoon ponies can't feel pain afterall.

8995031
I'm more concerned that you seem to have child abuse fantasies.

8995041
My fantasies are not towards children being harmed, just filly trixie. Theres a distinct difference, separating cartoons from reality.

8995044
Um, sure.

You're writing a fetish story about... (Checks the tags) sex, non-consensual (i.e. rape), and violence and are choosing to turn the recipient of all this into a child. Why, exactly? Why is it vital to you that she be tortured as a child and not an adult?

>no romance tag
well, shit

8995102
For fun, my dude. Don't take things too seriously. I don't really need a reason other than im doing this for fun.

8995102
So I would say I know the author decently well and he’s one of the nicest people I know, and has he said knows where the line is between fantasy and reality

8995235
I still think it says something that his idea of fun is "Trixie is turned into a child and then abused."

8995102
because filly Trixie is so cute, and it's demeaning, which is the point of pretty much everything so far, and stop saying child it's irrelevant, children don't have hoof's~ <3, the best fetish of all

Majin Syeekoh
Moderator

8995239
The beautiful thing about fiction is that it gives someone a safe environment to explore fantasy. It's a catharsis.

8995239
Heyo. I feel that this is written this way not to fill out a fantasy, but instead to appeal to a semi large demographic of the people who read stories on this site. A surprise amount of people on this site enjoy reading this kind of stuff, even if it’s not for fantasy or fetish reasons. The author is just having fun with a topic they are usher to write about and please some people reading it. I doubt it’s nothing more than for the pleasure of writing and flexing skill on an underground and underworked mix of genres.

8995239
I think it also says something that, here you are, on an internet website railing against something, which, in the grand scheme of things, doesn't even matter enough to get attention apart from what you garnish on it.

If this is the hill you want to die on, fair enough, but if you continue, you're going to learn a very valuable lesson about life on the internet: Never wrestle with a pig in mud; you just get dirty, and the pig likes it.

Being a writer myself, I protect full freedom on paper. The writer is the god and king of his stories, he can do whatever he wants on his paper, as long as no one gets hurt in real life. It is up to the reader, however, to choose if he wants to read it or not.

8995102
So if I wrote a story about ponies driving cars at 500 mph crashing through buildings I have a twisted desire to run people down?

8995239
Here's the thing about fiction...it's not real, no one is actually being harmed, and taboo's can be explored with no fear of reprisal. in short, I once wrote a detailed fantasy (private file) about brutally torturing my former boss till he was a quivering wreck, then leaving him to starve in the wilderness with his hands and feet cut off and yet, my old boss is still alive, un-harmed, and running things at the same pace as always. I wish him a good morning/afternoon/evening whenever I see him. what I wrote was blowing off steam, and indulging my anger, as well as exploring how twisted my darker-half could be when contemplating things I could do. as another author stated, it's cathartic, not a sign of intent or desire.

child abuse... ok seems legit. poor trix!

9011418
Well, its foal abuse but yeah. Thanks for reading!

Hmm... interesting idea. Not bad so far, but I can't help but feel that there's something missing from this cruel little scenario. I feel like if I were this particular Twilight, I would want to leave a fragment or two of the old Trixie in this helpless filly. Knowing that she would be aware of what had happened to her but being unable to do anything about it because of the spell, and being forced to admit to herself that the other mare is the superior magician, would be so much more delicious to me.

9013527
Thats a delicious idea, I totally agree! But, im going more for the torture of an innocent Trixie, for Twilights enjoyment. Twilight sort of 'killed' the old Trixie, by wiping her memories. Twilight finds it more satisfying to punish this filly for the crimes of another.
I do like your idea though! :twilightsmile:

9015622
Uhh, I dont think so. I mean, there could be, but I was planning on more harsh punishments. Like, harsher punishments. I could consider putting some in later if thats something you'd like to see.
Thanks for reading!

Could Twilight kill Trixie if she wanted to, or is it limited to fines and such?

The mental regression came without warning. It really undermines the entire point of punishing Trixie or any of the events in the last chapter to just erase adult Trixie into a blank slate.

9017974
Well, its more delicious to punish an innocent filly, dont you think? The filly Trixie never did anything to deserve such cruel punishment, which just makes it better.

9017966
She sure could. As a royal concubine though twilight would have to compensate Trixies closest relative financially.

