• Member Since 26th Aug, 2012
  • offline last seen April 14th

Nobodyslament


I am a brony. I like warhammer. I play vidya games. I read frequently. Guess what? I also hate talking about myself.

Comments ( 46 )

I would be interested in the exalt and/or those rules. I like the he premise so far, this is well done.

Neat! You write awesome stuff. Looking forward to more!

Yes I remember there was another story that had the very same concept but the main character was male and he didn’t have any friends and Luna did not know if his existence and Tia constantly tortured him And he would laugh as she did it I have to find it somewhere

can you send me the rules as well ? im really curios how it works

Premise is very similar to Celestia's Prophet and Machinations in the Dark

But no worries.
If reworking a used premise was barred, fiction wouldn't exist.

This is good. Real good.
We see flashes of a mature Twilight and a character of interest that is both ominous and relatable.

Keep it up.

So yeah, every alien will b super overpowered, as that is the premise of the game. If anyone wants to know the exalt or the rules for the system I'll pass it your way.

Thanks for the warning. I actually think I'll give it a pass then, that concept doesn't sound like one I would find interesting.

Still, best of luck to you.

I saw Warp and Imperium, is this(at least partially) based on Warhammer 40k?

8994268
The setting is a mixture of pretty much every setting you can think of. Including 40k pathfinder, shadowrun, and D&D

I also would be very interested in the details of the ruleset and such used, if you don't mind. My curiosity is most definitely piqued.

One small thing. Twilight said she would tell Demoin how many friends she could sense and if they were moving. She said they were moving, but not how many there were.

Fairly well written and intriguing. Watching it for the time being... maybe it will last longer than the other stories with a similar basis. Hopefully it does.

Honestly Celestia just seems like a cruel idiot here. Despite any possible actions she could commit, there seems no actual reason to be imprisoned.

9003325
I'm planning on explaining the why as the story unfolds. I probably should have made that more clear though.

Is Demoin talking about our Luna, the entity that possessed Luna to turn her into Nightmare Moon, or a different Luna altogether?

Well shit things got real

9336947
Different Luna altogether

the lore of this universe confuses and heavily intrigues me...

9380739
A lot of it is based heavily on Dungeons the Dragoning, which is a homebrew rpg system of pure insanity and drug trips given form. It includes every rpg and fantasy universe you can think of, including. Invader Zim, Warhammer, 40k, Gurren Laggan, Lotr, Dnd, Mtg, Dragonball, Metal Gear, and many more. It's as sane and logical as it sounds while still having a pretty established lore and well-written lore.

There's a number of grammatical errors that took me out of the flow.

9417715
I'll reread it and try to catch them, but if you want to point them out I'll gladly fix them that way as well. In the eternal flaw of writers, I tend to miss my own mistakes.

In the story description:

insistent the there

Insistent that there

Well this got Intresting

Curious. Though considering the chapter length it'd be appreciated if you updated more often, as this doesn't seem like it'll end in just a couple more chapters.

The source variety might seem overwhelming, but the wheel of planes is a nice touch. Or does she refer to the wheel of fate? Doubts and questions, can we have more soon? :twilightsmile:

9418221
Nope, this is technically a crossover with established lire, and the wheel is the entire universe. So when she says the wheel spins its basically saying as the world turns

This tale holds my interest :) Hope to read more in the near future.
Oh, this chapter earned one discord...
derpicdn.net/img/2015/11/7/1018158/full.png

9417723
One method to catch mistakes is to have text-to-speech read the story to you, or if you can't do that, then read it as written to yourself aloud.

Faust know's

Faust knows

What I am about to show you Twilight is the most

commas before appellations.
What I am about to show you, Twilight

The door open and waiting.

This is a sentence fragment. Join it to the previous sentence using "with" or add "was" before "open"

breathes

breaths

Twilights inner librarian

Twilight's

trailed down her back

Using a gendered pronoun when it's supposed to be 'it'.

Yes, she was much to wild.

too

think it's to sketch

too, also I'd recommend 'sketchy'

the creatures name now.

creature's

Yes, they'removing.

spacing

And with that curt dismissal twilight left,

Twilight

Just those in this chapter.

Comment posted by Spc jacko deleted Apr 2nd, 2019

How Intresting

Judging by Celestia's previous actions, she's planning to kill or imprison them because them existing is scary and therefor they're pure evil.

To be honest Celestia and Luna seem both stupid and malicious in this story. They really don't have a true reason for keeping her prisoner other than she is different and outside any form of control, and therefor is evil and wicked.

I can't wait for Twilight to ask what crime she has actually committed to be reviled so much that they would refuse coexistence and decide xhe must be eternally imprisoned.

9678638
The original crime was mentioned. I wanna say chapter two or three. I can double check in a bit but Im not able to multitask right now

9678699
The actual crime that nets her the deserved reputation and sentence, not the original one. She drank away an entire tavern's supply of alcohol without paying, that doesn't seem it merits eternal punishment. Honestly unless you retcon her into having been horrifyingly terrible to justify everything, it makes the alicorns look a very stupid kind of xenophobic. Personally I think you shoukd just run with it as is, should be interesting given Twilight doesn't seem to be the same as Celestia & Luna.

9678979
Well she also slit a kings throat with her own femur bone. That's a thing that happened./ Rest assured there is an actual reason Celestia and Luna aren't on good terms with her.

9679154
And he was beating her to death for not paying a tab. The point is the way things have turned out her suddenly being revealed as actually deserving eternal animosity and imprisonment would look like an asspull/kneejerk retcon, especially since they were willing to bury the hatchet with Discord. As is I'd say it woukd be more believable if either it was unjustified, or is called as such to satisfy a grudge against her.

9679551
I can see that, and that is the extent shes kept in there. Theres just a few more details on why she chooses to stay in there, and why Luna refuses to talk to her. THough I can totally see what you mean.

This has started out very interesting. Last updated June 12 2019. Oh. Last seen Thursday. Hm. Still hope then.

Comment posted by PaintedPony deleted Apr 25th, 2021

this reminds me of in space with markiplier for whatever reason

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