9018019
It's crueler, but not punishment. The first chapter basically ends with Twilight executing Trixie with a promise to build a filly clone from her body parts (except that we're tricked into believing that Twilight is just going to deage Trixie, or at least I was).

9018027
Okay, cool! The innocent filly is still getting punished though, like she is still being subjected to torture.

9018025
Probably with Trixie's own money, as a nice loophole that'd allow for lots of killing ponies that need punishment. Although I'm not too clear on the setup here, really, and thus also how much money Trixie would have.

9018031
Yeah, the law part of this is gonna be explained a bit more in chapter 4/5. Specifically the rules, and what sort of priveleges Trixie gets.

9018019
Dude, get help. You are literally saying that you're getting off on child abuse.

9027625
Trixie is not a child dude, thats a filly. I appreciate your concern though. :pinkiesmile:

9027784
Stop being cute with the filly/child thing. The ponies serve as “people” in these stories, which makes a filly the same as a child.

I’m not someone who goes around scolding people for writing porn or fetish stories. You like what you like. But this... This is just sick. The fact that, in the comments, you refer to this scenario as delicious, especially describing the victim here as being essentially innocent. The only purpose of this story is for you to describe abuse and torture of a child, and you describe it gleefully. That you’re deriving pleasure from fantasies like this is actually frightening, And that there are people here in the comments trying to normalize it is just gross.

I think the worst thing about this, even beyond the torture porn aspect, is how no character seems at all concerned about the abuse. Everyone is complicit, and you make Twilight, the moral center of the show, the chief torturer? Why even bother calling her Twilight Sparkle if she doesn’t act, think, or talk like the character? Just make your own OC, because that’s all she is here. You kind of tipped your hand when you had Twilight say almost exactly the same thing you said in the comments, re: how much sweeter it was to abuse a filly who was innocent of the crimes. This isn’t a story about Twilight exacting revenge; this is just you writing about how much you enjoy fantasizing about this stuff.

Can I ask you something? Why do you find the idea of punishing an innocent so “delicious”? Have you stopped to ask yourself why you think the thought of that is so appealing to you? Because you write it like you expect others to agree with that statement, and nobody with a working conscience ever would.

And please don’t play the “It’s fiction, and nobody is getting hurt” card. I realize this is fiction, but a story is an attempt by a writer to express a point of view. And for your first story that you show the world, the point of view you chose to convey is “I think torturing and abusing children is really, really hot.” That is literally the only message of this story.

9027831
Well, ill keep saying the filly thing cause Trixie is in fact a little cartoon horse! Believe it or not, I guess.

As for you finding it gross, thats totally fine man, you can think what you'd like. I'll do what I wanna do, and you can do the same. Seems like right now you're choosing to read my story, and get mad about it, on some sort of high horse. You're making a conscious decision to read this foal abuse, no ones forcing you to.

Having fantasies is not frightening, unless im literally writing about my plans to go commit actual murder. I can fantasize all I want and absolutely noone at all gets hurt. I don't see the issue there at all.

As for the characters, the only characters that have shown up so far are Twilight and Trixie, Pinkie has no idea whats actually going on, thats for future chapters. My dialogue is obviously not the best, this is my first fic ever, so I understand that criticism. Twilight is only slightly OOC, I think, because Twilight is shown to value justice as much as the next pony. This is just a more intense, hooves on sort of approach to this justice for what Trixie did to ponyville. I think youre forgetting that Trixie enslaved a whole town and then removed ponies body parts? I've yet to go even that far(Even though I will! :pinkiesmile:)

My OC is far too cute to use on this story, I couldnt do her justice with my non existent skills. Twilight fits much better.
And sure, this is just me writing about how much I enjoy fantasizing about this stuff, Trixie is fun for that. In essence, though, isnt all writing like that? You fantasize a cool story or scenario and then you write it down, which I think is super cool!

I find the idea of punishing an innocent delicious cause its just... it makes the cruelty more intense. For the purpose of writing this story, it adds to whats going on. I want to make the story more interesting and making Trixie innocent helps that, (Also its fun for me :twilightsmile:)

If it seems like im writing becasue other people will agree with me, well thats not the case. I wrote it and then some people gave it some likes, and added it to their favorites. Seems to me like im not alone, and you seem to be the only one on here getting mad and stuff.

As for "I think torturing children is really really hot", tahts not true at all, I have zero attraction to children.
Foals are a whole other story though, they are so cute! Wouldn't you agree?

Finally, I remember someone saying "Dont wrestle in the mud with a pig, cause the pig likes it"
This is totally applicable right now, im having fun, and youre just wasting your own time. Go write your own fic man, or stay here and keep reading, the next chapter is gonna be lots of fun!!
:scootangel:

9027831
No you're not the type of person to go around scolding people for their fetish stories, but you do harass them, and why use twilight when it doesn't act or behave anything like twilight, quite simply it's interesting to see characters act out of character, in similar vein to what if.

People have been enjoying stories of suffering since the beginning, it's nothing new, even happens a lot in modern mainstream media, and the only true issue in all of this is that you can't seem to understand that people can tell the difference between genuine suffering and fictional suffering, I could take you to a very dark part of the Internet, where people really can't tell the difference, the story isn't even finished you have no idea how it's even going to end, for all you know it could end on a good note, you don't know.

But ultimately you need to stop being a busybody, white knight and stop harassing, criticise the chapter, but wait until the stories finish before you do the whole thing, and at the end of the day you don't know hoov, you don't know exactly how he would feel if this ever happened to anyone in real life, but I do, stop making assumptions of people's character based on a fictional story, assumptions make an ass out of me and you

Comment posted by TheMRNoob deleted Jul 12th, 2018

9027831
Look man, I understand where your coming from, I really do. But what you fail to understand is what you're saying yourself. Sure, writing a story is fantasizing and a way for somebody to write out what they fantasize about. I myself like to make particularly psychologically scaring stories, not because I actually want that stuff to happen in real life, it's just a way for me to see how I can play with the psychology of the mind. Not sure if that's what Hoov is trying to do, but that's what I like to do.

And your complaints about Hoov slandering Twilight's character seriously seems like your just mad somebody is writing a version of a character you may or may not like on a completely different page then you're familiar with, it's pathetic and pitiless. And it's just like 9028055 said, it's fun to just mess around with characters like this, it's more of a what if situation, and that's what makes it so fun is that you get to explore. Again, I am guilty of this, I freaking gave Diamond Tiara a literal blood-thirsty guardian angel and turned Starlight into freaking Ryuga of all people. And on top of all that, nobody except for waifu-fans are going to care about character slanderization. And that's not to say that it bothers me, it does, it's just that I'm more curious as to what Hoovie is going to do about it. And just as 9028035 said, this scenario definitely could happen, considering Twilight's fragile mind. And the facts he gives makes what Twilight is about to do to Trixie seem like foal's play in comparison.

As the last thing I'm going to talk about, is that you fail to see the absolute gem Hoovie stumbled upon. Now, while I'm no child psychologist by any stretch of the imagination, but I can see that Hoovie nailed the way Trixie thinks perfectly, a child would normally want to astray from any type of punishment, and would feel any type of pride when they think they've done a job that the adult figure in control of them would approve of. And that's why Trixie's breakdown in the end of this chapter so believable, it's a combination of disappointment and absolute primal fear of what Twilight will do to her. It's a built in mechanism in every living thing's mind to fear anything that's bigger than them, and angry, that they can't fight or run away from.

Overall, I understand exactly where you're coming from, but you fail to see what Hoovie means. And also, you have no business talking about psychology.

9044673
I totally agree, and it was marked that when I submitted for approval but staff said it had to have mature rating.

Okay, here's what I have to say: Twilight has gone mental. She is schizophrenic and she doesn't know it. Either that, or she really likes beating children, because you can't be called Princess of Friendship if you torture, beat, mame, and if the sex tag is right, rape a child. All these things say that you are the Princess of Mental Instability, not Friendship. And why did Celestia make this a rule, surely somepony of her character wouldn't have made a rule where it was okay for the Princesses to literally sell ponies freedoms away, especially a child's? Unless some asshole noble convinced her to do it, I don't see Princess Celestia doing this, at all.

Now other than that, I like how you portrayed Trixie's emotions, but I would prefer to have her hate Twilight, because no matter who you are, having somebody constantly beat you, and I have a feeling Twilight does this too, for both small and big reasons would either hate the person beating them, or at least develop some kind of schizophrenic bipolar mental insane person. But the way its going, I can at least see a possibly happy ending.

9047016
Well, the rule was not made with hurting the concubines in mind. Twilight just found there were no rules against it, so she took advantage of that.
As for twilight going mental, maybe. She has been shown to be rather crazy sometimes in the show, I just stretched this a bit farther.
Thanks for the comment!

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